I want to but.....

[Helen_Highwater]

As no doubt you're getting tired of reading that I'm off for a week pure Helen time in the near future. One of the things on my to do list is to meet up with others. I've got one evening all sorted but I would like at least one other, hopefully somewhere I've not been before.

So doing my research, Googling Trans friendly venues in... , I found a pub in a small'ish town not that far from where I'm staying that promotes itself as a safe haven for the LGBT community. Parking nearby and located in a pedestrianised area so no cars to dodge. The Facebook page shows a Drag queen DJ nights and there's articles in the local press about when it was taken over a year or so ago by the new Landlady and her goal to make the pub the LGBT place to be for the area.

My problem is, I'm going to be going there alone and it's possible that I'll be the only CD'er there. I really don't want to be sitting there all on my lonesome looking like I'm "out on the pull". If you're not familiar with the term it means looking for a date, or even that bit more! I planned not to go on a Friday/Saturday night as they tend to be the party, drink like a fish nights, aiming more for a quieter weekday night.

I suppose one option is to go there on a lunchtime as I know they do food. There's a new small shopping mall just over the road so I could combine a bit of rack browsing and the pub lunch and get a feel for the place.

So, has anyone else faced a similar dilemma. What would you do? Have I any other options?

[Fiona123]

Maybe try checking out the place while dressed as a male first. Another thought would be to call the owner.

[Pat]

Give 'am a call and ask what the crowd is like on the evening you're thinking of going.

[Beverley Sims]

I was going to say case the joint first, walk in one door check the menu and walk out the other side.

Most English pubs I went into was for a plate of soup at lunchtime.

Everybody else was socialising and worrying about their own lunch.

The only problem was going up to the bar, ordering your meal and then finding a seat.

Got a couple of "Hello Luv's" from nearsighted old guys, but that was about all.

I like the suggestion of ringing the proprietor first especially if she encouraged it initially.

[Robertacd]

You do know that it is okay to leave if you feel uncomfortable, right?

So just go, and if it's not your kind of crowd, leave.

[Jaylyn]

I would most certainly say what two others have said call the place and visit with the wait staff or owner if possible. Drive by and look the joint over, even eat lunch like you were saying. If you can at the lunch hour ask the wait staff when would be a good time to come on dressed.
My wife and I don't just go to a club without checking it out first even when we just go out to dance somewhere. If y'all are close to what we have here in Texas most clubs are ok for normal dressed guys n GGs but we have to be careful as a CD. I know it shouldn't be that way but I try and avoid a good fist fight at my age and now some of those altercations from some jerk might not be what anyone wants. Check it out and you'll know if you want to return. I hope it works out for you as it sounds wonderful.

[Jean 103]

You have already said all I need to know. You are way over thinking this.

You can go for lunch if you want. I would go in the late afternoon before the after work crowd gets there. Sit at the bar. Induce your self to the bartender and whomever is sitting next to you. Make small talk like you would with anyone. Don't go into your life story. Keep it light and fun. Have a good time. I do this all the time, it's why I have so many friends.

[Helen_Highwater]

As Pat says, perhaps I'm over thinking this and the best solution is to go and eat lunch there. I suppose I had in the back of my mind a TV program called "Little Britain"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrlzaBNgz-M

I had this vision of being sat there like a wall flower feeling distinctly out of place.

Jean,
Pubs don't usually have bar stools, other than the tables, more standing room only. Striking up a conversation with someone who's not enfemme in a gay pub it's possible your intentions could be misread as "looking for romance" and that's a corner I don't want to find myself in.

[Jean 103]

LOL, thank you for that. News flash, gay people don't really care for TG people that way. I could go into why if you like but what's the point. If someone is interested in you they would be BI, they don't care for theses people much either. I'm talking from experience, I have a few gay friends and a few boyfriend's, (That's right, you can judge me if you like, I don't care). Your just talking , they are not going to attack you. They want the same thing you are looking for. Just to be accepted and treated like anyone else. Anyway that is so funny, that's me, I like being the only TG person in the bar. Well not flamboyant like that, ok maybe a little. Still loosen up, have a good time.
Love Jean

[reb.femme]

I was contracting in Birmingham (Colmore Row) late last year and always went out in the evenings. The Old Joint Stock Theatre bar was a good night out and not threatening in any way. People from all walks of life but, not a spit and sawdust kind of place that it's good to avoid most days, no matter how you're dressed. I met another girl over in Lichfield, which meant getting the train there and back. The station was packed going but, seriously, no hassle around Brum. Oh, and I had a train door held for me by an older group of guys on my way home. Marvellous.

[Alice Torn]

I have similar dilemna. Thinking of going to the only LGBT bar in my area alone, too, but in the day, too. Nervous about possible aggressive admirers hitting on me. I am so super tall too, and stand out so much. It is in rough downtown area, too. Maybe ok for day time, if i watch my back after parking,and also leaving to my car. I would say you are right, also to go in the day light times.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Helen :hugs:, Don't forget to let us know how it was.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Majella St Gerard]

just go out and do it, what do you really think is going to happen. I've been out to many establishments gay and straight and I'm still alive. Never had an aggressive admirer, someone gets fresh, you simply tell the that you like girls, that's what I do. No harm no foul. And as a matter of fact gay men and trans women will hit on you as will straight men and women. I go out mostly by myself and make friends, I'm not the flamboyant life of the party nor some sad wall flower, just go out and be friendly. Keep your wits about you and don't do anything stupid, if a man askes you to go to the men's room, don't. If a women askes you to go to the ladies room, she probably wants to do drugs with you.

[docrobbysherry]

Not only would I not do that? I wouldn't want to! Being the only MIAD at a vanilla venue is very stressful for me.:sad:

I would go on line, find a nearby group of T's that get together and meet up, out dressed. That's what I do and now there's always someone available to meet up for a fun nite out! In no time, you'll make friends in the group. Heck, if I can, anyone can!:devil:

[Helen_Highwater]

Sherry,

Yep finding a group is the best option and there are 2 that meet in the area I'm visiting. However they meet on evenings that don't fall into the week I'm there. Were it otherwise then I'd go along. There is one a distance away on the Wednesday night https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?253181-Manchester-UK-Meetup and I'll be attending that if all goes to plan.

Just to add a twist to this tale. I was Googling looking for LGBT venues and groups in the area and I found a pub with what looked like a regular Saturday Trans/CD night. I looked it up on Tripadvisor and all I could find were comments about the food. A bit more digging and I found out the pub have been given a makeover and was now a gastro pub catering for family groups. I can just imagine my walking in expecting to find a crowd of CD'ers only to be the only one there amongst a load of Mom's, Dads and kids all tucking into their steak and chips (Fries). So I suppose the lesson is, check and then double check if you're to avoid embarrassing mistakes. Do the homework!

[sara.rafaela]

Yes, the first place I went to was Diva's in San Francisco. At this place, the vast majority of the girls are stunning, and also working. I went in, introduced myself to the bartender, Alexis, and started a conversation. I still go there because I have become friends with Alexis. I get approached by guys occasionally, and I just tell them firmly and politely I do not date. For the most part that ends it.