Why/What???

[deebra]

Has anybody given any thought to Why you were drawn to try-on your very first piece of women's clothing?
What caused you to continue and try-on more?
Why didn't other males feel this draw also?
I/we know society acceptance is learned from what the majority of society "thinks" is right but is there really anything wrong with a male wanting to wear women's clothing?
Are there a lot (meaning up to 20 to 25%) more males that would wear female clothing if it were accepted/normal for them to wear just like women.
Were we born to be crossdressers and more mentally female than other males, if so and society has finally come around to accepting a person can be born gay then why not crossdresser/ fem. minded male?

Me, feeling feminine and dressing as a woman is much better than as a man. I have done the man thing and I now like the female role better.

[Jaylyn]

I guess I was drawn to it by my mom dressing me as a kid. I enjoyed being her little angel.
My teen years I think it was purely sexual and hot and moms silky things fit and felt good on me.
Maybe other males had more of a father who was around more. Mi e worked all the time.
Society is a weird monster, what a a lot of folks think doesn't make it right or wrong it's just an opinion. I am a church going guy that has read the bible from front to back more than nice and I can't find anything wrong with what we wear. It's not against the law where I live. I guess it just breaks that old man code thing.
My thinking is men enjoy softness in shirts, under wear, and shoes, most women's under garments are smooth and soft so why wouldn't more males accept and start wearing something that feels good to them. If the majority started wearing women's clothing then the manufactures would start making men's dresses.
I think society will one day accept CDs as the normal. We may even see clothes that are unisex.
I still enjoy being a man and do not want the GG role in life but I do enjoy wearing their clothing from time to time.

[Sara Jessica]

I'm really having a hard time understanding why a common theme in your threads is that men who are cool with being men can/should/would choose to crossdress. Fact of the matter is that we live in a gender binary society on nearly every front and despite the acceptance of some blurred lines, there isn't likely to be a revolution of dudes running around in dresses any time soon.

I can't help but to see this validated when I see any man who presents in such a way that his masculine confidence shines through and this includes his choice of clothing. I'm telling you, 99.whatever% of these guys don't get up in the morning and long for what you do and the world is better for it.

I value my perspective on gender and understand the terms by which I will express this in society. I am all good with it and have zero desire to recruit the unwashed masses into being who I am or doing what you do. Men can be men, women can be women and hopefully, those of us who straddle the line in whatever manner can find happiness and acceptance in this mostly wonderful world of ours.

[Jean 103]

Let's see if I can answer it this way. I had this boyfriend I lived with for a year. He could not understand why I would get dressed every day and not just on special occasions. He like most guys would wear the same look all the time.

[Pat]

No offense, but isn't this the same question you ask pretty much every time you start a thread?

[NancySue]

Thoughts as to “why”? I still do. No worry, just “why”. Genetic? The first time I put hose on, I was hooked. I fall in the category of a progressive. Hose to panties to bras, etc. Back in the 1700’s most men wore nylon stockings. It was the accepted norm. Ahhh, to bring back the good ole days. Lol

[docrobbysherry]

What Sarah said! I'll reply the way I always do. If u think vanilla males would like to try on women's things, you're dreaming, Deebra.:daydreaming:
I began dressing in my 50's. That's when I tried on my 1st female clothing item.

Why didn't I try on women's things before then? Altho I had plenty of opportunities. Because like the average, straight, vanilla male, IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME!:eek:

Up to that point, my only thots about women's clothes were about how to get the women I found attractive out of them!:heehee:

[Gillian Gigs]

I am prone to agree with Pat on this one. Are you still attempting to justify why you are a crossdresser? I spent many years trying to understand the "whys" and only got frustrated! In accepting yourself, it is not necessary to know all of the answers, just realize that there are things that you can not seem to change about yourself. The AA prayer seems to say it all, accept the things you can not change, change the things that you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.

I know where it all started for me. I'm aware of how it has continued to this day. Can I change the past? No, a lot of water has passed under the bridge on this one. Why do some CD, and others don't, I can only speak for what is going on in my head. That is more than enough for me the cope with! Acceptance is a process, like a journey, who knows if there is ever an arrival point of total acceptance, just take the journey, your mental health will love you for it.

[Kayliedaskope]

We are because we do, deebra. There are as many reasons for cross dressing as there are crossdressers. Don't worry about the "why" and "what" - concentrate on the "how it makes me feel when..."

[Robertacd]

In the 4th grade one of the girls started wearing a bra. I remember thinking "I should be wearing one of those", soon after I tried on one of my mother's bras, and the rest as they say is history.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
I'm inclined to agree with the others the question keeps repeating itself.

The bottom line is there's no defining answer we are all different , I believe we are born like it but some disagree with that, my T level at an early age was possibly the key to my CDing needs , but again that varies with individuals especially the late onset CDers.

Some have sexual elements driving their dressing and others have gender issues , it is impossible to give a concise answer .

I feel you keep asking these questions to rationalise your own feelings, not everyone is going to understand and agree with you because our wiring is so variable , there's no one fit answer .

[JenniferMBlack]

Why dose anyone do anything? Pick something anything else you do and ask the same question? I think you are feeling there is something wrong with you and your trying to validate crossdressing by thinking many others might have done it if. Fact of the matter is there is nothing wrong and you are part of a minority in this. I don't feel there is an overwhelming rejection or hatred towards Transgender poeple, more of stay out of my private space because I don't understand you. The best advice you can be given is accept yourself if you want others to accept you. You cant hide and not educate others if you want acceptance they need to understand your not a monster.

as to why I tried on my first skirt I was curious what it was like to wear a skirt. All the girls were wearing them all the time and I wanted to know why they liked them so much. once I tried it I completely understood and was hooked.

[deebra]

O.K. I've read all the above threads and I'm cool with the answers, and I'm not trying to justify my CDing. Go back to my first 3 sentences. Let me try again with this example, most women enjoy performing oral sex on men, why do some men also enjoy performing oral sex on men just like women but most men don't. Why do women like dresses, lingerie, soft, silky, pretty and some men do too. Just wondering why some and not others. If some had the balls to try it maybe they would like it and continue, why don't they? Do CDers like women more than men and so much they want to be them even for a short time? Is part of a CD's brain the same as a females (born this way) having the same desires for female things they do, in other words does a CD think like a woman on certain things?

I know, I know we don't have the answers but what's wrong with thinking/wondering WHY without getting your panties all in a bunch? Mine are nice and smooth and silky, seems like some on here need to adjust them.

[Robertacd]

There is no reason why.

You might as well ask why we are all different.

[Gillian Gigs]

Sorry, but your first three sentences are still asking the question that I see you continually ask, Why. Post # 13 does little to change my thoughts, other than say you are generalizing and you are looking for some specific answers. "Most women enjoy...some men enjoy", based on what, whose opinion?

I will give you my best attempt to answer all this. We live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people and were raised by imperfect parents. What more can you expect other than an imperfect mess. Every imperfection causes twists, kinks, quirks and who knows where it will all end up in our personalities! The only absolutes in this life are death and taxes, some have found loop holes in the tax system, but no one has cheated death!

Just enjoy the life you have, because there isn't another one you can jump into around the corner. Whether you are CD, TS, TG, LGBTQ, or any other letter of the alphabet, make the best with what was handed you. Most people don't really care if you wear a dress, they just don't want you flaunting it in their face.

[audreyinalbany]

"most women enjoy performing oral sex on men" Really? I gotta get out more

[Tracii G]

Ok I have to ask why the same question every time?
Maybe different words but essentially the same question.
"Why women and not men"
We have all commented on many of your posts like this so are we to assume you just don't listen or read the posts in this case?
No matter what we respond with you aren't going to agree with apparently and you will ask the question again.

[Lana Mae]

I am sure we all have thought about it! We are wired this way, hormones, momma used to dress me, etc. There is no definitive answer! The other males do not because they are not wired that way, they did not get a hormone bath that would cause it, and momma did not dress them! There are the answers to your questions, but there are as many answers as there are crossdressers! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey! You are on it now and there is no escape so you might as well enjoy it! Hugs Lana Mae

[natalie edwards]

To me the only "why" is why does it matter?
If you get the answer you're hoping for will that validate everything for you so can move forward?
Are you going to stop if you don't get the answer you're looking for?
My guess is your answer to both would be "No".
If you want to continue or progress you will. So "why" is meaningless. This isn't math class we don't have to solve for "Y" (why)
Just live your life as happily as possible.

[Tracii G]

I know a few people that always ask for advice then do the exact opposite of the advice you gave.
The last guy I know that did that I called an askhole.


Deebra how come you can't accept things for the way they are and find a way to work around it?
You don't have to do things the way everybody else does. Find your way and do your own thing.

[docrobbysherry]

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here. But, u just don't want to understand, I guess?:doh:

"Why do women like dresses, lingerie, soft, silky, pretty and some men do too. Just wondering why some and not others. If some had the balls to try it maybe they would like it and continue, why don't they?"

Have u ever lived with a woman? Just the 2 of u? If u have, you'd know it takes no guts to try on your GF's or wife's clothes, when she's at work, at school, out shopping, or visiting her mom!:battingeyelashes:

Vanilla men, (which I was most of my life), simply never think of that! Why don't they put on diapors and pretend to be babies? Or, try on clown suits? If they wanted to do those things, they would.

And, in fact, some do!:heehee:
But, most just aren't interested! I'm done!:Angry3:

[lingerieLiz]

My mother put me in panties. I never wanted to go back.

[Dana44]

Why, we never figured that out. Just live your life like you want to. Most men are men and that is the way it is. Yes we like the fem role but we have to be men too. Because we were born that way. Yet I am pretty fem.

[Teresa]

Deebra,
You may have to change the word MOST to say minority .

Oral sex is not that common , I don't know where you get that assumption from .

Think for a moment about the soft materials you mention , they all imitate soft skin, we are attracted to them because they make us feel feminine, women enjoy wearing them because they are partly attractive to men in general and not just CDers .

I feel that is why find it hard sometimes to understand why women don't wear nice clothes all the time, to some of us they appear to be rejecting their femininity . Of course they're not they are simply being practical , that is why we often go OTT , we are overdoing the point that we can dress and appear like women . WE are trying to prove it to ourselves so we can accept we like doing it and hopefully others will go along with our needs , surprisingly many are quite happy with us doing it , as I found out again only the other day .

[Becky Blue]

There are so many questions in the world that may never be answered, Deebra yours is just one of them. If anyone knew the answer I am sure they would have told us by now. Its on my list of unanswered questions... such as What happened to Tony Soprano just after the guy exited the men's room or if the universe is infinite what comes after that?

[JenniferMBlack]

Let's give more examples why do some poeple like ridding motorcycles and some don't? Why rodent everyone like pizza? Why rodent everyone do what ever It rodent matter what the question the answer will be they same. Everyone is different. We all have different experiences think different thoughts try different things like some of them don't like others. There is no other answer. There was an event or series of events that led you to do something and you liked it so you kept doing it, what ever it is.

[Ginni]

The desire to cross dress came naturally. As if I have two personalities, one male that is dominant and one female. I dress for my female personality. When dressed I am female. I don't understand it, but over the years accept it. We all have similarities, yet we are all different. Accept who you are and enjoy life.

[Bobbi46]

Why not stopping with digging into why/what????. Just get on with life, enjoy what you are doing and stop bothering over why/what?. If everybody thought like that all the time asking the reasons for why and what they would all have heart attacks with the stress of asking all the time and going round in circles.
We are what we are there's no denying it, we all have accepted we are differently wired compared the muggles. Isn't that reason enough to just on get on with life?
I see no reason to keep searching for another answer that has been out there all the time. Accept what you have got and move on.

[BrendaPDX]

I am going to side with most of the others here, why and what is probably different for most of us, and does it really matter? If I had the answers to those I wouldn't be working for a living. Take care, Brenda

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, I'm so pass the why/what era. That was so 'back in my teens' ago. One of the conclusions I've arrived at in my seasoned age is that I enjoy expressing both genders and sometimes something in between. And this only works in a gender defining society. It's a wonderful gift and a life enhancement that needs to be enjoyed and appreciated. These questions always sound like the pitiful 'why me?' cry. Someday maybe you'll achieve the 'Oh! And I'm also a gender explorer!" part of maturity.

[Ally 2112]

There are also women out there who hate wearing dresses or makeup and are very cool in my book .Do what makes you happy just do not hurt anyone else or your self .Acceptance is key in the end

[Kayliedaskope]

The answer is simple: either you like doing it, or you don't. If you're here in this forum, you obviously do. As to why, pick a reason that sounds good to you and makes sense, and go with that answer.

[Susan Smokes]

I have given thought to why I started wearing women's clothing, and in my mind it was because I was curious, is there a deeper reason, maybe so, but I am not worried about why. I enjoy wearing female clothing, which is why I continue to do it. I know that sounds like a very simple reason, but it is the way I feel about it.

[deebra]

I like my post and thread and stand by them. Some should really try to understand what the post and thread are saying. For those that said don't worry, question or ask what/why you wouldn't do very well at Harvard University or MIT where they want you to use your brain and think, ask what and why and research to find answers and we are better off when questions are answered. Rather than so much quick negativity why not start using your brain and try to come up with some good answers?

[Lisa Roberts]

My original purpose for going to a Therapist was find out WHY. Her first question to me was why not?? I'm well past the WHY and now I am enjoying a turbulent life has a partially out cross dresser. In my humble estimation, if there is a cause it may be undiscoverable, and if there is a WHY............Why not!
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[Stephanie47]

I've toyed with this question for too many years. Unlike some of this forum I did not have a sister, female cousin, mother, aunt or other female relative who forced me to dress up in female clothes. I had no female playmates. I was all tumble and get in trouble little boy. I do see a therapist/counselor for PTSD issues related to war experiences. In our conversations about life in general she is of the opinion that every man and woman has some degree of dna of the opposite sex. In some it is stronger and it manifests itself in other ways. If that was a correct analysis that would probably explain just about all sexual identity issues.

Since nobody on this site knows the real me here's a proposition to consider. When my family moved from my maternal grandparent's home after World War II to an apartment I was three years old. I can remember some things around the move. Because space was limited at grandma's house...my father, mother, brother and I shared one large bedroom in an old Victorian house....my brother and I shared our new bedroom and was still in cribs. Later we each got twin size beds.

At some point around four or five I started to get images in my mind of myself as a young woman laying dead in a snow bank. The image was bloody. The image of this young woman was only clad in a white slip and undergarments. No dress or heels. I still can see that image. It has been etched in my mind. For the life of me I've mulled over through the years, where did that image come from. I did not read newspapers. We did not have a television. Back in the early 1950's homicides in New York City were a rare event and usually were family related.

It was only until my wife started watching television shows on the subject of "past life regression" that I started to ponder if there was something or someone influencing my behavior. If you have read some of my posts I have stated my first interest in women's clothing was my mother's white nylon slips that she hanged on a clothesline in our apartment. There was no sexual component. I never heard of sex until later in life. I often wonder if there had been a young woman sharing her memories. Frankly, "past life experiences" makes as much sense as anything else.

[Lindaa]

Why? Thats changed so much over the years. I belive if i can remember correctly it begain around age 8 or so with my cousins panties, we are both the same age. Then it was because hers were so much prettier then mine.

As i grew older thru my teen years it took on a sexual aspect. The feel of the nylons, the pretty bra's and outfits i would wear. The high heels were wonderfull.

Well im 63 now and if asked Why? simple answer is because its allways felt right to me. Its who i am. I know when i wake up in the morning in my nightgown and my polished nails hit the floor, im happy. I dont think of Why much anymore. So thats my Why today... ask tomorrow it might be different

[deebra]

But Lindaa wouldn't you like to know why? Football players now know that if they bang heads for 30 years to make mega bucks in the NFL they are going to have brain injuries and be punch drunk in their later years because autopsies and research have proven this. It's been proven smoking causes lung cancer. As CDers wouldn't all of like to know why we do this? Suppose it was proven a part of our brain was more female than other males, we were born this way, that is why we are CD's. Wouldn't this educate the public towards acceptance and normalize CDing and make it better for us. For those that bury their brain in the sand and say don't ask why, just do it I have to think they just follow others through life never questioning or changing things to make them better.

Whether I ever find out the WHY is not going to stop me from crossdressing but it would be nice to know and BTW CDing is much safer than football or smoking. However a tight underwire bra, panties, shoes and using a credit card when girl shopping can pose a problem.

[Karen RHT]

Please don't think my reply frivolous or trite Deebra. For me the "WHY" is quite simple...because I enjoy so many things about crossdressing. I fish and ride motorcycles for the very same reason...because I enjoy so many things about doing them. It matters not to me that many in society understand the enjoyment I get from fishing or motorcycling, but not the enjoyment I get from crossdressing. It's not about them, it's about me. I'm an adventurer, I enjoy overcoming challenges, the freedom of expression, the rush of being involved, the satisfaction of reaching a personal goal. Perhaps it's because of all these other characteristics I have, that I crossdress.


Karen

[Nikki A.]

The first time I remember wearing anything female was when I was very young and my mom didn't make it to the laundromat and I wore a pair of her panties for the day. Being a latch key kid afterwards I had the opportunity to try on more of her lingerie. Also I thought my mom was a good looking lady, so maybe it's a bit of wanting to be a bit like her.
Who's to say if I didn't enjoy wearing the panties if I would be what I am today. I don't really care about the why any more. Now it's more of how far do I want to go down the rabbit hole.

[Alice Torn]

My parents fought violently when i was little, and i always took my mom's side. I was the baby of the family. My dad was alcoholic, too. My first items were about age 13 trying on my sisters bathing suit, then pantyhose and i would get aroused and release. Then, my mom's nylons, then my sisters dress. Then i felt so guilty, that i quit for years. I was always timid around girls, especially pretty ones. I felt inferior to them , too. They seemed so off limits top me, yet some were so beautiful. I was cut off from girls, and even in high school was afraid to approach a pretty one.. I think i wanted to see what it was like to dress like a pretty woman, and "be her" for a while and feel like one, and feel sexy and attractive.. I was aroused by my sexy reflection in the mirror, and used a towel on my head as a wig. I dated some in my late 20[s and thirties and early 40's but was always too poor or emotionally sick to marry. At age 51, I bought my first dress, heels, wig, make up, lipstick, etc. I still feel that pretty women are off limits for me, and i can never attain one, so i become the long tall lovely lady i dreamed of, and were off limits all my life. Low self worth, and mental problems do not help. But, as much as i admire leggy gorgeous women, i have come to realize that even beautiful women have tempers, and pass gas, and poop, too. Worshiping them was a huge mistake, and nothing is uglier to me, than a woman enraged, and furious, or in an ugly attitude. Both sexes and genders can be no fun to be around.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra:hugs:, I started at a very early age and it just felt wonderful although I didn't know why at the time.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Tracii G]

Deebra in the end what difference does it make?
You enjoy it ,it is part of your being you aren't going to stop.
I understand your thirst for knowledge and having closure of sorts but if you wonder how and search for answers who's to say when you find answers that you won't keep searching because you aren't sure if the answers you found were concrete positive proof of why.
It will be a constant source of anxiety will it not?
Its kind of like the person that goes to school gets a degree then on to grad school, get a masters then goes back to school for a doctorate.
You have all that paper saying how smart you are but have you really found the answer you seek and will you ever be satisfied?
I have a friend that went to MIT and he may know a lot about quantum mechanics but he can't change a spare tire on his car or even knows how to ask a girl out on a date hell he doesn't know how to wash his own clothes.
Sooo with all his paper proving how smart he is he really isn't all that smart is he?

[Gillian Gigs]

I have written this before on another thread,"if you didn't enjoy doing it, you would have stopped a long time ago". Why do many start, to see if they would enjoy it, it might be fun! Those that did enjoy kept doing it and so crossdressers.com was created.

[Alice_2014_B]

It was different and I wanted to try stuff on.
I'm not really fem-minded when I'm dressed up.

:)

[deebra]

Traci G I agree with your last sentence, book smart, very little common sense and how to get along in life. My wife works around a lot of grad school degrees and she also says they are dumb as a box of rocks. They also have their own Mutual Admiration Society". They think they are above the working man. Of course not all PhD's are like this, sorry for saying this about the one's that aren't.

[Tracii G]

I have a Niece that graduated from a very prestigious university in Virginia and majored in anthropology and like her Dad (my brother) love to boast about their education to make themselves seem superior to others.
She mentions on FB all the time about getting ready to enter grad school which is fine and she should go because it will forward her career.
She tries to stump people with questions about prehistoric animals and the eras they lived in.
She has yet to stump me and I always answer via private message and she is astounded I actually know the answers.
When asked why I don't answer on her FB post and I said I am not into trying to prove my intelligence to others and trying to impress anyone, I said I don't have a huge ego to feed.
I'm sure my answer has passed over her head but in time she hopefully will understand life isn't about how smart or better you think you are than regular people.
Education is a fine thing don't get me wrong but in your quest for knowledge don't forget you are not better than other people.

[Gillian Gigs]

There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom! Knowledge is gathered information, while wisdom is applying the information properly. There is a lot of knowledge out there, the problem is that there is very little wisdom! That can be the problem with why/what questions, generalized questions that look for specific answers can lead people in wrong directions.
We need the serenity to change the things we can, accept the things we can't and have the wisdom to know the difference. This might explain purging and then buying everything back again. I had attempted to change (stop dressing/purging) many times, then I started to accept myself. I haven't purged in over 15 years and I am a better person for it. It's really about clothes and how maybe some of us can obsess about them. In the end it is just clothing, so don't let some one else and their obsession bother you. I'm talking about simple CD'ing at this point, not transition.

[deebra]

Truly smart people of all occupations appreciate the knowledge of others. Maybe the cardiovascular surgeon just didn't have the mechanical ability to be an electrician or plumber and he found what he was best suited for was fixing hearts and saving lives. Hopefully when his plumbing stops up or lights go out and he doesn't have a clue he appreciates the knowledge and skill these two craftsman have to help him out. And when they have a heat attack they appreciate him. And if all three are crossdressers they would like to know WHY/WHAT, now what in the heck is wrong with that. Answer, NOTHING.

[Tracii G]

Being smart or intelligent is relative it just depends on where you are at the time when knowledge is needed.

[Alice K]

Debra, very thought provoking questions in your original post and why many have joined this site...to answer those questions.
As others have said it varies from person to person, each unique in our own way.
From my perspective I believe each person, male or female have a gender identity mapped by thousands of gender markers. (Nature). Or because the feminine role models were much more appealing that the male role models. (Nurture). Or both.

Some males have many feminine aspects to their personalities as do women with masculine markers. Some male role
models may have been repulsive.

The difficulties arise because society constricts, very forcefully, male behaviors. “Step outta line and the man comes and takes you away.” As the song says.

One should be able to wear what one wants when one wants or to express themselves as they feel the need but the social strictures do not permit deviation.

When younger (50’s) it would be taking your life into your own hands to express feminine traits as a young male. With ridicule, enough beatings, or threats at the hands of other young peers and “responsible” adults for just being yourself you learn to mask it and try to fit in as much as possible, sometimes with limited success 😊. BTW I don’t believe we have come much further in people’s acceptance from the 50,s in this regard and from my observations. The hate and fear is still generally raging regardless of some of the wonderful sporadic stories of acceptance we read here.
At some point you begin to wonder how many other boys or men out there are forced to repress significant aspects of their personalities because of these strictures.
How many uncreated works of art, unwritten poems, beautiful designs were not created because of societal repression of feminine aspects of male personalities?
Your questions are good questions, needed to be asked by many and thought through to help ourselves or to help the world stop the repression. If nothing to help explain to those who may need to know (wife, therapist, priest, people on this forum😉)

Just answering “don’t ask the questions” won’t help anyone.

Just one persons view but good questions, thanks for asking.

[Lacey New]

I hit puberty in the age of the mini skirt when dropping a pencil on the floor of the classroom was frequently rewarded by a nice view of nylon panties. Also, back then, the Playboy of the day was really the Sears or Penny's catalog showing much of the same. Also, lovely models showing off not just panties but other wonderful silky things as well. Particularly bras showing of those wonderful mysterious things called breasts. Since my opportunities to touch, feel and explore the real things were rare, the next best thing to exploring the real contents of women's lingerie was to imagine exploring by wearing either my mother's of sister's panties then bras. Like Pavlov's dog, every time I did so, I was rewarded by receiving a treat - my own gratification. So that explains why I started. However, what I can't explain is why I stayed with it long after enjoying intimacy with other young women and later my wife of now many years.

[deebra]

Lacey as I have previously said and in your case why wasn't just seeing panties and viewing Playboy enough. Most guys would use Playboy to get horney and then masterbation and that ended it. Why did you and just a few more want to go further and try on women's underwear, get turned on by it and continue wearing and adding more and some totally presenting as a woman. What/Why made you do this and the others (majority) didn't. I think we as Cders would like to know but we can continue on without knowing why. Our brains are hard wired to things in life from the time of being formed in the womb all the way up to 6 years old, I think CDing was either from a male being born with a more feminine brain than most males or his environment up to 6 years old could have set him on this course. That said we had no choice, it's our society not accepting us is the problem.

[Tracii G]

You have received a bunch of answers from members on what /why but what I take from this is none of them satisfy you.
No matter what answer one gives you will continue to ask the same question.
What results are you hoping to gain by this exercise?
What more can we do as a group to help you accept your CDing because its obvious you still have issues with it.

[Sara Jessica]

Stepping aside from the "why won't other guys just do this?" for a moment...

Nature versus nurture is what you are talking about.

Nature, one who is truly and honestly TG/TS in that female identification is inherent in their very being. Why? Who knows.

Nurture, what one does as opposed to who they are. Lacey described it well. Curiosity led some to try something that is societally taboo for a boy to wear and a "reward" was the result. DNA or hard-wiring didn't make you try on certain clothing, it is blind to such things and doesn't give a hoot about the nylon fetishes that resulted.

Why? Who cares. It all comes down to the individual and if it is that important, go back in time in your mind's eye to investigate exactly why you did what you did when you did it and how doing it made you feel and why you did it again and again.

[rhonda]

Well for what ever reason, chance or design, we're in it for good , might as well enjoy it

[Tracii G]

Sara J I think deebra keeps pressing this because she herself hasen't found peace or come to grips with the whole concept.
Like you said ask yourself what it means to you and why you continued for so long then in that line of thinking there would lie her answer.
She seems to think this is all a intelligence game or trying to prove something by pontificating possible theories.
Its different for everybody and trying to make the what /whys a "one size fits all" concept a fruitless endeavor.

[Tina_gm]

I see it somewhat similarly. That deebra is searching/hoping/pontificating about how the reason why others are not or do not is an external society issue. Not that there isn't a truth to a degree, but we who fit somewhere within the tg umbrella have to accept ourselves for our rare situation of gender variance. Most men have no desire to dress as women. It's not society that steers them away from it. There's just no desire to steer them to it.

[Tracii G]

Its like she can't accept or refuses to accept that most men have no desire to do anything remotely close to CDing.
This could be an attempt to try to justify why she does it. She does have a habit of projecting her ideas and assuming others feel exactly like she does.

[FrannGurl]

Not sure I understand exactly what you are trying to say, and maybe its been already been said but its just my opinion..
It varies for each person, and to me there is no clear cut reason why we do it and others don't.
If it was totally accepted by society, them maybe more men would, but I seriously doubt most men would be even mildly interested.
I gave up on the "Why?" years ago and went to therapy over it, but I never did know exactly why I did it. Only that I had feminine
feelings and desires, regardless of whether I was dressed or not. The dressing was just an extension of those feelings The only thing therapy did for me was to stop beating myself up about it, and that I wasn't a bad person for doing it. That It was ok to express myself and be ok with who I am

[ShelbyDawn]

This question does seem to come up a lot and I don't see a problem with that. Every time I see a new thread about why we dress, I gain more insight into myself so please keep asking and please keep answering. I am by nature very analytical and my dressing makes absolutely no sense to me at all. It is completely illogical. But i do it anyway because it is part of me. Just as much as my brown hair(what's left of it) and my hazel eyes. As much as I wish I could, I will never pass, I will never be as beautiful as some of the girls in the forum. But that doesn't matter to me. It never has. The way I look isn't as important as the way I feel. This just feels right. I feel content when I am dressed. That is enough.

I spent several years in therapy dealing with lots of stuff, including my dressing and have gotten to a place where it is just part of who I am and I can accept the incongruity. Others have mentioned this but during my therapy, we did several past life regression sessions. In several of those sessions, I experienced being a young girl of about 6 and a young woman in her early 20's; the same one each time on multiple occasions. The little girl was incredibly happy and the young woman was very happy, self assured and confident. These are things I did not have in my current life at those ages. Perhaps I saw a past life and the happiness subconsciously draws me back to that state and encourages me to recreate it in my current life through dressing. Could be. I really don't know. I'm not sure it matters. I am convinced that this is not environmental. It is something that I was born with.

I wish someone would do a serious scientific study on us and try to answer this question. Until then, thank you all for the additional insight and keep asking. That is how we learn.

[redtea]

Why didn't other males not feel this draw too?

Homophobia, body type, porn consumption, family upbringing, and just sheer coincidence.


As for acceptance, You just gotta go out or stay in, it's simple. Even if the world was as accepting as you wanted it to be, you would still be too afraid to go outside. The worlds acceptance of CDing doesn't change how masculinity works. Your fears are the same as most of everyone elses, We fear having our poor male pride shattered in an instant by humiliating giggles and judgment.

But male pride isn't exactly real, It's just a made up concept that we perceive as being very real and needs to be guarded at all cost.

[Lacey New]

Deebra,
I honestly don't know why CDing stuck with me. I can only guess that it was like an opium addiction. At first, I got excited just seeing panties, then I got excited wearing panties, then I wanted more - wear a bra, then panties, bra and slip, then hose, etc, etc. At each level, they was a new erotic experience. And I kept it up for my own gratification long after marriage. Now, I just do it but I can honestly say that even still, new (pretend) female experiences still excite me. But why? I'll be darned if I can explain it other that suggesting my own theory. Whether it bears any validity, who knows? However, just like you, I joined this site to find out more about myself. I don't really know why I crossdress and other men don't. But if I did, would I "cure" myself? I doubt it. So, I guess I will just accept it for what is is and keep doing it.

[Sara Jessica]

Why didn't other males not feel this draw too?

Homophobia, body type, porn consumption, family upbringing, and just sheer coincidence.



Really, you actually believe this?

How about 99.whatever% of dudes out there have no interest in putting on women't clothing because they are cool with being dudes. Trust me, there are men out there who are not homophobic in any way, have a body type I'm sure many of us would die for, view no porn, have had unimpactful family upbringings (for purposes of your premise) which leaves sheer coincidence which is not a catch-all to make your argument fly.

We live in a gender binary society, it is what it is. We don't need to recruit all men to the gray area to make ourselves feel more validated.

[Tracii G]

I think its 99% of men are fine being men and never give CDing a thought.
Homophobia maybe poses some fear but that is in the male that wants to CD, the man that doesn't think about CDing it wouldn't be a factor.
I find many CDers are homophobic.

[Sue101]

It is impossible to say how many men would dress in female clothes if society was OK with the concept as this scenario has never existed. We could look at other historical counterparts such as the Greek and Roman societies who did not differentiate between hetro- and homo-sexuality and homosexual acts were common place as they were considered normal behavior.

So in a free society would more men dress in female attire, yes! How many? Who knows. But even if they did wear dresses would men then act in a feminine manner? Crossdressing is not about the actual clothing itself (although it is obviously much more pleasing than your typical male varieties) it is about the change in our mental state as we transition from a male to female frame. The clothing allows us to inhabit the role of women so disassociating ourselves from the demands and stress of the masculine role. It is immensely pleasing and addictive on many levels and the repetitive action means it becomes ingrained into our psyche.

You can stop the physical dressing but you can never unravel the CD mentality. But this is a state of mind that most men would never enter. For example Scottish men who wear a kilt do not become CDs. It is what happens inside our heads that matters. The clothes are our portal into another state of mind.