Come clean to shrink

[leannejacobs]

I've been instructed by a doctor to think about seeing a phsyco analyst to discus stress management, my question is; should I mention that the best relief I get from stress is by crossdressing? I think my decision to do so would largely depend on the gender of the analyst, I'd consider telling a female before a male, what's your thoughts?
Perhaps there's no benifit to telling them but it does help me, I don't think telling my friends I CD from doctors orders will wash lol.

[Dana44]

You are not going to receive proper care if you are not honest. So when you see a therapist be honest to them and discuss everything. That way she or he can best help you.

[Pat]

Yes, tell them. The whole point of seeing someone like that is to be honest. And if you don't get a feeling that you can be open with a particular shrink, get a new one. Or even better, interview them thoroughly before you start seeing them to make sure you feel good about them. If you feel like you'd be more comfortable with a woman, choose a woman. Crossdressing is an item for you, so ask outright if they have experience and how much and what kind. They're not going to "out" you. Get the best fit you can and be totally honest -- they're not your friend, you're not their friend, you don't have to make a good impression. That's not why you're there. That'll get you the best result.

[Stacy Darling]

Comfort zone!

You need to be comfortable when you let your feelings out!

I personally am at ease when I tell a woman that I wear a skirt and make-up!

I do as well honestly dislike men, yet I am probably gay!

Go with your gut feeling on who would best be suited to you! and be honest when you go!
Love Stacy!

[leannejacobs]

I live in a fairly small community so I'm really not sure if I'd be able to pick and choose a therapist, my first port of call will be my own doctor to see what she recommends, hopefully I can get someone locally.
I'm more comfortable speaking to women, I'm not opposed to men in any way but would just prefer a woman, my wife knows and accepts my dressing as does her best friend, so it's not like I'm bottling up my CDing, tbh I really don't know what causes my stress, what I do know is I've suffered a heart attack as a result of it, the doctor I saw said if I don't get my stress under control I could be headed for another.
I'll see what can be arranged, I'll decide if and when the time is right to come clean about my dressing.

[Sarasometimes]

Not sure where you live but if you go to Psychology Today's site they have a directory for therapist and what their specialties are. This is for USA and if you have insurance you should have many choices in network to pick from. If you feel that CDing is a significant component than a therapist that knows how to work with gender issues is important. As others have mentioned being comfortable to share intimate info is half of the key to good therapy. The other half is having a skilled therapist. Often times stress can be caused by a mixture of sources all coming together so openness is paramount, so they can get the whole picture. Good luck and I think therapy for you is worth a try and i hope your health improves quickly 9part of your stress probably comes from what your doctor told you might happen. I know it would stress me out.
I'm with you that I will only go to a female therapist. many decades ago I went to a male for a marital issue (now an ex-wife) and we did not click. Sadly I have also gone to many females who were clueless on gender (wish I knew that sooner).

[CONSUELO]

You have to disclose all especially as dressing is a major way of you dealing with stress. Without the full story treatment will not be successful.
I have been to two female therapists and found that to be much more comfortable for me.

I don't like opening up to men and am not fully comfortable in male company except with male colleagues with whom the relationship is built around work. Two male therapists I saw were of no use to me and I would never use a male therapist again.

[kimdl93]

Does your doctor know you are a cross dresser? Apparently, stress is having some adverse effects on your health...is that correct? If so, by all means seek some help from a therapist.

Now, what you tell a therapist is entirely up to you. Whether its male or female, they are obliged to keep things confidential and by training, listen objectively and non-judgmentally. What I would address is the life circumstances that are causing you to feel stress. Then, the therapist will help you learn and practice some techniques for managing the feelings of anxiety.

Sharing the information about your cross dressing isn't mandatory and revealing that may in fact be stressful in and of itself. But if your therapist asks what you do now to deal with stress, you may share that if you wish. Be prepared to discuss your thoughts on how/why cross dressing may address stress or, perhaps even be a contributor to stress. You may be surprised what you learn about yourself from the process.

[Fiona123]

Be open with your therapist. Maybe the crossdressing/stress connection is more significant to your overall health than you realize. I see a female therapist who specializes in gender issues. She is extremely supportive & not one bit judgemental. You may neeed the change therapists once or twice (I did) to find one who is a good fit for you. That's ok. Take care.

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, be honest with your caregivers. If you don't, you are handicapping them - possibly keeping them from providing the care you are seeking. You might also work on letting to of the hangup WRT the gender of your caregivers. They are professionals and there are a lot more things you might well consider first than their gender.

[Barbara Jo]

IMO, you should only tell a care giver on a need to know basis .

Is the CDing causing stress? No. So, why bring it up?

Personally, I was sent to my first "shrink" when I was about 9 years old and the last time I was forced to see one was when I was about 15 .
I have found that often, they have more issues than you do.

I used to be a " Tri-S" member and a couple of times, two different shrinks (each at different times) came to a meeting.
Believe it or not, they wanted to treat CD / TS patients so, they came to the meeting to get educated about it. They of course left the meeting not having a real clue about anything as everyone gave them conflicting info.
God help their early TS/ CD patients!

This point is, make sure that any shrink is well versed in TS/CD matters... and has experience in in those areas. if you are going to bring it up.

[Tracy Irving]

You have stated that crossdressing is part of your stress. Granted the part that helps relieve it. So, you should definitely consider telling your therapist.


I don't think telling my friends I CD from doctors orders will wash lol.

After your first visit you will get a prescription to crossdress that you can show your friends. If not, you can print out one from your computer.

[Bobbi46]

My one thought for what its worth is this, if dressing is a pleasure sand makes you happy is your stress actually being caused by the work you do if it is then a change of job wood be thing.

[Juliana817]

If you're getting a referal to see a therapist for stress management the therapist will definitely ask you what you're currently doing to manage stress. Using Crossdressing to cope with stress is much better than using drugs or alcohol to cope.
I believe that therapy can be beneficial but that doesn't mean you have to tell the therapist at the first session.
You need to feel comfortable with the therapist so that you can be open and honest, they aren't in that profession to be judgmental they want to help people. That being said the best anology I can make is that of a hair stylist or auto mechanic. There are many many qualified professionals but you have to find the one you trust.

[Teresa]

Leanne,
The stress relief is down to the chemical changes it would be silly not to come clean and tell the whole truth irrespective of the gender of the analyst .They aren't mind readers so they can't help you unless you tell them the whole truth .

I had to open up to my male GP to get a follow up on counselling, he was perfectly OK with the situation , we did have a joke about aspects of it .

Both my counsellors were women although the first one I saw did make me wonder if if she was a TS , my gender counsellor was lovely , OK I admit I did develop feelings for her even so she did help , and as a bonus she sent me some lovely clothes which she claimed would have gone to the charity shops .

[Gillian Gigs]

The office of a Therapist is intended to be a safe place and they can get disbarred from their practice if any communication from that office leaks out. If you are wanting to discuss stress management and don't tell them about CD'ing, one of your stress relief tools, then you are kind of wasting your time going! Therapists are trained to be non-judgemental, and listen first. They are there to help you, whatever the need.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Of course you should tell them. Therapy is pointless without total honesty.

I don't understand your preference for telling one sex over another. The therapist is trained to handle whatever is thrown at them. But if you aren't ready to come out to a man you're paying to help you, then that is your decision.

For my buck, your reluctance to come out to a male therapist would be an ideal subject for discussion!


I live in a fairly small community so I'm really not sure if I'd be able to pick and choose a therapist

This is your life, and possible premature death, we're talking about. You really think looking for help outside your community is off the table??

[Evie82]

I live in a fairly small community so I'm really not sure if I'd be able to pick and choose a therapist, my first port of call will be my own doctor to see what she recommends, hopefully I can get someone locally.

Go by your doctor's recommendations for a therapist. If you explain your concerns and fears your doctor should be able to help with what's best for you, but only if you're honest.
I also live in a small community so taking steps towards transitioning has been very hard for me too, but my therapist is amazing. She is very open minded and non judgemental, which is how any therapist worth their salt should be. I've had three appointments so far and I can tell you that it really does help. If you're anything like me, you'll be terrified before going into the first session, even whilst looking forward to it at the sam time, but afterwards you'll feel so much better, almost elated that you have someone you can talk to and actually receive help from. As everyone else has said, it only works if you're honest though. Therapists are not allowed to discuss patients away from work, and even in work with any degree of specificity, so you really shouldn't worry about being 'outed' or embarrassed in any way.
I hope you give it a go :-)

[Leslie Mary S]

At my Age (almost 74) is it worth the expense?

[Karen's Secret]

On the topic of seeing a male doctor versus a female doctor (or therapist)....

I intentionally try to see only female doctors if at all possible. I have an underlying incurable medical condition in which I see several specialists and they are all female. My preference is to see only female doctors and this is totally unrelated to crossdressing but has everything to do with the fact that female doctor are more open to listening to what I'm saying, and not coming to pre determined conclusions. I learned this lesson the hard way when I was misdiagnosed for several years by a male doctor who stuck with a certain diagnosis over a couple year period and several surgeries. Within a few months after switching to a female doctor, who quickly expanded the possible diagnosis's, I was correctly diagnosed and started chemotherapy.

All that to say, I completely support anyone's preference for a female doctor or therapist.

[Lucy Lou]

Maybe you should try to find a female shrink and then you can tell her about yourself and feel ok about it. The picture looks great by the way. Lucy Lou xx

[Lucy23]

I agree with other, honesty in this case is the best policy, especially if you think it is related in some way to the reason you came for in the first place.

I am seeing a therapist to help me deal with depression, to which crossdressing is related in a certain way, and I came clean to her. Aside from two other female friends, she is the third person who knows this about me. I personally find it easier to talk about this with a woman than a man. With that said however, last year I was seeing a male therapist who indirectly helped me accept this part of me and if seeing him would cost me that much, I would definitely tell him about this, because of the safe atmosphere he created.

So if you feel that the therapist can help you, created an environment where you feel secure and not judged, and proved to be trustworthy, I'd say talk about it. Whatever you decide in the end, I hope the therapist will help you.

[Elizabethcdt]

I know for me it took a really long time seeing my therapist before I told her. I thought I'd just hide it forever. One day I realized that a lot of my stress was coming from the fact that I was hiding something I didn't want to hide anymore. I would say absolutely tell your therapist. It's helped me a ton. They are there for you. That said, I totally understand wanting to tell a female over a male. When looking for a therapist I specifically looked for a female therapist...one that also specialized in sex/gender issues. I always had it in the back of my mind that it might come out at some point and wanted to make sure it was someone that would be understanding.

[Micki_Finn]

All I can tell you is that they can't help you if you're not honest. Everything is covered by patient confidentiality rules anyway. Going to a shrink and not being open is like trying to get a checkup from a doctor without taking your clothes off.

[Stephanie47]

What is your doctor doing for your stress? Medications? Exercise recommendations? Dietary changes? A lot can be done to reduce blood pressure with medical intervention. If the ability to engage in cross dressing is not an issue, then maybe the cross dressing does not have to be discussed early on. Yes, cross dressing can be a stress reliever. I'd be examining the medical aspects as well as work and family dynamics.

Anyway, I find it somewhat unusual a doctor would not make referrals to dieticians, etc.

[Gennifer in LA]

I definitely agree with those who suggested finding a therapist who specializes in, or at least has experience in gender issues, if at all possible. The Psychology Today site mentioned earlier is a good resource. My therapist has such a background and she is very affirming and supportive.
Also, my cardiologist read me the same riot act and, in addition to starting therapy, I have also begun attending some very mellow yoga classes. Great stress relief.
Best of luck and know that we are all pulling for you!

[leannejacobs]

Anyway, I find it somewhat unusual a doctor would not make referrals to dieticians, etc.

Stephanie, the doctor in question is not my own doctor, he is a contract doctor required to assess my fitness to return to work, it was he who suggested I visit my own doctor to seek out stress management of some kind, I have an appointment for Monday, I have previously been diagnosed with stress and was on medication for this, however a couple of years on those and I felt I could cope without them so stopped using them.
I suspect I'll be told to start taking them again.
Gennifer, I have been thinking about yoga of some sort, I thought it might be relaxing.

[deebra]

Leanne, seeing a "gender" therapist is a good idea at least for a visit or two, however they want you to keep coming back ($$$). See a female, you will be more comfortable in revealing and talking about your crossdressing and how it helps you relieve stress. She might suggest that you dress, have a glass of wine and listen to soft soothing music in a diminly lit room to wind down, could be better than pills. I would also suggest you go underdressed, thigh highs, panties and bra; this will help you acknowledge and tell her how you like and how CDing helps you. Much better and more comfortable talking to a woman that is wearing the same undies as you are rather than a man. And feel comfortable going underdressed, you and the female therapist will have this in common, both wearing the same underwear.