When Crossdressing isn't enough anymore!!!

[Natasha V]

Well i have been away a long time now fully embracing and living my life happily dressing at home and whenever possible even shopping with my Spouse but lately this is not enough anymore it seems as if my feminine side is being selfish and wants more. How can i handle this? I been dressing a few years now.

[Kelly DeWinter]

...... For me it's Bacon, Waffles and Canadian Syrup.

[Nikki A.]

That is the question that is so tough to answer. Once you get a taste, for many it is hard to put a lid on it.
Having a spouse and setting some ground rules is one way to control the beast. It worked for me until my wife passed away. Now I have very few constraints and I've pushed myself to a point where I do go out as Nikki and go out and come home without hiding. If I'm seen so be it.

[NancySue]

Sounds like you’ve got it all. I’m curious...what more do you want? More clothes, HRT, SRS, implants?

[Natasha V]

Nancy Sue im not sure, my mind is once again like a tug of war. I wish i knew for sure where i am suppose to go from here. Heck i been having fun watching makeup videos and learning how to walk in extra high heels. I still look at women with envy. God help me

[taruhhhh]

i think you might be trans :)

[Pat]

...it seems as if my feminine side is being selfish and wants more. How can i handle this?

You ARE your feminine side, so that's you wanting more. Perhaps you're finding the limits of the clothing and it's time to look inward at the identity. See if you can figure out what that "more" might be. It's one of those calls that nobody can make for you. You've been on the site for a while -- maybe figure out who the folks are that resonate with you the most. Whose posts do you look forward to? Whose get your head nodding in agreement? Perhaps you want to be more like you imagine them to be.

[Confucius]

Well, in my case, I came to a point where I was worried about whether I was in control of my crossdressing, or if my crossdressing was in control of me. I wanted to feel I could control this. So I enlisted my wife's support. I wanted her to set the boundaries for my crossdressing. She did, and I never looked back. I feel this is keeping both of us happy.

[DIANEF]

I think I know where you are coming from. I used to consider myself 'just a crossdresser', but I now know it is more that that, exactly what I am still trying to figure out. Seems the more I dress the more I want to dress, and I'm finding it increasingly frustrating not knowing what I want.

[Judy-Somthing]

I don't know about you but I stopped dressing for close to twenty years when I got busy with bringing up my kids.
I did keep my stash until the basement flooded and I had to get rid of at least half.

[Rachael Leigh]

I’ve read some studies that that’s the fine line between just a crossdresser and someone who is more towards the trans side
Of things, dressing isn’t enough, you have to present yourself more often en fem.
That was my ah ha moment when I knew this was way more then just dressing up

[Natasha V]

After reading so many great comments i am so glad i joined this forum many years ago. I enjoy learning through experience others have traveled before. I want to Thank you all for that.

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After reading so many great comments i am so glad i joined this forum many years ago. I enjoy learning through experience others have traveled before. I want to Thank you all for that.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
I'm going to agree with Rachel and Pat when it's not enough you have to know what's driving you inside , time to think about why you want more and what it means .
It hit me when I started going out socially , I enjoyed it so much , I felt comfortable being Teresa it feels natural to think about outfits and how to put them together and makeup doesn't take hours anymore . This has lead to me accepting separation , my wife accepts it's the best solution so I can dress full time in my own home and go out when I choose , where it will finally lead I can't say . Unlike Confucius I don't want or need my wife's intervention because it is a DADT situation which I've found impossible to live with and unlike Judy I've never known a long break from CDing and it's needs .

I don't want or need to watch videos I just need to go out there and be Teresa , and build a life around that part of my being .

[Shely]

I know exactly what you re talkiing about. Last weekend i dress up fully and rode out to the big picnic park to take some photos. The park is pretty empty during the week and i had a ball, took several stops to take photos. This is my 4th outing and the longest and most revealing. I was dressed in a nice business type suit, skirt white blouse and jacket and a pretty scarf. While out, i had this feeling that I must go out dressed MORE. I felt truly ALIVE as i haven't felt in a while. On the drive back home I was planning my next trip to the shopping mall. I can't really express the feeling i had. It was a thrill.:straightface:

[Natasha V]

Shelly that sounds you had fun. I still to this day go to sleep telling god if this is my last day on earth to please send me back as a female in my next lifetime. But the conflicting part is i dont hate my body. Thank you for your reply

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Shelly that sounds you had fun. I still to this day go to sleep telling god if this is my last day on earth to please send me back as a female in my next lifetime. But the conflicting part is i dont hate my body. Thank you for your reply

[Trione]

Since you wife know and help with your shopping, maybe she can suggest something for you

[Aunt Kelly]

I think Pat may have nailed it, Natasha. You are your feminine side. You're both "sides" but a lifetime of being taught to think of ourselves one way or another (never both) makes it tough to accept the duality you seem to be experiencing. Perhaps it's time to dig into yourself and try to understand. Believe me when I say I know what you're going through, and would love to give you a useful answer beyond a trite "accept yourself". It's not that easy. Professional guidance will likely help, but at the end of the day, you must find a way to be honest with yourself and find a way to deal with what you learn. You can do it.

Hugs,


Kelly

[nikkim83]

Well, in my case, I came to a point where I was worried about whether I was in control of my crossdressing, or if my crossdressing was in control of me. I wanted to feel I could control this. So I enlisted my wife's support. I wanted her to set the boundaries for my crossdressing. She did, and I never looked back. I feel this is keeping both of us happy.

Tried that and I ended up resenting both myself and my wife.

[Jaylyn]

When I had kids at home I put mine CD on hold for many years some what and kind of lived thru it watching my wife dress and wishing I could wear that outfit. When all the kids grew up and moved I started back with a vengeance. My wife slowed me down and brought me back to reality. I also found other hobbies such as hunting, fishing, farming and traveling.

[Natasha V]

I had really thought i had already accepted myself but after reading what i wrote and your replys i have to admit even after this many years, i still have found myself in denial even a bit. Gosh you all Thanks

[Becky Blue]

Natasha my analogy is 'the slippery slope' not all of us tipple off the top, but those of us who do find themselves slowly but surely slipping and sliding downwards on our own specific track. At times we land on a ledge and stay there for a time - weeks, months or even years... but in the end gravity seems to force us down the slippery slope. Some of us even manage to climb back up a bit at times... but inevitably we find ourselves sliding downwards again... where does our personal slope end?? well that can be very varied...

[Natasha V]

Thank you Becky

[Jean 103]

You have said a couple of key things. First you don't hate your body. This is big. You like dressing and want more of that good feeling. This is normal. It does not mean you need to jump into the deep end. There is nothing wrong with staying wherever you are with your dressing.

When you say more, I hope you are talking about going out dressed, like dinner and a movie. Something the two of you could do together.

Full time is a big thing.

[faltenrock]

Perhaps you could find out more of your desire if you take a few days or even a week of and stay en femme all the time. This way you might get clear if that's what you want. If your desire and feelings decrease after some time dressing, I think you might not be trans as suggested.
For me I did that and found that it's enough for me to go out public every 6-10 weeks for 1-2 days in a row. After those days I feel good about myself and like going back into my jeans and male clothes.

[Natasha V]

Thank you so much for the help. I will definitely try this approach. Love you all

[Stephanie47]

Maybe you need to set goals or aspirations. I read your comments but you have not indicated exactly where you are right now and what you are doing. Are you a stay at home dresser? Or do you venture out in the darkness en femme? Is there are drive to go out in the day time? Maybe interacting with others in a social club would be a worthy goal? I have had the opportunity to dress 24/7 for up to 7-10 days. To me it still felt it was just the clothes. I did not feel any pull to totally live my life as a woman. Perhaps that is because I feel very comfortable also being a man. If you were able to emulate a woman for an extent period of time 24/7, maybe you'd be able to see if there is a next step.

[sometimes_miss]

Well i have been away a long time now fully embracing and living my life happily dressing at home and whenever possible even shopping with my Spouse but lately this is not enough anymore it seems as if my feminine side is being selfish and wants more.
Well, for one thing, you'll have to admit to yourself that it's not 'a side'. It's YOU. It's all you. It's not some separate personality. You've most likely been suppressing the desire to be/act/dress as a female for a long time, and your brain is starting to give way, much like a dam with too much water behind it. Unfortunately, we all know the problems inherent in coming out to the world when it comes to any feminine attributes which people will see in us. So you'll have to decide how much you wish to resolve this problem, or if you can remain the man that much of the rest of the world thinks you are, and be okay with being yourself only part time.
I did it by considering my male clothing simply as my work uniform, which I need to wear to do specific jobs. Much like a diver wears diving outfits, masks and scuba gear, firemen have to wear fire/water resistant things, astronauts wear space suits.
I wear my 'man' uniform whenever I leave the house, to do all the chores that require I appear to be a 'man' in the public's eye. When I come home, I dress 'normal', as any other girl does. After all, you see woman mechanics, plumbers, electricians, etc., wearing what are basically male clothing in order to do their jobs. That's all that I'm doing. Wearing what's appropriate to do the specific job with as little complication as possible.

So put on your man uniform and go do your chores. You can be pretty, later.

[LaurenS]

Feel the same way. Thanks for everyone’s input. Gotta go to a conference and get out. Too small of a town/minds to do it here, especially during hunting season.

[Natasha V]

I really appreciate all your feedback everyone Thank You.
I will definitely Stop trying to play the double personality game and relearn that its just me and need to take control of my life and just enjoy life as my one true self. This gurl is ready for the challenge. Love you all

[Krisi]

Well i have been away a long time now fully embracing and living my life happily dressing at home and whenever possible even shopping with my Spouse but lately this is not enough anymore it seems as if my feminine side is being selfish and wants more. How can i handle this? I been dressing a few years now.

That's a bit unclear to me. You say you go shopping with your spouse. Are you dressed as a woman when doing this or as a man?

I think for most of us who dress mostly at home, "more" means going out in public as a woman. Some go to crossdresser support groups or social groups, some go out alone or with their spouses to bars, theaters, restaurants, etc. Use your imagination. If being seen and recognized is an issue, go to another town or a nearby big city.

On the other hand, if your post is a complaint about wanting more and looking for a way to deal with this want, it's a matter of self control. You are the one who is in charge of your dressing, not the other way around. Find other things to keep you busy. Golfing, gardening, fishing, boating, etc. Again, use your imagination.

[Natasha V]

Sorry Krisi, I didnt clarify i go Shopping with my wife dressed as a male. She Supports my dressing 💯 at home unless out of Town.

[Helen_Highwater]

Natasha,

Can you kindly clarify something for me please? Your post says; "Well i have been away a long time now fully embracing and living my life happily dressing at home and whenever possible even shopping with my Spouse ".

Should that be literally read as being you're only dressing at home, the shopping with your SO being while you're in drab?

If that's the case then for me that puts a whole different spin on the way forwards.

[Sarah Doepner]

Natasha,

As I say to others, this is based on my experience and shouldn't be seen as forecasting what your options might be. The factors of your life are much different than mine; age, family, job and community are all influences that impact what we see as our choices. However, I do suggest you try to be patient and see if this is something that peaks and backs off in intensity as you begin to better understand and respond to the desires you feel. Over the years I've found patterns similar to what Becky Blue refers to as the "Slippery Slope" and I call "Higher Plateaus", and I've been urged to go there by baby steps in a Pink Fog or swept up in a dysphoria tsunami that left we surprised at the distance traveled and magnitude of changes made. In any case it is a basic change in how you view and experience the world and that seems to be fairly common as we attempt to find out what our personal boundaries might be.

In dealing with these changes in ourselves we often discover the way we are dealing with others changes as well and monitoring our own behaviors and attitudes is important. Recognize there are significant differences between wanting to dress and needing to dress, between being frustrated at not getting your Natasha time and getting angry at others because it's not happening. Just like there is a spectrum of how gender is encountered, the same goes for how we respond to those feelings. So once again I suggest patience for yourself and for those you love, this has the potential to be a long, changeable and often very fun ride.

[Natasha V]

Hi Helen yes my wife and i go shopping with myself in drab. Unfortunately

[Micki_Finn]

I think we’ve all had that urge for “more” but you e gotta figure out what “more” for you is. For some it’s sex, for some it’s transitioning, for others it’s just getting out of the house. All you can really do is take baby steps and keep up a constant self analysis. Make sure to keep the communication open with your spouse, as she’s on this journey just as much as you are.

[Tracii G]

MaybeI have a simple mind but why are people always conflicted ?
I suspect you are an intelligent person and can figure right from wrong good from bad so why can't you figure out what you want?
If you want something go for it and do what it takes to fill whatever void you feel you have.
Talk with your wife and tell her how you feel maybe she can help you come to a happy place with all of this.
It seems these days people love complaining and projecting a woe is me attitude and want others to feel sorry for them.
Its up to you to change things in your life and move forward if need be and no one else.
If you want to wallow in pity and play the life is sooo hard card that is up to you.
Now some will say I am being mean by saying that but its the truth and sometimes people need to speak the truth and not coddle others.

[Genni]

Tracii, I am sure you are not simple minded, but may have taken an overly simplistic view here. Even intelligent people are conflicted for any number of reasons. This goes without saying (but I will even if it's redundantly redundant, Chief): We CDers have been indoctrinated by our society to behave and dress in a certain way. That "culturization" goes all the way to our core, which then conflicts with what we want to do - express femininity. Many of us are quite self-conscious or concerned about our various relationships and thus look to our sisters here for advice.

We often have a hard time figuring out just who where are in our life's journey - let alone where we want to go, or how do we get there. I went back and read each of Natasha's posts and found nothing remotely close to a "woe is me" or a "wallow in pity." She asked for suggestions and received some great advice -- including a couple of good suggestions in your post. Isn't that why we are all on this site?

[Krisi]

You can state your situation (but you need to be clear about it) and ask for suggestions but in the end, it's you who has to decide what to do. Nobody but you actually knows your situation and most importantly, folks here don't have to live with the consequences of their advice.

Any decision to "come out" as a crossdresser has lifelong consequences. Family, neighbors and career. Think long and hard before you do this.

[Natasha V]

Thank you all again, Tracci you got it all Wrong hunn God bless

[Helen_Highwater]

Hi Helen yes my wife and i go shopping with myself in drab. Unfortunately

Natasha,

Now I understand a little more. You're not along in feeling you need to express yourself further. Many have written about feeling trapped within 4 walls. Standing behind the front door but afraid to cross the threshold.

I can relate to such feelings. Years ago I was aware of being frustrated, not able to truly convey who I was. It's one thing to wear heels around the house, it's totally something else to hear the sound they make on a pavement. It's also to experience the elements. How often is it written here about feeling the breeze on legs. Being outdoors is utterly liberating. Taking that a little further and to be in the company of the muggles, albeit on the street, in a shopping mall or meeting other Cd'ers at a social group.

And what that adds up to is you feel as if you've completed the picture. To act as and be perceived as a female fulfills a real need.

So where next? Out the door me thinks.

[Natasha V]

Oh my, Helen you are truly right about Me standing at the door late at night Dressed up with heels and looking through the wrought iron door thinking how wonderful it would be to step out. My wife sits right outside the patio door looking at me with a smile saying teasingly "come on out" of course i shyingly decline. She adors all of me and always asking if i need anything. Thank you hun

[Beverley Sims]

Once you are dressing most of the time, other treatments to assist your mindset are probably next.

[DeniseNJ]

I love the look of a woman but it is true once you start envying them and are jealous of what they wear it gets weird. You female side like me and others must be very strong. When you say to your self , do I like the drab me or the feminine me and the feminine side wins you are more of a woman than you think.. PS are your ears pierced yet???

[Natasha V]

Oh gosh, Denise i still wear clip ons but you have a good point. Thank you

[Alice Torn]

A few weeks ago, i was getting out of control with it , in a sexual way. I was looking at internet porn, and imagining myself as the Gg. I was losing control of it, and my responsibilities, on dating sites, trying to meet admirers. Ran into some bad admirers on the sites, and came to my common sense again, forsaking porn, and got off the meet up sites. Have not worn more than hose. I know each of us is different, with different issues. I am not dressing for a while, trying to get myself balanced again. I was living in a total sexual fantasy in my head, and trying to make it reality, but is it good for me? Not really.

[Territx]

Natasha - you sound a lot like the position I am in, though my wife is DADT/non-supportive. I would like to do more, but I accept my current position and am thankful for the time where I do get to be "Terri".

It all comes down to "you" and what you and your loved ones accept. No one can tell you what the rewards are (again, that is personal to you), but the risks are generally what we all face when deciding what action to take, which can be summed up as rejection/ridicule by someone. My experience is that people tend to (figuratively) "step out" when the rewards out weigh the risks. Unfortunately, I know of no magic answers.

[Tracii G]

Thank you all again, Tracci you got it all Wrong hunn God bless

Ok at least I got to make my point without getting my post removed.LOL.

Genni I have heard all the if and whys and all the reasons people are conflicted plus all the reasons (excuses) why CDs or trans people can't "be themselves".
We are all different thats true but the one constant is the ones who play the victim game and blame everyone around them for not being able to express themselves are the ones complaining.
The others have either taken the "I don't care what others think" philosophy or just sucked it up and said I am going to live my life for me.
Doing what is right for you to preserve your sanity is always the better choice don't you think?

[DMichele]

Natasha,
Are you searching for your authentic self by chance? When you find her/him I believe the dressing will take care of itself. At one time I related to being CDer, and I would need to dress or so I thought. But when I resolved my identity, women's clothing is naturally integrated in my daily life.

Happy exploring!

[Helen_Highwater]

Oh my, Helen you are truly right about Me standing at the door late at night Dressed up with heels and looking through the wrought iron door thinking how wonderful it would be to step out. My wife sits right outside the patio door looking at me with a smile saying teasingly "come on out" of course i shyingly decline. She adores all of me and always asking if i need anything. Thank you hun

Natasha,

Bite the bullet, pull up your big girl knickers, summon up the courage, JFDI........ That step over the threshold will stay with you for the rest of your life and will be the gateway to bolder things. Again it has been written here that what we fear is fear itself.

If you have a supportive SO as it seems you do, would she deliberately put you in harms way? If you looked like a pig in a frock, which by the way looking at your avatar is anything but the truth, do you think she would encourage you to take those steps?

You don't need to go the whole hog, do it all at once. Do what so many of us have done and go for a drive. Let your SO be the driver. Find somewhere safe and step out of the car. Even a few steps will, as so many here will testify, just feel sooooo wonderful.

All that is holding you back is you. There will be parts of the journey that will be scary, certainly the first time. As you experience more the fear factor diminishes and confidence grows. For some, getting out there is something that's not for them. I somehow don't get the same feeling for you.

[Tracii G]

Its funny how some have the golden goose (accepting/encouraging SO) and yet will not venture out.
They don't or maybe they do realize it but its none of my business.

[Natasha V]

Thank you all for the Great Replies i will be building up that Courage and when i do will take pics to come post my Adventure. God Bless