CD's: Are you shy and reserved?

[Julie Avery]

A remark by Ajax on the "I revealed myself to a girl" thread caught my attention: "I'm usually a reserved and introverted guy."

This has always been painfully true of me, especially with women. I suppose I had my share of torrid adolescent romances, but I know that the agony I suffered in bringing myself to ask for that first date with any particular girl was way beyond the ordinary.

To this day I tend to be a wallflower in all but the most intimate gatherings.

I'm wondering if this is something common to many crossdressers, or if it's just coincidental that I've got the shy thing and the CD thing going in one body? A penny for your thoughts!

[Jennaie]

I'm shy with women as well. I seem to get a better responce with them if I take on my female personality with them even if I am in drab. They seem to respond better to me. I don't know if that is going to win any points or not, but at least it always seems to make them more comfortable talking to me.

[Genevieve G]

I'm more open with women because I feel I fit in more. My spouse had a euchre party here about a month ago & since they were one person short, I volunteered to sit in. I wasn't dressed, obviously, but I really enjoyed the conversations. I couldn't really partake in the "my favorite penis size," conversation, but I think I held my own. That was one of the few times I felt like I was "in my element." In any situation where there are just guys present, then I really don't relate too well. I like baseball & some other guy stuff, but I'd rather talk makeup, etc.

Most of the time, however, I come across as introverted, which is really not my personality. A lifetime of sadness will do that to a person, though.

[sparks]

OMG I'm shy all the time! Untill you notice my eyes moving quickly from side to side, than you know I'm just paranoid!
Seriously I hate crowds but luv gatherings.
I'm a wallflower and probably always remain that way. I often wondered if I was to go out in my femme clothes if I would be a partyer or shrink into the cracks.
My wife is always trying to get me to say more when we go out with friends.
But is it really good to blurt out "I think she has Front fastening Bra on!"
I often think that I am introvert because I cross-dress.

Food for thought

[Alexandria]

Kind of a hard subject. I know I used to be very shy with women. But I started opening up, trying new things, and carefully exposing little "secrets" about myself. I started crossdressing last year and found that I have much support.

So over the course of a year I became from a very shy, conservative guy and extremly introverted and became someone whom most of his friends are female. I think much of it has to do with me opening up my feminine self.

[Jillian_Faith]

I can relate to this issue. I do not stand out in a crowd and I always seem to gravitate to peer relationships with women. I've never been into macho - "Look at Me" type of things. I don't know if one of the things that dispose me to CD is related to this or if I am this way because I CD? It could also be that there is no direct relationship. Now that I have that all cleared up next the purpose of life...

[Nikki Dee]

No great difference for me...I've always been pretty extrovert as a guy...and I'm just the same as Nikki...I am very comfortable in the company of women..they have always seemed to play such a big part in my life....and being Nikki feels just a natural extension of that.
Love Nikki. x

[Wenda]

I was painfully shy as a child, started to shed it in highschool, and put it behind me altogether in university. I was in my second year of university before I had a real date. I get along well with women, and have many very good female friends. Since I started dressing, July 03, I have taken more notice of hair, clothing, gloves and especially shoes. As long as you are not spooky about it, women appreciate that you notice.

[Alexandria]

I was painfully shy as a child, started to shed it in highschool, and put it behind me altogether in university. I was in my second year of university before I had a real date. I get along well with women, and have many very good female friends. Since I started dressing, July 03, I have taken more notice of hair, clothing, gloves and especially shoes. As long as you are not spooky about it, women appreciate that you notice.

That's been almost my case too. Things kinda changed when I started college. Girls tend to be appreciative if you remark on how well they look or even things such as shopping (my friends love going shopping with me ;) ).

While I still am a bit introverted (you won't see me using the phone), I am more open :).

[Sharon B.]

I am shy as they come but love to be around people.
I do think if I could come out of the closet and dress around people the way I like to relax I would be more open.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Julie

You know, I used to be terribly shy, used to be scared of my own shadow. Since I came out of the closet and started going out dressed I'm the complete opposite now, I'm very outgoing and enjoy interacting with people. Everyone who knows me says they just love the difference, it's like they never knew me.

Karen

[Wendy me]

ok can we talk ?? i might try to get away with saying i am shy ....ok but don't tell any one truth is in eather fem or "him" mode i am realy not shy at all ... in fact you just might call me a real people person ...and i might even be called a little too chatty ...but just don't tell anyone all the girls here think i am shy.....

[ReginaK]

I'm about as shy and reserved as one can get. I'm never the approacher. Always the approachee.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm wondering if this is something common to many crossdressers, or if it's just coincidental that I've got the shy thing and the CD thing going in one body?
Common to crossdessers....hummm....I would have though that it depends on what sort of cder you are. Some of the girls on this forum seem pretty outward going to me, both in girl, and guy mode.

I wouldn't exactly call myself shy but I would say I tend to be a quiet sort of person, and when I'm dressed I tend to be even more so....althought that might be because of me feeling happy, contented, and more peaceful when wearing feminine things rather than having anything to do with being shy.

So to answer your question..do I think it's common to most cders?...maybe.... but not as much as you might think.

Just my 0.02

[Julie Avery]

ok can we talk ?? i might try to get away with saying i am shy ....ok but don't tell any one truth is in eather fem or "him" mode i am realy not shy at all ... in fact you just might call me a real people person ...and i might even be called a little too chatty ...but just don't tell anyone all the girls here think i am shy.....

I'm mighty chatty on the internet, and in person once I'm comfortable with the company I'm in, but in some ways I think my internet chattiness is an overcompensation for the reserve I feel when I'm, say, at a wedding where I'm mixed in with people I know and people I don't. I guess the shyness is an unusually strong fear of eliciting disapproval, or a fear that if I open up I'll meet with disapproval. It (obviously ;) ) only happens to me in 3d, not on the web.

It has diminished over the years, but is still with me.

[Gale R]

Hi girls, i have always been more comfortable in the company of women :D , could never get on with the posturing guys where i live, mining valleys of Wales,the macho cr*p they'd come out with in a feeble attempt to prove they are men was more than i could stomach.
But saying that there were some real b*tches among the girls, suppose you can't win all ways.:winking:

Hugs, Gale.

[Julie York]

I couldn't really partake in the "my favorite penis size," conversation, but I think I held my own. .

And the award for quote of the week goes too......



:D


I am actually shy.

or am I?

I can't remember now.

[Bridget]

I wouldn't consider myself shy, but i am not an extrovert. I open myself up a lot to my friends, but leave people i don't really know alone.

Perhaps that is shy, I'm not good at catergorising myself as anything. :\

[Sonia_cd]

Julie...honey...thank you for starting this thread!!!

I'm terribly shy with women and quite introverted. No problems talking with them and flirting with them, but when it comes to the crunch and asking for that date....no one can save yours truly from drowning!!

I just think though, that once I do manage to get out and about dressed, Sonia might be completely different to the male persona!

Take care,
Sonia

[Julie Avery]

(snipped)
I just think though, that once I do manage to get out and about dressed, Sonia might be completely different to the male persona!

Take care,
Sonia

Hiya Sonia. I dunno about that. I think the same shyness we experience in our genetically given bodies also makes us more afraid to go out en femme, than extroverts would be, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing, if you're not mega-passable.

Just my 2 cents, passing the time of day.

[sparks]

Mega-passable put hose over your head and you'll see my legs!

[Sonia_cd]

Hey Julie. You may have a point, considering you have far more experience than I do. Testing my proposition however, can only happen once I leave this country and find a transformation service. Lets exchange notes then? :D

Love,
Sonia

[Teresa Amina]

You bet I was shy as a kid- in good ol' USA if you're not into football, nascar, etc. there's not much to talk about with the average Joe. But somewhere along the way I got past this and now I can walk right up to people and ask them something. Heck, I can even come on here and express my "other" side.
But when you're just keybording the real time stress of dealing with people is gone.

[Julie Avery]

Hey Julie. You may have a point, considering you have far more experience than I do. Testing my proposition however, can only happen once I leave this country and find a transformation service. Lets exchange notes then? :D

Love,
Sonia

I really have no experience at all except being out en femme except a little gender-bending.

I pluck the brows, grow the nails, shave the legs, show all that in public, and only fully dress in the privacy of my own home.

Be well, girl!

[Stormgirl]

I am shy at first until I get to know you then I open up a bit. I am always reserved around women,after all the women that have hurt me I have learned to build high walls around myself. I can't trust them.

[Julie Avery]

Aubrey, your profile pic is to die for ;)

[Alexandria]

I am shy at first until I get to know you then I open up a bit. I am always reserved around women,after all the women that have hurt me I have learned to build high walls around myself. I can't trust them.

I wouldn't suggest building walls around yourself. Both men and women alike can be cruel and I've been hurt many times myself. But I haven't lost faith in women at all...otherwise I wouldn't want to be one ;).

[Deborah]

I may or may not appear shy in these forums, but in real life i am. I can say whatever i want to here and not worry about it. Get up face to face is a different issue though. ;)

[Kimberley]

Shy? Hmmm. Reserved? HMMMM! Painfully!

I fit into both categories. As a kid I was teased mercilessly by classmates because I was different. I wasnt into sports or pop music or any of the other stuff the others were. They like all kids find a target and beat on it. I was the one they chose. So, I learned to distance myself so I couldnt be hurt.

I always managed to associate with females more easily than men. This is still true today although the old barriers are still there. I have maybe one or two good friends but even there they dont know everything nor will I likely ever tell them.

I have one good friend I met on the net about ten years ago who does know it all and she has stuck beside me through thick and thin and vice versa.

I am more open here than probably anywhere else about everything. Only Ana and my pdoc have more openness in my life. Before someone goes off about "What about your wife?" let me say that although I love her there are some things she cannot and will not accept and my gender issues are part of that. When we do discuss them on the extremely rare occasion it ends up with me in tears so I avoid the subject altogether. This is an area I am working through.

In a normal social setting I am very withdrawn unless I know people very well. It isnt enough for me to relax even if I have met them before. What can I talk about with the men? Art? Being TG? I have no interest in sports, (okay I'll admit to being a Juventas fan) but that is about it. I quit hunting when I was young, hated fishing etc. My Liberal politics go against the grain of most of mine and my wifes "friends" so I avoid that subject too. Geesh, most of them have no idea who John McLaughlin, Al Dimeola, The Yellowjackets or even who Charlie Parker was. That pretty much rules out music as a subject.

The truth is that I have very little in common with many people so rather than expose myself I withdraw. It's just the way I am. It is easier to listen than look like a fool I guess.

Kimberley.

[Like2BAspen]

hey the trick is to be a cute wallflower. then you wont be a wallflower very long. and follow your passion and desire;)

[Lisa Baby]

I seem to be a puzzle to everyone, includeing myself! I am VERY shy in groups.

I can talk with anyone, about anything, in a one on one conversation as long as it isn't about me.

As you stated: "To this day I tend to be a wallflower in all but the most intimate gatherings." I don't do too badly in small, 2 or 3, groups of people though.

I find it very hard to open up about my inner self with anyone. Includeing my shrink. I just initiated the proccess last Friday of contacting a "sex therapist" to discuss my inner conflicts. (She was not in her office so I left her my contact information.)

Lisa

[Alexandria]

Kimberly, I fall into similar lines. I've never been a big sports fan, although I do watch major games occationally. Most male activities I usually stray from (well except for maintaining my car).

Similarly I tend to associate with females more often than guys. Sharing outfit ideas and fashion tips, usually talking through with them in their relationship struggles.

Unfortunatly I do admit this comes at a price. The "Just a friend" syndrome. That is all my female friends think I am adorable and charming, but I just am not "good enough" to get into a relationship with. I know I will find a companion someday, but life is a growing experience :).

[gennee]

I'm quiet and reserved for the most part. I used to be painfully shy as a teen, but it has gotten better over the years. I have always had a good rapport with women probably because I enjoy some things that they do. I have never been a macho guy anyway.

GENNEE:)

[Bernice]

I'm with Gale (#16 above) and Teresa (#24 above). Terribly shy - always have been. I probably always will be. I hate parties, and spectator sports.

My wife is probably my wife only because she insisted on eating dinner with me at a two-place table in the college cafeteria one evening when I was sick, and I had purposefully elected to sit alone. What can I say?

Recent life events have forced me to take a sales job. Very stressful for a shy person. Call reluctance is eating me alive. However, I have noticed that women are more approachable than men - or at least less likely to try to forcibly evict me from their businesses.

Hugs,

Bernice

[livy_m_b]

There have been reports from time to time that shyness and t* are correlated. In my own case, I was extremely shy and my shyness with women was even more profound. To illustrate, between 13 and 30, with the exception of one girl in Spanish class in high school who adopted me as a friend, I probably had less than 5 minutes total conversations with women who were not related.

Sometimes, I've speculated that t* is a way of getting the feminine into one's life when shyness or circumstance deprives one of sufficient interaction with women. All that said, the pshrink I was seeing was unwilling to give the hypothesis any weight. For her, it was just "it is what it is" and attempts at explanation didn't seem productive. On the latter point, I've found it striking how often people who were going through divorces, splitups, etc. with the women in their lives have become crossdressers sometimes even advancing to ts and srs. On the net, except for those with whom one becomes friends, it's hard to tell for how many this is a transient condition and how many for whom it's ongoing.

[TGMarla]

When I was younger, I was painfully shy around women. I guess it was due to a lack of self-confidence, that I would be rejected as something less than their expectations. My wife doesn't believe me when I tell her that I could count all my dates in high school on one hand, and still have a digit or two left over. I began to come out of the shell as I matured, but I still have times when I just want to hide away again. Old habits. I'm not shy like I used to be, but I still have my moments.

[Alexandria]

When I was younger, I was painfully shy around women. I guess it was due to a lack of self-confidence, that I would be rejected as something less than their expectations. My wife doesn't believe me when I tell her that I could count all my dates in high school on one hand, and still have a digit or two left over. I began to come out of the shell as I matured, but I still have times when I just want to hide away again. Old habits. I'm not shy like I used to be, but I still have my moments.

I completly understand where your coming from!

I can count all the dates I had since High School on my hand...oh wait there's none :sad:

I've matured since then and have many female friends that I hang out with - but I understand about the feelings of just wanting to hide away...often confusing people when I disappear from their radar completly. Usually it comes at times after I am actually rejected that causes me just to hide from public, and being a CD I tend to get that a lot.

[HaleyPink2000]

No I think it's a personal thing.

I've been in radio and TV Stations and have done DJing at parties, weddings etc. In my early years I even did the picture taking at weddings for money to support my family. I'm a musician, and play on stages. Also so many other venues to much to mention here. So No, I'm not shy by any means.

[Karren H]

Not shy at all, else I wouldn't be going out in pulic solo, shopping, dinner, movies!!!

Love Karren

[Stephanie]

I have always been pretty shy and reserved in general and that has stayed pretty much the same from when I was younger. I do go out with my co-workers for lunch during work every now and then and socialize a little bit with some of my co-workers but generally I'm more of "a fly on the wall" than a "social butterfly." I WOULD like to be more part of the group at work if I could but I really can't find much that I have in common with most of my co-workers and other groups of people that I hang around with to talk about. I generally feel acknowledged by my co-workers in terms of my presence but I generally don't feel drawn into any kind of sustained conversation with them, although I have started to develop some promising friendships with a few other co-workers since I've been working the night shift two nights a week. I actually tend to enjoy hanging out with people on a "one-on-one" basis moreso than in a larger group, though, so it doesn't really bother me THAT much. As long as I've got my wife/family and a few GOOD friends to socialize with on an occasional basis, I feel content.

[Danielle]

I tend to have mixed feelings about women because some like shy and some like strong type of personality but in the most part I like to listen and learn and give my opinion if they ask.Crossdressing for me is a release of alot of stress that causes me to be shy and reserved.:happy:

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I'm not sure that there's a link between introversion and CDing. (For what it's worth being introverted doesn't necessary mean being shy -- it's more "I'm OK, you're OK -- in small doses." (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch))

But I think that since women are given more permission to be "social butterflys" that's one attraction to CDs who are socially awkwards in male mode. Certainly one thing I've envied about women is the way they can strike up a conversation even though they've never met. (Of course, their conversation may not be any deeper than guys talking football...) It's also easier to play the extrovert if you "not yourself" whether that's being crossdressed or being an actor playing a role. (A surprising number of actors are actually introverts.) That's because it things don't work out as planned it's your persona that takes the blow not the "real you."

I've actually used my feminine persona as a way to practice being more outgoing -- and it's helped me in male mode.

[Penny]

A remark by Ajax on the "I revealed myself to a girl" thread caught my attention: "I'm usually a reserved and introverted guy."

This has always been painfully true of me, especially with women. I suppose I had my share of torrid adolescent romances, but I know that the agony I suffered in bringing myself to ask for that first date with any particular girl was way beyond the ordinary.

To this day I tend to be a wallflower in all but the most intimate gatherings.

I'm wondering if this is something common to many crossdressers, or if it's just coincidental that I've got the shy thing and the CD thing going in one body? A penny for your thoughts!
Well I don't know about a penny for my thoughts but I can give you a Penny's thoughts. The few times I have been stopped by the police for traffic violations, I noticed that I was shy and rather reserved. At one point in my life if I would have been dressed fem, I they would have had to have
knocked on the trunk to see my drivers license. Now I think I would just be
shy and reserved. So this thread will not go platinum; I'm no sure if it even rates 2 cents worth :D