Trans-spotting *sorry bad pun

[sarah_hillcrest]

OK, I feel a little bad about something. So I live in this town of 9000 souls and it's hardcore normal around here. My wife and I like to go out at night occasionally when means hitting up the supermarket at 8:30, or like last night checking out Walgreens. About 3 times we have encountered this couple shopping whose style really stands out. the guy has this amazing hand painted lab coat with trippy designs and he wears two different color chuck taylors. The girl always in a cool black dress. The first time I saw them I assumed they were Rainbow people passing through but I keep seeing them.

About 4 months ago I saw them again at the supermarket. So when we shop my wife sends me on missions to go get items and return them to the cart, probably to get me out of her hair for a bit. So the girl in the black dress was on the same missions as me and we kept nearly running into each other, her big hiking boots banging around. Since I nearly ran into her multiple times I got the strong feeling she was transgendered. I got this feeling because I could see it in her eyes. She was totally wigged out that we kept running into each other and totally avoiding eye contact and speaking when I said excuse me mam. She was like a scarred deer, nearly running from me.

I know how this feels from personal experience, the feeling that every single person knows what you're up too and thinks you're a freak. Of course I could be totally wrong, but I tried my best to not look at her, and stop running into her

So last night we go to Walgreens I hear the clomping boots and turn around to see them behind us. They were wearing the exact same clothes, even the hand painted lab coat. The girl recognizes me I'm sure and hides behind the guy. The guy I realize is not a guy anymore, he's trimmed his goatee and his skin has become soft and translucent, his long hair is now in a very feminine style. She too now has the "deer in headlights look and is trying really hard to avoid us. Despite that they nearly run into us several times. I feel bad because every time our eyes met there was this non-verbal communication between us, "OMG he knows," followed by me, "Yeap."

Afterwards I asked my wife, "what'd you think about those two?"

"The hippie guy, and the chick in the dress?"

"Yeap"

"That guy has the coolest jacket, and I love his two different shoes."

"Yeah but did you see his face?"

"No."

"I'm 90% he's now a she and taking Hormones."

"Hmm, I guess you got a better look then me."


It's so aggravating because I really want to talk to these people, just get their stories, and tell them I think they are awesome, but I know the best thing to do is just not be a creep.

[Karen's Secret]

I think it would be very normal, especially in a town of 9,000 people, to strike up a conversation with someone you keep running into. A simple, "How are you, I keep running into the two of you around town and thought I'd say hi and introduce myself." Just by treating them as regular folks would probably put them at ease. You can comment on more personal things later if you keep running into them or if their tone invites it.

[Princess Chantal]

They both may be people with extreme case of social anxiety

[Tracii G]

Treat them like anybody else be nice and don't draw too much attention to their different ness.
You could say that is an awesome coat did you do paint work on it? Perhaps you will hear the story of the coat.
Deff don't make your encounter centered around their perceived gender.
Remember they are regular people just like you or I.

[sarah_hillcrest]

I think it would be very normal, especially in a town of 9,000 people, to strike up a conversation with someone you keep running into. A simple, "How are you, I keep running into the two of you around town and thought I'd say hi and introduce myself." Just by treating them as regular folks would probably put them at ease.

I would normally do just that if they weren't so freaked out every time I see them. I'm really pretty good at talking to people most of the time.

They both may be people with extreme case of social anxiety

Totally, but I'm pretty sure I know why, I heard them talking last night and any doubts I had were erased.

You could say that is an awesome coat did you do paint work on it? Perhaps you will hear the story of the coat.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing, next time I see them I'm going to try and ask that exact question.

[Julie Slowinski]

Okay, so I screwed up the other day. Living in downtown Chicago I see transgender girls on the street all the time, at least once a week and I don't live anywhere close to Boystown. As you might expect I always want to say something supportive but by the time it registers in my brain we've already passed each other and I would need to jog to catch up with them. It doesn't help that they are usually walking rather quickly and not making eye contact with anyone, which is not that usually for Chicago. If it was someplace more intimate like waiting for an elevator or waiting in line at the grocery store it might be easier. But, I still wouldn't know what to say other than the usual small talk I make with everyone else - which as Tracii says is probably the best course of action. I was going to say, it would be nice to somehow volunteer some supportive words, but as I'm typing, the wisdom of Tracii is sinking in. Just by making regular conversation and not drawing attention to the subject is support enough. They already know they're not totally passable and know that that most people have figured it out. So, not bringing it up is support enough. You would think I would have figured this out by now, but since I don't go shopping en femme, I've never been on the other side. When I'm at a club, I actually relish any attention that gets directed at me.

Okay here's where I screwed up. I was waiting for the train and noticed a girl also waiting. She was maybe 25, and best I could describe as gender fluid (her own pink longish hair, shaved legs, doc martens, not slender or short and almost certainly not full time). She looks mildly nervous, but keeping her eyes on her phone and wearing big headphones. I'm trying to make eye contact but to no avail. We get on the train and I try to get a seat relatively close to her, but the only one would have been directly next to her, which would have been weird with all the other open seats. So, we're getting close to my stop, and I'm like it's now or never and I've already had so many nevers in the past that I convince myself I've gotta try. So, I get up and kinda wave in her face to get her attention. She pulls back one headphone ear and I say you look great. She nods, quickly puts the headphone back and dives back into her phone. She is now visibly nervous, not taking her eyes off that phone for a second. I feel terrible. We get to my stop, I get off and am just heartbroken over what I've done. There were at least twenty other people on that train car, many of them noticed her, and all were smarter than me. I'm quite confident she made it to her destination with me as her only incident, but I still feel bad.

Now, I do have one (rather weak) defense of my actions. Regardless of how I'm dressed, I always have Julie in my head and if I had been dressed and going to a club on the train (which I don't do, but is on my list), I'm guessing we would have been immediate girlfriends (or she would have been like 'why is this old lady talking to me?'). I guess I could have taken that seat right next to her and pulled out my phone and showed her some pictures. Of course, that would be weird to and in that scenario she would have been like 'why is this old queen talking to me?' I guess the bottom line is that the train is like the men's room - no talking!!!

Wow!!! That was a lot of rambling - sorry to anyone that made it to the end of this post.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
It's an interesting situation, sometimes you can break the ice by asking if they could help finding something, supermarkets are always changing their aisles round and apparently hiding things so you spend more money.

They do sound an unusual couple but the great thing is they have fond each other and appear to be happy with it but obviously a little wary of other people . Have you watched hem through the checkout ? That's usually when we reveal most about ourselves, looking for credit cards conversing with the checkout staff , the mannerisms usually show the true story.

[Karen's Secret]

She looks mildly nervous, but keeping her eyes on her phone and wearing big headphones. I'm trying to make eye contact but to no avail.

We have a whole generation of kids and young adults who have little to no social skills because they've grown up staring at a phone screen and wearing headphones. I have a nephew who plays games on his phone with an earpiece in his ear everywhere he goes, including when he's around a group of people and should be socializing. I'm not sure you screwed up at all.

[jennifer0918]

Sarah don't put too much tought into it,just say hi,what's up?say anything maybe say something funny Crack that ice some how. I'm sure there cool and would like you as a friend.

[Julie Slowinski]

Hey Karen, Normally I would agree about kids today and using their phones at inappropriate times. But, in this case I think she was using it to block out the world. I kinda do that when shopping in drab - if someone's looking at me funny I'd rather not know so I don't look around at other people and just focus on the merchandise.

- - - Updated - - -


I'm sure there cool and would like you as a friend.

Hey Jen, That's the real problem. The way that most of us present in guy mode is so far removed from girl mode (especially with a bit of over compensation), that no one expects us to be an ally. These seem like really trendy young people and it would be really out of character for someone Sarah's age to befriend them even if they were not tg.

However, Sarah since you've seen them several times and it seems like they remember you, maybe you could open with something like 'we keep bumming into each other ...'

[Kayliedaskope]

Maybe next time, say with a smile, "We keep running into each other, and I've forgotten who is supposed to be stalking who ... I think it's your turn this week.". Laughter is never a bad way to start a friendship, and far from being the worst ways to end one.

[sarah_hillcrest]

Have you watched hem through the checkout ? That's usually when we reveal most about ourselves, looking for credit cards conversing with the checkout staff , the mannerisms usually show the true story.

Yes 4 months ago they were in front of us in line, the hiking boot chick has a really pretty face and hair, plus her long flared dress hides her body shape, but her mannerisms seemed off. The thing that really got me noticing her was that she was wearing a super short black apron and using it for pockets, she had a men's style wallet, and her keys banging around in there. No reason why a woman couldn't do that, but I can't imagine my wife going shopping without her purse. She had to speak one time and her voice was definitely a man's voice, but I still wasn't sure.

Maybe next time, say with a smile, "We keep running into each other, and I've forgotten who is supposed to be stalking who ... I think it's your turn this week.". Laughter is never a bad way to start a friendship, and far from being the worst ways to end one.

I'm with you right up to stalking. There was a girl I was really into in high school and we kept running into each other, I said are you stalking me or am I stalking you. She didn't find it funny.

Thanks for all the suggestions and ideas on how to say hi. I hope to get a chance sometime.