Wow ! Just found out everyone knows !

[Teresa]

As a continuation of my separation story , my wife now has her own home but it needs some work before she can move in, so I'm demolishing walls and blocking up doors, refurbishing the kitchen and decorating right through before I start on my new home when I buy it.

I was surprised to see my wife's niece turn up to take a look , she's a tall slim girl in her early forties . My wife was talking totally openly to her , she knows about the separation but I wasn't sure if she knew the reasons . At one point my wife pointed out that J**** knew everything.

The following day I asked my wife exactly what she meant by her niece knowing everything , she confirmed that she knew all about my CDing as did her husband and her two nephews .

Today an old friend of both of us dropped in to see my wife's new home again the conversation was very open and checking after with my wife she knew all about the reasons for our separation .

As I've said before I made it clear to my wife that I had no objections who she told if it helped her with the situation and that it was none of my business unless she chose to tell me . So obviously that decision has paid off , my wife hasn't lost a single friend or found any member of the family turn their back on her. They all have a great deal of respect for both of us to accept the situation and do it so amicably . So I'm in the same position I haven't lost friends or family through my CDing. I Don't have any idea how many people actually know now through my wife , I'm not concerned and she knows it and I can see it's making it far easier for her .

OK there are a couple of footnotes , it's one thing them all knowing I'm a CDer but I'm not fully out to any of them because they haven't seen me . Secondly some may think it's a shame my wife couldn't have been more open sooner so our separation may not be happening now .

The great fear with the big revelation is the whole World will come crashing down, it appears just the opposite happens, the so called fragile existence with CDing actually becomes stronger , I personally feel it's down to finding the confidence to go out . Joining a social group was the best thing I ever did , it proved to me and family and friends that there is substance to the need to CD . In just over two years I have gone from the closet to almost living my life as I choose to and dress accordingly in my own home and with the full support of the family .

The crunch may come if I start down the transition road , I guess in some respects it's already started because when I move to my own home I intend to dress full time .

[Gillian Gigs]

Quote: "As I've said before I made it clear to my wife that I had no objections who she told if it helped her with the situation and that it was none of my business unless she chose to tell me."
Well, that was big enough to get an entire military parade including the band through that opening. I think that you can count on everyone knowing now! I am so glad that it doesn't bother you, it shows that you have moved on. Oh, that people could be this open and honest with each other.

[Jean 103]

She has done you a big favor. I have been living a Jean now for almost two years now (Except for work and they know). I have had no big problems living this way. I have lots of new friends. I've remodeled a few houses , it's a lot of work, best of luck with it.

[patti1569]

I'm glad it's going well. It's a liberating feeling when people know the truth about you. My ex wife outed me to her family when we separated. It was the first time I had to face people who knew the truth, and the world didn't come to an end! They all still embrace me and are kind and civil.

In a not so kind move, my ex threatened to put me on Facebook in a fit of rage. That prompted me to open up and come out to my new girlfriend (now my wife). It was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was and still is accepting and encouraging. With all of this momentum, I have begun to come out more and more and have had only good responses. It truly is liberating not to have to hide the truth!! Hope things continue to go in a positive direction for you!!

[Becky Blue]

Good to hear that people are all ok with your 'wife's' news and hopefully it has made your journey just a little bit easier Teresa.

[Rogina B]

I wonder how many are "cool with it" and feel that you and your wife are going overboard. You really will not know for a year or so as then you can judge the sense of inclusion from these people. And that inclusion hinges on you and your gender expression and living it.

[lingerieLiz]

I've been outed several times. From my late teens on. My first landlady made me move when she found out. That turned out great because the next lady I rented a room from had fun treating me like her daughter. Her boyfriend thought it was great too.
Most everywhere I've lived I was open about it with people.

My wife was out with friends one day and inadvertently outed me (third martini) by telling several friends about the beautiful lingerie I had worn at a party. I showed up and she was dying of remorse. One friend was embarrassed and left, but remained one of her (our) close friends. The rest took it in stride. We all stayed friends over the years.

Everyone has secrets. I've known neighbor men that know I CD and have stayed friends with them.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
I have no problems with my wife dealing with it as she is, so far she's not had a single person respond in a bad way, she'll obviously take a step back if it does. I do appreciate they are all OK about it at the moment because they haven't seen the reality of me dressed , even she hasn't .In a year or so time it won't really matter when our lives have gone their separate ways , it won't concern me if they accept me or not as long as she doesn't turn bitter on reflection .
My gender expression may upset the apple cart , she did ask me once if I would start taking " tablets" ? I guess that's her way of saying transition , I replied that will be my decision and no one else .

Jean,
It's doing us both a big favour , we can't continue to live with the situation at the moment , she's finding it hard even now when she realises I won't be available to do the everyday things that keep the house running .

[Joni T]

Wow. You're separating and you're working on your ex's place? That's just totally weird. Most ex's can't stand the sight or mention of their ex's. My ex outed me to my brother's family. There has been no communication with any of them-save for my brother-for 5 years. Hey, it's their loss as far as I'm concerned.
Jon

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

Have you considered asking any of those family members straight out as it were, what they think about you being a CD'er? Do they see you as the bad guy (girl) in this? Do they understand the reason for the split but think your dressing is okay, nothing to write home about as it were. Do any of them find your life style choice morally offensive or think you're strange? How they behave in your company may not reflect their actual view of you.

Have you considered showing them pics of you enfemme and gauging their reactions. I suspect that initial reaction, the first 2 seconds, will tell you a lot.

[Teresa]

Helen,
According to my wife not one has a problem with my CDing , they fully understand what is happening and why. They all respect me for the hard work and doing my best for the family over the years, they realise it's a hard decision and my honesty for coming out . Pictures may help and I have considered it but I have to be careful because my wife doesn't know about them .

Joni,
No it's not weird it beneficial to both of us , the more I support her the more support I get , besides I'm saving money her from the eventual house sale which I will be able to keep for my new home , I'm not totally stupid !! Besides I don't wish to sever family ties, it's only a separation who knows where it will go in the future .

[docrobbysherry]

I just hope it stays civil, Teresa. It doesn't take much for an ex to "find out" from her "sources" how she got the fuzzy end of the lollypop.

And then all heck breaks loose!:Angry3:

[Jaylyn]

Teresa I hope it goes well and you and the Mrs. will work things out to the best for you both. After reading everything it seems you and her have things worked out to both of y'all's best. I'm impressed that you both are taking the break up it seems in stride. Good luck to you and the wife.

[Rogina B]

Have you considered showing them pics of you enfemme and gauging their reactions. I suspect that initial reaction, the first 2 seconds, will tell you a lot.

EXACTLY the same thing I was getting at ! Teresa is seeing this backwards ! Teresa,if they knew you,will they accept you now ? Them accepting your wife 's situation does not come into this !

[Teresa]

Rogina/Helen,
I failed to mention that my daughter and son in law have seen my pictures, my daughter thinks I look like my sister my son in law didn't say anything for more than 2 seconds he then said he couldn't get over how glamourous I looked ( his words , not mine ). They are both OK about visiting me when I move , and as it turns out from a thread some time ago so is my sister in law .

Rogina you have often pushed me on this point so I'm soon to find out exactly what their true feelings are , I'm sure like you and most others have found out it will take time .
I guess in the back of some of their minds they expect me to chicken out , but I'm not sure if they all aware of what my intentions are . I'm still not sure how much my wife understands and how much she has passed on when telling them .

[Rogina B]

This thread seems like it is about how people are "there for" your wife...When "gender expression" flips back and forth to suit the situation [like your future family time,etc] I believe that the observers around you then see that your drive to the freedom of "gender expression" really isn't so strong..They never want to hear "the long and complete version" so they go on what they see and hear about. Do you really know what your Wife tells them ? If she puts a spin on it,they never get the whole picture. You have been together for a long time to have to split up because she can't handle your freedom of expression..

[Teresa]

Rogina,
Maybe it is, it still matters that she will be treated Ok by friends and family .

When I'm free to make my own way most of this won't matter to me , if any of them go against me it will be their problem not mine .

If they want the full version they only have to ask me , I'm not going to hide anything .

The point of this thread was that my wife is dealing with it by telling people , she is becoming more comfortable with the situation , in some respects I'm doing her a favour by being out and deciding a separation is the best solution, it's possibly better for her rather having to deal with a CDer deeply buried in the closet and having to keep hiding me away from everyone, fearing what will happen if someone calls .

Yes the split may have other reasons , we have grown apart , I believe she always felt she was holding me back in some respects with my friends and lifestyle as I may be with hers .