Feeling invaded

[Jean 103]

I frequent this dive bar , visit with friends, play pool, sing karaoke. This group of like four tournament level pool players have invaded my bar. These people usually play at a couple of the other bars. From time to time one will show up and I will put them in there place. This time there are four of them and they brought their rules and attitude with them. They are not that good , I could take them. But I just play for fun, for me there is no fun in playing at this level all the time. So far I'm just refusing to play pool with them, hopping they will just go away. My friend's expect me to take the table like I usually do. I could but would end up playing these A-h____s all night. Here's the thing, they work with my best friends boyfriend, and she is being friendly with them because of it. I'm having to bite my tongue. This is completely ridiculous, but I'm thinking of dumping my best friend over this. I won't do it but I am using this as an excuse to take a brake from the bar. At the same time my landlord's sister is here visiting. I have an issue with her and I'm unwilling to forgive her for. She basically didn't like my outfit. This was when she was visiting before, I was going to go to the movies with them. I just went and did my own thing, no I didn't change. There was nothing wrong with what I was wearing. I have run into this, it is where people don't want to be seen with me because they are apprehensive about how I'll be treated out in public. Karren my landlord was this way, she is handicapped and does not drive. I have taken her out a number of times now, so she has seen that it is no big deal, that people treat me just like anyone else. Before you bag on her sister, she in a cancer survivor and it just kill me to treat her this way. I'm not mean to her I just avoid her. Like when they ask me to join them to go out to dinner the other night and I declined. So I'm feeling very alone right now, it's just me, because I don't want to deal with any of this. I went to my support group last night and it didn't help. I don't consider these people friends, they are just supportive people I know. Like this forum.

Love Jean

[Alice Torn]

All i can say, is after 63 yrs of more loneliness and rejection, and being hurt and heart rended, is not to expect much from anyone in this life. Expect the not so nice from fellow messed up humans. A wise person said to expect people to not like you much, then when one does appreciate you, it will be extra nice. I consider my life to have been tortured socially, and i have pretty much given up on love from anyone, but my pets. When a rare person does appreciate me a lot, it is special. I have given up hope for ever having a GG love.

[Pat]

First, I'm sorry you're feeling bad. But your post is a litany of people you don't like -- you don't like the pool players (fair enough) you don't like your "best friend" because she was nice to those people, you don't like your landlord's sister because she didn't like your outfit once. Your support group aren't friends. This forum doesn't have friends for you. I understand you're just venting -- but are there people you DO like? It sounds like you spend a lot of time going off on your own -- not a problem if you're introvert and choose that, but kind of a problem if you're feeling like you're being cast out. Constant retreat takes you down a dark, scary path.

Pat (perhaps not your friend, but a supportive person who is concerned.)

[Micki_Finn]

Can’t really help you win your friends and whatnot but as far as the bar goes, it’s not YOUR bar unless you own it. If you don’t like the crowd there, go somewhere else.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Jean, If I have learned anything it is that I can't count someone out because of a few mistakes or a few hurtful statements. If I did I would surely be alone. I was so sure I was going to be alone all my life that I was actually thinking about getting a parrot because I heard they live a really long time. Stay in the game, when you can afford to, turn the other cheek; treat people the way you want to be treated. If you are a good person to be around good people will seam to find you. Stay strong, Brenda

[nikkim83]

I refuse to go to certain bars now in general, even the gender friendly ones just because of the crowds. I may be a CDer but that doesn't mean I want to hear raunchy talk and filth all night, Nor do I like being hit on.

But from what I have found is the following.

Don't go places that harbor environments you don't like.

Remember you can't change others the only one you can change is YOU.

You get what you give, treat people how you want to be treated with respect and dignity and 9/10 it comes back to you.

[Tracii G]

You are acting like a kid that isn't getting its way.
Your problems are always somebody else's fault?? So how does that work exactly?
If you are that good a pool player then show them what you've got shut them down and send them packing back to their other bars.
They have a right to be there just as much as you do.
I used to exist in an environment where you constantly had to prove yourself to the club president, to members and the new "prospect" wanting to join the club.
If somebody called you out you were bound (had to) face that person and deal with them.
This is kind of similar situation the pool players have invaded your "turf" and calling you out. You have to deal with them.
Time to play your best pool game of your life or go down in defeat either way you will still have your "honor" when its all done.

[Jean 103]

So the bar , yes it's not mine but, I know all the regulars , bartenders, the owner, his wife. Most are my friends. Everyone likes or loves me. I get along with everyone. I have a couple of boyfriend's that love me also. It's just me being a B______ and my best friend knows it. Tonight is karaoke night. A very close friend of mine Mr K is feeling down, i know he is going to ask if I'm going tonight. I can't say no to him, so I will have to go. I don't have to play pool, most of my friends there don't play. I'll just hang out with them. I have run into these tournament players before as i said. They dont have any problems with me, they have asked me many times to come and join their tournament's.

[Tracii G]

Ok go and have a good time.
I have bitchy days too so I understand.

[nikkim83]

You are wrong about something NO you do not HAVE to GO. That is a choice of yours and yours alone. Sometimes the best thing to do is say NO.

I have literally only HAD to face someone down twice (both of which I was faced with the threat of severe bodily harm/death) not a pool game. Both really bad situations one of which made the local paper. BOTH times the other party has ended up in jail.

Either do it or don't but the only person responsible for your actions IS YOU.

[Jean 103]

I'm perfectly safe at the bar. No one can mess with me , if they do they will be thrown out. I don't even have to say anything. If the bouncer see someone new talking to me and he feels like there is any question that they are bothering me he will come over and ask me . If I get upset my friends will take care of it. I am well looked after. This is why I refer to it as my bar. I'm known at the other bars to, as it is pretty much the same people, small town. I don't have the same clout at the other bars. Mr K is a separate thing. He is close to pulling the plug, if he asks, I have to be there for him. I know that you all would understand this.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I had a friend who was having a similar problem at a darts bar. We were talking about it and I suggested he bet them $1000.00. One game, If he lost he would pay them $1000.00 dollars if They won, they would leave and never come back. It worked . There is a risk LOL

[Teresa]

Jean,
I'm wondering if you are feeling a little insecure with your dressing at the moment and it's beginning to create a barrier with your friends . Would it help to go to the bar with your girlfriend in drab for a while, maybe even take one of the pool players on to prove you are as good as them . I t might help rebuild your friendships again so when you go back to dressing you will fell a lot more comfortable .

As Micki says find a different venue and make new friends it might help with your girlfriend as well .

OK just read you last reply and you were going through a bad patch , doesn't it happen to us all !!

I'm sorry to hear you don't consider some members here your friends and also members of your social group , that was something I never thought would happen but making friends here has resulted in making some friends at my social group .

[Jean 103]

A bit of an up date. I'm feeling a bit better, even thou I can't get a hold of the cab company , so I'm walking to my car this morning, like a two mile walk. As I predicted Mr K asked me to go out, I was going anyway. I had desided to meet the challenge head on. They never showed up. Things are back to normal. Some friends I haven't seen in a while did, along with many other friends of mine. Mr K did also show, he was there for a couple of hours. He is really in a funk. I asked and he said it would be ok if I visited him at work. I want to talk to him when he is sober. A few months ago I moved to be closer to work among other reasons, like thirdy miles. Well one of my friends now only lives a mile away. This is Denise's best friend , mentioned her troubles in another thread . In the middle of this, last week, I was sitting at the bar, Denise comes up to me and says smile, if I have to you do too. Anyway the three of us are going out to night. Just made it to my car, yay.

[Tracii G]

I'm not quite following your last post is your spell checker turned on on your phone?

[docrobbysherry]

Jean, all of us judge others. We can't help it! But, I find the more I judge "them", the more "they" bother me!:Angry3:

So, I try as much as possible NOT to judge people. In so doing, I've often become pleasantly surprised by their actions!:thumbsup:

Remember: What other people think of me is none of my business. And, vice versa!:heehee:

[Jean 103]

Sherry , you are right. The four guys didn't have a problem with me, it was all me. I don't usually behave this way. I get along with everyone, that's why I was so happy that things where back to normal last night.