Baffled by female attention

[fashionisto]

I've been crossdressing in public on a number of occasions now, and I've been baffled by the positive female attention I've been getting. And guess what, I just found out that other CD/TG think that's normal. So, I thought I share this with you, for everyone who thinks that finding a woman who likes crossdressers is impossible.

My experience is that many women (of all ages) go out of their way to compliment me on how I look, and I've had a fair share of women hitting on me. I swear, this has never happened to me before in guy mode! It seems to be so contradictory to all the stories I hear, and with how ashamed I felt before I started doing it. Recently I've had the privilege to swap stories with some transgenders and nonbinaries, and one of them confirmed this. At the beginning of her (mtf) transition, she said a lot of apparently hetero women wanted to know her / were hitting on her / etc. She said a trans friend had experienced the same. She did not find it remarkable, in fact she was pretty dismissive about it (being married with kids). So... to conclude... if a guy wants to meet women, the best thing he can do is wear a dress! I was like, wtf, why has no-one told me this before?!

This is such a mind-boggling discrepancy with both the stories on the forum and the general shame and shyness of men about wearing women's clothes. Could it be Dutch culture is so different? I hope to make more sense of it.

[bridget thronton]

I notice women seem to be friendlier to each other than with men they do not know - their attention might be a sign of acceptance for you

[Minnietheminx]

LOL that did make me giggle as i am one of those GGs that does love it as you will have seen. I think there are probably a hell of a lot more of us out there too but its society that makes it so that you tend to hide the fact pretty much like some dressers hide away their dressing You worry about what people may think or say as its not usually the norm....GGs are meant to go for hunky and muscles and all that yakkkkk!! lol....nahhh dresses all the way for me xxx

[Nikki A.]

I agree that some women are much friendlier when you're dressed and more complementary. However I don't think it is easier to get into a long term relationship with most of them.

[Majella St Gerard]

I agree with Nikki, I have met many women when out and about while dressed up and have been showered with complements, asked personal questions, felt up, kissed but nothing more serious than that. They like the novelty. Fooling around with a CD is ok but not a relationship, they can't bring you home to meet the family but they are willing to play for a bit. Just last Sunday night while at karaoke a very pretty and slightly drunk young lady decided to become my new BFF for the night. She sang with me, danced with me, kissed me on the dance floor, did some kissing on her neck from behind in the ladies room, you know, fun stuff. But no number exchanges. End of night, bye bye. Don't get me wrong it was fun but I would like more.

[Stephanie47]

A friend has a grandson who came out as transgender. S/he is suffering from total confusion. S/he has no figured out whether he is gay and must dress as a woman or he is transgender. When he came out as a junior in high school he lost all his male friends. He was run out of the high school band. The only friends he was able to keep were girls. Frankly, they seem to view him as some sort of novelty. After a while those girls got tired of him and drifted away with only one exception. I can understand there are many women who are not afraid of men who wear dresses, and, will exchange pleasantries. There are many more women who will just shake their heads and avoid a cross dresser. The test is whether the attention of these women will progress to more than a passing moment. Yes, there are some, but, I think it is on par with looking for a needle in a hay stack.

[fashionisto]

Hi all, thanks for sharing your thoughts, keep em coming! In my case some women definitely want more than just fool around for a night, and want to keep in touch. I can't tell you in every case what exactly each woman thinks, but I do have accepting GGs in my life who love me dressing up and like to show me off dressed up sometimes!

@Majella in the incident you described, are you sure that she doesn't want to keep in touch because she thinks CDs are not serious relationship material? Or have you had similar experiences?

[Dana44]

Indeed women pay attention to us. I think it is acceptance and not hitting on you as a girl. They are interested in us and are accepting us to womanhood.

[Minnietheminx]

I agree with Nikki, I have met many women when out and about while dressed up and have been showered with complements, asked personal questions, felt up, kissed but nothing more serious than that. They like the novelty. Fooling around with a CD is ok but not a relationship, they can't bring you home to meet the family but they are willing to play for a bit. Just last Sunday night while at karaoke a very pretty and slightly drunk young lady decided to become my new BFF for the night. She sang with me, danced with me, kissed me on the dance floor, did some kissing on her neck from behind in the ladies room, you know, fun stuff. But no number exchanges. End of night, bye bye. Don't get me wrong it was fun but I would like more.

Its like ive said before i think its not that they dont want you or your dressing side as they probably love both but its society. Unfortunately alot of people shake you off as friends when you say i love a guy that dresses and ive had some say you are not normal...well what is normal? define it please? Ive got to the point where i really dont care anymore . Ive lost a fair few in the past few months since i have been honest about it. I`m fortunate that my sister and her hubby accept that i am the way i am but they have a friend that dresses so probably understand more because of that. My mum accepts it as she had friends when she was younger back in the 50s that dressed. My son was brought up with dressers in my life so he is totally accepting so i am lucky in that respect but alot of GGs arent so and even if they adore you theres always going to be the how do i tell my family or friends.
I remember when david beckham wore a skirt and nail polish here and girls were like oooooo so what.....oh it was ok just because he was famous!!! bit like the 80s here when the new romantics were around in the charts most guys were donning makeup and frilly shirts etc. nobody batted an eyelid. xxxx

[Alice Torn]

I have known a very few women who seemed ok with it, AS LONG AS IT WAS NOT HER MAN!

[Jean 103]

Yes this has happened to me a number of times, but it what you are describing at least with me are two different things.
First , I have had GGs come up to me and tell me how beautiful I am, that I'm brave, that they completely support me. If I talk to them I usually find that they know someone that is in the LGBT community. My best friend has witnessed this a few times. The last time I could see her rolling her eyes. I knew she was thinking yea Jean is worderfull or something. I gave her a look like don't even. When the lady was finished she said "Yes and it only took her two hours" .
Second , I have had woman hit on me in both modes. When I'm Jean it is not because of how I'm dressed , in all cases they have been friends, it is because of me, the person I am inside.

[Jenny22]

Fashionisto, your command of the English language is amazing! Are you an ex-pat from the UK or USA? I love your outlook on life as a CDer and the positive aspects you've experienced, but I think most GGs looking for an SO or wedded soul mate would take the NIMBY approach to a CDer.

[docrobbysherry]

I also have gotten lots of attention from women. Come over to dance with me on the floor. Positive comments while passing by. Chatting up in bars. Some r really just curious. Even my new GG friend, who likes Sherry and wants to do shoots with her. Hasn't expressed any romantic interest.

But, I haven't had any GG's hit on me or show any romantic interest at all. Only guys have hit on me. And, it's obvious they aren't in love. Just in heat! I wonder if that isn't the motivation of some of your GG "friends", Fashionista?:battingeyelashes:

[Tracii G]

I have found several women that were interested and wanted a relationship.
Being gay kind of rules that option out for me.Finding a guy that would be into it is darn near impossible.
Some women found me dressed kind of disgusting so the old " its OK if you do it I want no part of it" reaction and some would fall in the "not in my back yard" group.

[Anna Stouf]

I have been married and divorced FOUR times. I’ve been alone for eight years. I’ve been on the dating sites and have met A LOT of women.

I have never met a woman who would accept cross dressing for even one second. As soon as they find out, they are GONE.

Of course I’ll admit: I am 73 years old, so the age group of women I’m seeing might have something to do with it.

[deebra]

Fashion I like your look, you are thin like a woman, the stelleto boots and tight girl clothes make you look feminely attractive, much more so than loose guy clothes. I too like this look, this morning I went to the mall; wore B cup bra, bikini panties under black girl jeans with black 3" heel booties and yellow T. Really felt good dressing and presenting female, the way I like. Wish it would catch on, unisex dressing for both sexes.

[Lydianne]

Like almost everyone else has said, although I have heard about wonderful exceptions, before I start believing female acceptance of CDing as the rule, I would need it explained to me why I read of so much DADT.

I would always expect to read of some DADT and total non-acceptance because of variation, but not in the proportions that I see here. Alternatively, I would also accept a demonstration to me of a sampling issue within the membership.

Full disclosure: I am not married. I read the tea leaves at around age 16. I now hear about it causing friction within marriages, and . . . :straightface:.

- Lydianne.

[Rayleen]

I'm Baffled too but in a different way, all my life women are attracted to me...I have 95 % of my friends are girls and women.

I always loved being close to women everywhere , and with men, very distant both way. I tough My feminine side has a lot to do with it.

Sometimes I feel Im a lesbian attracted to these women, sometime I wish I was a LB. I find that very puzzling , but you know what, I love it and it makes me a happy .

[Vickie_CDTV]

Sure it isn't curiosity and a desire to be friendly, as opposed to being interested in a romantic relationship? As Alice said, there is a world of difference between being friendly, being friends... and having a romantic relationship. NIMBY pretty much says it all when it comes to a dressing man who wants a romantic relationship with a GG.

[Aunt Kelly]

Going with Magella and Dana on this one. The friendliness and acceptance is most likely not an indicator of romantic interest. For many, we are a novelty, accepted as honorary peers, so to speak. Nothing wrong with that, and for some those women, it maybe more genuine sisterhood, as Dana suggests. If I were single, I'd have to figure out though, would indicating any romantic interest be instantly perceived as "weird"? The social decorum between women, TG or not, is different. Suddenly becoming a guy on the make, dress or no, changes that in a big way, probably irreversibly.
Interesting thread, ladies. :)

Hugs,


Kelly

[suzanne]

For those who pass as a woman, it's easy to understand how women respond positively. You're just one of the girls, a sister who has a similar life and story. They assume there's common ground for a conversation at the very least.

For those who don't pass, like me, it's a bit trickier to figure out. I can only guess. But the SAs where I shop most talk to me like I'm one of their favorite girlfriends. I think it starts with their seeing my dress and realizing "This is not a regular man. No toxic masculinity here." And the relaxing begins. In one dress shop, I mentioned getting my legs waxed and the conversation swung around to her experience with getting a Brazilian waxing. That's info that is never shared with normal men.

That still doesn't address the question "Why?". I think women have more flexible minds where gender is concerned and are willing to give benefit of the doubt to someone who turns away from the toxic male model, even if it's not perfect. My best guess.

[Tracii G]

Don't confuse attention with attraction.

[Maria 60]

I find that women prefer different type of men, some women like that bad boy American mussel type, and like a few of my friends who were with men who were alittle aggressive they prefer men with a stronger feminine side.
To me women are more out spoken and if they have something in common with you they are usally not afraid to speak out.
But that's just my opinion.

[alwayshave]

My belief is that women accept CDs because of the misconception that CDs are gay and therefore not a threat.

[deebra]

So many men out there are overweight, beer bellies, unshaven and dress sloppy, a lot of women too. Baffles me when a slim CD comes along dressed nicely like Fashionisto and myself in slacks or dress why wouldn't this be more attractive to women than the afore mentioned? When the clothes come off they do have what it takes.

[Pat]

Don't confuse attention with attraction.

:yt: Best piece of advice on here. Nobody who sees me can fail to understand that I was born and lived a long part of my life as male. But these days I integrate well with the women around me. They're not looking at me as a mate, they're looking at me as a (potential) friend. And that's OK by me, my dance card is full. As to why women might or might not like trans folks, it doesn't matter really, they get to choose and all you can do is speculate.

[Lynn Sealy]

I’ve noticed that as well. Granted, I have only been out in public on Halloween in a costume, so maybe women have viewed me as a man in full drag. But, I to say, in each situation, ggs were friendlier and open with me then than when I am in guy mode. We talked about cute shoes and how much high heels look great but hurt your feet, they wanted to feel my breasts (bird seed in hose), and told me they were jealous of my legs. Conversations with women I didn’t know would just start up out of the blue. They loved it when I said I enjoyed getting dressed up and feeling beautiful. Several said we should go out for a girl’s night but nothing came of it (Darn!). Told my wife that if I had known how much women liked men in drag, I would have gone out back when I was single.

Please don't take the use of the word drag as derogatory. It is the context in which I have gone in public.

[fashionisto]

Wow, great to see so many reactions! So, it seems most of you have had positive feedback from women, although the general theme is that there's usually no romantic relationship in it for you, with some happy exceptions. Most of the posts could be summarised thusly. Women who react positively:

(1) are just curious / see you as a novelty
(2) see you as a "sister" rather than a potential partner
(3) may be sexually interested/curious but don't consider you relationship material
(4) may find you seriously attractive but don't dare "show up at their parents'" with a crossdresser

I think all 4 are very plausible explanations in particular cases. Let me try and compare it with my own experience.

From reading your stories, I am pretty sure that I live in a more tolerant environment than most of you, so that means (4) is less of a problem here. For example, gays are very visible in our society, as most people know a gay friend or neighbor. When I told my mom I wore dresses, she seemed completely accepting. I showed up at dinner in a restaurant in feminine attire, and she was initially shocked but recovered quickly. Now, she is actually telling her boyfriend that maybe he should wear dresses too (it was half jokingly, but all the same! He does look rather drab, admittedly).

About attraction, I can say that's definitely there. Since you are understandably skeptical, I should give some details. I guess I may be somewhat of an atypical CDer, a drag queen type. It appears drag queens are very attractive to some women, even really campy ones, although I don't quite understand why. I like a "natural" look, no fake breasts, minimal make-up. But I grab every opportunity to dress flamboyantly, fishy drag queen style. Enough to make some women make comments like, I wish I dared wear something like that (at a fancy dress party). I've been lonely and a shy wallflower for most of my life, so I still often feel like, I can't believe this is happening!! But the more outrageous I look, the more women seem to like it.

The first time I went to a dress-up party in drag (as usual I was the only one in drag), my girlfriend had to "drag" me along, reassuring me that I looked great and everyone's going to love it. And she was right! At a recent party I came up to the bar to get a drink, dressed in drag, and the barmaid gawked at me so long and hard that I thought her eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. Then she exclaimed "Wow, what a gorgeous man!". This more or less repeated itself with two other barmaids. One started chatting about great dress-up parties she's been visiting and showed me some pictures. All the time they kept looking at me with wide eyes and showering me with compliments. All in all I find many women have a rather welcoming attitude towards my more flamboyant attires. Apart from numerous raving compliments, I got comments like "it looks very natural on you", "I love they way you wear what you want and not care about gender barriers", "do you get paid gigs?". One woman taunted another guy (wearing a smart suit) for looking so "boring" compared to me. Another wondered how I got so adept at fashion, I "must have had help from women". One even bowed to me like I was some kind of god (goddess?).

And then there's a whole bunch of things that happens when I dress at least a little outside of the male dress code. All teenagery stuff that never happened to me before I started CDing. Women chatting me up in an eager, upbeat tone, touching me, asking for my phone number, etc. Some examples. After a dress-up party, one woman said, "I think you have done this more often, haven't you". I was going like, oh shit, she's on to me. And then she invited me to come and meet up with her, and she was really nervous. On another occasion, I was in a drag bar, and there were three girls who kept touching me and telling me I looked so beautiful. One of them asked me for my phone number. At a party, one rather demure looking woman with whom I had a great conversation said, it was great getting to know you. And then later, she looked at me intently and said, you have such beautiful eyes. Another girl at a party kept smiling, like, really sweetly at me all the time. I got a lot of hugs from her and she said we will meet again.

[Majella St Gerard]

Hi all, thanks for sharing your thoughts, keep em coming! In my case some women definitely want more than just fool around for a night, and want to keep in touch. I can't tell you in every case what exactly each woman thinks, but I do have accepting GGs in my life who love me dressing up and like to show me off dressed up sometimes!

@Majella in the incident you described, are you sure that she doesn't want to keep in touch because she thinks CDs are not serious relationship material? Or have you had similar experiences?

This chick was out for fun, as was I. I had a great time, although she wore me out on the dance floor. Her entourage included an obviously gay man and an obviously gay female, not too sure what her preference was. When I was introduced to her, as I thought she was very attractive, I told her that I liked girls and she said so do I. So I'm not so sure of her motivation, I don't care, I had fun having her feel me up and feeling her up. But truly I would prefer a relationship.

[Karmen]

Women observe other woman how they dress or what they're doing quite often, so they also notice crossdressers. Because we are not considered as competition, they're ok with us and since women are by nature more curios and talkative, they often engage in casual conversations with crossdressers.
But one think is curiosity and general acceptance, quite the other is attractiveness of crossdressers as partners. Because of that women are usually ok with crossdressing as long as it is not her men who is a crossdresser.

[Beverley Sims]

I found that women were fascinated in a guys ability to pass himself off as a woman, my most recent episode was three years ago on a visit to pearl harbour, some girls working at a concession stand were impressed with the style of my dress.

It was a boots, skinny jeans and top combo.

[Alyssa Lane]

I would guess that those women that come over and talk do feel more comfortable that they aren’t being “ objectified “ by most guys walking down the street. Sure I will look but too many like I see at work take it a bit too far and gg’s end up being uncomfortable because of it.
Maybe I am just seeing it with the shoe one the other foot kinda deal.

[Dressing up]

I ran a few errands the other morning dressed. I did not try to pass, no wig, or breasts forms. I am not sure I can, but I was wearing a gray skirt with a pink and gray sweater, and the cutest pink flats. I have become quite skilled at the makeup as well. To start my morning i decided to hit a Donut shop for coffee, as I was paying the cashier asked to see my nails. We compared our nails and she complimented me on my color. I truly believe she was showing empathy to me. I left there smiling, later I hit a supermarket and a female employee passed by me and asked me if I needed any help. I declined, but then noticed that she walked off and gathered a few other employees to gawk at me from a distance. Not very cool, so a mixed bag.

I do think the few times I have had positive reactions in public, it is because someone understands that it is tough for some of us to express who we are. I would love to dress how I want whenever I want, but I am not comfortable with that. It still takes me some effort to make brief outings. It has made me much more empathetic to others, not just trans gender, but anyone who may feel uncomfortable in society for any reason.

[sometimes_miss]

The challenge remains; if you really believe that there are all these women out there that are turned on by crossdressers, start a crossdresser dating service; after all, you'll be a millionaire. As there are millions of us out here who would jump at the chance, you'd only have to charge a few dollars, with the stipulation that if we marry someone that you find for us, we'll pay you much, much more. I know I would. But the reality is, or seems to be, that those women don't really exist in any great number. Friends? Sure. Lovers? Nope. Remember, MANY women have gay male friends. They're OK with that. But having a crossdresser as a husband? That's another thing entirely.

So, stop with the stories already. We all await the arrival of the many women you refer to, to our forum, desperately looking for a nice crossdresser to catch. The forum has been around for quite a while. Seems any woman who wants us, could just arrive, post a message, and get swamped by responses.

[Pat]

So, stop with the stories already.

Lexi -- Sorry for your frustration. But I think it's better to have stories of women who accept us, of couples that survive, etc. because it provides role models. Maybe someone here will be so influenced by hearing that they can find an accepting mate that they'll go out and do that rather than settling for a life in the closet. Maybe some women who find crossdressing husbands are OK for them will tell their friends that it's OK. It's part of how societies change -- first people have to understand that it *can* be done and then they go and do it.

[sometimes_miss]

But I think it's better to have stories of women who accept us, of couples that survive, etc. because it provides role models. Maybe someone here will be so influenced by hearing that they can find an accepting mate that they'll go out and do that rather than settling for a life in the closet. Maybe some women who find crossdressing husbands are OK for them will tell their friends that it's OK. It's part of how societies change -- first people have to understand that it *can* be done and then they go and do it.

Periodically, we get a thread where the OP declares how simple it is to get multiple women who are just fine with crossdressers, to engage with us socially and even sexually to some degree. My point is that while this might happen occasionally, it's certainly not the norm, and it's certainly not something any one of us could easily duplicate on a regular basis. Really want to know just how accepting a woman is? Ask to meet her family, especially any young children. Or mention that you like to babysit, and see how that goes over. Sure, you might luck out. But more likely, she will think you're a pervert.
Now, I'd LOVE to believe that there are all these crossdresser friendly women out there. But it simply doesn't seem to be the case. There are millions of single women out there on the dating sites. Virtually NONE of them profess any interest in dating a crossdresser, no matter how good he may be in every other way. We have to deal with the fact that this is a sexual turn off for nearly all women. Nature has somehow put the predisposition for the desire for alpha male behavior into women's genetic code; we are the anti-alpha male specimens; we're everything that they are not attracted to. Sure, we make great nurturers, but that doesn't get a woman's sexual desire up (though, during phases when she's not fertile, many women find 'beta males' to be preferably interesting as long term partners, but when it comes time to reproduce, she will go find an alpha).

Generally, you cannot change something unusual sexually that is a turn off for someone, which is what a change in gender appearance/behavior usually does. So even if a woman's friend tells her, oh, that it's fun engaging in 'water sports', that's not likely to make her want to run out looking for a man who enjoys giving golden showers. Sexual attraction and repulsion is a very individual thing. Despite all the girl/girl fantasies that men have, there aren't a whole lot of straight women out there just yearning to get it on with another female, any more than there are straight men looking to try giving oral to another guy. When they look at us, if it's a turn off, there's not much of a way to switch that around and make it a turn on for her.

[Majella St Gerard]

Lexi, why such a negative attitude?

[Lydianne]

I can see content regardless of delivery. I don't think I have a vested interest either way, but some might disagree, and that's totally fine. I don't think either side makes a difference to me, but one can never know for sure until one is in each situation. I definitely don't hold any hopes. I am not married. I never made the attempt to search for a wife. That might disqualify everything I have written.

That being said . . .

I find it easier to reconcile the content of Lexi's post with the proportions of non-acceptance, DADT and supportiveness that I have seen on this board than the content of the OP if we're talking about anything that develops beyond friendship.

I cheer from the sidelines when I read about a supportive wife in an intro thread. In my opinion, we should appreciate this, but I don't think that situation should be promoted to the point where it might be misinterpreted as the general rule for relationships. I think the OP over-promotes.

We (I) can't gloss over the number of DADT reports.

Hearing about acceptance could encourage another to search for an accepting partner. It's cuts in both directions, though, because that path could be a very long one, and some of the attempts that don't succeed could involve the other person telling the reason for breaking it off to everyone they know.

Again, I'm not married, never made the attempt, etc.

Just for the record, I have a lot of sympathy for those whose TG awakening happened after marriage. There is no way that could have been avoided.

- Lydianne.

[lingerieLiz]

First, we must accept that attraction has many threads to it. I have a lot of experience with girls/women over the years. Quite a few of them knew I wore the same clothes they did. When young dressed passing and shopping girls were fascinated and a few became friends. I even dated a few of them in guy mode. But, none of the relationships went far. I have women friends today that know, but they aren't looking for romance.

[biancabellelover]

I think you're all telling the truth (as you see it). The OP is from the Netherlands, and I'm guessing that most of the responders are from the U.S. I'm an Aussie.

U.S. society, morals, and mores are VASTLY different to that of Continental Europe. It could well be that in Holland women are far more accepting of CD'ers as potential life partners than in the U.S. Europeans have very different attitudes on sex, religion, alcohol, drugs, etc, than does the United States.

Just my 2c.

BBL.

[Rayleen]

Maybe, just maybe, so's are afraid we would look better than them dressed up.

For a woman, she is proud to look her best and I tell mine so !

[terza]

i can easily believe that there are more progressive social norms, and the states is way behind, and falling further w/ emboldened zealots. progress are the responsibility of all who would benefit --us.

"anti-alpha" --intriguing term, i wonder how many cross-dressers are alpha in their male role. i'm not equating alpha to machismo, which is just another word for neanderthal bully.

[Jean. Ann]

To me sometimes the best realionships
start as friendship and acceptance . So why. not just
go with that and see what develops ?

JAS

[DMichele]

BBL,

It could well be that in Holland women are far more accepting of CD'ers as potential life partners than in the U.S. Europeans have very different attitudes on sex, religion, alcohol, drugs, etc, than does the United States.

BBL.

Your insight on the differences in attitudes of the US versus Europe is along the line I had when I read the OP. Only I thought there was something in the water in Holland.

Thanks for sharing.