Couldn't say the word Crossdresser

[talkwithmelissa]

I had planned on telling my wife first in a couple of months, but told a women that I know tonight. I felt comfortable with her because she is a post-op MTF. I rarly see her and know her through my friend. We found a quiet moment at a party which I took as a sign. I slowly revealed my situation to a point where I couldn't go back but couldn't say the word 'Crossdresser'. I can admit it to myself, other CDs, or strangers at a club. Eventually I stated "I am a crossdresser". It was a strange feeling not being able to say a simple word like that, but it felt good after I did.

[Gail Stauffer]

good for you, it sure is hard telling other people, even friends...

[Wenda]

Interesting. I have felt that, now that you mention it. When I came out to my daughter, I said I had a new hobby. I told a female friend that I had taken up crossdressing, and planned to become a female impersonator. The thought it was as funny as hell.

[Ms. Donna]

I had planned on telling my wife first in a couple of months, but told a women that I know tonight. I felt comfortable with her because she is a post-op MTF. I rarly see her and know her through my friend. We found a quiet moment at a party which I took as a sign. I slowly revealed my situation to a point where I couldn't go back but couldn't say the word 'Crossdresser'. I can admit it to myself, other CDs, or strangers at a club. Eventually I stated "I am a crossdresser". It was a strange feeling not being able to say a simple word like that, but it felt good after I did.

Hi Melissa,

Language is a powerful tool. Not just for communication with others, language sets the boundries for what we can understand and accept. One of those boundries is in naming a thing. Things are real insofar as they can be named and that naming can take something from being real on a personal level to being real on a public level.

By stating "I am a crossdresser" to your friend, you are no longer 'real' only to your self and the closed world of other CDers, you are now 'real' to the world at large. You feel good afterwards because psychologically, you now have validation - you are, in effect, 'real' by virtue of others knowing.

Big step you've made. Even though my wife knew about me when we married, I remember feeling much the same as you when I first came out to someone else: first aprehension, followed by a sense of relief afterwards.

Congrats! You'll find that each time, it gets a little easier.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[ronda]

you made your self valid youare now a free person. i know the first time i spoke the words (i am a cross dresses) my inter self changed i was out and it felt soooooo good even better now:D :D :D

[Raychel]

This can be a very dificult thing. I have been a crossdresser on and off for over 30 years, and I don't think that I have ever once said out loud that I am a crossdresser. Even when I told my wife it was on paper and not spoken words. I am totally comfortable with myself and my dressing. My wife is pretty much accepting although she would rather not know about it. And yet I still find it very dificult to talk about it and certainly can't say that word outloud. Even when we are talking with the counselor. I say "the issues about me"

Maybe it is because society has made us to feel that it is so wrong to be crossdressing that if we don't actually say it then it is easier to accept it and live with ourselves in our own minds. After all it the person inside that has to be the most comfortible with who you are.

So for me Yes I am a crossdresser, Will I ever say it. Maybe not. But that makes me who I am. And the rest of the world will just have to deal with "The issues about me"

[Teresa Amina]

Part of the problem is the word is so long, you can't just blurt it out like Gay or Lesbian (though that must not be easy either!). Last summer an old friend told me he was Gay. Did I admit to Crossdressing? NO. There was too great a fear of being misunderstood.:o

[Ms. Donna]

Maybe it is because society has made us to feel that it is so wrong to be crossdressing that if we don't actually say it then it is easier to accept it and live with ourselves in our own minds. After all it the person inside that has to be the most comfortible with who you are.


Neitzsche makes an intersting observation regarding 'labels':


"This has given me the greatest trouble and still does: to realize that what things are called is incomparably more important than what they are. The reputation, name, and appearance, the usual measure and weight of a thing, what it counts for - originally almost always wrong and arbitrary, thrown over things like a dress and altogether foreign to their skins - all this grows from generation unto generation, merely because people believe in it , until it gradually grows to be part of the thing and turns into its very body."

The name of a thing - it's label - becomes this thing in itself, sometimes having little to do with the thing it is naming. The labels Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Crossdresser, etc. - these have all become 'things' in themselves - never really accurately describing the individuals to whom the labels are applied. To use the label is to invite misunderstanding.

To me, Crossdresser has become something more than we are. In general, I say I 'crossdress' insofar as I wear clothing primarily intended to be worn by women. As for identifying as a 'Crossdresser'... I'm sure there is a chasm separating my definition thereof and that of society as a whole.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[NatalieH]

The name of a thing - it's label - becomes this thing in itself... To use the label is to invite misunderstanding.

To me, Crossdresser has become something more than we are. In general, I say I 'crossdress' insofar as I wear clothing primarily intended to be worn by women. As for identifying as a 'Crossdresser'... I'm sure there is a chasm separating my definition thereof and that of society as a whole.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

Well said, Donna. I, too, am uncomfortable with labels, at least in this case. I don’t mind saying I’m a democrat, or I’m a Catholic, even tho these too have many and varied (and often false) stereotypes associated with them. Why then do I shy from “cd”? I think it’s because the actual act of cd’ing, wearing the clothes, is only part of it. When Natalie looks back at me in the mirror I want to see a woman. To the extent I do, I feel good – if I don’t (face stubble, etc) I feel fake. How to convey those feelings with a label that touches only the most obvious, literally outer layer of the issue? And, I guess, the risk of misunderstanding is so high – whatever someone’s first response is, it probably doesn’t come close to what I feel I am, to what I want to be. Maybe it comes down to the fact that I’m not too sure myself, so how can anyone else be?

Still confused, but having fun…

Natalie

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

To me, Crossdresser has become something more than we are. In general, I say I 'crossdress' insofar as I wear clothing primarily intended to be worn by women. As for identifying as a 'Crossdresser'... I'm sure there is a chasm separating my definition thereof and that of society as a whole.



Indeed. Usually now when I come out to someone about it, I say something like "I dabble in crossdressing" or "I sometimes crossdress." I feel like it makes the act of crossdressing come off as just that, something I do, not something I am.

If you tell someone that you bowl, it sounds like you might be on a league or you might just occasioanlly drink beers and sit aroun at an alley with friends. If you say you are a "bowler" it sort of implies you're one of those fat guys people picture wearing polyester button up shirts who have their own ball that they've named and all that jazz.

[JeanneF]

If you tell someone that you bowl, it sounds like you might be on a league or you might just occasioanlly drink beers and sit aroun at an alley with friends. If you say you are a "bowler" it sort of implies you're one of those fat guys people picture wearing polyester button up shirts who have their own ball that they've named and all that jazz.

I think that's a perfect analogy to why I can't refer to myself as a crossdresser. Whenever I hear the term, I think of a fat, hairy 50-year old guy who can't pass, would never dream of going out, and sneaks into his wife's panties or wears stuff my grandmother wouldn't be caught dead in. I've always referred to myself as a t-girl, tg, or being transgendered. I don't know why, but I just can't get over that mental picture whenever someone says "crossdresser" to me. One of my good friends that I go clubbing with always uses the term, and then she teases me when I cringe when she says it.

[talkwithmelissa]

Thank you very much for the replys and support. You're right about being validated and with the labels. When I first started it was about the clothing. Now it is more than just that. I had to say something at that moment because I had to narrow down what I was trying to say. The way I was explaining it she thought it was just a fetish. I will need to talk with her some more to let her know how I feel inside. The scale of being transgendered is long and covers many levels. I noticed that even though we had our similarities we also had many differences.

[steffie39]

Hi Melissa,

From my brief encounters of crossdressing, I have discovered that no two crossdresers are ever alike. However, all of us are ultimately in search of happiness and inner peace and when we finally arrive there, it makes the whole journey worhwhile. I know it took a long time for me to admit to myself that I am a crossdresser but since I did a short time ago, I have been happier for it. Good luck and happiness!

Steffie

[Marla GG]

Hi Melissa,

I'm the wife of a CD and, believe it or not, I can completely relate to what you've said.

Last summer was the first time I said the word "crossdresser" to someone who was not part of our community. I was phoning a wig shop to make an appointment for my spouse, and I told the woman on the phone that my husband was a crossdresser. It was a very empowering moment for me, essentially telling a member of the general public in a totally unashamed and matter-of-fact way about our lifestyle. The woman was totally fine with it, which I think helped give me the courage to tell my sister a few months later.

I have to agree that coming out as a crossdresser can still be problematic, because most people aren't familiar with the meaning of the term. But it is a psychologically healthy step to take, and the validation that you feel afterwards far outweighs the fear and discomfort that you feel beforehand.

Hugs,
Marla

[EricaCD]

No question but that I have had a problem with using the word crossdresser to describe myself. It does not take too much reading in a group like this to recognize that "crossdresser" means a huge number of different things to a wide universe of people. Still, like many in this group, I really aspire to a day when I can use the term confidently, without reservation, to describe myself in any forum - or even to myself.

Because, boys, girls and GGs, let's face it: I am a CROSSDRESSER and darned happy to be one! There. I said it. Now I'm going to get into my nightie and go to bed :)

[deenagirlcd]

we both kind of outed ourselves today,me with my photo and you with your words!:^5:

[Shannon]

Hi Melissa,

It was a very empowering moment for me, essentially telling a member of the general public in a totally unashamed and matter-of-fact way about our lifestyle.

Hugs,
Marla

Going to a wig shop, en femme, on a Saturday afternoon a couple of months ago was a tremendously empowering and liberating step for me. I had called ahead and the owner assured me that most of her customers were CrossDressers. When I got to the shop, I was the only customer there. The owner, Maria, was so openly accepting. She picked out a couple of wigs for me to try on -- both were perfect style and color.

I had to park about a block away from the shop....and walking down the sidewalk, dressed and feeling like a woman, was an experience I will always cherish. I felt so happy and proud of myself. Yes, I was nervous and hesitant those first couple of steps, but after that --- well, words dont' capture my feelings.

[suit]

labeles , there great when every one knows what they mean,
bad when they get grouped improperly.

AOL used to have a crossdresser page, seprate from everythjing , then they needed the short cut or some thing and they lumped them in the gay life style heading under trasnexuals. very informed !

thats when i stoped using and checking aols version, as it put me in a kettle of fish I dont swim with .