I Can't Believe That She Never Knew

[Suzy Parker]

I have been a crossdresser ever since I can remember, four almost five decades now, and still in the closet. I did not have any sisters so any chance I had I dressed in my mom's clothes. I thought I was always very careful but I do not believe that I could have ever been that careful with her things. I was never directly confronted about anything but did catch a stray comment on rare occasions but just ignored them. I know that I damaged two half slips, the lace hem came loose, tore a leotard, and even broke a strap on some heels. To this day I wonder why, since she had to have known, why she never confronted me about it. My main crossdressing period wearing her clothes was early 70's thru early 80's. The only thing I can think of was hoping that I would outgrow it........nope........did not happen. If I had it to do over again I think I would have told her and then showed her. I think she might not have minded having a part time daughter.

[kimdl93]

What makes you think she didn't know?

- - - Updated - - -

What makes you think she didn't know?

[Karen's Secret]

I think it's a good bet she knew and just didn't want to deal with it. My mother found out after my sister came home early and caught me dressed. I think I was about 12 or 13. My mother took me to one counseling appointment and the counselor told my mother that she should just get me some of my own clothing. I chickened out and never had her get clothes for me and she never mentioned it again, ever. A therapist I saw at the age of 45ish believes that her silence on the matter contributed to my feelings of guilt and shame.

[gerri ray]

Maybe she was waiting for you to come to her.

[DIANEF]

I'm 100 per cent convinced my mother knew I was wearing her things, though she never said anything at the time, She did once find a pair of her shoes in my bedroom( I was about 15 at the time). I blamed my brother for planting them there. She accepted that but I doubt for a minute she believed it. I also had a sister who was two years older than me, I 'borrowed' plenty of her stuff too, and she never said a word. My mother probably thought I was going through a phase, well, it's lasted 39 years so far....

[Robin777]

I also never had a sister and I am the youngest child. I also dressed in my mothers clothes. She never said anything that she knew I was messing around with her clothing. I always wondered if she knew. The only thing I can think of, that she chose to ignore it or just overlook it because of my dad. If she said anything and my dad found out,with his temper who would have known what would have happened.

Another scenario: My mom always wanted a daughter. I heard many times over growing up that when I was born they were expecting a girl. Maybe knowing I was attracted to women's clothing she got her wish. I will never know as both my parents have passed on. I never had the courage to bring up the subject when she was mentally capable of discussing it.

[Brenda456]

I have a daughter that knows, but she has never mentioned it in any manner. It is not surprising that your mother didn't say anything.

[_jenni_]

Mine knew and it seemed like every time. After being caught sleeping in clothes that weren't mine. A different approach was taken from the mild freak out and simply asked why. My answer was a shocker I think... I just like the material and the bows on the panties. Apparently honesty wasn't the acceptable answer they were looking for.

[sometimes_miss]

Apparently honesty wasn't the acceptable answer they were looking for.

There's a reason for the concept that 'ignorance is bliss'. But we're brought up by parents, who insist that we never lie to them. I wondered if that was for my benefit, or theirs? Seems everyone retains the right of deception, for themselves. But expect perfect honesty from everyone else.

Honesty isn't always the answer; sometimes, we're better off not knowing. The first inkling I got of this, was learning of an elderly couple who was getting divorced, because the husband confessed to having an affair over 30 years ago. His wife was furious, feeling that she had been deceived, and made a fool of, perhaps worrying that people had been laughing at her or pitying her behind her back for decades. Irate, she sued for divorce, and they split up, to remain alone for the rest of their lives. So who benefited from this exposure of truth? No one. He was the very same person he had always been. She had been happy for all those years. If he had kept his mouth shut, nothing would have changed, they would most likely have grown old, happy together. Yes, he screwed up, but more by telling her of his initial mistake. So before going ahead and just feeling that as long as you are being honest, it's always the right thing, think twice before yu do something that could blow up your life.

I think that by trying to behave like the perfect criminal and remove every shred of evidence, we usually are just going overboard. Unless you're specifically looking for signs of crossdressing, a lot of things are going to be easily overlooked. Other than the one instance of putting on my sister's clothes when I was four, and walked right up to mom and sis saying that I was ready for school too, they apparently never suspected me wearing their clothes. Mom was too self centered to notice anything, and after the beating she gave me after the first time around, I suppose my sister never considered that I'd touch her clothes ever again. And if she suspected, I'm sure I would have heard about it.
Remember, people have busy lives, and stuff happens. Torn fragile frilly underwear occurs in the laundry, or even when catching on a splinter in a wooden drawer. Scent? Women don't always wash there stuff, so if you wore it, she might have just thought she didn't wash it after one too many wearings. Dresses get pushed around in tightly stuffed closets too; so damage there is easily explained as well.
Also, sometimes people don't WANT to know unacceptable things. So when they come across some sign that something's amiss, they will automatically assume the easiest acceptable explanation, and ignore the possibilities of things that they wouldn't want to know about.
Consider; you're 13 years old. You go out to the breakfast table, dad's very busy, leaving on his way to work, and your mom's disheveled, very busy fixing your breakfast, and there's some sign of white crusty stuff on her cheek. We just naturally assume it's dry saliva from sleeping with her mouth open, or maybe a little cream from her coffee. Right? We don't automatically go jumping to the most disturbing possible conclusion, because simple things like that have happened to us as well.

We don't go looking for things we don't want to think about. Well, a few might. But most people like their lives kept simple.

[cdtraveler]

I am pretty sure my Mom knew. I would hind my moms and sister's clothing under my matres and she changed my sheets every week. she also caught me asleep with my sisters swim suit on but never said a thing to me. curiously when she was dying of cancer she took my siste aside one day and asked her to divide up her jewlery and sure enough there was a bag full of costum jewlery for me. whay a difference a loving acceptanve would have made in my life but that would have never happened as I had an overly macho Dad and that was that.

[Gillian Gigs]

Mothers are very loving, usually understanding, and rarely miss anything also. I believe my Mum knew, but never said anything. How do I know, all of my favourite lingerie of hers that fit me perfectly and loved to wear got moved into a different drawer in a different dresser. These items were smaller in size than her other lingerie, they fit me and probably not her any more. They were in a drawer that had been cleaned out and these items had been placed in that drawer. Now was that just a coincidence, or what?

[suzanne]

Some mom's just don't want to know their darling son is into something so unholy as dressing as a girl. Denial is a very comfortable place to live.

A couple of years ago, my mom decided it was time to come clean with me about her past. She had big, difficult confession to make, one that she had kept secret for over 50 years. That same day, in the spirit of sharing big shares, I decided to come out to her about being CD. Twice, I began to tell, and twice she cut off the conversation. Was it that she knew but couldn't accept it from her ultra right wing "Christian" world view, and chose denial Instead? Who knows, but that was my last attempt, and now her mindset is too rigid to consider changing.

So, maybe your mom did notice the torn clothing, but just refused to accept you had anything to do with it, even though that may be the only realistic answer?

[Sheila B Kelly]

They may never mention it but I think moms don't miss anything.

[alwayshave]

Growing up in the 60s/70s I always dressed in my mom's and sisters' clothing. She never caught me dressed, but she did know that I was borrowing things. Fast forward to about 5 years ago, back in Massachusetts and having dinner with my mom. She asks nonchalantly, "so do you still cross dress?" slightly embarrassed, I answered, "Yes, I do." End of conversation. This was one of the only times I have been alone with my mother in 30 years and she asks that question. I'm OK that she knows. Didn't need to go any deeper or want to share specifics.

[LaurenS]

..."Yes, I do." End of conversation.

Thats great.

[Stephanie47]

I'm sure my mother and father knew I wore her clothes. It was easy to get away with trying on a nightgown from the laundry bag or a slip hanging to dry in the sole bathroom. However, when I tried on her one and only black bra I snapped the strap. They tried to catch me in the act, but, never did. I was never confronted. I'm sure my father would have beaten the tar out of me if he did catch me in my mother's clothes. Even after my father passed away when I was eighteen my mother never brought her suspicions up for conversation.

[Mickitv]

Having no choice I also started wearing my mothers clothes. I believe she also knew but said nothing

[JoanneB]

My mother caught me a few times and I got scolded for it. But it did not stop me from cd'ing-I just became a lot more careful.

[Morgan lace]

Same here. I was accused of being a weirdo.

However she commented about it recently, she now seems fine with it.

[Janine cd]

I'm sure that my mom knew that I was wearing her clothes regularly. She never mentioned anything, but she must have known that the straps on her bras and slips were not in the right place and that her face powder, mascara, and lipstick had been used.

[colourmannn]

Mothers are very loving, usually understanding, and rarely miss anything also. I believe my Mum knew, but never said anything. How do I know, all of my favourite lingerie of hers that fit me perfectly and loved to wear got moved into a different drawer in a different dresser. These items were smaller in size than her other lingerie, they fit me and probably not her any more. They were in a drawer that had been cleaned out and these items had been placed in that drawer. Now was that just a coincidence, or what?

I believe my mother knew and never said anything. At a young age I would go through her dresser drawers and wear her lingerie. I was always careful to leave things as I found them, however, this must be genetic, I know when someone has touched my things. She would leave her old girdles and pantyhose in a couple of convenient locations throughout the house. An understanding woman or a parent's love that would do anything for their child?

[leannejacobs]

I have an older sister so I wore her things, also some of my mothers, I was never caught and don't believe they ever suspected, however moving on 30+ years I simply told them what I do, I was a little apprehensive telling my sister as I didn't want her to feel violated, me having worn her clothes, both have been fine with it and it's seldom a topic of conversation, my father is still in the dark and it will stay that way.

[Maria 60]

That's nothing I'm really in denial then, I was working in a grocery store when I was younger and I would take pantyhose. I had a nice little stash and every once in awhile I would find them washed and folded nicely. I don't know who it was having a sister, grandmother and my mom in the same house. I would wear my sisters and moms slips and I know forsure I never folded them like they where. Always waiting who was going to mention something and no one ever did, maybe my grandmother took it to her grave and everyone else didn't want to embarrass me. I think now being older I could see how niave I must have been and I wasn't as perfect as I thought.

[Cherylgyno]

Suzy. My mom caught me the very first time that I dressed. Her answer was to buy me clothes in my size. I was told to stay in my room when I was dressed. That rule lasted from age 6 to 11. My Dad was working late one night,Mom called me for dinner, told me to hurry. I went to the kitchen fully dressed. Mom told me to put some male clothes on. I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt over my clothes and went back to dinner. Mom told me that she didn't want to see my hosed legs and to keep them under the table. She had me remove my t-shirt, unzipped me had me remove the grapefruits that I had for boobs. After dinner she told me to put my boobs back in and she rezipped me. We had many more dinners when Dad was away.

[CONSUELO]

We who started cross dressing at a very young age all believed that we were successfully hiding the evidence. I used to carefully note the folding and arrangement and try to replicate it when I put clothes back. I had both my mother's and sisters clothing drawers to raid. It was a heady time of sexual and cross dressing experimentation. My Mother walked into the bathroom one day when I was trying on my sister's slip and one of my sisters came home and caught me dressed.
Sadly there was no discussion. My Father was not told but if he had been he would not have physically punished me but he would have belittled me. That was his favoured style.

It is terribly sad to think of all of the opportunities to talk about the issue and allow people to feel better about themselves, instead the urge to conform results in much hurt.

[docrobbysherry]

If u have questions and want them answered, why don't u ask her?:straightface:

[Jennifer in CO]

I was writing a "Mom's know" response to this thread, but when I reached 3 pages I figured it was not appropriate to write that much. So lets just say

Moms Know!!

[josie_S]

I'm pretty sure my mom knew and I think it horrified her. She would make some awful comments about gay people (because of course I must be gay) as if to try to scare me straight LOL. But she never said anything directly to me about either being gay or wearing her clothes. She was and is very religious and the idea that I was possibly gay (because, again of course I must be LOL) scared her so that she didn't say anything, and my mom was not shy about confrontation. Needless to say my therapy is not just about how being a crossdresser fits into my life, but also about the incredibly powerful residual shame and pain I felt, and still feel, at times.

Nevertheless the sheer lace teddie that her office got her as "gag" present...OOH I had to have it! IT WAS WORTH IT! :c9::smug::rasp::devil::heehee:

[Linda P.]

My mom had a lot of older things she no longer wore, stored in the attic. So I had complete access to those items. Other than that I tried to use only the things that she didn't seem to wear very often and things from the laundry hamper that were already in a state of having been worn so my having used them was not noticeable.

[IleneD]

I'm pretty certain my Mother knew. I also know she "caught" me once, though never said a thing. I don't believe she ever picked up on the crossdressing entirely. I think she believed I was gay.
I went through a terrible period from the time I left high school until I started a career and eventually married. I knew I was "different" and tried like crazy to sort out my feminine gender and orientation issues. I know I came home from a long night of clubs still wearing my earrings and a touch of lipstick, and fell into bed. In the morning Mother knocked on my bedroom door to awaken me for work and opened the door to find me in the bed, festooned my the earrings she never saw before (and my long hair and the lipstick). I faintly recall (since I was arising from slumber) a look of horror on her face when she retreated from the door threshold. Nothing was ever said about it, nor any of my other sissy-femme antics and dressing at the time; nor anything said about me messing with her make up, UNTIL.........

Decades later and senior in my military career, I was preparing for retirement still a couple years away. I was having lunch with my Mom (before she passed), and we were talking about my career in the Navy, the adventures I had, the success, how wonderful to have become a Naval Officer..... etc. Then she said something that struck me. "I am so glad the way you turned out." Given the context and the moment in our discussion, and the background of my life, I knew what she was finally talking about. She had always been "worried" that I was gay (or somehow strangely effeminate). But here I was, years later, a warrior and husband/father of some notable success, and not the fop she had feared would prevail.

So, my Mom knew. She never directly let on. All Mothers know, I'm convinced. They're Mothers, for crying out loud. They know us better than we know ourselves. I almost wish she would have had the courage to talk to me about "it" when it was all going down badly in my youth.

[Danielle_cder]

Yep, my mom knew. I remember her confronting me one day (vividly). I had spent the night at a friends house and she was picking me up. We were in the car on the way home and she asked/stated, "have you been wearing my bras?" I was a little shocked/scared but answered yes. She was not mad but said that I should have my own things. So she was cool, and set up a specific drawer for her old/used things that became mine:) my mom has always been cool she always comes over for Halloween hangs out with me*

[Ally 2112]

As much as i tried to hide or thought i got away with dressing i know my mom knew .It was just comments she would make about someone messing with her clothes .