Eggs Shells and Nervous Replies

[Jayne44C]

So, the last couple of weeks have been touchy here. Wife (love her but, not accepting) and I have mini chats about my dressing. Nothing truly resolved but, we're keeping the "air clear". She's bought holiday clothes for herself twice recently. Usually she asks what I think about her purchases. I've given short replies like "looks okay or nice" which isn't the norm. Usually I give more detailed answers, just felt awkward doing that. I didn't want her to feel like I was critiquing based on what I wear.

Turns out that route was upsetting! I explained why I was hesitant to give my normal critique. I was told she values my input and I often know what looks best on her body. Then I get "we have very different tastes in clothing. I never expect you to compare our clothing styles, especially when you look at my purchases." While I am happy we can talk about things without being upset, like we use to get, I'm still walking egg shells around her.

Jayne

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jayne:hugs:, It sounds like she really wants your honest opinion.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Beverley Sims]

I have usually opened my mouth wide and told the truth.

We have always discussed clothing and appearance openly, no feathers in the mouth here.

Amazingly I am still married and my wife still adjusts my bra straps when I wear shoestring strap singlets and other brief tops.

She also pulls down my skirts if they have elasticised waists.

[Dana44]

I would help her and give your honest optioned when she asks you. Even though you have your own style. I would be honest with her and she may be more receptive if you are really nice to her. So don't walk on egg shells around her.

[Tahoegurl]

Jayne,
For me it is best to be open and honest with my SO. I don't assume I know what she is thinking or feeling...I ask...her...and take the response at face value. I can easily misconstrue any thing...then it gets worse. We also have boundaries that we discuss and agree to...between us. When I feel there is tension...I say something to her...and we discuss.
I wish you the best in this conversation.

[Micki_Finn]

It can be tough. She’s struggling and not accepting, so pretty much anything you do annoys her, even if it’s attempting to be respectful of her limits. It’s basically a no win situation and best to just let it go and move on for now.

[NicoleScott]

It sounds to me like she wants her husband's opinion (a man's).

[KimberlyJean]

My wife does the same thing, she wants a girlfriend's opinion and she asks me but depending on her mood it can be the other way and she wants a does it make my butt look big answer.

[Helen_Highwater]

This is most likely way off the mark but when she says;

"we have very different tastes in clothing. I never expect you to compare our clothing styles, especially when you look at my purchases." what she's eluding to is she doesn't like the way you dress. Your style is one of the things that doesn't sit comfortably with her. If your SO saw a GG dressed like you would she say, "Oh she looks good it that"? Is it however that she thinks your style is possibly trashy or perhaps OTT?

It's often the case that any of us don't really don't speak plainly but wrap our thoughts up in camouflaged sentences.

[Persephone]

"we have very different tastes in clothing. I never expect you to compare our clothing styles, especially when you look at my purchases."

I suspect she values your opinion but isn't comfortable thinking about how your clothing choices relate to hers. Might be best to keep your focus on her when she asks for your opinion -- how those particular clothes look on her. She wants her husband's point of view.

[docrobbysherry]

Jayne, in my experience, it's not a good idea to, "Walk on egg shells" with your SO. In my case, doing that built up hostility over the years. That didn't end well!

I suggest u bite the bullet and say what u mean. Then, be prepared to discuss or explain your remark to clear the air with your SO. Honest communication is so critical if u want to remain partners!:hugs:

[Tracii G]

Be honest and tell her the truth and if she gets upset well so be it.
Walking on egg shells isn't healthy I know I have been there.
It causes hostility like Sherry said.

[Tina_gm]

One of the issues our partners often have is these kind of changes to everyday life. You have no need to change your daily interaction with her. It's as important as ever to keep them. It's when walls are put up by either ourselves or are partners is when often problems arise.

Tell her what you think of her purchased as you always have. You inadvertently made your dressing an issue by changing your interaction with her and in a way that was less interactive. If we read what our gg members often write about, our dressing is actually not at the top of their list of difficulties, it's what surrounds it. It's when the overall dynamics of the relationship change. Often far more than need be because we dress in female clothing at times.

[Jaylyn]

Although you are a dresser you should still have an opinion on what you enjoy seeing on your wife. I do believe she is asking what you like to see her wear. I would be objective and tell her an honest answer. You shouldn't have to be on egg shells if you give your honest answer, just be polite and remember to tell her how beautiful she is wearing this or that color and how good she looks wearing what she and you like on her.

[Rayleen]

For me I always give her my opinion on her clothing and we have great communication on the subject so she does give me her opinion on my clothing. I always ask her before we shop for clothing what we want and need.

[Crissy Kay]

I found out the hard way. Best advice I have to give, is Never tell the truth to a GG. GG's are a lot like the government, you can"t win with them no matter what you do!!

[Jayne44C]

Thank you all for your time and advice (to date), it's all very much appreciated! I guess I was just over thinking things here. :)

[WandaRae2009]

After my wife found out about Wanda, it was a long time, a year or two, before my wife would ask me about clothing. I always used to go clothes shopping with her, help her pick out clothes and give my opinion on fit and look. If she only knew how much I enjoyed it back then. Now we are back to where we were and probably a little more. I will even go bra shopping with her. We still don't shop for Wanda when we are out, but at least we are better when shopping for her.

[sometimes_miss]

Turns out that route was upsetting!
Welcome to the world where women expect you to read their minds, and always know exactly what they want. Because, of course, if you REALLY loved her, you'd just know automatically. Every guy goes through this at some point.

It comes under the category, if a man does something incorrect and there's no woman around to witness it, is he still always wrong?

[suzanne]

To what extent is she unaccepting? Is she like, "No. A thousand times No, and I'll destroy you if I ever catch you in a dress" or is she DADT or is she partly ok with limited wearing of panties and nightgowns?

My wife had come a long way from "I'd rather see you dead than dressed" to "I like that outfit on you" but she still won't go out in public with me dressed. So I think there's hope as long as she can open her mind even a little bit. My observation is that a lot of resistance comes from a fear of the unknown, whether that's fear of you being gay or trans, or fear of what others think or fear of you being better looking or more feminine than her or whatever else you can think of. I succeeded by demonstrating slowly over time that fears are unwarranted. It takes lots of time and patience, as well as awareness that progress can be rolled back sometimes.

[Jayne44C]

To what extent is she unaccepting? Is she like, "No. A thousand times No, and I'll destroy you if I ever catch you in a dress" or is she DADT or is she partly ok with limited wearing of panties and nightgowns?

My wife had come a long way from "I'd rather see you dead than dressed" to "I like that outfit on you" but she still won't go out in public with me dressed. So I think there's hope as long as she can open her mind even a little bit. My observation is that a lot of resistance comes from a fear of the unknown, whether that's fear of you being gay or trans, or fear of what others think or fear of you being better looking or more feminine than her or whatever else you can think of. I succeeded by demonstrating slowly over time that fears are unwarranted. It takes lots of time and patience, as well as awareness that progress can be rolled back sometimes.

In my home it's not accepting, due to the inability to understand "the why". I've told her I'm not gay or bisexual, which is true. I've explained I don't have any desire to transition,as I'm not transsexual. I have just enjoyed dressing up for what it is. Stress reliever? Ritualistic behavior? A way to pamper myself? I'd say it's all of those things but, I just accept it as part of who I am. I still try to find ways to make her feel as comfortable as I can and still keep the facts of it separated from the emotional side. We always seem to have larger issues (about my dressing) when there's a rise in emotional levels.

[Teresa]

Jayne,
It was something my counsellor tried to stop me doing , living on assumptions.

You assume that things had changed more than they had , walking on egg shells just gets worse until you break that cycle. Go back to your old ways and don't feel guilty about your Cding , she will soon let you know when she's not OK about the situation.