For Those of you who were Outed by an X to friends - How did you respond

[Robbiegirl]

Couldn't you just Deny the accusation or did the X have some proof she could show your friends ?

Did she post pics of you dressed or show off your clothes ?

Did you not want to deny it ?

How exactly did your friends react ? Did anybody ask you if it was true, if so what did they ask ?

Did any friends support you by just saying they didn't care ?

Since so many of us worry about this just trying to understand how these things played out.

Thanks and sorry for bringing up difficult memories

[Gillian Gigs]

If you win, say little, if you lose, say less! Any response only adds fuel to the fire, this is truly a no win situation. The only winning situation that I see is to say yes, I have done it and end the discussion.

[Stacy Darling]

Sorry,

Having coffee with Gillian!

Stacy!

[Teresa]

Robbie,
This is the problem with being in the closet, we can be manipulated ,shamed and made to feel guilty over something we don't have full control over.

I found the best way was to bypass my wife , so I've come out to so many people it would be difficult for my wife to blackmail me in this way .
She's often boasted that if I found another partner she knew how she could put them off me , I told her not to worry she was far from perfect so I could return her favour if she insisted .

[Tracii G]

Just tell everyone my wife said what? and you believed it?
Or Oh she is bat shit crazy every one knows it.
Act like its not a big deal and good chances it wont be.
I had a male friend find out online and he tried everything to out me. I acted like OK go ahead everyone knows I'm a tranny but every one doesn't know about your domestic violence convictions. Never heard anything out of him since.

[aprilgirl]

I've indulged to significant others in the past, and if it was subsequently shared, it never came back to me.

[Jaylyn]

I like Gillian's response. Just keep your mouth shut and your the winner, either way.

[Dana44]

My ex outed me to everyone. Only one person asked me. I did not try to lie. But I said is that an issue. He said time will tell. However my sis won't talk to me. So that was a lose to me. we are close at one time.

[Kayliedaskope]

Jesus, Tracii ....I felt the ice from that one all the way out here in Arizona.

Then again, since he DID stop bothering you after that, it was definitely a win.

[Robbiegirl]

Ok well this isn't sounding so bad ! My worry was that the women who were upset might post pics of the things we wear and in my case pretty Vintage Babydoll nighties and silky slips that todays women won't even wear would certainly bring laughter and lots of questions. Or explaining my cute 70s Tennis dresses with the ruffled panties.

[Micki_Finn]

This doesn’t sound too hypothetical and since you know the person in question better than any of us, you would know better how vindictive she might be and what she might do. It probably all comes down to how mad you made her.

[Leah Love]

My ex outed me to her entire family along with most of mine and anybody else that would listen. Funny thing though...only my step sister asked me about it. I didn’t deny it. I told her I enjoyed it and meant to stay private. We talked about it and its never been an issue.

My ex outed me to her 15 yo son the day she moved out...that one bothered me. I asked to keep the bedroom furniture and it pissed her off. She yelled at me “sure, you can have all the gay sex on that you want”.

She did stop just short of telling my kids though. When my daughter asked what was in that trunk, she responded with “your daddy’s special clothes”.

[Kayliedaskope]

Wow, Leah ... glad you got that witch out of your life.

[sometimes_miss]

Thinking that my ex was certainly going to out me, I preemptively told my mother and sister about my crossdressing. Didn't go well. Some people are simply set in their ways, and crossdressing is seen as completely unacceptable by both of them. Mom denies it exists, sis barely talks to me anymore, and never initiates contact. I'm now the black sheep of the family.

[Jillian Faith]

My ex outed me to her entire family (mom, sister and brother-in-law) during a nasty divorce 20 years ago. To this day it's been a non issue in fact her sister and brother-in-law are closer to me than my ex.

[Kathrine]

When my ex and I separated she told everyone I was a cross dresser. I was totally in the closet only the ex knew.

I soon realized the people l care about didn't care and I could care less about what other people think.

I am much more open about cding now, I go out in public and openly shop for myself. For me it sort of worked out for the best.

Good luck with your situation.

[nvlady]

I'm pretty sure my ex outed me at work. I'm not absolutely sure because the people at work like me so nobody said anything.

[digitallonestar]

my ex outed me to my freinds, joke was on her though because they all knew way before she did, so it backfired in her face.

[jack-ie]

I'm pretty sure my ex outed me at work. I'm not absolutely sure because the people at work like me so nobody said anything.

A similar thing happened to me only mine sent a few pictures. Nothing major came of it. The only incident even slightly negative was that one of the office gals left a "Woman Within" catalog in my mail box. By per chance, I happened to see her do it, A couple of others discreetly let me know that they knew but without any negativity at all. None of the men I worked with ever acknowledged it in any way. I just went about my business as usual and completely ignored it.

[Cherylgyno]

Robbie. My 1st g/f outted me to a different girl after she broke up with me. The other GG thought it was really cool.
A g/f that was a daughter of a friend of my mom caught me. She fled from my apartment straight to my mom's house. She told my mom that I was wearing women's clothing. My mom told her that I had been doing it since I was 6 year's old.
When I was dating my wife to be I kept all of my clothes in a storage locker. My thinking was if it didn't work I had my wardrobe in storage. If everything went well and I married her (here's the naivety surfacing) I would quit. My wife caught me one month after we wed. My wife told her sister. No problem.
At work many years ago a guy was outted for wearing panties. Many of the people shunned him. I tried to talk to him explaining that everything was okay but he wouldn't listen. He quit, never saw him again.
In this day and age I don't think that it's a problem.

[SaraLin]

Some people acted "weird" around me for a while, until they saw that I was still the same me.
Some people 'fell out' of my life. I just let them.
A couple made comments like "Your ex is telling everyone..." I'd just shrug and say nothing.
One or two said "she's saying ... I don't know if it's true, and don't want to know." Again, I just left it alone.
I can't remember anyone actually outright asking me if it was true. So - I didn't bother to tell anyone that it was.

I don't know if anyone believed her, but all knew her as a serial cheater (I was the last to find out - of course), so I'm guessing they didn't put too much stock in her claims.

If anyone had flat-out asked, at that point I would have said "yes."

[AlissaMurray]

I was outed by a pissed off Ex. Issue was, many of the people she told already had an idea and either did not care or had no plans on saying a word to me. Like my mother, several of my Ex's have told her through the years as if she didn't already know (as moms do). To this day my Mom has said very little to me about it as being as I am in my 50s and she is in her 70s I doubt she ever will. We have spoken a little about it in a round about way when I was concerned about my Father finding out, she just told me not to worry about it. What I have found is the reality is most people really could care less. Oh you will have the occasional person who has issues with it but for the most part it isn't as big of a deal as we make it out to be in out heads.

[Patrica Gil]

My ex not only told everyone I crossdressed, but also that I am gay. Frankly I don't even think about it. A friend is a friend no matter what. Those who shun me just show their true colors so life is even better. My children love me. Oddly they do not even talk to their mother. Guess you could say " who has the real problem."

[Robbiegirl]

thanks for all the responses, it sounds like you are all handling it well.

I wonder if any Xs have ever accused guys of wearing their clothes knowing most people would believe her ?

[Bailee]

Ex outed me to a couple who had been our best friends. She didn't care, he revealed to me he liked to under-dress, both thought the ex was being petty and vindictive.

[ShelbyDawn]

Keep moving forward and keep your mouth shut. My actions speak much louder than anything she can say about me. She did have a friend of hers email my girlfriend a very slanderous, mean spirited letter. My girlfriend showed it to me which led to a very nice talk about dressing in general, my dressing in particular and the various abuses I suffered in my marriage and the like. If we hadn’t both had very established lives and lived 100 miles apart, I might have become one of the lucky ones with a supportive spouse. I’be done my best to never speak I’ll of my ex and am convinced that her actions did her more harm than they did me.

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was in my late teens all my friends, family, and some other people knew and it never was an issue!
I think most people don't care but it just takes that one A-hole to put you down! So we stay in the closet!
A person I worked with a few years ago threatened to beat me with a hammer when I was defending Cross-Dressing.

[Patrica Gil]

Really don't worry about it. What does it matter as they don't pay for my nylons.

[Michelle Girl]

Judy,

The threat made to you for simply defending crossdressing is shocking.

[Vale]

My ex outed me to our friends. A few stepped away from me, other didn’t care. It was just another brick in the wall between us.

[Fiona123]

I hope that if I I am ever outed that I would, or could own it. I would try to turn it into something positive.

[CarlaWestin]

My ex figured it was her most cherished tool in our divorce.

Karma took care of that!