Would you spoil your big day ?

[Teresa]

I was going to start by apologising because I've been banging on about my pending separation for some weeks now, but I have a question to ask members if they were in the same situation.

As far as my wife and I parting we are doing so amicably , so please don't worry about me needing consoling , I'm sure we are both going to be happier with the situation.

At the moment it remains a DADT situation , I am still dressing but not as much, well at least not trying to take advantage of everytime she walks out the door. What I'm trying to avoid in these few weeks is being caught out and it causing an argument and a negative situation. This is while I'm having to wait while my current house sells and I finally move into my new home , I have to admit each day feels like a week .

When I do dress now I really do pass into a comfort zone from where I truly don't want to step back from.The wonderful thought of being able to do this as I choose in the near future without all this DADT nonsense hanging over me is too good to be spoiled by being impatient .

So my question is would you be patient and not spoil the impending new lifestyle for the sake of a few weeks or say the hell with it what difference is it going to make now ?

[Jean 103]

I have been following your situation. I would suggest getting away for a few days. I use to do this before I was out. I would find a cheep motel a couple hours away, where I could be myself. I would do tourist like stuff. Going back is tough but it's worth it.

[Stephanie47]

You may want to throw caution to the wind and just do it, but, is that wise? Your wife is not accepting of your dressing. Personally, I am not in favor of the "in your face" attitude I've seen on occasion of this forum. You're still going to interact with your wife in family matters. I realize once you get your own abode you'll be free to dress whenever and however you want, but, are you going to show up at grandkids' birthday parties, Christmas, etc en femme? If no, then why ruffle her feathers now?

[Teresa]

Jean,
Sorry I forgot to mention my social meetings haven't stopped, my wife has accepted them for almost two years now, OK there was the suggestion initially that it was just an excuse to meet up with other men . she knows I'm not gay and has started to defend me in conversations with other family members .

We have our group Xmas party all booked up and like last year will be staying over at the hotel and dressing for breakfast.

Stephanie ,
The family get togethers haven't been discussed yet, but my daughter and her husband and 5 year old granddaughter are OK with visiting me as Teresa, so I'll take it from there . Every family has bigots and I'm no exception so I will have to decide if it's worth staying in contact or not . The important point is it will all be on my terms .

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Perhaps a different way to look at it would be, what if my house takes another year to sell?

Markets can crash T, I'd encourage you to drop your price. Carpe diem and all that.

[Stacy Darling]

Teresa! you are a beautiful woman and should just let your being flow!

Peace Calm and Tranquillity is all we are after!, Oh! Love too!

Stacy!

[Teresa]

Nikki,
We've taken two price drops, the point to consider now is do we drop again or find another agent, I've given them one rocket !

The bottom line is we have to work to a NET figure, the proceeds will have to fund three properties, one for my wife, one for me and a second to provide an income for me to supplement my pensions . Where I live is a hotspot nothing appears to slow the demand down , it's just finding the right one .

Stacy,
I'm so looking forward to doing everyday things and be that person you so kindly describe.

It's the negative thoughts I'm so desperate to escape from, after so many years it can brainwash you, I hate days of struggling to function at the moment .

[carolyn todd]

Teresa
Just be patient, it like waiting for a bus there will be another one along in a minute,
remember, you don't jump the queue in M&S you have to wait in line.
BE PATIENT

Carolyn

[Bobbi46]

Teresa,
I know how hard all of this is to you, but the key to all of this is patience, but if your house is with only one agent I would put it in some more agents hands rather than all of your eggs in one basket.
As for dressing I would not let your current situation get you down and decrease your dressing, if anything I would dress as much as you did before,you cannot hurt anybody with such, your family know so why slow down with dressing? I know its frustrating waiting for your house to sell that is the patience bit everything else I would carry on as before, and keep yourself as happy as you were before.

[Dana44]

I would say Teresa, Just be patient. I agree the die is cast and you just be patient, it will come soon enough.

[Sara Jessica]

Regarding the OP, I agree with Dana. Be patient. Your desired life is on the horizon.

Regarding real estate, again...I'd be patient. You don't HAVE to sell tomorrow which means you don't HAVE to keep lowering your price unless you have it way too high to begin with.

About "dressing for breakfast", I'm hoping that soon it will be all about simply "being". Women don't dress for breakfast, they simply go to breakfast being the women that they are. I wish that for you, if that is what you are looking for when all is said and done.

[Lana Mae]

I agree with Sara! Especially her last paragraph! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Majella St Gerard]

Personally I would dress as I want. Don't let her control you, she gonna bitch about it anyway.

[Tina_gm]

I'd be patient. Your gender freedom is on the horizon and getting closer everyday. I know she hasn't always been very kind to you, pretty nasty at times in fact. Just remember there's as much real emotion from her as their is for you. She may not show it much, but she does or at least did love you. This is not the way she wanted her life to turn out. Your time will come. For now, keep up with the amicable split, don't put it in her face as it happens. Often times what makes a person respectable is when they are so even though it's not reciprocated.

[Alice Torn]

Teresa, life is short, though it seems long. Honor her, and do not do anything that would possibly cause an ugly situation. Tine will go by fast enough.

[Cherylgyno]

Teresa. It would be great if there was a simple answer. I don't know what I would do.
There is the old saying Patience is a virtue. That probably doesn't help. I really wish that I could help.

[Rachael Leigh]

Teresa with me in a very simaler situation in that I’m also seperated and in the diviorce process I didn’t take advantage per se but it did give me a chance to figure out exactly what I wanted. So for you I think you will have that chance soon enough
For me I’m now on the path to a 24/7 transition in the future
Be pacient and good luck
Rachael

[Tracy Irving]

I would consider minimizing the instant gratification if it lead to a lifetime of happiness.

Agents love a quick sale. My houses have always been "dated" to them. Change agents.

[Janine cd]

Be patient, Hon. The time will come when you will beable to freely express yourself and enjoy complete freedom too.

[Teresa]

Sara,
The comment about dressing for breakfast at the hotel meant not in drab and on both occasions I drove home dressed afterwards.

It would be nice to sell as soon as possible, my wife has complicated the situation by going ahead and buying her new home and hopes to take possession by the end of this month. She needs some work doing which I will take on but she can't move in because we can't take on the overheads on two homes .

Gendermutt,
That's a good point about still showing some respect, and I'm sure she feels the same way , when it comes to it the move is still going to be hard after 43 years of being together .

Rachel,
At the moment it is just a separation , I guess if I push the issue too hard she may decide she wants a divorce, that's going to be harder on everyone both emotionally and financially .

Tracy,
My house is dated and priced accordingly , anyone who buys it is going to totally alter it .

[Helena]

Teresa, you are very close to the finishing line so I would advocate patience. You will soon be free and keeping things amicable will make moving, which is always a difficult time, run more smoothly.

[Sara Jessica]

I know what you meant Teresa, and I totally get it. I was only trying to point out that at some point it becomes less about dressing and more about being yourself with how you might be dressed being a non-issue. It sounds as if you will have all the time you need to explore exactly what that means to you in the (near?) future.

[Erin Lafleur]

Teresa, I would definitely advocate taking it easy in the dressing department until such time as your home sells and you are finally free to do what you want, when you want.
I don't believe the what the hell attitude would benefit either of you either in the short or long term therefore I have difficulty in finding any upside whatsoever. It seems to me that your long term happiness and fulfillment would be better served without the added underlying tension that would no doubt occur by giving in to what I fear would be a short sighted approach. Your life is inextricably intertwined because of family so I think anything that you can do to respect her feelings will eventually come back to benefit you in spades.
Just imagine the feeling you will have once you are on your own and living your authentic life with no underlying drama or tension. If for no other reason, you owe it to yourself...

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Teresa, I remember when you joined this forum. And I was amazed at how your post count skyrocketed. But they were all good insightful posts. What an amazing journey. Like yourself, I'm just not sufficed with the DADT pigeon hole approach to this lifestyle. Sitting here early on a Sunday morning, having coffee completely dressed as a school teacher getting ready to leave for work and I read, women don't dress for breakfast. How true. The getting meticulously prepared for a snapshot moment routine is just falling short. But, I'm going to pursue more levels of acceptance within our relationship. A bridge you've already crossed. DADT only parks this thing in fantasy mode and it's actually our true reality. So, to answer your question, now that you see the finish line ahead, don't do anything to interfere with achieving it. Just put it back in the box for the last couple of times and then have a male clothes burning party or something when you finally get re-established.

[Teresa]

Carla,
I never thought of that, on the day of my move a formal ceremony and build a funeral pyre to finally say goodbye to to Mr. T !

My wife keeps saying she needs to thin my male clothes out before the move I'll cheerfully help her with that .

It's a lovely thought but I' afraid they still want dear old dad and grandpa , I'm sure I'll work out a balance !

[Angie G]

I'd be very patient it will pay off in the long run Teresa. :hugs:
Angie

[Jenny22]

Be patient. The adage "all's well that ends well" is applicable here. Don't burn your drab clothing. Donate to a thrift store that supports a worthy cause. Hugs!

[Shelly Preston]

I would try to be patient Teresa but that may depend on the house sale.

A few weeks I am sure you can survive but what if weeks turns into months.

I would say don't drop the house price unless you have to from a financial standpoint

[paulinescotlandcd]

I would agree with others, you might as well haNg on in there and not rock the boat.

[CONSUELO]

Teresa,

I suppose that being patient is the best course. Perhaps you should do as Jean suggested and arrange to go away for short breaks. i recommend the Canal Quarter of Manchester where you can stay in a hotel and dress to your heart's content.

[docrobbysherry]

Sorry, Teresa, I don't get it!? You're not dressing now because you're worrying your SO will ask for a divorce?

But, u intend to dress, "Katy bar the door", after your house sells and u have your own?

Why wouldn't your SO ask for a divorce then, but would now? Since she already has a new house, I'd assume she needs your house to sell more than u do!:straightface:

You're not dressing now sounds like an excuse or psych issue not based on your actual situation----?:eek:

[Teresa]

Sherry,
I'm still in DADT situation, my wife is not going to change but she is prepared to accept our separation is basically down to my need to dress. I still wish to support the family and be there for them , even at this late stage saying the hell with it could upset this balance . I simply asked the question of what other people might do in the same circumstances . She is still trying to apply DADT rules and frighten me by suggesting the bad things that could happen when I finally move into my new home . I have made it clear that new rules will apply based on my preferences not hers .

The only reason she would apply for a divorce is if I find someone else, she thinks that's not possible because of my CDing, she won't want one for two reasons, first is financial and the second is I feel she will still have some control over me.

We will have to live in our current house until it sells , she can't move into her new one because of tax reasons , in other words she is stuck with me and it wouldn't be in my interest to apply for a divorce.

Dressing less or not overdoing is simply because I don't need the negative attitude to sour and spoil my future, we still have to hold it together for the children and grandchildren , I don't want to risk losing that contact, they must remain part of my life . OK some days I could just pack my bags and go in sheer frustration , none of us are getting any younger and the clock is ticking .

[carhill2mn]

Hi Teresa,

My situation was similar yet different. After my divorce was final my then ex lived with me for a short while as she waited for her new place to be ready. I chose not to push my being en femme more until she was gone. It just made it easier in the long run. Good luck!

[Jaylyn]

I would leave well enough alone. Don't push too hard and dress to spite her. You surely can under dress maybe a little to get you by till everything settles.