What if the shoe was on the other foot?

[NikiMichelle]

My wife of of 40 years is tolerant to very mildly supportive of my CD’ing. A lot of the time I wish she was more supportive of me but I do not push her at all.

Some days however I stand back and wonder how I would feel and behave if she were a crossdresser? How would I feel if she wore boxers with a rolled up sock in the front, let the hair on her legs and armpits grow out, cut her hair short, didn’t wear makeup, wrapped her chest to flatten it out, wore men’s clothes and had a fake glue on beard?

It is those/these days that brings me back to the reality that I have a great, loving, caring wife of 40 years and that I am a very lucky guy..........who is able to express his female side in front of the love of his life!

[nikkim83]

If it made her happy I would have 0 problems with it.

[Elizabeth G]

I think I would probably end up in a similar situation to the one I put my wife in. I would accept to the extent I could but can't honestly say I would embrace it and be wholly supportive. I might not want to see it or go out and about with her like that but I could see setting up something that would allow her the time and space she needed. It may sound hypocritical but it's really no different than my current situation with my wife with respect to my dressing.

[JenniferMBlack]

I would be ok with it except the glue on beard. They just never look right.

[JocelynJames]

I wish I could say I'd be happy with it. But He truth is that her femininity is a major part of my attraction to her. I would have issues accepting and would definitely try. I know it's not fair as she has been accepting ( the typical accepting/ backing away/ ground rules / then green lighting) and I often ask myself why she puts up with it. It's then that I know I could accept her as she's accepted me. Love

[Teresa]

NikiMichelle,
Some will argue that most women crossdress most days anyway , they only appear to out of practicalities , trousers and thicker shirts make better everyday wear for most jobs .The big difference is they don't have the trait that drives most of us , whatever does drive us it's fulfilling a need . Some women do actually enjoy living with a CDer, after seeing others in my social group they love dressing up with their CDing partner.

Very few married women will give up their femininity , they may play it down but I doubt many would want to portray men . This has reminded me of a conversation with a lovely SA from a local charity shop, I asked if she was offended by my CDing and then would she ever be tempted to do the opposite , then I asked her straight would she like to be a man , she replied not in million years !

[Tracii G]

First off why would she wear a watch in her underwear in a sock? Sorry I saw the misspelling and had to make a joke.
Seriously I don't think many CDers even give your premis much thought and 90% should.
It sure would solve a lot of problems in their relationships that result from CDing.

[Gillian Gigs]

I see your point, but that is some what based on where you are coming from. I just want most of the clothes and nothing more.To put it simply, if she wears pants, I should be able to wear a skirt. If she wears socks, I should be able to wear nylons. I do wear these items and she doesn't mind in the least, so I guess I have it good. Most women don't want to be men, they just want the same rights. Most CD'ers just want the right to wear what they want, or look the way they want! Everyone should have the right to wear what they want and look the way they want!

[audreyinalbany]

not the first time this has come up on the forum. I can honestly say that I don't think it would bother me to the extent that my dressing bothers her. Maybe i'm a bit more sympathetic because of my own issues, but I can't imagine it would be a huge deal for me. She tells me she 'doesn't want to see me 'like that' " and I quite frankly don't think I'd be all that disturbed by seeing her 'like that"

[Claire_ORFL]

I'm not sure what I would consider a female crossdresser. My wife already wears my shirts, socks, even sleeps in my boxer briefs. Pretty much her wearing any of my clothing would be fine. As far as mannerisms, grooming, etc. I really don't know, it would be hard for me to imagine her like that. I guess that is the challenge she faces with me dressing, although i don't adopt stereotypical mannerisms or try to change my walk or voice.

[sara66]

if the situation were flipped I think most of us would think it was weird. From our prospective as CD's most of us would be ok with it if not embrace their dressing.
Sara

[Cdkym]

I have thought about this before and would love it if we could swap back and forth and play different dressing games. I would totally support her. It sounds like a lot of fun to me!

[ellbee]

Years ago I had a serious long-term relationship with a GG who would wear my clothes sometimes... Jeans, sweatshirt, baseball hat, etc.

She was a "girly-girl," but she also had a tomboy streak to her, too. Plus, she was pretty hot, no matter what she was wearing. :D


I had no issue with it. Yet oddly, she did not find it amusing whenever I tried on some of her clothes... She wanted me out of them ASAP (and not in the good way).

Had we stayed together & gotten married, it would have been horrible, in terms of my CD'ing.


Others since then have worn my sweatshirts, flannel shirts, whatever.

But all of them had always presented as female. I really do have no issue with that. I think one might be a little surprised at just how many GG's wear stuff from the men's side of the aisle.



If an SO of mine wanted to go full-out & present in public as a guy? Depends on the circumstances.

Halloween? Go for it... I've actually tried to get GG's to go as some sort of guy, but sadly, none ever went for it.

Some sort of (non-Halloween) event where them dressing up as a guy would be socially acceptable, as some others would also be in some sort of costume? Again, go for it.

And I'd even be wiling to urge them to do it on a random Tuesday, as part of a social experiment, in everyday life.

I'd have no problems with any/all of that. I think it would be pretty interesting to see a GG-SO as a dude. :heehee:


Of course, at home behind closed doors, do what you want.


Where I would draw the line is frequency & degree. Meaning, you want to go to the barber & get a men's haircut? Yeah, that's gonna last for a while. But is that really a fair comparison? It's not like I have long women's hair that I get done up at the salon. So, yeah... Get a wig if you want to dramatically change up your hair, just like I would have to. It's only temporary, and can be removed at any time.

Long leg hair & underarm hair? Gross. Not all that common with GG's in the US. I don't find it attractive on a guy, and I believe many GG's actually don't prefer that, either... So why would it look good on a GG? Another comparison that's not fair or accurate. I mean, have you ever heard a GG say, "Oh, wow... Check out that guy's sexy underarm hair! Mmm... Yeah, baby!" I rest my case. :D

No make-up? Who cares. I think some GG's look better without it -- or at least a very minimal amount.

A GG stuffing her pants? I dunno, if a guy is wearing typical guy-pants, can you even really notice their male-stuff down there, that something is definitely there? It's not exactly like a CD'er wearing C-cup boobs & a bra under a tight top, ya know?


Plus the fact that there's really no such generally-accepted thing like a man's dress/skirt/heels/pantyhose/make-up/etc. At least in the Western world, it doesn't really exist except on a fringe level which is viewed as an oddity. Meanwhile, women's pants/button-down shirts/whatever, *do* exist & are quite common & socially acceptable.


Anyway, I could keep going on, but the bottom line is, I don't believe it's exactly an apples-to-apples comparison.

Still not buying it? Run an experiment. A GG in appropriate-sized men's clothes in typical colors/styles, presenting as a female... And a guy in appropriate-sized women's clothes in typical colors/styles, presenting as a male... And see who gets more looks/reactions when out & about in public. ;)


But to answer your question, regardless? As long as her public cross-gendered presentation level is more or less equal to mine in terms of frequency & degree, I would have no qualms with it. :)

[LeannS]

Doing a whole role reversal I would be up for that she can wear the pants and I do what I do now everything else
I would very much welcome with open arms.

[Linda P.]

"Anyway, I could keep going on, but the bottom line is, I don't believe it's exactly an apples-to-apples comparison"

Exactly. It's impossible to compare the two since women wearing what at one time was considered men's clothes are now totally accepted as appropriate. Perhaps the question could gain a different perspective if viewed this way: how does the average man react to a woman in a pantsuit, and how does the average woman react to a man in a dress?
As women have insisted on their right to wear traditional men's clothes, men have had no choice but to accept it. In contrast there has not been a similar movement to afford men the equivalent right, for various reasons. As a result men who want to wear women's clothes have been limited to doing so primarily in private and so sometimes seek the approval of the wife to be allowed to at least have this private opportunity. As such, comparing the two different situations may be more complex than it initially appears.

[IleneD]

OMG. You've steered right into one of my wife's major points when we were first dealing with my coming out. In many ways, it's still an inexplicable sore point.

She came out and declared during one of our more heated and personal discussion of my CD, "How'd you like it if I got a crew cut, wore a fake beard; or a fake penis ?" (She had to make the hand motion to explain penis, of course). What would I think?

And she had a point. If my wife suddenly did the mirror image acts of what I was doing my expressing my femme side, I'd probably be wrapping her up and taking her to the doctor myself. I was able to process the mental image of what she described too, and it wasn't pretty. I got it. And it was one of the ways I also began to understand that my CD was not all about me.

Her question caught me defenseless. Of course I understood where she was coming from, but I had no GOOD answer. Frustrating.

[Rayleen]

Most women would not, not mine for sure...she's very feminine and she likes it. I like her just the way she is .

[~Joanne~]

I think one might be a little surprised at just how many GG's wear stuff from the men's side of the aisle.


No, not really. A lot of women shop in the men's section all the time, they crossdress, but they don't consider it crossdressing, that's why I have a problem with the label itself. JMO and I know it's like beating a dead horse.

[mykell]

if i were to be able to look at this objectively :facepalm: i would not like it....im girly and attracted to girlies.

now with as many FtM folks that i have met all who fit your example are in the midst of transitioning to male....so objectively are female to male folks being more honest or true to themselves than us MtF folks :hmph:, hope i dont get too beat up for saying that :beatup: just something ive noticed at my group and interactions with FtM folks volunteering :p


"Anyway, I could keep going on, but the bottom line is, I don't believe it's exactly an apples-to-apples comparison"

Exactly. It's impossible to compare the two since women wearing what at one time was considered men's clothes are now totally accepted as appropriate. Perhaps the question could gain a different perspective if viewed this way: how does the average man react to a woman in a pantsuit, and how does the average woman react to a man in a dress?
As women have insisted on their right to wear traditional men's clothes, men have had no choice but to accept it. In contrast there has not been a similar movement to afford men the equivalent right, for various reasons. As a result men who want to wear women's clothes have been limited to doing so primarily in private and so sometimes seek the approval of the wife to be allowed to at least have this private opportunity. As such, comparing the two different situations may be more complex than it initially appears.

its up to us to be the movement, thats what the women did, just get out and be seen, of coarse easier said than done....but objectively coming out as who we are is what it will take, hiding in the closet will never achieve that movement.....again just saying https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/beatup.gif

[Shayna]

Depends on what level she wanted to do.

Dress as a man in our home, go for it,, etc. even if it includes binding breasts, pulling hair back.

Grow out leg/underarm hair, I think I could live with it, though not my preference, our relationship is more important than this trivial stuff.

Androgynous hair style and clothes, I'm not sure, but I think I could handle it.

If she wanted to transition, or live 24/7 as a man, that's not for me. Just like she married a man and probably wouldn't stick around if I transitioned, I married a woman.

[phili]

In my musings on this I think the key objections of our wives are:
We are fake women- and this is more or less true- in the sense we are men, not women. And body enhancing pads are exactly fake. Women use fake boobs as well, of course, but it is considered an allowable lie since they are just trying to fit the expected look, and underneath it all they are women, after all. We aren't. [Of course, now many GNC men now are taking the point of view they are women with penises, but this is a complicated argument for most people.] I call myself a mirl, a male girl, and hopefully thereby convey that you can expect a male under the girl look. This seems to work, as I am not disguising my maleness, but still claiming the appearance and behavior privileges culturally assigned to women.

If we put our attention on the underlying feelings we are trying to accomplish through crossdressing, this weakens the conflict which arises over superficials like clothing and padding, which are the simple but emotionally powerful symbolic gestures.

In that light, I'll guess we would be more likely to follow the golden rule and be generous with a woman who wants to have the mirror experiences to what we seek- to be rugged and dependable, to be forceful and competent, and to relax with legs splayed and breathe deeply rather than sit primly and poised to get up and get coffee for someone.

[ellbee]

its up to us to be the movement, thats what the women did, just get out and be seen, of coarse easier said than done....but objectively coming out as who we are is what it will take, hiding in the closet will never achieve that movement.....again just saying https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/beatup.gif

I agree.

And yes, that's what some of these women did -- as far back as 100+ years ago, leading the charge. The GG's of today are, on some levels, basically the beneficiaries of their fore-mothers' actions.


"Oddly" enough, however, these trail-blazing GG's were not presenting as men. They were women, wearing altered men's pants, for practical purposes in a work environment.


Are some of you sure you wanna go down this road? :devil:

Then ya gotta ditch the fake boobs, the hip padding, the wigs, etc.

Publicly present as a guy, wearing women's clothing, for whatever purposes/reasoning you deem valid/necessary. :D

[donnalee]

My last girlfriend modeled a pair of boxers for me. She was statuesque and several inches taller and very well proportioned and it was a total turn-on, more than I would have thought. I don't think she expected that as the relationship was winding down and she may have been trying to cool me off rather than the opposite, but the boxers drape considerably different on the female form.
So I don't think it would be that big of a deal, although a glue-on beard would be kind of weird.

[Krisi]

I think as crossdressers, our opinions would likely be different than "normal" males. Most men wouldn't put up with this for a minute, especially if she took this outside the house. In many ways, we are judged by the appearance of our wives or girlfriends. It's wrong but it's reality.

Now if my wife wanted to play "dress up" around the house and be the man while I was the woman, I would be more than OK with this as long as it wasn't permanent. I have to say though, she would have a hard time pulling it off.

[Julia Welch]

As others have already said, women have adapted to wearing traditionally 'male' clothes and these days it normal attire, but I think they do it while keeping their femininity ... Now it's a whole other thing for a guy to dress in traditionally female attire, it's not accepted as normal, and we often just look like a man in a dress with just a few exceptions.

[Meghan4now]

Yes, this question has often come up, and part of the dynamic to many answers has a relationship back to our self definition and protection of our sexual attraction. Keep in mind that there is a large population of CDS that identify as Hetero. And because many feel the need to defend that vigorously, due to societal assumptions, or sometimes denial, this can be strongly held.

However, if your wife did this as we do, sometimes getting there gradually, or perhaps with an attitude of really embracing it at opposed to doing it to make a point, then maybe your own attitude might be different. If you weren't defending your position, but rather dealing with her need to do this, what then? I may have had a different attitude before, but now, I am totally unsure. Where I am now, I kind of wonder. After all I really love my wife, and if I could work through it, well who knows? I would though have to insist that she tried to look really sharp, and not like a slob.

[Becky Blue]

Of course we here as a biased group would certainly be a lot more accepting than the average male out there. The reality is most husbands would not be that happy about it just as most wives are not.

[IleneD]

...insist that she tried to look really sharp, and not like a slob.

Meghan,
You crack me up, dear.
Yes, if you're going to perform the mirror image of Me, then do it right. Look good (as a man).
Love the attitude.

[sometimes_miss]

If it made her happy I would have 0 problems with it.
^this.
OP, You're preaching to the choir.

[IamWren]

Most women would not, not mine for sure...she's very feminine and she likes it. I like her just the way she is .
Most [-]women[/-] men would not, not mine for sure...[-]she's[/-] he’s very [-]feminine[/-] masculine and [-]she[/-] he likes it. I like [-]her[/-] him just the way [-]she[/-] he is

Yeah... I think someone’s perspective is a little clouded by the pink fog.