I should have known better

[Tina Davis]

Being a closet CD really sucks some days. My wife needs to go out of town for work being done at her late parents' house. She doesn't drive at present, but was planning to take a bus trip. I would get her to the station and then pick her up tonight. That would have given me 10-12 hours of time for dressing, even with my daughter stopping at home this evening. Today, my wife says to me, "You could drive me so I wouldn't have to leave so early, do some work remotely while we are there, get some dinner, and then we'll drive home." I can't say anything but "OK". At least I had already taken a sick day from work, as I had had a screening colonoscopy yesterday. So I am extremely disappointed that I cannot dress again, but I should have known better to get my hopes up.

I know that some of you will suggest I talk with her, but the situation is such that she is very much opposed to me hiding things. She knows I have dressed before, and I have visited a therapist because she believes that it is "my problem" and would not be happy to learn I still want to dress. So all I can do is be a good husband and wait until another day, as I have waited since early August.

Anyway, this is just me venting a little. I enjoy this community and the many people whose stories I read. Even though we are all on similar journeys, each journey has its own road and obstacles to navigate. This is my decision and my life to live, and I thank you for the support that you give to me and everyone here.

Toodles,
Tina

[Minnietheminx]

Oh Tina i so feel for you hun.
Sometimes i wish i could shake all the wives etc i read about on here that say its a problem or dont want to see their partners dressed and say to them this is the same person you love just dressing differently. Its clothes!! The same as us wearing jeans or a t shirt and being told we have a problem as we dress manly!!. I find it so hard i suppose as i love that side to understand why women find it such a problem especially when they love that person. Sorry i know its hard for other women i do get it if its been suddenly put on them and they werent expecting it but the reality is this is the person you married or love ..they havent changed who they are just what they are wearing! Just enjoy being with that person and enjoy the love...life is way too short xxxxx..rant over!!

[Jaylyn]

Sometimes plans just don't work out. Looks like you have a good attitude about it though. Be safe in your travels and try to enjoy the trip even though the home alone time would have been more enjoyable.

[Majella St Gerard]

Minnie, where are all the other women like you? I can't find them.

[LeannS]

oh Tina I know how you feel I really do my mother in law is staying with us for a month with 2 weeks down and 2 to go.
I also take my wife when she works out of town We enjoy each other company and it makes it worth while. Even though I miss being home alone and dressed.

Soon very soon I will be back in the saddle again

Leann

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes the best laid plans just don't happen. There may be two points of view concerning your wife's request. One, she may really want your company and to minimize her travel times. Or, two, she may suspect you would spend the day as Tina. If I took off the day for a recovery for a medical procedure I would stay home. I don't know why your wife would not see it that way? Other than to intentionally mess up your femme time.

As I see it the "problem" is her total non acceptance. I can readily understand any woman reluctance to participate in her husband's cross dressing especially if it was not disclosed prior to the "I do." However, to say it is your "problem" is only an indication of ignorance. From your post I take it she thought going to a therapist would cure your "problem." Yes, your problem is not that you want to dress as a woman on occasion, but, her lack of understanding. If she had some willingness to accept this side of her husband, then her approach would have been to take the bus knowing she has allowed you to have some private time. My wife is not accepting of my cross dressing. Due to a visual impairment of depth perception she does not drive. She is a bus person. When she is out all day she always phones home to let me know she is on her way home. I don't know if she thinks I am en femme while she is away or it's just a courtesy to let me know to expect her.

Again I would have told her I needed to recuperate from the medical procedure. My wife does not recover quickly from any anesthesia. She recently had a colonoscopy and took the following day off to recover. I hope you do not have an accident driving her around instead of taking it easy.

[Micki_Finn]

If I had to guess, I’d say she had an inkling and invited you along as to not leave you home alone and “tempted”. Sorry fo your situation, I’m sure it’s fristrating.

[Krisi]

It's a shame when we look forward to our wives being away so we can dress. The point of getting married in the first place is to be with someone we love.

So, If there's any way you can tell your wife about your "hobby" and get her to accept it. that's the best way to go.

[Tina Davis]

Thank you Minnie, Jaylyn, Leann, and Stephanie - I know that plans change, but it always feels like they do only on those occasions where I might be able to dress. As for my wife's point of view, she really would prefer my company and not have to deal with the bus times. Now the trip is only 80 minutes each way, so rather than her leaving at 10:30 am and returning at 11:00 pm, we won't leave until 2:00 pm and will be back by 9-9:30, depending on our dinner plans. As far as my recovery, she asked me this morning if I felt up to it, which I do, I'm not going to lie to her about that. So I just chalk this day up to a missed chance and anticipate the next one.

---

Krisi, I get that viewpoint, but it's also nice to do things that you enjoy by yourself. I would never insist that she do something she doesn't like just so we are together. So knowing that she doesn't accept my CD'ing means that I have to find those times for myself.

[Minnietheminx]

Minnie, where are all the other women like you? I can't find them.

Wish i knew Majella as could do with finding one as get bored with the ones i know waffling on about the he men they like and how big his six pack is lol...xxxx

- - - Updated - - -


Thank you Minnie, Jaylyn, Leann, and Stephanie - I know that plans change, but it always feels like they do only on those occasions where I might be able to dress. As for my wife's point of view, she really would prefer my company and not have to deal with the bus times. Now the trip is only 80 minutes each way, so rather than her leaving at 10:30 am and returning at 11:00 pm, we won't leave until 2:00 pm and will be back by 9-9:30, depending on our dinner plans. As far as my recovery, she asked me this morning if I felt up to it, which I do, I'm not going to lie to her about that. So I just chalk this day up to a missed chance and anticipate the next one.

---

Krisi, I get that viewpoint, but it's also nice to do things that you enjoy by yourself. I would never insist that she do something she doesn't like just so we are together. So knowing that she doesn't accept my CD'ing means that I have to find those times for myself.

Hope you get another chance soon Tina xxxxxxxxxxx

[Leelou]

Oh, Tina that sucks sorry. I have been in a very similar situation for a long time. I was married to a woman for 10 years that it was not an option to come out to as a CD. She gave me the preemptive "I'd divorce any man that was a crossdresser" talk early in our marriage. She didn't know I crossdressed, but I'm sure she suspected I might. I loved her and loved being with her, so I chose to stay in the closet during the marriage. The marriage ended for reasons completely unrelated to my CD'ing and she never found out.

In any event, just wanted to give you a little support from someone who has made it work being in the closet. I was able to find times to be me, and you will to. I'm glad you enjoy this site and hearing from others. I also enjoyed this place when I was forced into the closet.

Now I'm in a great new place in my life and able to me as much as I want. Best wishes to you and your wife!

[DIANEF]

I should have known better to get my hopes up.

Story of my life.. I do sympathise.

[Sandra_Dodds]

I've had a couple of similar experiences lately, so can totally sympathize. After eagerly anticipating some time alone in the house to be Sandra, either my wife or one of the kids has changed their plan, foiling mine. All you can we do is say "DOH!" and wait for the next opportunity. This is the life we face living in the closet.

Hope the next opportunity is not too far away for you. :)

[foxy bartender]

That’s a bummer, Tina. I’m sorry for you. Hopefully, you’ll find some time soon. I don’t know if this will help you, but from time to time, maybe just tell her you need a mental health day, take a day off work, when you know she won’t be around, and just let her know you need some time to yourself. If she asks why, refer her to the episode of Rules of Engagement, when Jeff takes a Jeff day. Tell her you’re just gonna sit in your underwear, watch football, and drink beer. Or whatever you prefer to do. Then, make sure she gets to have her own mental health day as well.
Just a thought, maybe it will help. I’ve absolutely used this before to get out of things like your day trip.

[Teresa]

Tina,
There comes a point where it wears thin it stops being funny and the frustration is unbearable .

That is what happened when I made the comment about the intervals between my social meetings being too far apart, the conversation finally reached the point where the decision was made to separate . It just became clear that the whole situation was never going to improve .

Whether my wife still loves me or not is difficult to say but she doesn't love this part of me , again it's more than a hobby to contend with, it's an integral part of me . At some point that point has be made clear and accepted by both otherwise the outcome is inevitable .

[Tina Davis]

Thanks also to Leelou, Diane, Sandra, Foxy, and Teresa - it's good to hear from all of you. I know another time will come to show my female side to the world. Teresa, I've read your posts and can say that I have not reached the point in my journey where I would dress every day and live full-time as Tina. I don't think I ever will. But just to be able to dress and go out more than once or twice a year would be good, and to meet others from here for a GNO is a major goal of mine.

[Lana Mae]

Tina, best wishes for more dressing time! I have been slack and have not planned any time out among the muggles! I must get on the ball! LOL Hugs Lana Mae

[Diane Taylor]

I feel bad for you getting your hopes up and then having them dashed by last minute changes of plans. You are on a one way street here but sometimes you need to change lanes and be yourself even if it's only for a little while. I wish you the best..........

[Pat]

The thing is, nature abhors a vacuum and since you don't feel you can disclose your plans, that time looks wide open to others and they have no reason not to fill it. So you're kinda depending on chance. Maybe you should have an activity of some kind on record. "Oh, since you're going to be away for 10-12 hours, I guess I'll plan to put a fresh coat of paint on the aardvark for the nativity scene and then do some glass etching." Now your time is filled. ;) (Of course, she might wonder why the aardvark is still looking shoddy when she gets home. )

[Maria 60]

I know, I know, trust me I know. If you read most of my last post I'm the king of venting here. It just doesn't seem to amaze me that things always seem to change to our disadvantage. There will be other opportunities but we always think about the one lost.

[ShelleyTVUK]

If I had to guess, I’d say she had an inkling and invited you along as to not leave you home alone and “tempted”. Sorry fo your situation, I’m sure it’s fristrating.

I was thinking the exact same thing. Definitely a shame after you get your hopes up. Most of the fun is in the planning.

[Tina Davis]

Thanks Lana Mae, Diane T, Pat, Maria, and Shelley for your well wishes. As to Micki's comment, it may be in the back of her mind, but I know that she didn't want to ride the bus back and forth. And for Pat, I was supposed to be working from home, although I ended up taking a sick day. So yes, the time got filled, but I wouldn't have tried to get out of driving her when I know how uncomfortable she is riding the bus.

Back to planning my outfits for the next time... :daydreaming:

[ClosetED]

I know the frustration and lost chances when the wife knows but doesn't think about fairness to give us equal share of our own time to do what they know makes us happy and prefer to see us miserable by helping them. A fair wife would see this makes us happy, be glad that a chance need will take them away and not have to be present when we dress, by their choice to not see. So you noted yourself, you will be the good husband. When will she be the good wife?
Hugs, Ellen

[CarlaWestin]

Being in a DADT situation, I've already had the discussion about needing the opportunity to express my female side. Now, it's clear that my proclivity is not going to crowd out anything else for the sake of selfishness. I get the time and privacy that I need (generally) due to different schedules and interests. We have a very loving relationship and spend most times together. One night every week, she has an outside interest that gives me uninterrupted Carla time for about three hours. She knows that I'll be dressed because I always ask for a courtesy call when she's on the way home. I had just that needed time recently.

But, you know what's worse than having your plans shredded? It's when you get right up to the golden zone and you're just not in the mood. And that's what happened. The dreaded CD malaise. I just didn't feel like all of the work investment that goes into an adventure. Even after all of the anticipation and planning. But, I did enjoy a night of just watching Netflix and relaxing. And, there will be other times.

[BrendaPDX]

Good morning Tina, I feel your pain, I am a closet case too. Taking a day off of work to dress only to have plans change at the last minute. All you can do is plan for another day sometimes weeks in advance. Take care, Brenda

[Meghan4now]

Yep, this happens quite often. I am in a modified DADT, so I try to schedule things around my wife's schedule. Sometimes this works, often times not. But even when I DO tell her ahead of time it doesn't always work. Like Halloween this year, and the unexpected visit home from college of my youngest. I ended up changing plans because my wife was excited and wanted family time. (Amongst other things)

I think Pat makes a great observation. I would add of course that because many wives don't care for CDING and view it with disdain, they see it as the bottom priority. Sometimes they will even sabotage the effort if they are mad enough.

Unfortunately you will find that when this happens, you can't go back and say, "well, what about all the times I had to sacrifice". That goes over like a lead balloon.

Tina, I feel for you, but unfortunately, some time we just have to sick it up, and move on. Hopefully there will be another opportunity just around the corner. Otherwise, you may have to make your own opportunity with a weekend away, by your self.

[Suzanne Blake]

Tina,

Sorry to hear about that. I had a very similar situation earlier this week myself. I took off from work but by the time my vacation days arrived, my elderly parents need help one day, and my wife’s work schedule got changed the next. It’s frustrating but it happens to all I’m afraid.

Suzanne

[Sheila11]

before I retired I would say that I was to tired from long work days to do that sort of thing.
Now I have no excuse. Always a yes.

[Dana44]

Yeah sometimes we don't get a chance and I hope you get a chance soon.

[Tina Davis]

Ellen, Carla, Brenda, Meghan, Suzanne, Sheila, and Dana - thank you all for your kind words of commiseration. It won't get me too down, I had just thought I had avoided the last minute change.

Now as we head into the holidays, I know that there won't be much time possible, as I have an important trip to California over New Year's. Unfortunately, it won't be a trip for Tina, as the days (and nights) will be long. So I'll wait patiently for the opportunity to come either late winter or early spring.

[sometimes_miss]

So, If there's any way you can tell your wife about your "hobby" and get her to accept it. that's the best way to go.
The problem with introducing that concept, is that they can then simply suggest that we get a new 'hobby', and won't understand when we say we can't.

[annecwesley]

I commiserate with you Tina. I have been in the same shoes (size 11 W Mary Jane pumps :)) many times. My wife actually has come out in the past and stated that she doesn't like to leave me alone because she wants to discourage my dressing.

But this weekend I had the opposite experience from yours. My wife had to travel to visit her sick grandmother and I was supposed to drive with her. Then my daughter (home from college for the weekend) decided to join us - and the decision was made that they could go on their own for some mother-daughter time while I stayed home. They weren't out the door for 5 minutes until I was dressed in my most comfortable, chores-around-the-house outfit. I even napped in my lounge chair in the afternoon, cozily dressed knowing that I had no risk of anyone intruding unexpectedly.

Of course, as these things go, the wife's trip to take care of her grandmother for a few days next month (another opportunity for some blissful Anne time) got cancelled:Angry3:. We take the good with the bad. And I surely had a fine Anne day yesterday.

[Lacey New]

I can relate and sympathize with you. I am still in the closet to my wife and will always be. There have been any number of times when I thought she would be gone foe business or even just out of the house for a few hours and my anticipated opportunities for dressing and shopping just evaporated. Oh well, such is the secret life we lead.
I hope that more opportunities come for you soon.