Partner and advice

[Jess6887]

So my partner knows I like to crossdress I told her a few months ago. She was shocked but kinda laughed about it. But she has said she doesn't want to see me dressed up. I only wear womens sleepwear around the house. When I told her I like to crossdress I said I'd like to one day wear nighties to bed, we had a discussion about it, but I still only do it when she isn't home.

So I haven't been sleeping well lately and that's because I've been wanting to wear a nightie to bed as I honestly do sleep better when dressed, I have a draw of womens sleepwear in our bedroom that she knows about. but I don't know how to bring it up to her that I want to wear a nightie to bed
Any suggestions

[sarah_hillcrest]

I only wear womens sleepwear around the house. When I told her I like to crossdress I said I'd like to one day wear nighties to bed, we had a discussion about it, but I still only do it when she isn't home. but I don't know how to bring it up to her that I want to wear a nightie to bed
Any suggestions

Sounds like you brought it up and it went nowhere, having your own drawer is nice, and it might be that your wife is not ever going to be comfortable with the idea. I think bringing it up over and over again will just make things worse. I suppose the best advice would be to take things slow and try steps. Something I've been considering is getting a long generic T-shirt to start wearing at night with no pants.

The opposite idea is just put on a nightie, jump in bed and see if she throws you out.

[Jess6887]

ive only ever spoken to her about it once and that's when I told her. She asks me every now and then have I dressed up lately and I reply yes I either say all day or just for a few hours.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Straight out ask. It seems as if you have the start of an open honest relationship. Keep it that way, just respect her opinions nd work towards common goals. Be willing to compromise.

[Joan58]

Why not just put on your nighty and get in bed? Do you dictate her sleepwear? Why should she dictate yours?

[Jess6887]

No I don't dictate hers but I don't want her to be put in that position on where she wakes up and sees me in a nightie would hurt her trust

[Joan58]

You said that you have discussed this all ready.What was the outcome of that conversation?

[Jess6887]

Well we discussed it and she said I can wear anything but a nightie but that's what I really want to wear, she said she wouldn't want to wake up one day and see me in a nightie

[Joan58]

Anything but a night gown? Get some nice soft and silky women's pajamas.

[Jess6887]

I own some already but I don't want to sleep in them. Would prefer the nightie, any suggestions on how I could make that happen?

[Joan58]

Forgiveness is easier obtain then permission. Just do it.

[Jess6887]

That is true, so how would you suggest I go about it. Do I just get dressed in my nightie and surprise her or talk to her then put it on

[lingerieLiz]

It may be a turn off for some women. They feel like they are making love to a woman and lose interest. Only you can find her limits of acceptance.

[rhonda]

why don't you get her to do dress up challenge make a game switching each others clothes until it becomes a habit , who knows she might get hooked and want to join this forum too

[SamanthaToday]

Hi Jess,

So you can wear whatever you want to bed, maybe even a latex Cat Suit and your SO is ok with it, but not a nightie.

Quite the power struggle

Wow.

[Teresa]

Jess,
For some time I wore a nightie under my PJs , I eventually admitted to my wife because I was struggling with sleep problems , she told me if it helps wear one but don't flaunt it !

[dawn459]

Jess6887:Try a short cotton gown
That is more generic flavor and see what her reaction would be
I have cotton.nylon long&short& my wife helps pick out some of my
Gowns&nighties.

[Stephanie47]

Just what kind of nightie do you want to wear? A peignoir? A floor length nylon gown? A baby doll? Some styles may be too feminine for her to handle. When my kids were younger on Father's Day or Christmas they would give me a masculine knee length open bottom gown with some saying on it, like "Best Day in the World." There was nothing different about the sleep shirt other than it was not pink with hearts on it or made of nylon. Maybe she would not be upset with a less feminine looking nylon sleep shirt. Realistically, she does not want to share her bed with a "woman."

[giuseppina]

Sorry, folks, but I disagree with the 'just do it' line. That is disrespectful to Jess's partner, who has asked that Jess not to wear women's clothes in her presence. The forum holds many stories about marriage breakdown because a CD went too far.

It's time for another discussion with your partner, Jess. Tell her what you said in your OP.

The Ta Da method usually causes hard feelings between the CD and her partner.

These will be nice and cozy in the coming winter. Maybe your wife would like one too:

http://www.nightsinwhiteflannel.com/Flannel-Gowns_c_38.html

For the record, I don't have any connection to this business.

[Beverley Sims]

I would wear the PJ's for now,much better than wearing drab stuff to bed.

Nighties can come later, I prefer satin PJ's anytime.

[Charlotte7]

My experience says that, even if you have a very accepting SO there will always be rules, even if unsaid, and there will always be boundaries. There are ways we can move them, even if it feels glacially slow, but we have to remember, push too hard or too fast, then the opposite can be true, they can push back, and much quicker, much further and possibly with devastating effects. Never forget, that you're on a journey. Nobody least of all you knows where the destination is, but the good thing seems to be, in your case, that you're on the journey together. Keep talking and make sure to enjoy it together. Go gently, as any journey can only proceed at the pace of the slowest. And finally, if you can, make sure to take every step of the way, together.

[NancySue]

My sense is, sooner or later you’ll address your desire with her. Dinner, flowers, etc. might set a positive mood to tell her. After all, they’re just clothes. I wear nighties, panties and sometimes a bra and thigh highs to bed. Yes, I sleep very well. I hope you reach a compromise.

[Alice B]

I always wear nighties or other similar attire to bed and my wife is OK with it. But for the last two weeks we have had non stop house guests, thus only tee shirts to bed. And you are right. I do not sleep as well, thus tired every day. Last night the guests were all gone and wore the most sexy nightie I have. Slept like a baby. Will fully dress tonight and go out.

[SamanthaToday]

Jess,

The first time I responded to your post, I was kind of flippant.

Im sorry.

To me you haven't really had a talk.

Mentioning your desire and her laffing it off, isn't a talk.

You need to really let her know this is what you want, you said partner, so I guess you aren't married.

I don't want to be cruel but is this what you want for the rest of your life, not even being able to wear what you want to bed, let alone any other experiences.

[Dana44]

I would say that you need to have a real talk with her. There is a sticky here that tells you how to come out to her. Night wear should not be a problem on cold nights. Read the sticky and write some notes. If you just want to night wear the that should be easy to accomplish.

[docrobbysherry]

Jess, I'm not sure your argument, "I sleep better in a nighty", is going to sit well with her. And, I'm having a hard time believing u can't find a substitute.:straightface:

Why is THAT the only item she objects to u wearing? I'd like to hear her answer to that. Maybe it's just because that's the one thing u want? This sounds like a pissing contest with your SO.:Angry3:

I'm guessing u both have other unresolved issues. Maybe this nighty thing is just the one thing u both decided to hang your hats on?

[giuseppina]

Here's an old thread about how to tell your partner by a GG that has plenty of relevant information:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=

[phili]

Perhaps both of you are using an oversimplified code, with a standoff on a simple thing- the nighty, which actually represents an unresolved, much larger and more complex issue! The unspoken and important question is how feminine can you be and have it still make sense to your wife. This is a long and complicated thing, and won't even necessarily be resolved in a decent conversation- so many of us end up with DADT. But read up as suggested and search 'my SO' - it will help get you started and avoid unnecessary conflict growing.

[BettyMorgan]

Ask for what you need. Don't make assumptions, don't read her mind. Just ask.