Asked to Dress!

[Lilly Diadem]

I've been having another really long period of self-inflicted denial which has been getting me seriously down.

I don't always notice this but my good lady asked for a serious talk with me last week as she was genuinely concerned for my mental well-being and the result of this discussion is that she insisted that I dress as often as I need to from now on if it would make me happier.

Strange how she doesn't understand why I dress but now that she has got her head around this fact (after much hurt and anger at the start and I had told her that I was a CD before we got together as I didn't want any secrets) she accepts that I need to.
Given that she doesn't have a problem with me dressed she can't understand why I still seem to torture myself by not allowing myself to.

Sleeping in my female nightwear was always the safety valve for me as if I could both start and end the day dressed then I could rest well and take on whatever the day throws at me whatever I'm wearing.

I do love my wife and know that I am lucky to have someone who can accept me in heels, hose and a dress if I'm happy, yet tell me off if I start wearing boxers to bed as she knows that it is the start of another self-denial cycle and resulting misery.

Like a a good girl I promised not to go without dressing on a regular basis ever again :daydreaming:

[Tracii G]

If you know that doing something causes you misery why do you continue doing it knowing what the outcome is going to be?
Do you actually think by doing it again the result will be any different?
Painfully obvious answer is stop doing that.

[Jaylyn]

Maybe you are feeling guilty about the dressing. Sometimes I do especially when I've been doing a bunch of macho mans work and my wife is telling how she appreciates my hard work.
Seems like then I'm not being the man she married that used to work harder than I do now but who knows why?

[Shely]

Lilly, This is one of the tortures of this cross dressing. The concern for your SO's feelings, and guilt that goes along with the pure elation of dressing. It's hard to separate for me anyway. I always feel like I'm at the top of the world when dressed up all the way. I wish my wife would invite me to dress up more, I'd love that for sure. Wish I could offer something more reliable.

[phili]

HI Lilly,
This reminds me of another post by a member who broke out crying looking at a beautiful picture of herself. There is a lot of sorrow in our histories and a lot of conflict that seems intractable between our desires and sense of identity with what are our prospects. So even when we have some success, it is all too normal to feel depressed. Half a loaf or even a crumb makes us remember and mourn the whole loaf we imagine.

I've made some progress on this by journaling and then writing a blog - working out to my satisfaction that crossdressing is not only normal but desirable in terms of uncovering and correcting the damaging things done by false gender norm enforcement. It allows me to feel steadier and more peaceful despite the generally bleak prospects. I can take comfort in seeing that like many historical figures, I can make the most of a difficult situation, and life can be as good as I can make it. This puts me back in the half full mode!

[Lilly Diadem]

If you know that doing something causes you misery why do you continue doing it knowing what the outcome is going to be?
Do you actually think by doing it again the result will be any different?
Painfully obvious answer is stop doing that.

Tracii - I know where you are coming from and totally agree but with the guilt inside that dressing is wrong it is difficult to accept myself even when another does and the way to avoid the guilt of dressing is to stop even though it causes misery.


Maybe you are feeling guilty about the dressing. Sometimes I do especially when I've been doing a bunch of macho mans work and my wife is telling how she appreciates my hard work.
Seems like then I'm not being the man she married that used to work harder than I do now but who knows why?

Jaylyn - It has always been feelings of guilt that surround my dressing and I need to find a way to move on towards self-acceptance of some kind to heal.
I am also so very good at doing what is deemed as traditional male work of all kinds.


Lilly, This is one of the tortures of this cross dressing. The concern for your SO's feelings, and guilt that goes along with the pure elation of dressing. It's hard to separate for me anyway. I always feel like I'm at the top of the world when dressed up all the way. I wish my wife would invite me to dress up more, I'd love that for sure. Wish I could offer something more reliable.

Shely - Torture describes it perfectly and yes, in spite of this the contrasting elation I experience when dressing seems like insulting an understanding SO.


HI Lilly,

.... I've made some progress on this by journaling and then writing a blog - working out to my satisfaction that crossdressing is not only normal but desirable in terms of uncovering and correcting the damaging things done by false gender norm enforcement. It allows me to feel steadier and more peaceful despite the generally bleak prospects. I can take comfort in seeing that like many historical figures, I can make the most of a difficult situation, and life can be as good as I can make it. This puts me back in the half full mode!

Hi Phili - I did keep a journal when I first started my own purchased wardrobe around 30 years ago and it helped. The fear was always of someone discovering it and the following risk of exposure.
After consideration I taught myself how to write backwards and started a new journal in this way and quickly got into the flow when dressed as it then felt like it was another part of me writing rather than it being simply a confused and guilty me.

I guess a psychiatrist would have fun with the reasoning behind that one!

Maybe a blog is a 21st C option.

Thanks for your thoughts ladies :love:

[Pat]

Jaylyn - It has always been feelings of guilt that surround my dressing and I need to find a way to move on towards self-acceptance of some kind to heal.
I am also so very good at doing what is deemed as traditional male work of all kinds.


Just note that you don't cut yourself off from being good at traditional male work by accepting yourself as you are. You're actually adding depth to yourself. There's no reason why your activities/talents have to change unless they were activities that you adopted to camouflage your identity (those you should drop.) Be a lumberjack in heels, be a ballet dancer in work boots - be your best self. If you bring your best self to the world, everyone benefits.

[Lilly Diadem]

Pat - That is more-or-less what my SO said; if I want to spend time out in the workshop in my girl jeans and top it isn't a problem and no reason not to wear female undergarments as often as I like.

Thanks for your reply :)

[Angie G]

Stop being a B&$%h what you to do.:hugs:
Angie

[RADER]

Lilly:
My wife before she passed away would see me come home from a hard day at work.
The first thing she would tell me:
"Go and take your shower and put on a dress for dinner"
She knew that for me, just putting on a skirt with a bra and top was very relaxing.
Another thing she would do, when we went some where out, and returned home,
She would ask me to un-do her bra, as soon as I did that, she would tell me to go
and get your bra, and I will hook you up.
O' How I miss her.
Rader

[NancySue]

I’m blessed to have a supportive wife. We read your thread and, no offense, but “why” do you self inflict denial?You know by now, “it” will never go away. Neither of us knows “why” I dress, but we know the negative feelings when I can’t dress when the pink fog rolls in. Your wife is right...dress, dress, dress.

[sometimes_miss]

I don't always notice this but my good lady asked for a serious talk with me last week as she was genuinely concerned for my mental well-being and the result of this discussion is that she insisted that I dress as often as I need to from now on if it would make me happier
Ahhh, yes, I remember that discussion well. My ex rather suddenly changed her attitude, even bought me a couple of dresses, and wanted me to pose for her while she took pictures of me dressed up. Which, she used as blackmail when she divorced me.
I hope your experience winds up differently.

[vicky_cd99_2]

My wife accepts me for who I am. But there are times when I revert back to the macho man she married. We had been married 20 years before i came out to her. I still go through the self inflicted denial. Granted my life keeps me from being me all the time and she loves me for who I am not the way I dress. I under dress almost every day and sleep in nighties. So far it keeps me on an even keel yet there are times i want so much more. I feel for you Lilly. I write this sitting here in panties and a T just finished a cigar and drinking a glass of bourbon. I am so conflicted. I guess it is something many of us have to deal with. Bless you girls who have over come this struggle.

[Tamsin Secret]

Just note that you don't cut yourself off from being good at traditional male work by accepting yourself as you are. You're actually adding depth to yourself. There's no reason why your activities/talents have to change unless they were activities that you adopted to camouflage your identity (those you should drop.) Be a lumberjack in heels, be a ballet dancer in work boots - be your best self. If you bring your best self to the world, everyone benefits.

I love this, I know it's an ideal but what a lovely post!

[AlissaMurray]

I really just wish we had a (LIKE) button. I can totally relate!!!

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes self acceptance is worse than others not accepting who you are. Sounds as if your wife is secure and comfortable in her relationship with you. And with herself.

[Lilly Diadem]

Thanks again for the replies ladies :)

As long as I can avoid self loathing and self acceptance then I'll probably hold it together and keep those gloomy clouds away.

After a day in the (work)shop I'm now coming to the end of another evening spent dressed and feeling less self-conscious now so time to pop my nightie and panties on and sleep.

Shaved my legs last week for the first time in well over a year and stockings and hose feel so much better again too :heehee: