Oh Hum, wife of 35 years still not happy!

[Judy-Somthing]

Well back in December of 2015 I was OD-ing on the Pink-Fog and found this site!
Of course this site gave me some self respect and my dressing got "out of control"

I decided to tell my wife that I had dressed on occasions other than the dressing I did on Halloween!
Well it didn't go well. Then a year later 1/2017 I told her " I had some woman's clothes and had dressed a bunch more times.
Well she freaked, and said she would never had married me , she knew before we got married that I had dressed a bunch of times but I guess she didn't think of it as cross-dressing!

After that things seem to go back to normal, I stopped dressing (seven months now) and now I find out she's been looking for "Stuff"!
Seven months ago when she freaked out I Purge most of my STUFF and left nothing at home.
Well she found three yards of RED fabric I had and said "she found my fabric for making a dress"

Now I'm on the S_ _t list again and she says she doesn't love me!

I think she's trying to hurt me by saying that because she still cooking for me and making me lunches.

I consider myself a good person, I wish she could see that!
Oh Hum, wife of 35 years still not happy!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Judy :hugs:, I wish things would get better for you but I am not holding my breath waiting,

It sounds like she has already made up her mind. I wish you luck as it sounds like you are going to need it.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Jaylyn]

Judy I feel sorry for you as wives can be a pian sometimes. Mine used to help me dress, she even bought Jaylyn things to wear. When we both hit our mid sixties she made a huge change about the dressing. Now it's more a DADT. I'm thinking maybe something in the wiring of them that causes these things to happen.
I do hope things get better for you soon though.

[RenneB]

After 20 years, I came close to opening up to the SO.... right after I left my 4" heel knee high boots on the bedspread. She came home after I had a day of living in the comfy clothes. I thought I had put everything away but forgot about the boots. I was just about to spill the beans when she said, well I hope these aren't yours.... I knew then that she was going to have nothing to do with it. Told her, I'm giving the boot to goodwill and that was it.

So for now, it's everything in boxes hidden until the SO is out of the house and then I get to be me..... One of these days it's going to come out... As they say, it's not if but when..

Hope everything gets better......

Renne......

[Tracii G]

She is just an intolerant, inconsistent,hateful woman.
Sorry you have to put up with her.

[Sara Jessica]

^^^ As true as that MIGHT be Tracii, you cannot fault a woman for feeling this way.

Judy, after reading the same story from you repeatedly, you need to answer a question.

Is this how you are prepared to spend the rest of your days?!?!

Seems simple, yet so difficult. Put up and shut up? Call her bluff? Gosh knows I wouldn't know what to do but the fact of the matter is that she is unlikely to have the ability to change. Do you?

[Tracii G]

Sara I never said anything about faulting her for how she feels.
She is being mean and hateful to her husband and telling him things to hurt his feelings.
I'll not comment any further.

[jennifer0918]

Wow Judy if I was in your shoes I will be like cool I'm out!you don't love me cool I will rather have you hate me it lasts longer. How can you be on her s**t list if your not doing nothing wrong,your not cheating with another woman, your not on drugs or a drunk so what's the big deal? Wish you lots of luck with your life

[LelaK]

Not much fun there.

[Gillian Gigs]

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results! Something has to change, or it will get more insane! Start with a Therapist, If she will not go then you go and let her know that she is unwilling to help the marriage.

[docrobbysherry]

How many wives r happy after 35 years of marriage, Judy? I think u both deserve some sort of award!:thumbsup:

Mine couldn't even do 10----:straightface:

[Teresa]

Judy,
After so many threads similar to this why don't you just realise you're not going to win.

I am separating because the damage is done , there is no going back, the comments etc. are never going to stop even if you never wear a single item of female clothing again .

As Sara says it's come to the point of put up or shut up ! As suggested sometime ago you should have found a social group to dress safely in comfort with others, that would give you the strength to decide how you want to progress.

At the moment you are still going round in this vicious circle which only you can break out of.

OK go have a dress made with the red material and wear it in front of her , it's coming to that point of making a stand !

[jennifer0918]

Take a stand!I agree with Teresa 100%.
Sweetie this marriage is over,and that is true even if you completely purge and go cold turkey,there will be a day when she will make a silly comment. Have a red dress made nice pair of heels and start on this new journey. Good luck doll face xoxo

[Stephanie47]

Now I'm on the S_ _t list again and she says she doesn't love me!.


Judy, if your wife says she doesn't love you it is time to reevaluate your marriage. What's life going to be like when you retire? I know for sure St. Peter's is going to allow you to enter those pearly gates without going through purgatory first. You're already doing time for no crime.

She does not love you!
She would not have married you if she knew you are a cross dresser.
She is scouring the house looking for signs of cross dressing.

I've said it before. Somebody on this thread has said it already. Your wife will never forget you wore women's clothing. I do not think any wife will forget that sort of self admission. Mine hasn't. However, she has not said a single word about it since the early 1980's. Oh, once I left a pair of white panties out. Another time a bra. She folded them up, placed them on top of the dryer and told me where they were on both occasions. Once she found my water filled balloons, AKA falsies in the kitchen sink. No outbursts. No snippy remarks. No glances of disapproval. Yes, half the marriages end in divorce, and, probably many more should have ended in divorce.

I get the feeling from your comments that you and your wife really do not have anything in common. Perhaps, my wife got over my cross dressing because she weighed the pluses and minuses on the scale of life. Heck, I think she realized if all she can find wrong with me is a fondness to wear women's clothing sometimes, forget it.

I will lay it on the line: YOUR WIFE IS A MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSER. Judy, you need to realize that and seek therapy. Not to save your marriage! Therapy to realize the abuse and get out from under it. It's that simple. And, don't pull the age old crap of she'll get half of everything we have. That may be the case, but, you'll get 100% of your sanity back.

I will pray for you tonight.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I think you need to buy her a seriously expensive dress.

[alwayshave]

Judy, my ex-wife was a manipulator, and would use statements like you received to elicit the response she wanted. She still did things for me as marriage is as much an economic union as a loving one.

[jessica33]

How about this marriage vow : for better , for worse . She only loves you when she has her way ? . You can tell her you don't love her anymore because she does not have the youthful looks and she has put on more weight over the years . Had you known she is going to looks like this 35 years later you would not have marry her in the first place . Two can play the same game .

[Lisa Roberts]

Judy- my heart goes out to you. I'm just short of 38 years together and the relationship is severely strained due to my "affliction". Yes she still cooks and other minor duties but the love is gone. Do I stay or do I go. There are a lot of us in the same situation. I didn't ask to be a Crossdresser, but I am. I'm at an age where I'm going to take care of myself first. No easy answers. My best to you.
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[Bobbi46]

Nikki is wrong, buying a dress for will not heal this rift, one she says she does not love you any more that is the biggy. I agree with the others this is on a downward slope. Stop hiding things, stop getting rid of things and make a stand for yourself.

[Tina_gm]

Sarah is correct in that we cannot fault a wife for not liking it, wanting it or her inability or simply refusal to accept it. But how she responds to it is unacceptable. If my wife, who likely has a similar feeling of dislike to it all was to act out with such hatred, and state she didn't love me I would be headed to my lawyer. For me there's no reason to put any time and effort into such a failed marriage. I would still love my wife and it would break my heart to divorce her, but I would given the circumstance you speak of.

I would during this process give a hail Mary to try to work it out, but that would not mean me giving up being who I am. Or quitting entirely. I wouldn't have any high expectations, and I wouldn't settle for an unloving truce either.

We all need to do what we feel is best for ourselves, and just if that means for you staying in this emotionally abusive relationship, then I guess for your sake. Learning coping mechanisms for it would be advice, but only for you to hang on to your sanity if only by a thread. To me life is too short, and getting shorter by the day to be surrounded by hate.

Best wishes to you.

[Ariana225]

She is just an intolerant, inconsistent,hateful woman.
Sorry you have to put up with her.

I agree with Tracii here. There is a huge difference between a SO respectfully saying they don't like it. They show compassion but have their opinion on it. Those are the kind of SO that you can understand.

But on the other hand there can be SO that are just plain nasty, vindictive, mean, vicious, etc. When you are constantly belittled and made to feel like your scum. Then there is no healthy way that relationship is good for you. It's hard after being in a relationship for 35 years to call it quits. But if she doesn't respect you or puts in any effort to make it better. Is it really a life worth sharing with that person anymore?

[Teresa]

Roberta,
It is very hard to accept separation, I've been married 43 years but we have found an impasse , the happiness for both of us is important , staying together would eventually turn caustic, we are parting as friends not enemies .

I feel Judy realistically will have to go down this road, sadly the way I read it the wife won't do it on friendly terms judging from the comments Judy has made about her behaviour .

[Kayliedaskope]

Doesn't sound like there's a good way out of this one, hon. She's seeing this as "deviant behavior", "insanity", whatever, and not seeing that it is just making you a more complete person. Time to pack the old saddlebags and ride off into the sunset.

[Lydianne]

Judy's SO is making a lot of mistakes. However, cooking for somebody is a very respectful thing to do . . I would find it difficult to gloss over that fact.

Her words clearly say one thing, but her actions are on both sides. It's difficult to read. It's a very complicated situation which might require professional assistance.

[Ariana225]

Roberta,
It is very hard to accept separation, I've been married 43 years but we have found an impasse , the happiness for both of us is important , staying together would eventually turn caustic, we are parting as friends not enemies .

I feel Judy realistically will have to go down this road, sadly the way I read it the wife won't do it on friendly terms judging from the comments Judy has made about her behaviour .

I have only been with my SO for 8 years (out half a year) and it would be devistating to split up. I am thankful that my wife is accepting and becoming more accepting of my dressing every day. I put in extra effort to make sure her needs are met and she is happy.

Relationships have to be taken care of everyday and continue to grow. Once one stops caring and putting in effort then it's eventually doomed imo or one lives unhappy about the situation.

I'm also sorry to hear about your situation. I hope both of you will be happier with the split up.

[Gillian Gigs]

To say I agree with all of the comments is an under statement. You have said in the past that she is the dominant one in the household. She is dominating you with verbal abuse, threats, and other activities, like searching for any female clothing. Tell her as the old expression goes, "some one has to wear the pants in this family" and it is you, so I thought I would then wear the dresses! Her idea of your being submissive is, "yes Dear", now it is time to put up, or shut up! Your choice, don't let her make up your mind for you!

You obviously still want to wear dresses, lots on this site are dressing in a DADT relationship, the difference is that their wife isn't controlling them like your wife is!

[Cherylgyno]

Judy. My wife caught me red dressed (literally) about 1 month after we wed many years ago. I was speechless, my wife did all of the explaining. She asked if I had dressed most of my life. She then answered the question herself.
Every so often she will bring up my cross dressing in an argument. She will then apologize for having done so.
Just my opinion but I think your wife needs to be reminded that you are the same person that you have always been.

[JeanTG]

My wife of 30 years has known about my dressing since well before we were married. It still freaks her out, she still throws it in my face in an argument, and she will never accept it. Even DADT is hard. If I have a tiny slip-up and accidentally leave something out, she freaks. So I've put all my stuff away other than panties which she tolerates, and a couple of nightgowns to wear when she's away. It's been months and I'm craving a good dress-up session. It's not all about me I suppose but still...

[Tracii G]

I have a hard time understanding you just lay down and let her walk all over you .
Talks to you like a dog treats you like crap why don't you stand up and speak up for yourself be a man.
Personally I wouldn't eat a bit of what she cooked just out of spite.

Once I put my foot down and stood up to both of my ex's their whole tone changed.

[Kayliedaskope]

I guess if it totally comes down to it, I'm assuming you two have both your names on the deed to the house. If only you have your name on the deed, it's your house, and she can take her attitude elsewhere. Then again, if it's only HER name, as I stated earlier, pack up and hit the road. Either way, you've got to get away from her abuse.