gender therapist

[sarah_hillcrest]

I'm sure this question comes up a lot, so I apologize. So it was suggested that I would benefit from seeing a therapist. I have never seen a therapist in any capacity. So I have a couple questions, first, why? Second, what?

I'm not feeling depressed, I'm not unhappy, I do not believe that I want to transition as first it's just not a realistic feasibility, and secondly I love my life too much. I do feel a certain euphoria and sense of well being when I'm dressed, but I don't feel dysphoria or malaise when I'm not.

I do feel like crossdressing is perhaps slightly impacting my life more than I would like it to and feel like I need to tone it down.

Second question, out of my curiosity. When seeing a gender therapist, what exactly happens. I assume they ask you questions and you answer.

I'm not looking down on therapy or the people whom it has helped, and honestly it would be nice to have someone just to talk to about things, though I'm not sure if I want to pay them to listen to me talk.

[Leslie Langford]

sarah, as we all discover sooner or later, there is no "cure" for our on-going desire to crossdress...it is a life sentence with no time off for good behavior.;)

Realistically, all that you can expect from a therapist is to acquire some tools that will enable you to come to terms with this need if it causes you distress and to no longer feel guilty for having these urges.

The other main reason that many here have expressed for seeing a therapist is to get some guidance if, in fact, they feel that their crossdressing is the first step on the road to full transition, and they need help in sorting out their feelings in that regard if that might be the case. From the sounds of it, this quandary does not necessarily apply to you, but only you can answer that question with any degree of certainty.

That said, there can in certain cases be some truth to the old joke that asks "What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?", the answer usually given being: "About 5 years." ;)

[Pat]

The good news (for you) is that it's not compulsory. If you don't feel you'd benefit by it, then that's it you're done.

To satisfy your curiosity, yes, they ask questions and you answer. The first question they'll ask after getting some history is "What do you hope to get out of this?" So, again, if you don't have anything you're looking for, no sense being there. But if you have something that you hope to get, they'll get down to the business of having you figure out how to get from where you are to where you want to be. Note that they don't move you. They don't tell you who you are or what you should be doing. They ask who you are. They ask what you think you should be doing. They ask why you haven't been doing that thing. It's not really as simple as that -- the above makes it sound like they're peppering you with questions. They don't do that. They'll ask the first one and then let you babble as long as you need to before they ask the next (maybe next week; maybe next month.) But you told them your goal at the start and they're going to keep working at getting you to achieve that goal until you do or you decide it's not your goal after all. Then they'll start helping you move to your new goal. But you're going to do all the work. They might bring things to your attention that you hadn't thought of. And you'll process that and decide what it means to you. Or they'll mention that your words say one thing and your actions say another and you're going to have to process that and figure out why it is. And you're (hopefully) going to look forward to each session because you'll recognize you're making progress. If you don't look forward to it, cancel your appointment and stop going. They have plenty of people who want the space - they're not desperate for your co-pay. ;)

[kimdl93]

If you feel that CDing is having a somewhat adverse effect on your life and wish to "tone it down", those are pretty clear things that a therapist can help with. As LL says, there probably isn't a cure but of course there are ways to manage your behaviors, even your thoughts and emotions. If you make the concern and the intended outcome clear to your therapist, he or she may be able to suggest the appropriate strategies.

[Sometimes Steffi]

If you're doing fine right now, and toning it down is not a big issue, then you don't need to go, unless you need someone to talk to other than all of us here.

I went with the goal of accepting myself. I was very successful.

My second goal was to get my wife to accept me also. I was told (in short) that I couldn't control how she felt or acted about my crossdressing. She has moved slightly up on the acceptance scale from not tolerating to tolerating, but not yet accepting. But, understanding that she would probably never be happy about my crossdressing allowed me the freedom to go out and about and make and meet TG friends. Rather than both of us being unhappy, only one of us is now (and it's not me that's unhappy).

So, it worked for me.

[prene]

I think a therapist is great.
I have one.
She helps me deal with the dating(lack of) and other things.
You are definately not alone. She has been great helping me dealing with the hrt options also.
PM me if u want.
Prene

[Heidi Stevens]

Welcome to the forum, Sarah. Don't worry about asking the tough questions, there are folks here that will find you an answer. I was happy with my crossdressing for nearly 40 years. Sure, at times I had doubts, but I always dismissed them. Then about four years ago I really began to doubt myself. After retrospection, I decided that I need professional help to verify my conclusion. If you do go, be open, answer everything fully and hold nothing back. The therapist can not help you if you keep info from them. After just four visits, she confirmed what I had determined, I was transgender. And she did this because I was honest and told her everything dealing with her questions.
If you are having any qualms about where you are going, get the help and let them set you on your course. Good luck!

[ChrisP]

Sarah,

Please, please, please make sure you see someone who is experienced with gender issues. It's very trendy now these days to claim to be a therapist with experience in trans issues, but another to actually have spent the time and effort to get to know people like us.
Therapy has many functions, but it can also be harmful with the wrong therapist (and I am a very pro-therapy person).

What's great about it is a chance to be your authentic self, with a non-judgemental person listening and helping guide you to a better way of encountering the world.
It's life changing.
Because it is life changing, you need someone who has the wisdom and experience to guide you to that better place.

I hope I don't sound too particular; I've just seen the harm that crappy therapists can do.

Chris

[audreyinalbany]

my main question is: WHO suggested you would benefit from seeing a therapist? It sounds like you are reasonably well adjusted with your crossdressing (which is what a therapist would be working towards...not 'curing' your crossdressing , but helping you find the appropriate level of it in your world), so if it is your SO other who suggested it, then you both need to see the counselor, for the same reason: to find the space in your relationship for the gender non-conforming part of you.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
Much of the time we see therapists because other people can't live with our CDing , so we might naively go to find some way of stopping.

You appear to be fairly comfortable with it all , maybe you don't need to see any one, this forum is great for talking things through. Someone said that we shouldn't give opinions because we aren't trained professional experts , but my counter argument is where do the experts get the information from , how do they know therapy works, simple answer is US , we are the experts , we live it everyday , if we aren't in the best position to help others , who is ?? Many therapists work from secondhand knowledge , very few experience what we do , they are really outsiders to our World !

[sarah_hillcrest]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback, I'm really impressed by how non-jaded everyone on this forum is. Seems like most people who haunt forums these days do so just so they can tell posters to go google something or make fun of them.

I've read everyone's advice. I guess my biggest fear is the 5 year joke. Every time I dress I find the desire reinforced. I've always believed you can't miss something until you've experienced it, then you can't live without it, but that isn't always true. For example, I recently experimented with alcohol after many years and years without touching it, and I've never really partook. It was OK I guess but I have had no desire to do it again.

[Micki_Finn]

Doesn't sound like you need therapy at all to me. If you're happy there's no need to pay someone to tell you you're fine (and if what you say is true and they didn't tell you that you were fine, I wouldn't be seeing them anymore.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've read everyone's advice. I guess my biggest fear is the 5 year joke. Every time I dress I find the desire reinforced. I've always believed you can't miss something until you've experienced it, then you can't live without it, but that isn't always true.


The "5 year rule" is a joke. It applies to some people but not to others.

There are many people here who are "just a crossdresser". If you read some posts, you'll see.

Type "just a crossdresser" in the search bar, and you'll get more responses that you can read.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/search.php?searchid=8455956https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/search.php?searchid=8455956

[Karen's Secret]

Hi Sarah... I do believe in being honest in these types of posts, otherwise they become a feedback loop that perhaps just reinforces your initial desired outcome. Based on your previous post I do think you would be well served to seek therapy or counseling. If for nothing else but to get feedback from a professional instead of feedback from people on the internet you've never met and who know nothing about you (me included).

[WandaRae2009]

I saw one and it saved my marriage. I did not use my Medical covereage. A lot of companies have an Employee assistance hotline. It is a third party confidential service to provide various assistance to employees. It did cover several sessions. Just make sure you pick one familiar with gender issues. The services will let you know if that professional would be covered by the plan. She did not report it as gender issues but depression. That really wasn't a lie since I was pretty depressed at the time.

[Scarlett1975]

My psychologist didn't know what to make of my dressing so referee me elsewhere