I don't get this one!

[Stacy Darling]

Hi Girls,

I'm not dumping, but in part of my four hour lashing tonight my wife said " would you like to get dressed up? I'll take a picture of you and show it to you! you will see what you look like!"

With our relationship breaking/ broken down, my reply was that I'd be quite happy for any pics to be taken to court ( I love theatrics )

So, my question is about my wife wanting to take a picture of pretty Stacy to show it back to me? I just don't get it! She can shame me, threaten me and try to destroy me but "taking a picture to show to me?"

Stacy!

[Joni T]

If your relation is that far down in the toilet bowl, what's it matter? Get dressed and let her take all the pictures she wants. BTW--I have 2 ex-wives. I feel your pain.
Jon

[Tracii G]

Stacy women don't take a shit without a plan be wary of why she wants to take your pic.
At this point you know she isn't doing it to be nice she has a reason.

[Alyssa Lane]

She sounds like she wants to do that to try and shame you into thinking how rediculous she thinks you look. That is my only guess. Don't do it....

[Meghan4now]

Well, I wasn't there so any input is speculation. My guess is that she wanted to take a photo of you, and show it to you to show you how ridiculous you look. From her perspective. What she doesn't factor in is that many CDS love getting their picture taken. Kind of like briar rabbit, but she doesn't know!

[Bobbi46]

What about this thought, could she be thinking of using this photo and showing to the people where you work or sending it your boss or even making sure the entire family now know about you. This sounds like the beginning of a revenge attack, take care girl and watch your back.

[Tracii G]

It could be to shame you is some way who knows.
Try this sometime say you are going somewhere and she gets in the car look at her and say I didn't think you were really going to wear that outfit?
Then drive off letting her think you think she has on a horrible outfit.

[CONSUELO]

Stacy,
You describe your relationship as breaking/broken down. I don't know your circumstances but perhaps you should try to get your wife to take a smoother path toward divorce, if that is what you both want. Fighting and hurting one another will not help either of you. Trying to humiliate and insult you by suggesting that a photograph would somehow be embarrassing or worse sounds like someone lashing out to hurt you. I think she sees taking a picture of you as a way to humiliate you in front of others; family and friends for instance.

My best wishes to you.

[Stacy Darling]

Thanks Girls,

Showing the pics back to me would seem to be the main aim!
Showing me myself?
Should try to make myself look sharper!

I'm hearing you Tracii!
Stacy!

[Leslie Langford]

Clearly, the intent here is to unequivocally prove to you via photographic evidence that you are nothing more than a MIAD ("Man in a Dress) - and a butt-ugly one at that - as well as "proving" to you that you are making a laughing stock of yourself in front of the entire world by your crossdressing...at least in your wife's mind. It is an attempt at shaming of the highest order, and if you fall into that trap, you have no one to blame but yourself.

At the very least, you will lose control over whatever pics she takes, and they can end up who-knows-where? In addition, they may well be used against you to try to "out" you and isolate you from family and friends in some manner, assuming that you are still in the closet and that some of them might have a problem with you being transgender. Your wife might even try to use your crossdressing against you in any divorce proceedings that she may initiate, and as a way of demonstrating how that contributed to the marriage breakdown.

Be very careful here, and don't let yourself become manipulated to your eternal regret.

[Tracii G]

There is a reason but exactly what her motives are is not something to gamble on so the answer should be no.
I agree with Leslie

[Aunt Kelly]

Yeah, more than a little disingenuous. "No, thanks" is definitely the right answer.

[nikkim83]

Hi Girls,

I'm not dumping, but in part of my four hour lashing tonight my wife said " would you like to get dressed up? I'll take a picture of you and show it to you! you will see what you look like!"

With our relationship breaking/ broken down, my reply was that I'd be quite happy for any pics to be taken to court ( I love theatrics )

So, my question is about my wife wanting to take a picture of pretty Stacy to show it back to me? I just don't get it! She can shame me, threaten me and try to destroy me but "taking a picture to show to me?"

Stacy!


With all due respect thank you for the offer but at this time I pass ( or not LOL. Sarcasm).

Alot of hurt and anger during a divorce and it isnt worth bringing more upon yourself. Quite simply if the relationship is unrepairable do damage control to make the transition as smoothly as possible.

[ClosetED]

With those choice of words "I'll take a picture of you and show it to you", I think she sees you as very "unpassable" (will use that term) and she hopes you see the truth as she sees it. What I am not clear is how much has she seen of you done up with your best effort? If she has seen you only with dress and wig but no makeup, that might be true.
My wife did not believe me when I wrote I thought I could be a catalog model and she had not seen me with makeup. Once she saw pictures (not live) she was shocked but did admit I was right - I was beautiful. I think that caused her to accept less - she could handle a MIAD but not a pretty spouse.
With love of theatrics, you can ask her to critique your picture or you live. You would love her help in getting better because you married her because she was the image of perfection and you want try to dress as well as her.
Seriously, she may see you one way and you another. Us Aspies may miss cues so let her point them out. It could be a good bonding time.
Hugs, Ellen

[Gillian Gigs]

As the expression goes, " a picture is worth a 1000 words". Now the question is, how are the words going to be used? If you don't care, then what difference does it make whether she takes the pictures! IMHO the pictures are either for shaming, or the courts.

[Teresa]

Stacy,
Maybe you could give us a little more background.
How much does your wife know and how much are you openly out the door ? Also dos she know you have photographs anyway ?

Obviously she feels the threat will solve the CDing problem,so what difference will it make to you ?

In my case I would say fine take them but I can show you a selection to save you the bother and if you think it will make a difference you are wrong because so many people have already seen them, so you can't shame me or blackmail me with this threat .

As others have said is it possible she wants evidence for legal reasons, I'm not sure any court would accept it as a basis for divorce proceedings .

Leslie,
That could be my wife's other motive, to show how stupid I look as a MIAD, that would give her so much satisfaction , that is something I can't understand as I'm out socially and meeting the public without any problems.

What will happen when we separate and I dress as I choose in my own home and out in public view I can't say , she hasn't given me an answer yet on how she expects me dressed when she calls .

[Stacy Darling]

Butt ugliest cd Leslie! That made me smile!

Doesn't tree No's make a Stacy Yes!

[sarah_hillcrest]

I've had quite a few four hour lashings myself, and though my wife never threatened to take my picture, she often threatened to start calling people. It was an empty threat and I eventually figured it out. Finally I handed her the phone, go ahead, call. She did and just hung up. It was a big gamble.

The thing about it was that she wasn't so mad about what I was doing, she was mad that the things I was doing were replacing her. She was right and I had to admit it. I can't think like a woman, I just play one on TV, but it seems that my wife's biggest fear is losing me and often times acting on that fear brought her very close to it.

[Tracii G]

A little more back ground would help if you wish to give it.

[joank]

My initial thought is this SOUNDS LIKE A SET UP!!

[Kayliedaskope]

+1 on the "don't do it" team ...

[Nikkilovesdresses]

4 hours? Did you get a toilet break?

[Patrica Gil]

My ex decided to let everyone know about me. Guess what, the world did not end. I decided not to let her have that power over me. My children still love me and see me often. They also think their mom is a mean person so they don't see her to often. Life is to short so it was a good decision to be me.

[Dana44]

My ex outed me to every one. Yet the time I was married to her I never dressed.. I would not let her take a picture if your relationship is in trouble. at all.

[natalie edwards]

I think it's just as simple as she sees an awkward, clumsy, ridiculous guy in women's clothes and wants you to see it the way she does hoping you'll feel like a fool and stop embarassing yourself.
Now, the rest of us know that while we all hope to look beautiful and move gracefully it's really not about that. It's about how we feel inside. That's what others struggle with....the how "we" feel part. They just don't get it! Only we do!
Try explaining it to her this way next time you get into it. Tell her it's more about how you feel than how you look. And psychologically shaming you isn't going to help or fix anything. It will only make the dysphoria worse if she convinces you that you can't portray what you feel by dressing.

[Majella St Gerard]

Don't trust her.

[Scarlett1975]

Are you sure she's not trying to reconcile and trying to show interest? Or is relationship too far gone?

[Stephanie47]

I'd say your wife feels you do not present well as a female, i.e., you do not make up into a passable woman. The only problem with her thought is she does not appreciate you wearing women's clothing and emulating a woman, and, she sees you only as a male. I think everyone can agree there are many women who are not "beautiful" to many, as well as there are many men who are not handsome to many. Perhaps, she feels, if you saw yourself you would think you were not an attractive looking woman.

I do not get up front and close to a mirror because I do not make an attractive woman. I am aged and time has taken its toll whether presenting as a male or female. From afar the mirror reflects a better image. Sometimes the eye sees what the mind wants it to see. Even on this site when viewing the photos my mind is slanted because I know the person is not a GG.

I think she feels, if you saw yourself as an unattractive woman, you'd stop presenting as a woman. It is obvious she does not know what you are about or what cross dressers are about at all.

[Julie Slowinski]

It sounds like she was not trying to be malicious, otherwise you would have sense that and reported it.

I think she is trying to communicate, in an indirect way, how hard it is for her to see you dressed. My wife has told me as much on a couple of occasions. I think it's an involuntary response. In her conscious mind she knows it's not hurting anyone and it's something I need to do, so despite her unease she puts on her tolerant face and goes about her business (the main reason I try to do more of my dressing while she is not around). And, no I don't think that looking more passable is going to make it any better, in fact it will likely make it worse.

I had a similar experience like 25 years ago. An old girlfriend was messing around and put on a pair of my tightie-whities under pants. Totally freaked me out. And, I was aware of the irony, cuz I had just come out to her like 6 months earlier. I told her, 'let's not do that again'. She was not offended cuz I think she thought I was saying 'please don't make fun of me'. If I told her it creeped me out, I'm sure it would have been a different response.

Let's take this to the extreme. I don't know what kind of crossdressing you do, but just imagine your wife were to bind her chest, stuff her hair in a bald cap, use spirit gum to apply a fake beard, stuff her jeans with an all to real looking prosthetic, put on a football jersey, plop on the couch and say let's watch the game while we burp and fart, or better yet let's watch at the sports bar up the street. In essence, this is what it's like for our SO's and we should be conscious of how difficult it truly is for them. (By the way I apologize to any f2m folks out there. No judgements intended, just making a point.)

Stacy, I'm not sure how rocky you're relationship is at this point, but IMHO if there is any hope of reconciliation your going to have to acknowledge how difficult this is for her and how much you appreciate her for putting up with it for all these years. Then, you will need to keep expressing that appreciation regularly - she really deserves it, but more importantly she needs to be periodically reminded that you do not take her for granted. Then, you can get on with the business of fighting about ordinary things (like who loads the dishwasher better) the way my wife and I do regularly.

Hope this helps...

[SamanthaToday]

Let's take this to the extreme. I don't know what kind of crossdressing you do, but just imagine your wife were to bind her chest, stuff her hair in a bald cap, use spirit gum to apply a fake beard, stuff her jeans with an all to real looking prosthetic, put on a football jersey, plop on the couch and say let's watch the game while we burp and fart, or better yet let's watch at the sports bar up the street.

Hope this helps...

OMG I would love that. :)

- - - Updated - - -

I wouldnt let her take a pic, She is being mean, dont let her attach something so negative to something you enjoy.

Dont see the point of attacking her appearance either, just brings it all farther down into the mud.

[lingerieLiz]

My wife outed me to many of her women friends one day. We actually didn't lose a single friend and I started shopping with the girls openly.

[kimdl93]

The depth of anger is readily apparent in her spiteful words. No response would matter. A four hour tongue lashing is beyond the limits of acceptable behavior. Distance yourself from her and make it clear that if she allows herself to get carried away in that manner that you will leave her proximity immediately. Nothing good can come from such behavior, nor from absorbing so much abuse.

[Karen's Secret]

I don't see how a person can stay in a relationship in which one party is threatening to expose the other party. I'm not saying that's her intent, but at the same time I don't think she's interested in giving you any beauty tips.

[jack-ie]

I had a similar experience, Liz. My ex confided (outed) to a couple of her girlfriends. Nothing malicious but she trusted them and was tired of not having them over for fear I'd be in fem. Once the ice was broken, they would drop in and just girl talk like I was just one of the girls.

[sometimes_miss]

My ex took pictures of me in order to blackmail me. I'm not out. If I didn't give her everything she wanted in he divorce, she would have outed me to everyone. While it might be easier to handle today, 20 years ago it would have been disastrous.

[Tracii G]

Samantha Today some mean women need to taste mud every now and then.
Women are not some precious flower they fight dirty.

[SamanthaToday]

I agree Tracii,

But whats the point of wasting the energy in something that will have no positive outcome.

If Stacy had something negative to say that maybe provoked some sort of reflective thought from his wife I can see, but obvious jabs that add nothing I see no point.

Case in point my Wife and I were discussing my desires, nothing in anger. She said She wouldn't have married me if She knew I wanted to be a woman ( since then She now realizes its not going that far)... I said I understood that,but it wasn't fair to see it that way because I could go back too and wouldn't have married her if I thought She was going to put on so much weight . I told her we both changed, its now a question do we want to move forward together.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like fat shaming and thats not right either.

[LeannS]

Stacy don't put up with her bs you have through a lot lately and don't need this on top of other things you have been through. Get away from her quickly

[CarlaWestin]

Women are not some precious flower they fight dirty.

Ya' think? My ex really put her best effort into one of the best transformations I have ever had for a photo op.
It was her way of acquiring Exhibit "A" for her divorce case. Long story short, she failed miserably.
And I have a great picture from the past when I was younger.

282068

[Stacy Darling]

I Thank all of you for your responses and input and I take it all on board!
It is too much for me to respond to each post, but the return love and caring is so appreciated!

This is still playing out!
Stacy!

[Lisa Roberts]

Stacy Darling.... my heart breaks for you. My wife states that if I go "outside" our home dressed En Femme our marriage of 37 years ends- PERIOD. I weep for your situation. I my be in your high heels soon.
Tears and Love,
Lisa

[CONSUELO]

Several have commented that perhaps she is trying to make a point that Stacey does not look good in female dress. Judging by Stacey's picture I would say she could look very good in feminine mode. I'm sure she has good dress sense. So, I think something else is going on here.

[Teresa]

Consuelo,
I'm assuming Stacy's wife hasn't seen her, I did ask those questions but Stacy hasn't replied yet.

As far a you comment goes it's wishful thinking we do look dreadful, I do believe the threat of exposure through revealing pictures to bring an end to Stacy's dressing is the point of the threat.

Lisa,
That threat is OTT , and very controlling , she really must attempt to understand you and accept you have needs. Ok I'm soon to separate from my wife but I know she regrets her actions and lack of understanding , sadly it's gone too far .

[SamanthaToday]

Sounds like fat shaming and thats not right either.

It wasn't one of my finest moments, and my wife deservers better. I have since learned that nothing good comes from those kind of comments, the only saving grace was there was no anger in it.
My wife side is She doesn't want to lose me and I get that now.
For Stacy if the fights are 4 hours long then I really see no hope until the anger is taken out of it.

[daphne g]

could it be she wants you to see what she sees,for you to understand her?

[Karen's Secret]

could it be she wants you to see what she sees,for you to understand her?

This can be accomplished simply by standing in front of a mirror.