I'm getting more brave

[RainbowDash]

I'm not out of the closet, nowhere anywhere near to it. Once or twice I have wanted to confide in a couple women at work that I was a crossdresser, maybe figuring that a woman would sympathize with my situation a whole lot more than a man. The only people who know I am a crossdresser are the members of this community site, or the people on the phone when I inquire about a certain article of clothing I wish to purchase.
However while I still am not ready to announce to the world that I am a crossdresser, I have been getting a bit more brave. What I have started doing is standing outside my house and waiting for people to drive by and notice me. I do not want any neighbors to arrive home while I am doing this, but I figure if they see me and ask questions, I can simply say we had a lady visitor over at the house.
I should point out that I do wish I could come out to somebody face to face rather than just online or on the phone. But I would definitely be willing to go out in public with another crossdresser (dressed up of course), I guess it'd be less embarrassing that way. Or I'd have to hang out with a girl or two in public, as long as they'd be willing to accept me as 1 of the girls and not make fun of me. I would just basically do whatever they want to do, doing my best to fit in. In case anyone's wondering, I am not interested in starting a relationship with a man. I also have zero interest in going out to clubs or bars.
So what do yall think? Seems like I want to take that next step, but am very much afraid of how the world will see me, especially since I've only been doing this a short while, and if I go out in public, I won't exactly be seen as a woman who knows how to dress stylishly.

[Joni T]

If the neighbor sees a strange woman at your house and is nosey, how is your wife/so gonna' answer the question, and are you gonna' get the nth degree?? Or, if you're by yourself, I guess it would be easy to just say "a friend".
Jon

[Lydianne]

Once or twice I have wanted to confide in a couple women at work that I was a crossdresser, maybe figuring that a woman would sympathize with my situation a whole lot more than a man.

I read that a lot, but on the other hand, I read of a lot of DADT. But I also read about a lot of helpful female shop assistants, but they might just be executing the shop-to-customer relationship.

I would find it difficult to consider females as allies just because they are female. I think I would make the decision based on the person* that they have demonstrated themselves to be. But you didn't come out to them; so it doesn't matter either way.

- Lydianne.

[Kayliedaskope]

People generally aren't too observant if you're on your own property, unless they decide to stop and talk to you. I water my yard on occasion wearing skorts and a women's tshirt, and my neighbors don't even give me a second glance. (Then again, I've also walked the trash down to the curb early in the morning in nothing more than panties, a nightie, and ballet flats, so ....)

Maybe go take a walk while discreetly en femme: women's jeans, shirt, shoes, and of course all the lovely underthings you wish. Go for a drive, get out and stretch your legs a bit, go pump some dinosaur juice into your car. Who knows? You might have quite the adventure!

[Jean. Ann]

I know that feeling well . If there is a group nearby , I would advise joining a Crossdresser Support Group. . If that does not work try making friends with someone here that is in your area .
You nearly described my situation perfectly . Just wish I could help !

JAS

[nvlady]

If you tell us the city you live in, somebody here might offer to have a GNO with you.

[Teresa]

RainbowDash,
You might consider finding a social group in your area , if you are uncertain about going dressed most will accept you in drab until you feel OK about going dressed . All these feelings of wanting to be seen and going with the girls will mostly pass . My group meets at a medium sized hotel so I have mixed with the general public , as well as others CDers where you go from there is up to you at least you will have a clearer picture of your CDing needs .

[Helen_Highwater]

The advice often given here is small steps. Track back through similar threads and you'll find many many cases of folks who start off with a night time drive followed by that first tentative step away from the car. DON'T go to quiet dark streets/parks etc. as these are often the sort of places frequented by less desirable types. A busy supermarket car park is a good place to test out your "blend-ability". It's a truism that there's safety in numbers. Having folks about, at least those who are sober and say just out shopping is far less intimidating than you think. It's easier to hide in a crowd. Safety first.

Support groups are a great way to start. You'll receive so much good advice and yes support. How you look won't be an issue. Ask for advice and it will be forthcoming.

[BettyMorgan]

Here's some ideas:

1. I am a member of a local crossdressers social club, and concur with Teresa's post . Going out to our Pride Centre and sitting around in a dress, having conversations about shopping and makeup with others like me is a wonderful experience.

2. I found a girl at a local salon who waxes my eyebrows. I figured I wanted girlie eyebrows, so I better explain myself lol. It's been a better experience because I know she's looking at me like a woman even though I'm in drab. And I talk about my social club outings with her as well.

3. I've come out to my dentist (of all people). I can't say why, I just felt knowing her for a number of years I could trust her and knew she had a kind soul. She's been supportive. Find a soul you trust.

4. Go to a MAC store or similar and find a makeup artist you like. Wow, they are open and accepting and have no problem talking about crossdressing, drag, or trans makeup/styling/dressing.

5. Confess to a Catholic priest. Just kidding.

6. Volunteer at your local Pride Centre. No, you don't have to be gay. You'd be an ally. You never know what open, understanding and compassionate people you'd meet there.

[suzanne]

Women's clothing stores are the most supportive places I've gone, whether dressed or drab.

I strongly urge you to go shopping, preferably dressed, but drab is ok too. If you're nervous, rehearse this line, "I'm looking for a dress in size X". When a SA asks, "How can i help you?", that's how you reply. The conversation will evolve naturally from there and you will quickly begin to feel at ease. I hope you decide to take a chance on this approach. You won't regret it.

I took that same approach the first time I walked into my (now) favorite shop, and I immediately felt welcome. I was initially nervous, so I said to the SA (actually the store manager, I later learned), "I'm looking for dresses in size 20". She immediately recognized I was shopping for myself and said "Oh! Right over there, and I'll open a fitting room when you're ready to try them on!"

Now, a few years later, and several tutorials on putting outfits together, she doesn't let me leave her store without a good chat and several hugs. It's easily my number one source of validation and encouragement, but every other store I go to is nearly as friendly as that, too.

[Aunt Kelly]

Hi, RainbowDash.

It might be more common to find "supportive" GG's, but it is far from a guarantee. For most people, regardless of their gender, we are "unusual", at best.
BTW, men can be supportive too. People will surprise you sometimes, with how loving and understanding they can be. But usually not. Just be very careful is all I'm saying.

OK, that and Teresa is so right. The support of TG sisters can be huge. You see it hear, of course, but there's not substitute for flesh and blood friends.

Hugs,


Kelly

[IleneD]

Rainbow,

Welcome and be at peace on this forum. Friends all, here.
I understand your dilemma and crisis of confidence. It happens to any man who dares wear a dress.
A little more info on your background, please. Are you married or have an existing relationship to another person? If so, I suggest you test your "coming out" on them as they would be people you'd trust.
Do you live alone? It sounds like you might.
I took a look at your profile and saw your age demographic, but we don't know where you live or from where you come. Values and tolerance vary from region to region, and that certainly could influence any strategy I might offer.

It's beautiful to see you growing. Time to become yourself, Rainbow. Good luck.

[Becky Blue]

Rainbow, what you are feeling is very very common and its very likely that you will take 'her' further by going out etc... its often called the slippery slope, not everyone gets on it, but once your on its hard to get off.

One suggestion is to see if you can find a makeover place near you and have a professional makeover, many makeover places also provide escorted outings, not only are they a lot of fun, but they would know the safe places to go and how to dress you etc to blend in as best possible.

Good luck it can be a scary but exhilarating time

[lingerieLiz]

Do not tell coworkers about your dressing. If it gets out it could be very bad to work there. I've seen people over the years tell and receive negative feedback.

[Krisi]

"Do not tell coworkers about your dressing. If it gets out it could be very bad to work there. I've seen people over the years tell and receive negative feedback. "

I agree. Tell only people who need to know. Your wife for instance. Nothing good can come from telling co-workers that you like to wear women's clothes.

[RainbowDash]

To all those interested, I do not have a wife or girlfriend (which saves me the headache of coming out to a SO) and I live alone. I live in the Dallas Fort Worth area.
Thanks for all the advice, I hope I can eventually gather up enough courage to do 1 of these things or more. In the past I had been offered this by the lady manager of a womens' clothing store, but I turned it down because at the time, I most certainly did not see myself as a crossdresser, and even cringed at the thought of it. Sure wish I could remember the name of the place.
Also if and when I finally do meet a fellow crossdresser or maybe a girl to go out with, I'll probably be wearing something a lady might wear to a party, mainly because I don't really know a whole lot about womens' fashion and style, so I won't be dressed casually. 1 reason for this is most likely cuz I'm new to this, and unlike most others I got a late start on crossdressing. At 43 and halfway through my life, I've already missed out on quite a bit of the fun, so I want to dress fabulous all the time. However, I am definitely open to learning how to dress casual too.

[Marihanne]

If I can fake my voice into girly voice, I will get more brave to go out

[Aunt Kelly]

OK, Rainbow, you are definitely in the right place. Here you will find tons of fashion advice, makeup advice, hair advice, voice and deportment advice, etc. advice. Much of it conflicting, but that's OK. Take what makes sense to you and leave the rest.

If you want to "dress fabulous all the time", more power to you. Just know that if your aim is to blend, party dresses generally work against that. Again though, if that's your thing, go for it. Thrift shops would be a good place to start. Evening wear tends to be more expensive (when new) but it also tends to get recycled earlier in it's lifespan, so bargains on amazing stuff are common.

You say that you want to be seen. Help me understand just what that means. Why is that the goal, but clubs and bars are not?

[Jenny22]

Rainbowdash, as others have mentioned, get to know your 'sisters' in your area. One may be a seasoned veteran who will take you under her wing and give you the benefit of her experience and knowledge. Go out with her when the time is right. Being with her will give you the courage and confidence you need.

[Beverley Sims]

What you are doing can turn into a tricky situation.

If you get caught it is your own fault.

I consider your actions foolish to say the least.

[Zoeytgtx]

RainbowDash you have many sisters in the DFW area. They are not that difficult to find and have multiple meetups all over the metroplex. If and when you are ready to go out and still having trouble finding them please feel free tp PM me.

Zoey

[Jaylyn]

I would do this if you would like to go out, instead of standing next to your house I'd find some sisters around where you live. Most on here post where they are from under their name you can always message them and find out if they would let you tag along with them. As suggested a support group is always good to.

[docrobbysherry]

What do u think girls do when we get together? We socialize, dance, and drink! Where at? Mostly at T friendly clubs and bars! I'm not a big drinker but I dance up a storm and have so much fun meeting T girl friends out!

U mite want to re think your, "no clubs and bars", phobia. Since smoking's been banned, I have a ball going to these out of town events! I'm a closet dresser and cannot dress and go out near home.:sad:

U sound like u may want to get out of the closet, tho, Rainbow? The LAST thing I would do is dress so the neighbors could see me!:eek:

[TheHiddenMe]

Been there done that.

There's a saying about "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

My first time, about two years ago, was to go to San Francisco, schedule a makeover at Sephora, then spend the day walking around. Later that year I got dressed for Halloween, went to an area (in St. Louis) that had a big outdoor celebration.

Last October my wife was out of town for four days (wrote all about it on the Pictures board), so I made an appointment for a manicure, booked another manicure at Sephora, arranged to try on dresses at Nordstrom, went to a wig store to buy a new wig, and bought 2 dresses, all in about 48 hours.

I found no pitchforks. Instead I found supportive SAs everywhere I went, a couple of which I have become friendly with. I've never had a problem dressed, and I went from zero to 60 pretty quickly (I counted today; been out dressed 30 times so far in 2017, and will be out three times next week).

I highly recommend Nordstrom and Sephora. I imagine one of the malls with a Nordstrom also has a Sephora. You can do what I did. Go in drab to each, ask for a makeover, and then ask at Nordstrom whether you can come in and try on clothes. Worked beyond belief for me.

[Connie.Marie]

Rainbow,
It's good to be brave but don't be foolish about it...
Just a few suggestions;
Do not come out to anyone at work yet. Lots can go wrong with that. Be aware that GG's are not always supportive.
Do not hang out dressed in front of your house yet. Again, lots can go wrong with that. Neighbors are not always supportive & they know where you live.
Take a look at the "Places to go, Places to meet" forum that we have. It's a good place to find out where local get togethers (or not so local) are happening. Its almost at the bottom of the list. I see GNOs for Houston, Austin...
Lots of ladies in the DFW area. PM Zoe, a couple posts above this one..

Hugs, Connie

[Leelou]

Rainbow, it's great to hear from another in this thread that you shouldn't have any problem finding a support group in the DFW area. My initial experiences going out in public dressed were with other TG's from a support group. I quickly became completely confident about going out after those initial experiences.

You mentioned not knowing much about women's fashion. My best advice is to look around in department stores and see what you like. That way you get to see what is current and other women are wearing now. Also look at clothing catalogs and ads to see how women put complete outfits together. Pay close attention to women around you every day to see what you like and get ideas. Remember to finish off the outfit with accessories--jewelry, scarves, purse, ets. Men don't wear accessories, so I need a reminder sometimes and it really does matter. All you need to start out are a few complete, cute outfits.

[ellbee]

I once intentionally came out to a handful of co-workers.

And for me, it was the best decision I ever could have made, when it came to this. :thumbsup:


Of course, I was quite selective with it. It started with an openly-gay drag queen co-worker, who I had become friends with & hung out with outside of work.

And he was part of a clique of men & GG's, all who also worked with us. They were well aware of *his* dressing, as they had seen him perform plenty of times.


I shared with him that I dressed, too. And after a while, once I became more comfortable, what I would do was get all dolled-up, and head to his house where we would hang out for the evening (he was never "dressed" for this).

And the very next Halloween weekend? He & I, and 2 of his (non-work) friends went to an LGBT club. Only me & one of his friends got all dolled-up that night.

However, the following night, he & I, and all of the co-worker clique threw on costumes & went club-hopping (hetero & LGBT, alike). I was wearing a GG-costume, and he just went as a drag queen (LOL). It was awesome fun! :yippee:


Honestly, none of those co-workers had any problem with it, whatsoever. They had no idea that I dressed, and were pleasantly surprised & impressed with the result. Heck, we had even surprised one of the guys, and didn't tell him I would be there. When I was "introduced" to him, he genuinely had no idea who it was! This was a guy I had worked with for 40+ hours a week, in the same department, for a few years -- now standing face-to-face with him in someone's living room. :roflmao:


But yeah, that's how it started. And from there, we would go out together, sometimes as a smaller group, sometimes a larger one. I would get all dolled-up, presenting as a typical GG as best I could. Two of the GG's in particular were always so amazed at how well I could pull it off, and weren't afraid to let me know -- *especially* after they had a few drinks in them, LOL. (To be honest, it did get a bit annoying at times after a while... But I still enjoyed it, the same.)



And did our other co-workers outside the clique eventually start finding out about "my little secret"? Yep. If one or more knows, you can pretty much guarantee that they'll be telling some others. Heck, they even had the pics to prove it.

Oops. Oh, well. :D

Honestly, not one bad thing was said or done -- at least to my face. Actually, there was one time a younger GG co-worker who had seen some pics of the group, and while hanging out with her outside of work, once made an "innocent"-yet-intentional snide comment to me about "a tranny" in a knowing tone & look. I just brushed it off, and she never mentioned it again. I don't believe she agreed with it, per se... But it also wasn't a big-enough issue to her to break off our friendship.


I think one of the coolest things, was when I shared a great pic of me all dolled-up from another Halloween, to a GG co-worker... And once we finally convinced her that it was really me, she suddenly got all excited & proceeded to tell me about *her* CD'ing hubby! Even showed me a couple pics of him all dolled-up.

She did also have an issue that she wanted my opinion on, though... Something about how her husband would leave some of his girl-clothes & what-not laying about everywhere in the house, even when their friends would come over. She did *not* like that, and would rather he kept it a bit more private. But other than that, she was fairly accepting of him -- and definitely of me. :)

(For the record, I sided with her, on the simple grounds of keeping a tidy house, especially when having company.)



Anyway, honestly? The OP needs to use their best judgement on this, for only they know the real-life specifics. If you feel like you've got a decent shot at it working out well, then by all means, I say go for it.

Yeah, it could still turn out not-so-great... Or, like in my case, turn out simply awesome! Definitely no regrets for me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rainbow Dash:hugs:, Quick, See line #4 in my signature !! >Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[lingerieLiz]

If you want to meet women go shopping and make friends with the SAs. I've done it for years. I've met more than one which would have gone out with me for dinner. I'm married now, but when I was single I dated several different girls that guided me in my purchases. A couple seriously. In your age group there are many women who would be willing to go to lunch or dinner with you. Make friends and don't push.