Question for DADT

[audreyinalbany]

I"m pretty much your average run of the mill crossdresser. Hetero, married, non-transitioning and while not specifically in a DADT relationship with my wife, she's of the ''don't wanna see or be part of it" school. I've found in the past when I have a chance to dress for a few days running (I"ve been able to have some long weekend en femme getaways) that I kind of 'get my fill' of dressing and I'm good with staying in male mode for several weeks. Lately I've been thinking that if my dressing weren't such an event I'd probably dress less rather than more, that if I could get dolled up whenever the mood struck that the mood would probably strike less often. So I guess the question is: realistically, whaddya think? You think it would temper the desire? I know I'd be less obsessed if my dressing were a non-event

[Fiona123]

I don't think it will work that way. The more used you are to dressing the more often you will want to do it. That's been my experience.

- - - Updated - - -

Your experience maybe different though. For me dressing satisfies the need for me to present as feminine and thereby authentic. I guess the answer to your question depends on the real reason you dress.

[BrendaPDX]

I am a DADT too. If I had the chance to dress more often I think I would. I understand what you are saying, but for me the urge (pink haze) still come in waves. If I had the ability to dress as often as I wish it wouldn't be such an event, I could concentrate on just relaxing enfemme, not shaving, makeup, those things that take away from my actual enfemme time. I would love to spend two weeks enfemme. I don't think it would temper my desire, when the pink haze hits, it hits:) Thanks for asking, Brenda

[Sarasometimes]

I can truly relate in both being DADT and also the ebb and flow of having limited opportunities. For me i'm leaning toward the idea that I need both the chance to express outwardly, my femininity in dress or actions. For me these chances are mostly in the form of 3-4 hour chunks, often involving me getting full enfemme and getting some salon service or maybe a brief shopping outing.

On the rare chance to do it for a few days, I don't even do it for 24 hours straight. I will dress each day but I NEED to also have my masculine time. I have traits from both ends of the gender expression spectrum and need both.
Recently I have been going to therapy and changing there into a mix of clothing, like yoga pants, tunic, neutral lip but no bra, wig or other makeup and that feels nice too! My take is that if my circumstances allowed this blend, I would likely opt for it and have much less need to do the full femme thing (Other, please don't reply with comments that I can do this...yada yada yada). Ultimately though i would be "dressed" to some extent more frequently.
I don't necessarily agree that with more opportunity comes less desire. There would be a time savings if less planning was needed.

[GretchenJ]

**** FRIENDLY REMINDER ****

The OP has requested information for those only in a DADT relationship, those posts not associated to this will be removed.

Thanks

[docrobbysherry]

I live DADT with my adult daughter. I tell her when and where I'll dress and she either leaves or avoids that area of the property/house. :straightface:

When I first arrived at CD.com 10 years ago, I became obsessed with dressing! Thot about it constantly and couldn't function properly at work or at home. So, I decided to dress whenever the compulsion struck. In a supply room at work. In my car. At home in the middle of the nite. When I took business trips out of town. Whatever, whenever! After a couple months of that, I lost all desire to dress.:doh:
Of course, in 3 months it returned. But, I made a pact with myself to dress whenever I felt the need to. Knowing I could if I wanted to badly enuff seemed to clear my mind of obsessing on dressing!:thumbsup:

Ever since then, I'm quite satisfied to dress around 4 times a month!:battingeyelashes:

[sara66]

My wife and I have the same type of understanding as you. I would probably dress a little more frequently and for a longer duration. Being I did not get married until I was almost 40, I figure I would get back to about the same level as I was when single.
Sara

[alesha]

I’m in a DADT marriage. My need to dress isn’t affected by the amount/length of opportunities I get.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in a DADT marriage for over thirty years. My wife and I had dabbled with me wearing nightgowns and hosiery in the bedroom for several years after our marriage. When my interests went further than that my wife just checked out. It is truly DADT. There are no snide comments made to me or at anything shown on television or other media. Sometimes I wish she would just scream at me and get "whatever" out into the open. My dressing has really become a non issue to her. On occasion she has found a panty or a bra I had not put away. She just folds it and puts it on top of the washing machine and tells me. No comments.

Anyway, when I first retired my wife was still working and still is. Today, I am dolled up from head to toe in heels and hosiery, wig, dress and all the proper undergarments. I am currently drying the laundry which I had done. I changed the bed linens. I will vacuum the house before she gets off work. When I first retired I was one of those men who had to snatch some "crumbs of time" here and there or schedule a "sick day/mental health day" off from work. Job stress created a need to lose myself in Stephanie. Angst arose more often.

Then retirement. Crossdressing became all consuming. My wife was working five days a week. I had seven hours a day to be en femme. I found myself a dolled up all the time to the extent it interfered with my outside the home responsibilities; lawn mowing, grocery shopping. Finally, the thrill wore off. I am dressed today. I was dressed on Tuesday, but, I was getting domestic chores accomplished. My wife was off from work for eighteen months due to a back operation followed up breast cancer treatment and recovery. I did not dress. I did not fall apart because my male protective self arose to her needs.

You have to determine what cross dressing does for you. There have been times when I had plenty of time but no inclination. On occasion I got dolled up, but, felt "why the heck am I doing this today?" and shed my feminine attire. There was no psychological need to be en femme. That's how it is now. I do think every man needs to be able to express himself when he feels the need. Then timing may become an issue.

Oh, time to finish rinsing out by dainty hand washing. :)

[Teresa]

Audrey,
DADT for me has just meant short term compromises that long term failed to work so for me the final conclusion is separation from my wife , it is an amicable agreement when we realised the gap between her acceptance and my needs were too great . Neither of us could walk on eggshells for ever .

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm in a DADT marriage. My wife has also decided to sleep in another room, supposedly because my CPAP for sleep apnea makes too much noise.

I have very few opportunities to get fully dressed up plus makeup, breast forms and a wig. I almost never have even 4 hours alone in the house and knowing how long being alone will last. I do sneak a lot of little things in. I got to yoga class three times a week in very femme you pants and top, but return home in male mode. I sometimes wear leggings to bed and often sleep in breast forms. I engage in retail therapy for less than an hour one to two times a week. I window shop on eBay and retail stores and will often buy something that I like.

If I had the opportunity to dress more, I would definitely take it. It's been my experience that the more I get to dress, the more I want to dress. To take it to the extreme, if my wife got fed up with my crossdressing and moved out, I'd dress every night after getting home from work.