Day and time to be out

[Jenny22]

Ladies, I'd like your input. I do want to get out among 'em, dressed. For you who already are, in your experience / opinion, what is the best day and time to go out en femme so as to attract the least attention?

[Jaylyn]

I'm not out but I'm going to say one would need to play that one by ear and depending on location, time and the day or night of the week.

[Elizabeth G]

For some there is a temptation to go out at night and go to sparsely populated areas, and admittedly this is what I did the first time I went out en femme. However this can be quite unsafe. How often do you see gg's walking alone in the dark? Now when I get a chance to go out its middle of the day right downtown, weekday, weekend makes no difference. I have never had any problems this way.

[Rachael Leigh]

For me mornings just as say the mall is opening, especially week days when the kids are in school.
I will say however I've been in the mall in the summer when it was quite busy and never an issue. Most folks have their
own thing going on to pay this tall girl any attention

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenny :hugs:, Mornings at the Mall on a school day when the teenage girls are in school...:daydreaming:...

[Stephanie47]

If you're going to test the waters by car the best time is in the early evening just after darkness falls. My first times out en femme were neighborhood drives. I stayed off main roads. I stayed off freeways. If you have a tire blowout on the freeway you may end up changing a tire in the glare of headlights and someone may stop to help a young woman in distress. Carry a change of male clothing in case the car does have a breakdown.

If you want to get out and take a stroll please stay away from isolated areas and closed parks. Those areas attract a lot of attention by police and criminals. I'm not at all possible. I do take evening strolls in an area of my small city that is residential with sidewalks and stores. I wear a pair of low heels with deadening soles. No need to attract attention with the clicking of a hard high heel. The best weather for a stroll in when there is a light rain. In the Pacific Northwest that gives me ample opportunity to stroll with an umbrella which can hide my face if I pass a person. Rain does diminish the number of people on the street. I have not had a bad experience strolling in the evening.

Edit: OK, I went and checked your bio. Eighty years old? Maybe that evening stroll would set you up to be robbed. The elderly are prone to be accosted by thieves. Frankly, elderly women attract the least attention unless they are frail. I would think as long as you're not tall and you dress age appropriate I think you could go almost anywhere. The thing that does attract my attention and I am not looking for anyone in particular is a real lousy wig. And aged face with seemingly young youthful hair just does not jive with me.

[ChristinaK]

Hi Jenny,

It just depends on what you want. If you want to go low key for the first time, don't go to a busy place like a mall or movie theater or a bar.

The first time I went out fully en femme, I chose a strip mall in the late evening. I was so nervous I thought I might throw up. I just walked the length of the sidewalk and back. Unfortunately, my walk took me past the welfare office where a woman was walking with several kids. The kids notice. They aren't absorbed in what they are doing and anything out of the ordinary they stare because they're trying to figure it out. So, they stared as I walked past and tried not to engage their burning eyes! LOL. Then I went to another shopping center and strolled down the sidewalk. I got smiles from a couple and a "Hi Ma'am" from a grocery employee working out in front of the store. That made me so brave I went into a CVS and bought a bottle of liquor to calm my nerves later. A security guard was talking to the cashier, both men. Neither seemed to notice at all. I went home smiling.

So, it gets easier the more you do it and find that most people really aren't paying any attention, and I'm 6' 1" tall! Once you are successful a few times it becomes fun. After that, it becomes a satisfaction to just be another woman in the world.

Personally, I like to avoid lines where I can. When people are not occupied, they look around. But, even that has resulted in a few stares with no issues.

I like to go out during the middle of the day or earlier when most people are at work. It's still pretty cool, and that's important when wearing a wig, and the lines are shorter. In addition, I still feel more at ease around women and that's when they outnumber the men, again because of the working issue. Penny's, Sears, Macys and those types of stores are pretty good early in the day as their clothes are nice, it's easy to find a dressing room without an attendant, or even customers, and their lines are usually pretty short. I have also found the SA's at those stores are very friendly and willing to help. Once, I went to a Burlington Coat Factory and the attendant winced at me and said I had to use the men's dressing room. Lastly, there seems to be fewer kids around than at a Ross, Walmart, etc.

For eating, I don't like to go in, but usually use the drive through. I was "sirred" by a drive through man once when dressed, just to let me know he knew. Another time, three teenage workers were at the second window of the drive through to gawk and tee hee when the first drive through girl spotted me. Just smile and act cool. If I do walk in, I try to go somewhere dark if I'm by myself. Again, I've had a few stares at places like Denny's, so I try to go to a little better venue with better atmosphere and have had great luck with that.

If you go to a bar by yourself, be careful. I've been hit on a couple of times and that scares the heck out of me. It's not only creepy, but I'm afraid they might get violent if they figure me out. Going with another woman is fine.

If you want to pass, dress like other women, not too much makeup, walk and act like a woman and try not to be too self conscious. It gets easier and easier, then you'll be hooked. Oh yeah, let the men open doors for you! Remember, you're a woman! Have fun and et us know how it goes, dear.

[GracieRose]

I prefer to go out on shopping errands at the mall or grocery on weekdays, morning or early afternoon. Generally not very crowded, kids are in school and mostly women out and about. Of course I try to dress appropriately for my age to blend with the GGs as best as I can.

[AnnaBMarie]

I found the first time was easier in the early evening when people are more concerned about getting home than watching others closely. The real key for me though was going out in a slight drizzle with an umbrella. This allowed me to see where I was walking but my face was hidden. I walked around an open mall so there was enough lighting and enough people around to feel safe. For those of us that would have difficulty passing due to our recognizable facial features that is a terrific option.

[Jean 103]

First your dressing like a girl you are going to attract attention on some level. Women know this, watch them , you will see that lots of them walk around with like blinders on. Dress for whatever you are doing, and own it. As for where, thrift stores and national chains are the best place to start. Payless shoes is one of my favorite places. Where you are you could spend all day going from one store to the next. Just relax and have fun. As for me I wear what i like and go wear I want, if anyone doesn't like it , I don't care.

[Julie Slowinski]

I prefer to go to gay/drag bars in a fairly dense gay neighborhood (Boystown, Chicago and Capital Hill, Seattle are good examples). The more people the better, so Thursday, Friday, Saturday nights after 9pm are best. In such an area there is no need to worry about passing. People expect our types will be part of that crowd. So, I am free to just relax whether in the club or on the street.

Now I have not out been shopping en femme, but l've heard that the best time is a weekday morning, maybe at a department store like Macy's or JcPenny's - few people and the sales associates are a bit board so their extra friendly. Again I have never actually done this, so it's just rumor from me.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jenny,

Your question was about going out among 'um dressed and in some ways you've answered your own question.

While some will say going to the shops when they're quiet is the best time I beg to differ apart from the bit about being a good idea to go when the kids are in school. If you're walking through a mall when it's relatively quiet then you tend to notice fairly much everyone who's around you. When it's busy that's impossible simply due to the numbers. You're too busy weaving your way through the crowd. Hence if you're dressed and provided you're dressed to blend, you will in effect hide in plain sight. It's like when the hero runs from the bad guys and disappears into the carnival crowd. The down side of this is it can seem daunting to take those first steps. I would suggest picking somewhere you're familiar with as that takes away some of the pressure.

It's counter intuitive but it's a case of the more the merrier.

What I would say about times to avoid is be wary of weekend nights. Folks are out for a beer and we all know that it only takes one drunk to spoil a good night.

[Sometimes Steffi]

80 y.o. women are invisible. You can go anywhere you want at any time. No one will take more than a glance at you.

[Aunt Kelly]

Julie's advice is sound. If there's a gay neighborhood in your area, that is where you will find the most acceptance. It's not a guarantee, but it's your best bet. Honestly, bars would be my last pick for a first time out. Gay bars might be welcoming, or they might be conspicuously indifferent. We're not their type, generally speaking. Lesbian bars, same deal, for the same reasons. Any other business in that neighborhood is likely to appreciate your patronage without raising any eyebrow. A crossdresser having a quiet meal or getting her nails done is just part of the background noise. No... really.

The good news is that you're in OC, so you shouldn't have to travel far for a genuinely trans friendly venue. Consider finding a group outing or similar event. The anonymity of provided by a crowd of TG girls can be a confidence booster. Google said to share this with you - https://www.meetup.com/topics/transgender-friendly/us/ca/los_angeles/

Lastly, just go, sweetie. You're going to wonder what you fretted about, I promise.

[Tracii G]

Mornings or early afternoon any place you or any woman would normally go.
There is no magic time or place just pick a place you know is safe.
Take in a museum or flower show/craft fair maybe.
Its all about attitude and how you carry yourself think female and act female (don't over do it) and thats how people will see you.

[faltenrock]

I've been out for years doing everything a woman would do, shopping, dining, dancing, flying, riding buses and trains...

As someone said, going to a mall is great, and the best time is until kids come out of school. If you're not afraid of anything, you can go to the mall anytime, like I do.

[XemmaX]

weekdays daytime or evenings are good and safer then weekend nights.

[audreyinalbany]

this is probably heresy for a crossdressers...but..I get tired of shopping. So I enjoy going to museums, probably the least likely place to ever get 'called out' as a cross dresser.People are there for the experience and the education and are not the least bit concerned with what you're wearing. If you really want to feel safe, go to a museum of contemporary art.

[TheHiddenMe]

Now I have not out been shopping en femme, but l've heard that the best time is a weekday morning, maybe at a department store like Macy's or JcPenny's - few people and the sales associates are a bit board so their extra friendly. Again I have never actually done this, so it's just rumor from me.

I vote for malls, and specifically malls that have a Nordstrom. I've visited five different Nordstroms while dressed and my visits have always been positive.

Macy's are good too because they are LTGB friendly, plus they are under/minimally staffed and generally have lots of change rooms, and lots of discounted stuff.

I was scared you-know-what last October about exposing myself as a CD. So I bit the bullet and set up appointments to have my nails done, have a makeover at Sephora, try on clothes at Nordstrom, and buy a new wig.

All four went spectacularly. I now have contacts at two different Nordstroms and another at the nail salon. Been out on a regular basis since then, including last night. I've had zero issues.

So the time to do it is now.

[AndreaCalifCD]

Jenny, as a another OC gal, my only time out walking was along Huntington Beach (near the dog beach) before dusk. This time of year the kids go back to school, so most of the visitors are gone. Plenty of parking and there's a path along the top of the beach. That time of day there's also enough people around that there seem to be no "undesirables", but enough space that you can be by yourself. Having said that - as I look like a fat guy in dress, I lost my nerve half way through my walk and almost ran back to the car! That's not to say that I might not be doing it again soon(ish!)

[IleneD]

Jenny,

Good luck with this adventure, dear. Truly.
It will be a great confidence moment. As I've heard, "It take a real man to wear a dress (in public)." Even My Wife has told me I must have a lot of guts to go out in public and even take an air travel trip en femme. Loved every minute of it.

For shopping excursions, I started out in the mornings or very early after noon, usually on a middle of the week day. Fewer shoppers and reduced crowds. Now..... it doesn't much matter. The 6 weeks I spent dressed nearly all the time was a great lesson in comfort. Just go about my business and daily routine except..... Oh my gosh! , I have women's clothing on (shorts, tops, capris, ...... every day casual stuff just like a GG)

[DIANEF]

I usually go out late morning-early afternoon, though I still enjoy a night time drive (in drab or femme). So far no issues but I've only been to relatively 'safe' places. I do plan a trip to my local city center soon, just to see how I cope with a busy environment, which will probably be early morning. I've found weekdays are less busy than weekends.

[Tracy Irving]

If you feel you have driven far enough from your home to avoid running into someone you know then the day and time are removed from the equation and you can feel free to do anything you want.

[Sallee]

just go out try to blend, no heels, smile,. You're in Orange Co there are lots of malls and areas to go. You will be seen but most likely not noticed just another body going out and doing whatever. Get out and have fun That is what life is about. Just Do it

[Pat]

For a crossdresser going out is a risk management exercise. The more people you have around you, the lower the chances of something untoward happening, but the number of opportunities for it to happen go up. If you go someplace isolated, the opportunities for something to go wrong go down, but the chances go up. (Think industrial area at 3 AM -- few chances you'll meet someone, but a higher chance that if you do, that person is going to focus on you and interact -- be it hoodlum or cop.) I think most start in the isolated places but the wisdom collected by crossdressers before you says that you're safer in daylight, in places where there are many people and places where you plausibly belong. So malls, museums, city plazas, etc. are all good choices.

[Ressie]

I live in a college town of around 100,000 people. I've had a bit of a hankering to go downtown during lunch hour. Not a real busy downtown area but there are more people out at that time. Sound like fun? Your area may be different.

[ellbee]

In my en-femme days, I had been out in public all times of the day/night, all days of the week.


Honestly, there are various pro's & cons to it, regardless.


I think my least favorite was high-noon on a bright sunny day. Ugh.

Then again, I was never a fan of that, even when *not* CD'ing! :heehee:



Nowadays in guy-mode, I really don't care when. All good.

[Jenny22]

Ladies, I sincerely thank all of you for your suggestions and input / answers to my question. I now have a bunch of ideas I can consider. Wheeee!

[Carmen]

just go out try to blend, no heels, smile,. You're in Orange Co there are lots of malls and areas to go. You will be seen but most likely not noticed just another body going out and doing whatever. Get out and have fun That is what life is about. Just Do it

Jenny there are many good suggestions, above all is from Sallee...no heels. To walk casually and confidently means wearing nice flats. Dress to blend.
I agree with the late morning/early afternoon shopping. Yes you are in the OC. Choose one of those nice clean outdoor malls. Most people that are out and about are mature adults, so there's no need to fear being 'called out' by anyone. I really don't see that happening in such a well groomed area as the OC.

2 days ago I completed another road trip by spending the day shopping, in Santa Clarita, in a nice outdoor mall. It was unplanned, I was ahead of schedule, I looked and felt good, so I decided to make to most of the remainder of my day. I strolled along those shaded sidewalks, window shopped, and eventually walked into several stores. I even bought a few items.
My attire was blue skinny jeans, a white tank top, black baby doll flats. I carried a canvas shopping bag. I received the best assurance when I saw a slightly younger gal dressed exactly like I was!
I crossed paths with many people. Most of which were middle age and older, retired couples, and a few moms towing kids around. I exchanged glances and smiles with many. Nobody gawked or pointed. Yes a few men do what men do, stare, but those moments were quickly over. Although one gal gave me another look over.
Needless to say, whatever anxieties I had about being out amongst the peeps was forgotten and I spent the time just being myself.
And wear sunglasses.

[CynthiaD]

Here are some rules to keep in mind if you don't want to attract attention.
1. Go out during daylight hours, not at night.
2. Go someplace crowded, like a shopping mall.
3. Wear jeans.
4. Wear makeup, with nude lipstick.
5. Invest in a nice wig.
6. Wear flats.

[kimdl93]

I woud go along with Cynthia's six points.

My daytime experiences have all been positive...not that people didn't notice, but no one cared. And that includes my bank, favorite coffee shop, the grocery, dry cleaners, a number casual restaurants, the mall, various boutiques, museums, oil changes, and auto dealerships.

I can think of one time, at a museum, when a fellow quietly whispered uncertainly to his wife/gf: "Is that a man?" Rather than feeling offended, I found it reassuring that he wasn't quite sure. That is good enough for me :)

[OCCarly]

Here in the O.C? Just go to any large indoor mall before 3:00 while the kids are in school. Dress sensibly and to blend (flats, skinny jeans, loose top or sweater, depending on season). Get the details right-- makeup, nail polish, handbag and make sure you have good makeup coverage over any facial hair. Then go in and go about your business. I've drawn a few stares, but never been harassed or heard any rude comments. If you want to be treated really well, go to the MAC store at Mainplace Santa Ana, or in Brea Mall, or South Coast Plaza or Mission Viejo Mall. I have a transgender friend who is six foot two and built like a linebacker (her words) and she lives in South Orange County and she has never had a problem in a shopping mall.

So just be yourself, relax and enjoy life.

[Sallee]

Dress to blend the mall mid day during the week is good for 1st time But DRESS to Blend Flats jeans good makeup but not outlandish. Be polite, smile and spending doesn't hurt either. You will be well accepted and just a shopper. I have been out bunches of times never had a problem and I have been read just smile if they stare (not likely) after a little bit you will feel comfortable and be looking for more Enjoy

[Dana44]

My So and I was out to go to a movie but it was sold out. So we went to the golden corral restaurant. I have on denim skirt, my heeled sandals and a blue button up blouse. My Purse and only one guy looked at me as I walked by him a couple times. Never said anything as he probably thought I was a woman. But he sure looked at me. But I think he was just interested what he was seeing.