Confidence is the key to acceptance.

[Miss Mandy]

Hello beautiful people

I am now on my 13th month of MTF HRT. As time progresses, I feel better and better about being out in the real world as my true self. I estimate that I have had hundreds of interactions with people and I would say that the vast, vast majority have been very positive. I am not blind to the fact that due to my build, I am read almost immediately. But, guess what, I don't care anymore:))) If people can't accept me, then by my confidence and friendliness, I make it their problem, not mine. I am consistent in the way in which I conduct my self in public as a women. I speak to everyone that I can, I always try to have a pleasant look on my face. Most importantly, I avoid awkwardness and always try to look like I am exactly where I belong.

I live in a very politically and socially conservative area. However, I think people even in this area are trying to show that they can at least allow me to exist in their space. Some tolerate but others go much further in their support and gratitude. I will end on this: I was in the sporting goods section of a local store looking at hunting equipment:))). I was dressed well and my makeup was conservative but adequate. I turn a corner and lo and behold, a big, bubba of a man in hunting camo and football cap stops what he is doing, looks at me in a very normal way, and says "how are you this morning ma'am?" He was on his cell phone and as I walked away and turned down the next aisle, I listened for laughs, jokes, and what have you....yet there were none. We met again a little later and he was almost deferential (perhaps as he would be to any other women.) My sense was that he was not a creeper or on the prowl for a tranny fantasy. He seemed genuinely gentlemanly. Needless to say, this made my confidence go through the roof...moreover, this is becoming a frequent occurrence...what to make of all of this?

Hugs,

Mandy

[Venessa_48]

Mandy
I'm so happy for you! Even happier that ppl around you are accepting you. It would nice if we all had that in our lives.
You go girl!!!
V

[Persephone]

It sounds like you are doing great, Mandy! Congratulations on your transition and on your continued success!
I completely agree with you, presentation, mental attitude, and confidence are the most important elements of a successful transition.
As to conservative areas, I spend most of my time in such places and except for a few folks, the conservative view of life is individual freedom, "Live and let live." The notion that all conservatives are "haters," etc. is nothing more than left wing marketing crap.
Continue to smile and to enjoy !ife!
Hugs, Persephone.

[Starling]

...I spend most of my time in such places and except for a few folks, the conservative view of life is individual freedom, "Live and let live." The notion that all conservatives are "haters," etc. is nothing more than left wing marketing crap...

There are good people everywhere, of course, but the laws in most "such places" are repressive and discriminatory. There's no need to gratuitously slam the people who are working the hardest to change those laws.

:) Lallie

[Miss Mandy]

Ladies, I think we might be veering from the intent of my post:)))

[Starling]

...As time progresses, I feel better and better about being out in the real world as my true self...If people can't accept me, then by my confidence and friendliness, I make it their problem, not mine...

Amen to that. And if you're like me, you feel more confident and powerful when you are presenting your true self to the world--stronger than when you are hiding it.

:) Lallie



Ladies, I think we might be veering from the intent of my post:)))

I'm sorry, Mandy. A tender button got pushed.

:) Lallie

[samantha rogers]

You enunciate my experience exactly, Mandy. I'm long past any insecurities anywhere I go. I'm just me and though I'm sure many people know I'm trans, since I'm confidant and friendly I treated that way in return. As a good friend once said in a Ted Talk.... just own it.

[Heidi Stevens]

You have found the key component to personal happiness my dear! Once I gained my confidence and knew who I was, the rest was a piece of cake. Being in an area of the country like we are doesn't help you gain that confidence as fast as say San Francisco or NYC. I think it actually helps us. Once You gain the confidence to confront and thrive in this environment, you can do it all! Congratulations, hun!

[Jeri Ann]

You enunciate my experience exactly, Mandy. I'm long past any insecurities anywhere I go. I'm just me and though I'm sure many people know I'm trans, since I'm confidant and friendly I treated that way in return. As a good friend once said in a Ted Talk.... just own it.

This is it exactly. Once I decided that this was my life and my future, things changed. I just accept that I am a trans woman. Sometimes I pass, sometimes people are not sure and other times they know. It is all ok. Living authentically with confidence is liberating. I have only positive experiences.

[Ceera]

Absolutely! My daughter has commented more than once that a large part of how well I am accepted as a 'normal female' in public situations, such as in restaurants or mall shopping for feminine items while en-femme, has to do with how confident and comfortable I am in being in such situation as a woman. I don't look or act like I don't belong there, and people tend not to question my presentation. Do some read me? Of course they do! But even those few tend to consistently address me as a female, or at least they ask which pronouns they should use or addressing me, and treat me with respect.

[Anne Elizabeth]

I decided a few years ago that if I were to be a woman and present as myself then I needed to live it, be it and walk confidently with my head held up and be one. It makes everything work better. Scared to pieces in the inside. Cool, calm and confident in the outside.

[MssHyde]

Mandy

I think you look great.. i have been on hrt since jan 2017 it makes me happier some how.. people seem to like me better. maybe I smile more..

I wish you the best in life

Randi a.k.a. Cheyenne

[Rhonda Jean]

First of all Mandy, you ought to be confident! I mean... damn! But, to your point about what confidence and a don't care attitude does, I'll speak to that from the point of view of an observer. Even when this pertains to something less than full presentation, like the male make-up artists most of us have seen who spend every day completely made up. It takes a lot of courage at first, then courage becomes confidence. Most people respect courage and confidence. That in itself is attractive, and sexy.

Personally, the thing that kills my courage and confidence is the fear of being seen by someone I know. I still have a male life to protect. I admire those who live their lives without apparent concern. I'll never get there. I'm pretty resolved to the fact that I've maintained a male life and a female life for decades, and that's been wonderful in it's own way.

[Starling]

...Personally, the thing that kills my courage and confidence is the fear of being seen by someone I know...

That's a natural fear, of course. But it's been my experience, apparently shared by many others here, that acquaintances don't recognize me at all. Of course the possibility of discovery is always there, and we take a calculated risk each time we venture out.

You have a deep interest in preserving your male life, and so I hope you can continue to balance your desire to go out with your need for personal privacy. As for me, though I would prefer to control the circumstances, I don't really care if someone does "make" me. After a moment of surprise, it's one less person I have to come out to as trans. And I'll learn plenty about them in that moment, too!

:) Lallie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

As a transsexual person, the whole point for me was to be seen by someone i know...by EVERYONE i know.. for who i am

There was zero possibility of anything wonderful in my life ever again once i got to that stage..

in its own way, that feeling gave me tons of confidence...when you have no choice sometimes you can lift a car

[Starling]

Kaitlyn, that's the most crazy-freeing state of mind there is, and you expressed it beautifully.

:) Lallie

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah in going through the TG stages, at first there is a lot of fear, a lot of "am I passing?" concerns, and all that. It can take some time to work through.
Thing is about triggers of negative emotions, sooner or later they lose their ability to trigger. The ignitors might be there but the fuel has run out.

You really get to the point where you just do not even think about what others might think. Even if someone does laugh, it doesn't really bother you more than that very moment (no one enjoys being laughed at for any reason though). Contrast that to when we first start and if someone laughed, we wanted to run and hide. That turns into, "Well they are rude but I am not gonna try to run in these heels".

I think the only negative side to that though is "going out and being yourself" gets pretty boring.

To be honest I think it could be debated "Is it really confidence or just not giving a rat's butt what anyone thinks?" Either way, we just get to a point where we live a normal life.

What about the fact that some people do not understand and act like it is some big deal that they saw one of us? It is about as silly as watching a group of fats kids getting excited about the ice cream truck. You just shake your head and sigh.

And that whole "Am I passing" thing, here is what a TS friend once told me, she goes, "I know I do not pass anyways so I figure I might as well dress how I want". I mean yeah, if wearing boring flats, slacks, and some boring Stein-Mart blouse won't help, then why not dress as you want?

A side note about dressing to pass - Some say to wear long sleeves to hide the arms. Alright, what if it is hot and gross out? THEN what? Shoot, a few of my blouses do not even have sleeves. Darn right these deltoids know what a military press is.

[karenpayneoregon]

I'm in two groups to support those who are on a journey to transition with or without surgery where I stress that confidence in one's self coupled with proper attire and making a decent effort at a feminine voice will take them along way. If you remove the critical aspect of confidence the other parts will not fall into place as they should.

Miss Mandy, I think it's important having post like this to guide others along on their journey!!!

[docrobbysherry]

[If people can't accept me, then by my confidence and friendliness, I make it their problem, not mine.]

That doesn't sound like "acceptance" to me, Mandy. More like, "If they don't like me? Tough toasties!"

I have the greatest respect for dressers/trans that go out as they wish to present come hell or high water. But, some of us that can't pass on a moonless nite in a blackout, don't have the character or desire it takes to sluff off all the slings and arrows in vanilla land. I find it stressful and nerve wracking!:sad:

[Teresa]

Mandy,
What to make of all this ?

You summed it up yourself in your second paragraph , as some wold say you went out and owned it , I'm not sure exactly what that means but the important point is you were just you ! I feel people pick up on your confidence , and relate to it in a positive way OK you may be having a slight panic attack inside .
I know that feeling when I sat in a very quiet lounge area of the hotel where our group meets having a cup of tea , when I got up to leave the bar area behind me was full with people having meals , I had to walk through this so it was a case of a deep breath and a confident smile . Of course people look but for various reasons some do a double take , others not too sure because it may be the the first time they have seen a CDer , so they will check you over but not always for bad reasons . Not once have I had a comment or outright laughter those few moments are a very precious time I've done it again since and will continue to do it .

[Nikki A.]

Mandy good for you. You look fantastic and no wonder you do well. I have to agree in that confidence in ourselves is the key to acceptance (or at least tolerance)

[Pat]

I'm thinking confidence is key but there's a second step past confidence that I'd almost call forgetting. When I first went full-time gender used to be front and center in my mind. As I approached a group of people, even though I had confidence that I had every right to be who I was, where I was, I would still have an internal monologue going based largely on my being very aware that I was a transgender person. My life really didn't drop into the slot until I stopped thinking about it. I remember coming home one day and opening up the browser to come to this site and realizing I had gone the whole day (up to then) without thinking about gender once. Since it wasn't a question in my mind, I think I didn't allow it to be a question in anyone else's either -- I was task-focused on what needed to be done and self-unaware. I think it's kind of like what cisgender people experience -- they never ask who/what they are, they just are. And we can do that too. :2c: Probably old news to some folks here, but it was a discovery for me.