Could this be part of why an SO would have trouble accepting?

[suzanne]

I've give this a lot of thought, and waited for any other reasons to be suggested. So far nothing had jumped up in z "Eureka" kind of way. So I want to ask for opinions on this one:

Could one reason why a wife or girlfriend not accept a crossdressing partner be "Because I'm the woman, not you."?

Like all questions of this nature, it may be more true for some than for others, or maybe not at all. My wife does not talk about anything in this vein, but I own way more dresses and skirts than she does. Actually, she has none at all. And I've never called her out on that, neither have I said anything about being more feminine than she. But I do wonder what is preventing her from her current partial acceptance to fully embracing me.

I'd love to hear any other input on this. Thanks for listening.

[2B Natasha]

More like.
“ I am A woman and am attracted to men. The man I married. I am not a lesbian and am not attracted to other women in that way. “

[JeanTG]

I think Natasha is right, and I think there may be another variant on that: the woman who fears in herself what she hates in her husband, a sexual or gender taboo of her own and her husband's dressing somehow triggers it. I think these are the women who are viscerally, and aggressively, non-accepting. I think Natasha has described the perfect DADT spouse. But the aggressively opposing goes beyond that. The aggressive opposition is nothing other than fear. Of course it could also be fear of losing her husband to transition as well, and that kind of fear is probably related to the lack of trust in her husband, if he says he is not contemplating transition, simply because his activities have always required stealth and deception which is a very poor basis on which to establish trust!

[Krisi]

......... neither have I said anything about being more feminine than she. .............

Well that's good because you aren't more feminine than she. She is feminine 24/7 while you are attempting to be feminine once in a while.

So why would a woman have trouble accepting crossdressing by her partner? Because when she was young she dreamed of being carried away by a big strong manly male, not a guy dressed as a woman. Because men are supposed to look, act and dress like men, not women. Because she may feel less of a woman if her partner is not a complete man. Because she will be embarrassed if it gets out that her husband is a crossdresser.

[Ressie]

"Because I'm the woman, not you."?

Absolutely - you da man!

[nikkim83]

There are numerous reasons.

From the sexual variety

To the i didnt marry a woman variety

To issues even with her own body. ( I wear a dress size significantly smaller than my spouse.)

To what if crossdressing just isnt enough.

[NicoleScott]

......... because I'm attracted to a manly man, not a girly man.
I don't (in most cases) think it's about competition.

[Samm]

For my/our first time out, my wife made me buy her a new outfit. Her reasoning, she didn't want me looking better than her. Of course I obliged. I also took it as a compliment.

[Jaylyn]

I do think many wives don't know how far it is going also. Just a night gown to full blown transition. It would scare me if my wife wanted to turn into a man. Although she is often found in jeans and boots and I've asked her is she CD today and she gives me the stink eye. Could be lots of things especially what Nicole said about her wanting a manly man. That's what my wife married a very manly guy and she has reminded me of it but she still says she suspected I might be just getting old and losing my testosterone is why I've wanted to dress.

[Teresa]

Suzanne,
It might be a possibility but maybe more that she married a man not a woman so she expects that man to remain so .

That is the answer I receive when we do talk about CDing issues, she just wants the man she married. OK I do now reply I'd like the woman I married , she just shrugs her shoulders and says we are both disappointed now. Some marriages do get stronger others lose their way , we want different things in out later years , my Cding is the major factor , neither of us are happy so before there is a total melt down we part as friends .

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, she even would pick out things for me to wear.
She once told me that as long as I continued to still have a "MAN's" body with a
man's desire, she did not care what I was wearing; since I was still a man underneath
what I was wearing.
Of coarse there where some rules, And they where reasonable, and I followed them.
I miss her a lot.
Rader

[Leslie Mary S]

There is also the social aspect. She doesn't want to have to bare the treatment from friends who might see her Manly man dressed as a woman. a social taboo in many social groups/classes.
If everyone around you thinks of Cross Dressing as a social taboo, sin, then your wife doesn't want to have to fight that battle. The same reason many of our members tend to stay in their closet or go over 100 miles so they can dress in public.

[Micki_Finn]

More like.
“ I am A woman and am attracted to men. The man I married. I am not a lesbian and am not attracted to other women in that way. “

Yup. This.

[Gillian Gigs]

All of the answers so far are true to some one's particular situation. My wife was concerned about several things.
1. That I might look prettier than her.
2. How far was this going to go?
3. She was jealous that I had nicer legs.
4. She was jealous that I had prettier panties, that got fixed really quickly by going shopping!
5. She still wanted to see her husband. She still sees her husband, I don't do make up and wigs.

It took time, but in the end my wife sees this guy who likes to wears lingerie and skirts. She is not in competition with me in anything!

[Rachael Leigh]

Yes this fit my situation when my wife and I were together, she felt I was the other women. That all I focused on was me
as Rachael.
I won't deny that this was true and it has lead to our pending divorce. There are consequences of having this side of oneself
it tends toward selfishness and those who can balance it are special. I of course realized I was more than a CD and was TG
Our wives put up with a lot many deserve better, I know mine did
Rachael

[Majella St Gerard]

Well that's good because you aren't more feminine than she. She is feminine 24/7 while you are attempting to be feminine once in a while.

So why would a woman have trouble accepting crossdressing by her partner? Because when she was young she dreamed of being carried away by a big strong manly male, not a guy dressed as a woman. Because men are supposed to look, act and dress like men, not women. Because she may feel less of a woman if her partner is not a complete man. Because she will be embarrassed if it gets out that her husband is a crossdresser.
I take issue with this statement, just because she is a "real" woman does not make her more feminine than a CD. Have you seen some women, a lot are not feminine in appearance at all, some women are very manly and some men are very feminine. Just look at some gay men and women. I am much more feminine in appearance and mannerisms than most women I know, including my ex wives. Women don't like to one upped especially by their husbands.

[phili]

I've been trying to focus the conversation with my wife on the basic purpose of our relationship- ok, as I see it- which is to help each other navigate life, with love, care, support, and a rule of win win. Crossdressing conflicts with habitual sexual attraction imagery, and the fundamental place in life as a boy or girl that people learn to hold precious. These are a little more manageable than the social consequences, where kids are involved, or your social environment is punishing.

It is a lot for an SO to want to tangle with, unless they don't lose sight of our fundamental nature- the one they love. Or our crossdressing brings something valuable for our them as well.

And personal things can interfere. My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic, and keeping tight control on life's challenges is essential for her. Crossdressing is complex and generally dismissed as deviant- so it is the last thing she wants to incorporate into her life. Loving me means to her telling me to stop. Loving her means I am going to try to work out as much as I can of what drives me to crossdress- without crossdressing. I can say that the crossdressing freedom I have claimed has made me more able to moderate it..

[Tracii G]

Oh my I am not going to touch this thread with a 10 foot pole.

[dawn459]

Suzanne: My Wife said many years
Ago that if I wanted her to go out
With me dressed as two girlfriends
It would take a six pack of beer and
A motel out of state where neither one of us might be recognized and
On being more fem she helps pick out some of my dresses when we
Shop together with me in male mode. We bought a Red knit dress
Thinking she could wear the 26w
But it was to tight so I wound up
Getting the dress and she wanted
To see how it fit on me and when I
Tried the dress on she paid me a compliment saying it fit me better
Than it did her and that I was passable.
Keep the head high just be the man
When she needs you and keep Suzanne happy and enjoy life .
You don't mention children so that
Could be avery good plus get her to shop with you in male mode and get her some new clothes and see if she asks if you need anything.

[Leslie Mary S]

Bet she does.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I've give this a lot of thought, and waited for any other reasons to be suggested. So far nothing had jumped up in z "Eureka" kind of way. So I want to ask for opinions on this one:

Could one reason why a wife or girlfriend not accept a crossdressing partner be "Because I'm the woman, not you."?

Like all questions of this nature, it may be more true for some than for others, or maybe not at all. My wife does not talk about anything in this vein, but I own way more dresses and skirts than she does. Actually, she has none at all. And I've never called her out on that, neither have I said anything about being more feminine than she. But I do wonder what is preventing her from her current partial acceptance to fully embracing me.

I'd love to hear any other input on this. Thanks for listening.


More like.
“ I am A woman and am attracted to men. The man I married. I am not a lesbian and am not attracted to other women in that way. “

I can see these two things being a big reason, but at the same time I can also see one of the biggest land mines of all:

“Am I not woman enough for you?”

[sometimes_miss]

Most women don't get sexually turned on by other women. And, many are sexually turned OFF by the thought of feminine men. They are almost universally attracted to alpha male appearances and behavior, and we are the antithesis of that. While most people cannot tell you exactly why they're so attracted to another, and will just want to chalk it up to 'chemistry', they do know whether they are, or aren't attracted to that person.

[IleneD]

Suzanne,
It's a good and understandable reaction, and it has many corollaries. I've heard variations from my wife a number of times.
My wife (bless her heart, I love her), is not a fashion plate in any sense. She has no flair in her dress anymore and dresses for comfort. She has good days and she's a good looking woman, but make up and dressing up are not her at all.
It makes the juxtaposition of me and my interest in lady fashion and her dress mode quite interesting; almost a tension at times.

And yes, there is indeed a factor about you being more feminine than her, or at least trying to appear so. My wife gets worked up over breast forms, shaping garments or forms; and resents the fact that a man thinks he can put on some fake boobs and BE a woman. She's big on being a real and natural woman, and anyone who wants to play her part needs to step up (in her mind).

But the number one CD discomfort factor that The Wife has expressed (due to my coming out late in life), is that she "wants her manly man back" Sometimes Miss gets it. Most normal healthy heterosexual women like their men as men. Period.

I just don't know what to say about that. The truth doesn't hurt. Its just the truth. I try to make plenty of time as Guy Time where I am in full Guy Mode; the guy she always knew. I know it's a delicate balance especially for someone with a strong TG tendency and learning. But I owe her a fair share of Guy Mode, and I try not to be Ilene all the time.

[Becky Blue]

A friend of mine (she is not on here) has an accepting almost encouraging wife, she only found her inner girl late in life so its all quite new. Since she started dressing her wife has started buying and wearing heels to go out after years of flats and has taken more interest in her own clothes and makeup.

Possibly the wife whilst happy to have a CDing husband is feeling that she wants to ensure she is the more feminine one... interesting

[redtea]

1- Women just love the idea of a big strong man who will take care of them and make them feel pretty.
2- A CDer is already pretty which diminishes the whole idea that SHE is the pretty he seeks in his life.
3- CDers just look weird, over time we get used to our own weirdness and eventually we forget how weird we actually are.
4- explaining to the family your CDing husband, taking on the shame of your choice would not be fun.
5- Like number 1, Women have pride just like men and care more about the appearance of their relationship than the actual relationship itself.
6- Being associated with a CDer produces shame.

But what do i know, i don't have a wife- I will probably be single for life. Alone in my fantasies happy and eventually very regretful.

[Majella St Gerard]

This is why you have to be honest from the start, if you keep this secret to yourself and tell them ten years into the relationship of course they will have issues with it. All of a sudden you're not the person they thought you were. Be up front, if it's cool with her, great, if not let her go because you know you will never stop dressing.