How much can a Koala Bear?

[Stacy Darling]

After 8months or so of asking my wife to come to any of my sessions with me I had lost hope!

"Silly Stacy!"

Sunday brought the war of the roses on once again and not only did I cop a severe lashing but my therapists / shrink were mentioned as being of no use! to put it mildly! I once again asked my wife to attend a session with me but she refused before I could finish asking, Mmm!

So it's Happy Monday and whilst I was doing the groceries my wife contacted a Govt. service to seek some help (app. 1200 on Friday). Unfortunately the department is that for assisting those which care for a person experiencing "mental health issues".

So, how much can I now Bare? I do thank my Govt. for supplying more medical support to me than most island nations get and allow my wife to have the same, I'm not so happy that because of me being in the disabled Aspie Crossdresser category that my wife can be accepted as being a person assisting another which is experiencing mental health issues!

Well now that my wife has contacted another department and not wanted to interact with those which I have been seeing and trusting for 100+ visits, I shall have to watch and see! Since I don't like change, new people and also don't open up to males I hope that her new male consultant and herself are ready for Stacy!

I suppose that the main thing here is that two people trying to sort out issues can be proactive! This may not be!

Not sure where this is headed but I am tested bi-annually for mental awareness! I'm sane so I'm OK!

Sane Stacy!

[Tracii G]

Act totally normal and imply your wife is the mentally challenged one.

[Jaylyn]

Good luck Stacy, my wife was very helpful in the beginning but lately has started to frown on me even mentioning anything about the dressing. I don't like upsetting her and wish it was back like at first she found out. I think she even suspected me different when we got married many years ago.
I've never been tested for mental awareness but afraid I'd fail miserably but as long as I'm happy and she hasn't run me off yet I'll just keep on doing what I enjoy.

[Teresa]

Stacy,
I know how tough it is to hit the brick wall because a partner doesn't want to know about counselling sessions , to her it was my problem for me to sort out. It can only go so far when the there is limited or no conversation about the associated issues .

[Roberta Lynn]

Hi Stacy,
Unless this department reinforces her beliefs about you she probably won't be with them long.

[ClosetED]

There are often several issues with the couple with a transgender person. The TG person's acceptance of who they are. The SO's acceptance that the person they thought they knew was just one presentation of the whole person they fell in love with. And the couple's therapy to deal with the relationship between each other.
So let her have her own sessions to deal with her issues and also the relationship issues. Maybe you could join her sessions when she is ready. Your sessions may be focused on you and not the "us", so she doesn't want to join you. My wife and I went to same therapist, but separately for most sessions, so he knew both sides of the story.
At least it wasn't a divorce lawyer.
Hugs, Ellen

[Stacy Darling]

Being totally normal is my best asset Trace, I won't need to put it on the other foot if they can read the picture!
Jaylyn, you would pass a psych test as fast as the rest of us CD's, there is nothing wrong with us :<3:
You know the drill Teresa! Hitting that wall time and time again! So glad you are getting away from it!

Thanks Roberta Lynn, I'm most likely thinking that you are on the same page as I am, I just can't see it working through!

Thankyou for the smile Ellen!!!
No lawyers at this stage thank goodness! A couple of daughter and cousin teams could be up my wife's sleeve though!
Unlike most, my care factor is near zero though! I should bring you with me!!!
Smiles all day!
Stacy!

[Stephanie47]

My response is not necessarily directed at Stacy's plight. I would say most, if not all, marriages have some marital discord along the way. Sometimes differences can be reconciled and sometimes not. I can understand a woman's disapproval of cross dressing, especially if cross dressing had not be revealed prior to saying the "I do." What would be nice is the wife accepting the premise cross dressing is not a mental illness. It is not a personality flaw. Then the discord can center around the amount of time the husband wants to be en femme. Where he wants to express himself. How much money is spent on clothing. Basically relegating cross dressing to any other activity such as golf, sports, any expensive hobby. How many women complain about being 'golf widows'? Or, he hangs around the bars or with his buddies after work and on weekends and ignoring his wife?

I know there are many on this site who readily make negative comments about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," but. it does offer some balance. It offers the husband the opportunity of self expression without making cross dressing an "in your face, take it or leave it" for his wife.

I hope Stacy's wife may come to accept "cross dressing" as not something that is wrong.

[docrobbysherry]

Stacy, you've said it yourself. Govt workers r professionals and have seen it all. I suggest u go along cheerfully with whomever your SO selects to visit.

It may be your best chance to mitigate your issues!:straightface:

[Jenny22]

Stacy, You know who and what you are. Has your many therapy visits been any more informative? If your wife connects with a person that is informed on gender dysphoria issues, she might gain a new understanding, possibly positive for you, as to why we are what we are. I hope so, for the sake of all.

[Stacy Darling]

Stephanie, I always wonder why there are so mays nice and considerate people in this word yet so few around me! You are always so positive!

Sherry! I never look back and shall go with whatever is placed in front! "Just can no give a Guarantee" My smile shall be not unlike yours though!
Stacy!

[Alice B]

After reading your many posts about your wife and her attitude I think it is time for her to hit the road so you can get on with your life without the severe stress you are dealing with.

[Tracii G]

I hope everything works out.

[Lana Mae]

Best wishes for some resolution! Hugs Lana Mae

[Stacy Darling]

I wish it was so simple Alice!, If my wife was 60 or younger and fit and healthy I would most likely show myself the door!
Strange world we live in!
Stacy!

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife showed support for me, recognizing that much of what she was attracted to was only emphasized by my embrace of femininity. I'm not sure what would have happened in the long run. Shortly after that acceptance she was diagnosed with the cancer that took her life several years later. I was focused on her health, comfort and needs and throughout she would give me limited space to honor my feminine aspects. If she had remained healthy I wonder if I would have pushed the boundaries sufficiently to alarm her. Maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure what I would have done if we had come to the place you find yourself in, but I do know her threshold for tolerance was much different than what your bride is showing.

I guess you just need to be true to yourself and recognize that she is attempting to do the same. It's possible there is common ground where you can both be comfortable, but it may take some work from both sides to find it without giving up more than you can afford.

As other say, I wish you the best of luck.

[Marie-Jo]

Are you and your wife having a battle play? Maybe you should make use of a transformation as the ultimate weapon? Start HRT and go for a change that is impossible to deny.

[Stacy Darling]

I like your train of thought Marie-Jo, I was laughed at the other night whilst asking I would like to have hormones ( more abuse!)
All I could do was to say what are they?

Being scared about being asked if you want HRT is not something I am scared of now!
Lets see if my Govt. will pay for it?
Stacy!

[Teresa]

Stacy,
Looks like your road is going to take the same direction as mine ! In the end we have to put ourselves first , if we cease to function we are no use to ourselves or anyone else .
Maybe it was inevitable even without the CDing issues, taking a step back I realised I was possibly living her version of life which is not how I wish to live the rest of my life ! I could be using CDing as the release from that life style, it brings me back to the comments Ilene made about strong and controlling women . Over the years we appear to let that happen until we realise we have very little say or rights in our own home , after so many years I was able to make that point to my wife because I have nothing to lose .

My wife did ask me if I would start taking tablets , I said I couldn't honestly answer that but when we separate and I'm living in my own home it would be my decision and mine alone . At the moment I feel I will be content with the social transition .

[Maria 60]

To me there's a simple and affordable answer, she excepts the dressing making you feel normal and you can both enjoy your lives with all the money your saving.
When I told my wife about my dressing this was in the early 80s, I thought something was definitely wrong with me mentally and I suggested therapy. She told me that she has known me for 6 years and only found that I was a caring and honest hard working person and never seen any signs of mental illness.
She then went on telling me she wanted to see where this was going and how far I was willing to take it. I would dress in front of her but not fully, and about six months later she came home early and I was fully dressed makeup wig and all and I could see she was caught off guard. I asked her if I could please get help because I just can't control these feelings.
She told me to relax and stop feeling guilty about what I was doing, I wasn't hurting anymore and to enjoy the time I have to dress and nothing was wrong with me and to stop thinking I was crazy. That was all the therapy I needed, now married 30 plus years and she still is ok with it. Sometimes we just need some positive in our lives.

[Stacy Darling]

I do see my life evolving in a similar fashion Teresa, and I can't say that is not what I want!

Then there is the life which Maria can achieve!, and I love that as well!

Thanks for your input Girls xx
Stacy!

[Karen's Secret]

Stacy, I'm curious, do you have a mental health diagnosis, or has anyone told you that you have a specific mental health disorder?

[Stacy Darling]

Karen, I'm HF Aspie with stress disorder. Fully diagnosed and under intense care. I know a diagnosis takes around 8-10 days, that is how long I'm usually in for!
It's quite fun to live and be me!
It's Just the consequences!
Stacy!

[Karen's Secret]

Thanks for the reply Stacy. I didn't mean to pry but I also didn't want to assume that your wife's actions were based solely on crossdressing. Based on your response I'm not sure your wife's seeking assistance is entirely unreasonable. Of course none of us can know your true situation so I don't mean to imply that my opinion counts for anything. Just an observation.

[Stacy Darling]

All good Karen!

My situation is far from being normal, I'm good with that! a critique at times is what one needs and asks for!

I do not believe that my wife's wish is not so unreasonable! I Just don't like it!
Stacy!

[jennifer0918]

Not a cd issue with my wife I'm in the closet,but with other domestic issues my wife always wants to play the victim,when in reality she has an addiction of sorts and does not want to accept it. In my household all her mess ups are caused by me,and if I throw me dressing femme into the mix ? Category 5. Basically everything is our fault

[Tracii G]

I feel you Jennifer my first ex was like that. I needed something from the hardware store so she decided to stop at the grocery as well.
At the grocery she backs into another car then blamed me because I needed a part to fix a faucet.
Her reasoning was if I didn't need the part she wouldn't have been driving which in turn she wouldn't have been at the grocery and hit that car.
I said well you should have been watching where you were going backing out of the parking spot !!
That was the wrong thing to say apparently because that started a huge fight that lasted for days.

[jennifer0918]

Yes Tracii that's what I mean,she does so much bs that hits both of financially and at the end she states it's my fault because I don't agree with her
She feels she can do no wrong and in many occasions she has stated,because she is a woman she can do no wrong and that it's me always trying to mess things up. So confusing I'm even getting pissed as I'm writing this,ok well sorry if I got off subject.