Etiquette question - What to do when I see a girl in public?

[Lynn Sealy]

When I am out in guy mode and see a gurl, what should I do?

Part of me wants to wants to walk up, compliment her, and tell her she looks beautiful. Mainly as emotional reinforcement.

Another part wants to let her be so she doesn't worry about being read.

I've never been out in public, so don't know.

Thanks,

[Fiona123]

Act like you would with any woman. Smile, be nice, be polite.

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I would not compliment her or acknowledge that she is dressing unless I know her personally and know that she would be ok with that kind of attention. Be respectful.

[jack-ie]

If you feel you absolutely must interact with her, pick out something and use " I would have never noticed if I wasn't a dresser myself and I .................

[Pat]

What should you do? What do you do with any other woman in those circumstances? Do that.

I'm guessing you wouldn't normally approach a strange woman and tell her she's beautiful? Very few guys can carry that off, though I know a few who can. If a strange guy approaches me when I'm out and starts that, my first instinct is "creep" not emotional reinforcement. And I'm well past the novice stage. People who are not used to being out might be triggered into a flight reaction and their day/week/month ruined.

[Tracy Irving]

I would probably act the way I would like to be treated. Say and do nothing about it.

[Lana Mae]

I agree with Tracy, do nothing and say nothing! Note that she is there in your minds eye and move on! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Janine cd]

I agree that the best approach is to do nothing. I had a similar experience recently where a sister was checking out a baby doll niightie in a store and I was standing nearby and observing. I so wished that I could have gone up to her and have made contact, but I decided to let it pass.

[BrendaPDX]

I would be terrified if some guy approached me when out in the wild enfemme. Just smile, possibly the knowing nod, and move along. Brenda

[Krisi]

This question comes up about once a month here.

My advice - Walk on by. Smile or nod if the situation calls for it but just treat her like any other woman you don't know.

Imagine this situation: You walk up to what you think is a crossdresser and say "I see you're a crossdresser, I'm one also." She turns out to be a real woman. How does that make you feel? How does it make her feel?

[Robertacd]

I understand you want to make friends and show your support, but you should treat her no differently than you would treat a GG.

After all isn't that what we all really want?

[Micki_Finn]

If you feel you absolutely must interact with her, pick out something and use " I would have never noticed if I wasn't a dresser myself and I .................

I would avoid this approach because if you’re wrong and it’s a GG that could be all kinds of awkward. I will usually just compliment their outfit or shoes or handbag or whatever.

[DIANEF]

Personally I really would like to be left alone when out and I wouldn't approach anyone else either.

[Leah Love]

Omg...I would be completely mortified if I ever decided to go out and were approached by ANYBODY! I’ve never been outside my house while dressed. The thought sends shivers down my spine.

[Cheryl T]

If I were her and a male approached me to compliment me on my appearance or whatever I would be defensive at first.
If he stated he "read" me because he dressed also I'd be upset that he has essentially outed me as I try my best to blend in with the crowd.

Admire from afar. Should she catch your eye and indicate a willingness to be approached that's different, but otherwise please keep to yourself.

[aprilgirl]

There's been a handful of times I've walked right past a gurl in public without knowing, until my wife alerts me. My response? "Good for her", and have kept walking forward.

[Stephanie47]

Why would anyone want to invade someone else's privacy? There would have to be some valid reason. Just to acknowledge someone is a cross dresser just does not cut it.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
If I were in that situation I would hope they would be more tactful then that !

Lynn,
There are several things to consider here , the first is if she is TS she may not like being approached by another CDer telling her she's beautiful and passes well.

Also as I've found it's not totally obvious what we are , I overheard a conversation between a husband and wife debating if I was a woman or a CDer when I was sitting in a hotel having a cup of tea .

Maybe when you do get out in public you will know how to deal with this situation , luckily I've only had favourable reactions .

[Linda P.]

I think we can all relate/understand the desire to connect with another crossdresser when you have the opportunity. So there is a conflict between that and having respect for their privacy. I think if I were to make eye contact, I would, as others have said, just smile. The fact that you asked for suggestion/advice as to what is the correct thing, indicates that you are a conscientious person who wants to do what's right.

[Kayliedaskope]

If she makes eye contact, smile and nod. If she's interested in making contact after that (Magic 8 Ball says "Not Likely But Possible"), then she will. Even if you really want to tell her she's beautiful, just be respectful. It may be her first time out, she may be uneasy / nervous / terrified already at being out in a public place. Don't add to that feeling. Just smile and nod, and go about your merry way, knowing that you've seen one of us in the wild.

[Nikki A.]

As someone who has been out and about and somewhat comfortable with myself, I have a different outlook on this. A lot depends on how I'm approached, complementary and polite fine. Creepy or obtrusive well then there is a problem.
But then again I am a friendly talker in either mode. I try to pass, but I know that I probably don't, I accept it and just live life. It's funny if a GG cmes up to us we are thrilled but if it a male most of us would turn tail and run.
Then again I neer really had anyone come out and say anything (other than at church which was complementary on my outfit)

[Micki_Finn]

I’ve never had a problem approaching a girl in public and saying “I love your _______. Do you know if it comes in other colors?/Where did you get it?/Who’s it by?” It’s not outing them and they almost always pick up the implication. If they’re not really interested in talking it’s usually pretty obvious by how they respond.

[Jaylyn]

Lynn I would just be polite and ask a very simple question such as you enjoying the weather or something similar. I noticed you are a full timer in the RV. When my wife retires again we have been thinking about that also at least for a month or two. She has looked at those park host things so if you see me you can just come over and we'll visit. I usually don't dress in the RV though... We do want to see all the states though so we might be traveling a bit. I'm working really hard trying to get everything taken care of on the farm and a house remodeled so we can downsize, then it's travel time.
Do you get to dress much in the RV and how does the other campers handle it?

[HollyGreene]

Try going out in public yourself and then ask yourself that question.
Personally I would prefer it if you did nothing. I dress to blend in, but I know that I don't always pass that well, so I wouldn't want anyone bringing attention to me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lynn:hugs:, Just look and enjoy and don't do or say anything.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Allisa]

If you ever see me out and about you can say "hello" but be careful I bite!!!

[Kayliedaskope]

^^-- But not hard, and not often ... :p

[Ressie]

I don't interact with people out and about unless there's a reason no matter where they fall in the spectrum. So I don't talk to CDs that I see in stores etc. Now there may times that I look at someone too long because I'm not sure (GG or TG?) and they will notice that they've been noticed. In that case, I might smile (or look away), so they won't feel uncomfortable.

I did have an encounter with a TG in the grocery store earlier this year where a few words were exchanged. But the encounter wouldn't have been any different if she were a GG or a man. We kind of bumped into each other inadvertently.

Actual etiquette? This might baffle Dear Abbey...

[Nikki A.]

I don't understand, why go out and not want to interact with the world around you. We say we want to be accepted and be perceived as normal and yet we act as scared rabbits if anyone interacts with us?

[Jaymees22]

I think treat others like you would want to be treated works best. So best to do nothing.

[ellbee]

I think the instant you "read" her, this is what you need to do...


Start walking towards her, while staring at her the whole time, and say really loudly (yell, even): "DUDE!"

The further away you are from her, and the more people around, definitely the better. :thumbsup:


Continue approaching her... "DUDE! WHAT'S UP, BRO!"

And closer yet: "HEY, MAN! HOW'S IT GOING?!"


Remember to speak loudly & articulately. Many people should be looking at you two now. :)


Finally, as you get within the appropriate distance, start sticking out your hand for a handshake.

"LONG TIME NO SEE, MAN! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? AND WHY THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS, BUDDY?"



(Yes, I am being sarcastic... :heehee: )

[Teresa]

Nikki,
That's a good question , act like a scared rabbit and get chased down a hole ! I know at times it's not easy , suddenly finding you're in a room full of people , they will naturally turn and look but there's no where to run so it's chin up , confident smile and go for it .

[Stacy Darling]

I'm In the smile as you would boat!

If she is walking a nice dog then say so!
If something comes up it does!

I say that as I think of myself as a normal being which wishes for nothing but a passing smile from a fellow being!
Stacy!

[Ressie]

We say we want to be accepted and be perceived as normal and yet we act as scared rabbits if anyone interacts with us?

Being comfortable with going out en femme won't happen right away. Maybe after a couple hundred outings!

[Kayliedaskope]

I think the instant you "read" her, this is what you need to do...


Start walking towards her, while staring at her the whole time, and say really loudly (yell, even): "DUDE!"

The further away you are from her, and the more people around, definitely the better. :thumbsup:


Continue approaching her... "DUDE! WHAT'S UP, BRO!"


And closer yet: "HEY, MAN! HOW'S IT GOING?!"


Remember to speak loudly & articulately. Many people should be looking at you two now. :)


Finally, as you get within the appropriate distance, start sticking out your hand for a handshake.

"LONG TIME NO SEE, MAN! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? AND WHY THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS, BUDDY?"



(Yes, I am being sarcastic... :heehee: )


Wait - you forgot "HOW THEY HANGING?!"

[Majella St Gerard]

A smile and a nod are good enough. Compliments are nice too.

[CONSUELO]

It very much depends on the particular situation. If it is a chance encounter in public I would think that a smile and perhaps a nod would be the most polite response. To do more might be interpreted as an invasion of their privacy. Whatever you do, avoid embarrassing the person. That would be unforgiveable.