Waisted opportunity to dress?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

A crossdressing friend and his accepting wife have been staying with us for 10 days and left this morning. During that time R wore a dress nearly every day, usually some jewelry, and seemed very comfortable.

Before they arrived my wife made it clear that I was welcome to dress however I wanted, but despite this I never did more than wear the various female leggings I wear most evenings anyway. My nice safe androgynous look.

The reason I chickened out was, I told myself, because I felt fat and I hate myself in a dress when I feel fat.

But now our friends have gone, I see it for what it was: I just don't want to dress in front of my wife. Although I have her verbal acceptance, I feel that in her heart of hearts she doesn't really feel comfortable with the crossdressing, and perhaps in my heart of hearts, neither do I- at least in front of her.

Not feeling too good about myself today.

[jennifer0918]

Woman always make sure we know what's on their minds,believe me she will let you know what's in her heart of hearts. Sometimes they will speak in code or just make rude comments, but from reading your thread she seems cool and I would communicate to her what's on your mind,and as far as feeling fat in a dress woman come in all shapes and sizes. Be happy wear a dress

[rachael.davis]

Nothing changes when nothing changes - you had your wife's permission to dress, and you bummed around in leggings. If you feel unattractive due to weight you have three options
- stay stuck right exactly where you are
- learn how to dress as a larger woman - there are plenty of shops, and lots of information out there
- hit the salad bars, knock off the ice cream until you're a dress size you want to be.

If you're not feeling good about yourself maybe it's time for some changes

[Julie Slowinski]

Hey Nikki,
I have exactly the same feelings. While I've dressed in front of my wife countless times it's always a little embarrassing. In fact, I always have a hard time getting started when she's home and have missed opportunities for that reason. The more comfortable approach for me is to get into full fem before she gets home and then act all nonchalant when she walks in the door. But, even in that case I don't feel completely at ease.

Now that I've started going out, I suspect I'll do much less dressing in front of her - it's actually much more comfortable for me to be in public than to be with her. I guess it stems from the fact that I know it's hard for her and I probably shouldn't put her through it if I have other outlets.

[Aemilie]

Nikki

When my wife found out about my crossdressing and way after all the crying she became very accepting, encouraging even, but one of the hardest thing's I've ever done is to dress as Millie in front of her for the first time, I was absolutely terrified, couldn't look at myself in the mirror and thought she was letting me be me for the sake of a quiet life, but no she really was interested and keen to see me dressed, she had after all spent a lot of time online with me to pick out the clothes and undies, shoes etc, but I agree totally with what Jennifer said in #2 if your wife didn't want you to dress you'd know all about, do yourself a favour check your hangups at the closet door and go with it, try not to let opportunities to pass you by, this only leads to regrets.

[LeannS]

Nikki sorry to hear you missed out dressing with your friends. I do understand the fat issue but they make things for that and they do help even a shaping cami helps
just my 2 cents

only you can change to the dress size you desire

Leann

[leannejacobs]

I think many of us share some of the feelings mentioned here, my wife knows and encourages me to dress in front of her when time and space allow, however as much as I enjoy dressing and being with her it's not my preferrence, when I'm alone I change my clothes a lot, mix and matching, faff with my hair and strut my stuff from mirror to mirror, when she's about all I do is dress and sit with her, I'm not knocking it, it's great but I like me time better.

[Lana Mae]

Nikki, I know about the "fat" thing! I have been advised NOT to lose weight by my pulmonologist! I have accepted that I am a plus size girl! There are many pretty things for plus size girls! Sooo, either lose it or accept it! Hugs Lana Mae

[Fiona123]

I've struggled with weight my whole life. I know the feeling. About 10-12 years ago I started working out daily. I am somewhat overweight still but much improved.

[Teresa]

Nikki,
This is an interesting comment, I could walk through a room full of people dressed in fact I have but could I do it in front of my wife ? OK in the future there's a good chance it's going to happen by accident . The bottom line is my wife doesn't approve unlike yours so it's possibly the cutting remarks I've lived with for so long that's the problem .

I can see from Julie's reply that she feels the same way .

[Pat]

People have many layers -- it's not unusual for the deep-down layers to change more slowly than the surface layers. You can be fully committed to being out and open and yet in certain situations feel a need to pull back. It's just being human. Note the behavior, forgive yourself if you find it troubling and make a decision you'll do better in the future. And remember there's nothing you're *supposed* to do to live up to the standards of being CD/TG/whatever. Let the term describe you, not define you.

[Julie Slowinski]

however as much as I enjoy dressing and being with her it's not my preferrence, when I'm alone I change my clothes a lot, mix and matching, faff with my hair and strut my stuff from mirror to mirror, when she's about all I do is dress and sit with her, I'm not knocking it, it's great but I like me time better.

When at home, I do a lot of outfit changing as well - kind of irritates my wife. Another reason to get things figured out before she gets home.

[Gillian Gigs]

Sorry, but I am prone to lay this one at your feet. The wife said it was okay to dress as you wished and you choose other wise. I can understand, it is easy to talk one thing, but something totally different when the rubber hits the road. Don't beat yourself up, better luck next time.

[Tracii G]

At least you realize the reasons you didn't dress all out and didn't just make up an excuse.
You are being honest with yourself and thats a healthy thing

[Jessica May]

Hey Nikki,
In fact, I always have a hard time getting started when she's home and have missed opportunities for that reason. The more comfortable approach for me is to get into full fem before she gets home and then act all nonchalant when she walks in the door.

I feel the same way as Julie. In fact the way she stated it actually help me realize how guilty I feel about it sometimes. Its amazing what you learn about yourself when you read the experiences of others. Just remember you wife loves you and open communication is the only way to make a situation better and I will try to remember the same! Thanks Julie!

[Lisa Roberts]

Spot on Julie. Btw.... you look fabulous! So jealous!!
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[Jean. Ann]

I think you need to
discuss this all with your wife . Perhaps even
let her pick the times for you to dress completely .
She is making a real sincere effort to reach
out to you . Trust her to tell you what is
in her heart . Relax and make this a fun thing
for
both of you !

[Deborah2B]

I wish my wife could understand my desires to dress as a woman and possibly accept it in some manner. She has "caught me" several times over the years we have been married. Each time I have purged everything I had in an attempt to make amends. At this time I can only dream of being in your situation. I have dreamed of her accepting this part of me and going along with it, even to the point of us going out together to a movie as "girlfriends". However you should only do what you feel comfortable doing and nothing more. Take one day at a time and then move on. What's done is done. Don't harp on it. Move on in a positive direction.

[Cherylgyno]

Nikki. I fully understand how you feel about dressing when I am fat. Even in male mode I wear my shirt untucked and look like a slob.
I do under dress 24/7/365 and that will never change. Until I lose a lot of weight my outer clothes will remain baggy.

[Maria 60]

I find there are times when my wife accepts everything. Something about having kids and always putting there children first, I sometimes believes she is being polite but then i realize she doesn't usally hold back. I think I feel more embarrassed then she feels, and maybe you have the same situation. My first time fully dressed she came home from work early and I could tell she was a little shocked and I was speechless. She got comfortable with it but it did take time.

[D'Lish]

I've been dating someone for a year now who likes to CD. (Well... he calls it dressing hybrid). He has yet to dress up fully in front of me. I want him too. I've asked to do his makeup or to let him to mine. Trying to let him know I am cool with it. Also, I want him to look his best so he feels his best. I hope he feels comfortable enough around me in the near future to share that side with me. I don't want to push though. From a woman's perspective: I feel like if your wife said it was okay for you to do so... she meant it. I don't think you should beat yourself up or dwell on what you see as a missed opportunity. Maybe you could speak to your wife and tell her how you feel. Perhaps another opportunity will present itself to you. My fingers are crossed for you. I say talk to your wife. She sounds cool and reasonable.

[Trione]

Well I have been hanging out with this single mature lady still working, I am retired and never have made a pass at her, don't want to loose the friendship. Well last week I was helping her pick up a bunch of stuff from the store. The store had a dress display by the door and I told her that a long dress would look good on her, She answered not me but maybe on you. Didn't know what to say, HELP where do I go from here.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Trione- you'd perhaps be more likely to lose her friendship by making a pass at her.

If you have the nerve, I'd suggest saying to her, 'Hey, you remember the other day you suggested that long dress might look good on me? Are you saying that you'd be ok with me doing that in your company?'

I'm guessing she'd say sure.

Thanks to everyone for your replies. I'm all too aware that I missed a golden opportunity, also very aware that feeling fat is a choice, and also that I should trust my wife when she says it's ok to dress.

If only putting all that good advice into practise were easy.

[Krisi]

It's very hard for me to imagine a couple staying at my house for ten days and the man dressing as a woman the entire time but if somehow that were to happen, I would dress as well.

[Kayliedaskope]

Remember, there's also no fashion police handing out citations for "dressing while fat." :p

You are NOT "fat." You are curvy. You are rubenesque. You are pleasantly plump. You are "big boned." You are curvaceous. You are "anorexically challenged." But you are NOT "fat."

[aprilgirl]

Nikki, The biggest takeaway from your original post was not lamenting the missed opportunity, but the revelation that you don't feel comfortable dressing in front of your wife. Have you shared your feelings with your wife since the event? If it's any consolation, I think your wise to consider your wife's feelings. Like you, I have an accepting spouse that understands my need to express this significant part of who I am. While I'm comfortable being en femme in front of her, I never want to push the envelope, and take advantage of the blessed support I receive from her. I believe it's worth addressing with her, if you haven't already. Kim

[Lisa Roberts]

D'Lish----are you a GG ? There is nothing in your profile????
Excellent comments and advice.
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki:hugs:, There is always tomorrow to dress.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Lisa85]

Don't punish yourself, there is more there. I often would like to dress but defer because wife is having issues and dressing increases her stress levels

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Have you shared your feelings with your wife since the event?

No, I haven't. We have a lot on at the moment, but thanks to yours and a number of other members' replies, when I feel the time is right I will do so. As Lisa85 says, I am wary of adding to my wife's existing stress load.

Kayliedaskope: I had/have issues about my weight in male mode as much as in femme. For most of my life I was slim and toned, and I'm still not accepting of being any other shape. I eat really sensibly, barely drink, don't binge, and my weight isn't too bad for my size. My problem is my tummy, and I find exercising really difficult, so progress on that front (hur-hur) is very slow. It would be so easy to just buy bigger clothes, but I feel that would be a cop out.