A complete strangers comment

[Princess29]

*I'm sure this will be moved if it's not in the appropriate section*

I was in a Target store today (in male mode) but looking at dresses. I was just having a look at a nice one when a woman came over to me (a complete stranger and not a staff member) and said "I don't think that would suit you but I'm sure your wife will love it".
I was wondering what business was it of hers what I do but I said "don't presume to know everything" and she then continued to go on about my "wife" (I'm not married and again, she was a complete stranger) and then telling me about the other dresses in the area.
She no doubt thought she was being clever or helpful and I wanted to tell her to mind her own business (or more colourful words to that effect) but in the end, I said nothing and just walked away.
I don't know what her intention was and I don't know how the conversation could have gone in the end and if I was feeling more playful, I could have come up with the most outlandish, over the top response about what I might like to do while wearing the dress but in the end, I was just struck as to why, a complete stranger, thinks it was any of her business what I like to look at in a shop.

[Teresa]

Princess,
Most men are lost in clothes shops so a friendly GG trying to offer some advice is a good thing , I would have told her politely it was for you and and see if she continued to talk to you. I wouldn't have been offended it might have been a bit of fun especially if she asked you to try it on .

[Leelou]

Wow, that was a weird encounter. I've only had a few confused looks from GG customers while shopping around me--nothing like that. I think you handled it great. It was way over the top for her to continue the original comment with further discussion. Crazy Lady. You did well.

[Charlotte7]

Quite often women talk to women, even women they don't know. She may not have thought anything of it. She may have thought she was being friendly. If we put ourselves in a dress shop this kind of encounter should be expected and accepted. Me, I think I would have replied with something like, "Oh, I'm not so sure, I'll find out when I get home." and left her to her own thoughts as I wandered off with the dress.

[Princess29]

my first thought is rarely to defend myself, either in an agressive or even playful way, and she may not have meant anything by it and if she had just started with the comments about the other dresses (talking about how one is lined and the other isn't), rather than the "I don't think it would suit you etc", I have the feeling we could have struck up a conversation that I could have enjoyed or found productive. Tone of voice can often be misinterpreted (mine is all the time) but we are responsible for what we say and I didn't like what she said and also, the way that she said it. I felt attacked (rightly or wrongly) and and as I said, I usually don't lash out or stand up for myself in most of those sort of encounters with random strangers.

[Helen_Highwater]

Quite often women talk to women, even women they don't know.

This is very true. Women tend to communicate more with complete strangers. If they see something that interests them then there#s a chance they'll comment. It may have been that she found the idea that a man would buy his (assumed) wife a gift, she having a SO who would never think to do the same finds that appealing.

I think I would have said, in a slightly jokey way, "How do you know it's not for me?" "It takes all sorts you know" and see what happened. But then I love a bit of banter.

[deebra]

Princess I agree with your reaction, it's none of your business but everything Teresa said was correct. You could have turned it around and said it was for me, I am a CD, how do you think it would look on me? Also what's wrong with me wearing women's clothes if that's what I like. She just might have been fine with it and continued to offer help.

I was in Burlington's once looking at heels and a woman a few feet away said they will really look good on you and then laughed; I thought what the hell and just let it go, why spend my time and get into a conversation I didn't have the time for. Why should I have to explain it to her?

[Princess29]

I have conversations with complete strangers all the time both at work and also in my private life to do with all sorts of subjects.
I guess she caught me off guard the way she went about it and struck a defensive nerve. I think even if she had said "I think that WILL suit you" or something more positive, that would have set a different sort of tone for me

[Pat]

She was probably trying to be nice. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

[NancySue]

Yes, I’ve had the same experience, several times. One lady, a complete stranger, out of the blue, asked if I knew the right size, color, occasion, etc. I do not wear the same size as my wife, so maybe she added 2 and 2? Who knows? Likewise, most SA’s are nice and helpful, but there have been a couple that, I felt, asked too many questions. Neither do I know their intentions or why they felt a compulsion to converse. I also got that “doesn’t smell right” feeling. Who knows? For me, it was just another questionable experience that, around here, I/we have to continue to be careful.

[Krisi]

I agree. Just trying to be nice. Everyone you meet isn't out to get you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Princess :hugs:, I totally agree with Teresa above, She honestly may been trying to be of assistance .>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Zoeytgtx]

I justtend to go with the flow. In a shopping situation, most people are not out to get us. SA's really are just trying to be helpful. If I have the time I generally let them pont me in the right direction. I've learned a lot about dressing my body shape by just letting SA's do their job and help me.
As far as other shoppers women tend to do things communally. I have had other women give their opinion and ask for my opinion while out shopping. Take it for a compliment.

[Nikki A.]

I've had women talk to me while I shop. Comment on a color or style, it seems like it's a bit of camaraderie.

[CynthiaD]

Why is your first thought to be defensive? Why not act friendly and maybe make a new friend? You never have enough friends.

[Micki_Finn]

It sounds to me like she honestly thought you were shopping for a gg and thought she was being helpful. At first I though it may have been a subtle dig, but if the conversation remained on dresses and didn’t segue into “abominations” and “fire and brimstone” then she was probably honestly trying to be helpful.

You seem really put off by the “wouldn’t suit you” comment. I don’t think she meant it maliciously. Men tend to be uncomfortable around women’s clothes and often a joke can put them at ease (many years retail experience). I doubt she meant that men shouldn’t wear dresses, but rather it was meant to be an absurdity. Trust me, if she was anti-trans/CD, she sure as heck wouldn’t be having a polite conversation with you about dresses.

[Majella St Gerard]

I would have just said that I was shopping for myself. I don't shop for women's clothes in man mode anymore, doesn't feel right, but when I did that was my answer. I would get the response "well there's nothing wrong with that " and I would say "yeah, I know ". people have a tendency to not mind their own business.

[ambigendrous]

I might have responded with "You don't think it suits me? Tell me, why not? Is it the color, the cut, or what? Can you show me something that WOULD suit me?" and then wait for her reaction!

[chris80]

'I don't think that dress would suit you'
Perhaps you would like to help me pick out one or two that would suit me?
That would test whether she was trying to be helpful or vindictive.

[paulinescotlandcd]

She was probably trying to be nice. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I am with Pat, it sounds like she was being simply friendly.

[Stephanie47]

Did you ever consider the woman was trying to pick you up? I went back to some of your pictorial postings, and, if that's you in the pretty maid's dress, she may have been making an assumption you are a cross dresser. If you are in the area for sizes that would have fit you that assumption may have some validity. When I use to shop for clothing for my wife I had women approach me and offer assistance. My wife was five foot two and 120 pounds or less, and, I was six foot two and 175 pounds, so it there was no doubt I was shopping for a woman. I've done most of the grocery shopping for our family, and, the number of times women have stopped me in the store for one reason or another would suggest some were on the prowl.

In all probability she was trying to be helpful. She may have had gifts over the years from a husband or boyfriend that were constantly being returned for one reason or another. Anyway, you'll never know her true intentions.

[StevieTV]

I was at a Goodwill thrift store browsing the designer rack when a man approached me and said "that isn't your size". I was in man-mode at that time and thought I was caught. Any how, I kept on browsing and ignored him thinking he was a jerk. I found something I liked and he was still hovering. I asked him point blank if this was better and he got all flustered and left.

[Tracii G]

I tend to think she was just trying to be helpful.
I think your guy side was reacting to some one in a manner like when a guy calls you out or makes fun of you.

[paulaprimo]

since she seemed friendly i might of told her that it was for me. a woman's help is
priceless and i can certainly use all of the help that i can get! :)

[docrobbysherry]

Some of the reasons I always shop in drab, Princess, is I feel comfortable and am rarely noticed. I'm not relaxed when out in Vanillaland dressed. So, I usually jump to conclusions about someone's comment, crack, or laff directed at me!:eek:

That being said, I've gotten into a number of pleasant discussions with women while shopping in the ladies sections in thrift stores. Sometimes they've been very helpful with clothing and fashion advice. And on occasion, even asked my male opinion on their selections!:)

If a lady ever says to me, "That's not a good choice for u." I would ask her, "Why not?" I mite learn something!:thumbsup:

[Traci H]

I can understand your response. We are all sitting here with 20/20 hindsight and you had to make a split second decision about just what the heck was going on. And of course, we can't hear the tone on the comments either, so difficult to assess. I suspect I would have reacted the same way, being a bit flustered by such.

I truly hope that should this happen to me, and it could as I am often looking at female garments in guy mode, even at Target, I might respond with a comment that would flush her out so to speak. At this point I am truly curious as to what her intentions where. Oh, well, maybe next time. I hardly ever go to Target now without checking out, the tops, dresses and their purse section.

[char GG]

From Cynthia D.
Why is your first thought to be defensive?

Women have done that to my husband many times when we are shopping together. They obviously mean nothing by it, they are just making conversation. My husband and the women usually just have a little chuckle and go about their business. They will walk away and not think about it any longer while you are obviously dwelling on the comment since you took the time to write about it. Don't give it another thought. If you get defensive, they will definitely think something more is going on.

[Sarah Doepner]

I was doing a little thrift store shopping one day and discovered a pair of bright red glitter "hooker" heels in my size. Score! I grabbed them and I continued looking at the shoe rack to see if the person who had donated these had a taste for more comfortable shoes. A couple passed by and the man said "I don't know if those will look good on you." He said it in a way that was pleasant and probably meant as a joke for a guy who was waiting for his wife to come back with a basket.

I looked at him and said "You might be surprised, I've been told I have great legs for heels."

He seemed to be wondering about that as his wife steered them toward the kitchenware and I pulled a pair of sandals off the rack to check the size.

[Bella.CD]

As you said yourself, you tone is often misunderstood, perhaps you misunderstood hers. You will never know now, for sure.

[Alice B]

That is a strange encounter. I have tried on dresses in stores and have only received positive comments from women in the area

[Anne K]

Good advice, Teresa!

Princess, don't work yourself up about this. My wife is a swanky, artsy dresser. Often, women will approach her and comment on something she is wearing or looking at in a store.

Is it possible that she was hitting on you? Why else ask about your wife so much?

[NicoleScott]

I think she might have been fishing, curious if the clothing was for you or "the wife", without directly asking.

[Princess29]

she was 15-20 years older than me so I don't know if she was hitting on me.
She presumed I have a wife (I thought I was heading down that path this year but alas, it didn't work out).
We are not responsible for how people interpret what we say, just what we actually say and I thought just thought what she said was weird

[Alice Torn]

I think i would have said it was for me. So many people are like zombies today, and do not say anything! I think it is nice when anyone actually speaks!

[Lana Mae]

Princess, get used to it, some women are just like that! Mostly they are trying to be helpful! There could have been a lot of different conversations come out of this experience and you might have learned a few things about women! Do not jump to the defensive stance so easily! Relax and live and learn! Hugs Lana Mae

[Mistress Frillee]

I was waiting in line to pay for my panties in the lingerie dept of sears. I had a lady in front of me comment, “those will never fit you.” 😂

[BettyMorgan]

We can only speculate on this. Since we don't know the exact tone, inflection or body language. Could be someone singling you out to embarrass you or someone who is just connecting with another person the only way they know how. Only you can draw that conclusion.

[lingerieLiz]

I was looking at bras one day and a woman asked me if I wore them everyday. I said yes, is that a problem? she got flustered. In my youth, I told more than one SA that the dress was for me. More than one went out with me knowing I wore women's clothes. If I was young and single and she was cute I would have engaged her where one might wear the dress. If she was older such as near your mother's age you could have told her you wished you had a mother that would give you such great advice about what to wear.

[Beverley Sims]

Jeez.....
If a strange beautiful woman wants to talk fashion with me I will agree with everything she says.

Any woman offering advice is good however I am dressed, it makes for a wonderful interaction.