4 month purge

[Staci Roberts]

After a four month complete purge, I just slipped on a pair of black tights, orange lace panites, a black camisole and painted my nails...and wow.
I am really trying to get my dressing under control, I honestly do not remember going for four months without it...
Gotta continue to work on a way to control "it" as opposed to the opposite. For now, I guess I will just enjoy the state that I am in?!?!

[Micki_Finn]

You sound quite conflicted. You may wanna consider a therapist to talk to?

[Stacy Darling]

Enjoy the state in which you are in Staci!

If we can all enjoy the state in which we are, we are a happy world!

Now that Orange and Black sounds Pretty / Powerful though!
Stacy!

[Staci Roberts]

You sound quite conflicted. You may wanna consider a therapist to talk to?


Fully aware that dressing can be an addictive behavior. At least it is in my textbook "type A", driver personality. Dressing has been a stress reliever almost my entire adolescent/adult life.
Therapist: "Find the cause(s) of the anxiety, deal wth it, and the behavior will subside over time".
I do agree with this, but I also enjoy dressing occasionally...So I guess there is some conflict?!? ;)

[Pat]

Therapist: "Find the cause(s) of the anxiety, deal wth it, and the behavior will subside over time".

Actually, it subsides almost instantly. Once I finally decided to stop crossdressing (i.e. putting on men's clothes) I never, ever felt the need to do it again. ;)

[Tracy Irving]

If that is what you are wearing it seems like you have it "under" control.

I have been wearing panties full time since the 1990's. Nothing wrong with that!

[Fiona123]

A therapist is a good idea. Staci, you might end up accepting your dressing not trying to control it.

[Lisa Roberts]

Stacii - I personally believe that if you have a therapist that tells you you can be fixed, or this will go away, they're full of crap. How many of us, countless thousands have tried to stop and we can't? Please find yourself a therapist who can help guide you through this maze of emotions and help you find your true self. I've been a cross dresser since I was five and I am still in a world of turmoil and conflict because I cannot truly be the person that I know that I am.
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[Piora]

"Veteran" crossdressers usually agree.....purging is never an answer. It's best just to put everything in a box and stash them away somewhere. Like in the attic, or garage or a corner of the basement. Just out of sight and mind. In my years on this site, I don't think I've seen anyone not regret getting rid of everything, not to mention the expense. Staci, you are who you are. You can't 'erase' the feelings. Most of us have the desire to dress....for myself, I am driven to do so. We all experience feelings of guilt from time to time, and I know that I am no exception.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Just curious;
. why did yo feel the need to purge ?
. What do you mean by controlling it ?
. You have not posted about family, does your purge have to do with any friends or relatives ?
. Describe your feelings leading up to your purge .

[Janine cd]

I agree with Piora, purging does not end the desire. It may be months or years before the desire returns, but it's sure to be there. I have been dressing for more than 65 years and have purged at least six times. Each time I returned to my former dressing habits and only regretted having lost my beautiful outfits.

[jennifer0918]

I'm going on 5 months without dressing but next month its on,today I was trying on my outfit wore some pumps and tried on my wigs so I can't wait.

[Staci Roberts]

Just curious;
. why did yo feel the need to purge ?
. What do you mean by controlling it ?
. You have not posted about family, does your purge have to do with any friends or relatives ?
. Describe your feelings leading up to your purge .

The actual behavior of dressing...follow me here...like a drink at a bar, is not the issue. Whether or not the behavior of dressing, or the "need to", like having to "have a drink" is. Frequency and what behavior is in control is of most interest to me. Face it, turning to dressing when things get heavy is a reactive behavior.
I believe purging, in my case, is a statement of taking back control. If the behavior is preventing me from fulfilling other parts and responsibilities of my life, then it is an issue that needs to be dealt with if one choose to do so.

[GretchenM]

Staci,

I agree with your comments regarding whether the crossdressing interferes with your having a fulfilling life. In that sense, it is basically an addiction and the course of action you describe would seem to be appropriate. And perhaps that is the case with you. But I also think you need to consider the possibility that it is not an addictive behavior that is a method to relieve stress. Perhaps it just looks that way or is interpreted that way. Are you sure the dressing is not an expression of a deeper need that requires attention? I am sure you understand, that for many of us dressing may be a stress reliever, but it is also an actual need because of the way many of us are configured. Crossdressing can have many causes and sometimes there is more than one cause at work at a time. Clearly, it is a good experiment to try to control it and maybe that will work for you, but if the desire comes back, even during stress, that may not necessarily mean that the control effort failed. It might mean there is something else causing that need. Just something for you to think about.

Gretchen

[Lana Mae]

Staci. I think you need a gender therapist who knows what they are doing! You seem to have some issues that need straightened out! Wishing you all the best! Hugs Lana Mae

[Staci Roberts]

Staci,

I agree with your comments regarding whether the crossdressing interferes with your having a fulfilling life. In that sense, it is basically an addiction and the course of action you describe would seem to be appropriate. And perhaps that is the case with you. But I also think you need to consider the possibility that it is not an addictive behavior that is a method to relieve stress. Perhaps it just looks that way or is interpreted that way. Are you sure the dressing is not an expression of a deeper need that requires attention? I am sure you understand, that for many of us dressing may be a stress reliever, but it is also an actual need because of the way many of us are configured. Crossdressing can have many causes and sometimes there is more than one cause at work at a time. Clearly, it is a good experiment to try to control it and maybe that will work for you, but if the desire comes back, even during stress, that may not necessarily mean that the control effort failed. It might mean there is something else causing that need. Just something for you to think about.

Gretchen

Yes, I agree with what you state. In my case, and I can only speak for me, it is a total anxiety release. I have attended CD meetings and gatherings with others, and quite frankly, found absolutely no common ground with the attendees present. It was quite evident that the needs and desires of those at the gatherings were different than what I experience. Again, this is not a knock, judgement or a dig on any of those I met and conversed with. All very nice folks, but, in my opinion, seemed to be on a different path.
To restate my original claim, I am not denying that i occasionally enjoy dressing, but when I am home knowing that my attic is full of goodies and that is I all can concentrate on, I am recognizing there is a much deeper, non-gender related addictive/behavior issue at work.

[Nastasha]

I purged twice and regret both times more than I can say. Anyone remember Gitano panties back in the 80's? I spent hours in stores and entire paychecks from my summer and after school job when I was in HS buying every pattern they had. Had the urge to purge when i was a senior and ... still kick myself regularly for it 27 years later. 2nd purge was right before I got married and before I told my wife about my dressing, didn't lose as much that time but was still an expensive guilt trip.
In the end - I borrow from Sheryl Crow "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" Do what feels right to you, period end of story.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Staci :daydreaming:, Crossdressing is like the Mafia , You just can't quit. >Orchid

[happy2cd]

Staci-Good luck. I have purged and resupplied-always with more clothes than before. I have tried not to dress, but the siren song always pulls me back. I creates friction in my life, but I have vowed never to purge again, but to try to dress in moderation, until I can do it more often/openly.

I have come to accept that I can never stop dressing if I want to be happy.

[Kayliedaskope]

DO.
NOT.
PURGE.

Purging is probably one of the most expensive things you will do as a crossdresser, and as many others here have said, you WILL regret it later. There are many stories that carry the theme of, "I wish I hadn't gotten rid of that", which are as numerous as our reasons for dressing up in the first place. In case you missed it the first time, I'm going to say it again:

DO.
NOT.
PURGE.

Instead, go get some storage boxes and pack your pretty things away. Put them in the garage, the attic, rent a storage locker, but do not purge!!! Keep a treasured piece that you absolutely cannot live without and keep it nearby in a safe place. Maybe it's a favorite dress, skirt, top, stockings, lingerie ... whatever - keep that one piece out. When you start feeling the pink fog rolling in (and you will), go get that piece and hold it. Rub it against your cheek. Hang onto it until the pink fog subsides. Wear it if you absolutely will just DIE if you don't feel it against your skin again.

I'm not going to say this is a cure-all for wanting to dress when you can't - that urge never goes away - but maybe it will help to at least remember that all the beautiful things you purchased are not gone forever, just tucked away for a while until your situation changes.

[LeannS]

Stacy it seems like you have it all figured out
and your not listening to anyone or taking anyone's advice

good luck

Leann

[JeanTG]

I think most gals here will agree... purging never works. I've had to "purge" recently due to some marital difficulties revolving around non-acceptance of my dressing. But in my case, in recent years, when I've had to step back, purging means putting everything in an old suitcase (well, it's up to TWO old suitcases now), hauling them up into the attic, and putting them in a hard-to-get-to spot. So if I want to break the fast, I have to really NEED to, especially if it's 20 below out and I have to go up into the unheated attic.

That said I can see where the OP is coming from. This, umm, hobby, can quickly turn into an obsession, and an obsession is the very opposite of freedom. It becomes a dependency. Stepping back from time to time and regaining control isn't a bad thing IMHO. Just don't purge. It won't work. It will just be murder on your bank account as you try to rebuild the lost stash, and you'll mourn this or that favourite article that likely (given women's fashions) will never be available again. If you really REALLY must purge, just make it hard to get at your stuff like I did: attic, rental storage unit somewhere in the boonies, whatever.

Instead what I do when I'm in a "step back" mode is wear panties 24/7, something my wife does tolerate; I also use clear nail polish, maybe subtly work on my eyebrows a bit, and use female-scented antiperspirant.

[Aunt Kelly]

First of all, do consider heeding all the "don't purge" advice. It is sound. Purging is not "control". It is denial.
Being TG is not an illness that can be cured, nor is it an addfiction that must be controlled.
You say that dressing is reactive, a stress reliever. You might want to consider having a harder look at the source of your stress. It may be that it is the suppression of who you are that is the root of it, that your assertion of "control" is illusory and actually making things worse. Yes, it is absolutely true that being TG presents its own complications, but those do not disappear with the clothes. In the long run, you may find yourself healthier, happier, and less stressed by accepting who you are.

Hugs,

Kelly

[alwayshave]

Staci, I don't know what caused you to purge, but its never the answer. There is nothing wrong with wearing women's clothes. It's not a crime.