Transitioning at Work - A Work in Progress

[Sara Olivia]

I have decided that the title of my previous thread, Transitioning at work in three weeks, no longer applies. I am now two weeks into working at my office as a woman. As you all know from my previous post, I work in an office setting. Two months earlier, I asked to meet with both my immediate manager and superintendent and ensured that they were fully aware of my intention to transition at work. I also disclosed my transgender status and desire to transition at work to every one of my fifteen or so colleagues on a one on one basis. In other words, there were no surprises for anyone in my office when last week I came to work presenting as Sara. There is a tremendous amount of paper work that goes with changing your identity. That first day I was kept busy with everything involved in changing ID passes, email accounts, computer network drives, etc. to my new name. It was good that it was such a busy day because honestly, even though I knew that everyone in my office was supportive and on my side, my blood pressure was undoubtedly in outer space based on how nervous I was that day. The entire first week really was one where I felt very anxious and stressed, all self imposed as everyone around me treated me with a tremendous amounts of respect, kindness, and acceptance. This week something changed. I was always a glass half empty kind of a person. No matter what good things happened in my life, I always had to experience it as a male. I was never able to be truly happy. This week as the anxiety receeded, I was overwhelmed by a sense of happiness. Here I was at work being my true self. Everyone was addressing me as Sara. When I saw myself in a mirror or a reflection on a window I no longer saw the person I had hated being all my life. Even though I am still a long ways from ultimately being the woman that I need to be for the first time in my memory, I'm beginning to find true happiness.

[Jenna Stunned]

WOW! So happy to hear that everything is going so good for you. It must feel amazing!! Congratulations!!

[AllieSF]

Yes, transitioning as some have said here in these hallowed pages is a work in progress, and sometimes a very long one. The important thing from my point of view is to cherish each accomplishment, celebrate them when the urge arises, always be ready for those downer days, just keep moving forward as best possible one day and step at a time. Hopefully, your half full feeling will recede way into the background to be supplanted for so many half full to glass overflowing moments, which to me is what life is all about. Please keep sharing and enjoying your new situation, which by the way, will eventually become old news to you. Thanks for sharing.

[grace7777]

I am very happy to hear that you are finding true happiness. Hope your life continues to progress how you want it to.

[Persephone]

Sara, I am so pleased for you! And look forward to reading your continuing posts and sharing in your milestones!

[Pat]

That is so awesome! Congratulations! The good news is it only gets better. The bad news is that no matter how thorough you think you've been, that old name keeps popping up like a whack-a-mole game. ;) Again, congratulations.

[Sabrina133]

Sincerest congratulations. I am so thrilled that you work in such a supportive environment. A major step achieved.

Bree

[Bruce64]

Congratulation Sara, we are here to support you too never forget that.

[paulaprimo]

congrats to you Sara! i'm glad that you've finally found "true happiness" :)

[Dana44]

Congrats Sara, Sound like a good first week at work. It must feel amazing. and you have come a long way.

[Caroline Varg]

Wow - you are such an inspiration. Congratulations! I really look forward to the day I will have a similar experience. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hugs

[Sara Olivia]

Well it has been pretty much a month now since I first walked into my workplace as Sara. What a month it has been. I have learned a lot in the last month. If I didn't know it before it takes a lot longer in the morning to get ready as a woman than on my slowest days as a male. Still I wouldn't go back to my old male self in a million years. Work is beginning to become more routine again. Everyone now is used to me being and looking like Sara which is nice. Rarely does anyone accidentally refer to me by my old male name anymore. I am no longer anxious at work about being Sara and my heart rate is no longer into the stratosphere. I discovered last week though that this new found confidence and level of comfort still has its limits. A colleague of mine is moving to another city and another job and we had a going away lunch for her. In addition to most of the staff from our office there were other friends of hers present as well. Being in a restaurant in a group of about 30 people was definitely way beyond my current comfort zone. I sat there petrified most of the lunch wishing that I could just sink into the floor and be anywhere else but in that restaurant right there and then. So I now realize that I still have a long ways to go to get to a point where I can live my life as a woman with the self confidence I had living life as a man. I've been following with great interest Mandy's thread "Confidence is the key to acceptance (or at least tolerance). And while some days I feel I have a lot of confidence there are clearly still days, or situations, where my confidence collapses like a house of cards.
Let me finish today with telling you about something that at the time really embarrassed me but ultimately hugely helped boost my confidence in myself as a woman. I went shopping at Costco one day after work. I've done this before as Sara though my membership card is in my male name and with my male photo. In the past the check out people never bothered to look at the name or photo so I stopped worrying about it. Well I shouldn't have. This time at the check out the lady carefully looked at the name and the photo on my membership card. She then turned to me and said "Ahhm excuse me ma'am but this isn't your card. Do you have your own card that you could give me?" When I responded in the negative she continued " I assume this is your husbands card. Is he still in the store here that you could get him to come here to the checkout. I'm sorry but I'm just not permitted to sell you these groceries without your own card." It was at that point, blushing profusely with embarrassment, that I had to confess to her that the photo on the card was, in fact, me and that I was transgender and had not yet changed the name and photo on my card. She examined the photo again very carefully and then apologized profusely even though really it had been me who had lied to her. She proceeded to check out my groceries continuing to apologize profusely to me. Needless to say I changed my name and profile photo on my Costco membership that same day. In hindsight though I was very flattered because she seemed to sincerely mistake me for a woman. That, and the fact that I rarely ever seem to be getting that knowing smile from passer by's anymore have hugely boosted my self confidence.

[Rachael Leigh]

Sara I’m right there with you on coming out at work fulltime, I’m now on day 3 of my new journey. So far most has gone
well I’ve had much support from many people.
I so understand the confidence thing to as living 24/7. I’m very close but not there yet. It got me to thinking as I was out shopping the other day I don’t care if I’m not fully passing I’m a trans women and if that’s how I’m precieved then I’m ok
with that because that’s who I am.
Blessings and good luck as you move forward I do know how much courage it took you to come out at work
Rachael

[Rachel Smith]

Sara I am 3 years in and there are still times around strangers when I am not at ease with myself but it has gotten much easier to deal with those feelings when they do arise.

Continued success to both you and Racheal
Hugs
Rachel

[Sara Olivia]

Rachael, I had no idea that you already are also working as Rachael. I usually just stick to this forum and didn't see your post until now. I knew you were not far behind me but am so sorry that I wasn't there to also congratulate you after your first day working as Rachael. So you can probably totally relate to much of what I am saying. I am definitely going to start following your thread as well. And I saw your photos of your first day and you look great. Congratulations and all the best.

Rachel, yes I have no doubt that there will always be times when this is going to present an issue. I just have to make myself not avoid such situations in the future but rather immerse myself in them. Kind of like jumping into the deep end and having to learn to swim as you go. Hopefully in time I will then learn to swim and not sink, so to speak.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

learning to live your authentic self is a process that just keep going.. lots of ups and downs but its worth it.
and you are doing it...kudos to you... i hope it keeps getting better and better.

[Rachael Leigh]

Sara I’m just glad we have this forum where we can support each other as we continue on our journies. Because we both know there will be ups and downs

Rachael