A Heel Too Far?

[Kas]

Ok, so after being out with my SO for about a month now, she has given me my first "line" not to cross as they say... And it is heels! She told me I can wear anything EXCEPT heels because she would find it too weird. I don't understand this because she has seen me in a wig, dressed, wearing women's thongs, makeup, but heels are too far? Has anybody got an opinion on why this could be? I mean it could just be her, but I have noticed a couple threads on here about women finding their husbands heels and making a very big deal about it (Moreso than clothes/underwear). Do you think it's because they are not something even GG would often wear, so they feel strange about their man doing it? I don't get it. Any other similar experiences?

[Ariana225]

My wife doesn't like heels either. She doesn't care if I do and hasn't drawn a line... but she always comments with "I don't know why you like them, they are so uncomfortable, I try to avoid them". Then she jokes around and says "at least you don't have to wear them all day, then your feet would know true death!"

[Robertacd]

They are probably just jealous of how good your legs look in a pair of heals, I know my wife is.

[Kas]

I have never had the pleasure unfortunately, roberta. I can guarantee you I would though!

[Jean 103]

Most of my friends are GGs and most don't like heels. I wear them all the time no problem. But to your question. Heels are looked on as being sexy. You could be seen as looking for someone new, if you get my drift. With me I were heels all the time so I don't believe I'm seen that way by my friends.. Try talking to her about it.

[Gillian Gigs]

It varies from one SO to another. For my wife it was bras for the longest time, then one day she helped me to buy one, and from that day onward there was no more problem with bras. Go figure, If you can figure out and understand women, write a book, you will make a fortune.

[Kas]

Most of my friends are GGs and most don't like heels. I wear them all the time no problem. But to your question. Heels are looked on as being sexy. You could be seen as looking for someone new, if you get my drift

Hi Jean,

I was thinking it could be along those lines. Maybe she could be thinking they make me too attractive to men? Or that I'm trying to attract men? If that's the case I kind of see her point. You don't wear heels for comfort. You wear them to draw attention/be sexy like you said.

[Jean 103]

It's how They see things in general. I'm differant. I run around on the balls of my feet all the time. I have been doing it every day going up and down ladders. For me heels are more comfortable than flats. So when they wear them it's when you are dressed up. You just need to explain your point of view. For me it's about fashion. I simply try and have my shoes complement my outfit.

[Teresa]

Kas,
It's surprising how many women don't wear heels, yes they can be ultra feminine and down right sexy and I wonder if that is part of the problem , they try and play those attractions down. It takes confidence to wear them , OK there is the problem of being uncomfortable when worn for long periods . There is a natural heel height guide which I posted a thread on a while ago, my natural height is almost 3.5 " and the ones I have in that range are the most comfortable, I wore a pair of nude/beige ones all day at a pride meeting .

I admit I love them for so many reasons , as my wife hasn't seen me at all I don't know which part she would dislike the most , I always felt forms might be the make or break , maybe I should just ask her .

[Kas]

Teresa,

As I mentioned I have never had the pleasure of wearing heels. Similar to Jean, I usually walk on the balls of my feet as my calf muscles are shorter than normal (had to wear heel risers as a child in my shoes) so I imagine they would be quite comfortable for me. I am definitely drawn to the look and I feel a nice pair of heels can be the final touch on a complete outfit. Oh well might just have to get some on the DL.

[Stephanie47]

Pure speculation on my part. Perhaps wearing a really high heel (4-5 inches) would alter your walk and posture too much. Maybe wearing flats you still walk like a man, but, put those heels on and the sway, hip movement, etc just becomes too feminine. Heels may be the last thing which stops her from seeing nothing but a woman. My wife would hate it if she saw me in four inch heels because she had a foot operation/fused toe which prevents her from wearing heels. She already hates me because I have no hair follicles on my legs and no underarm hair. Good thing I have male pattern baldness.

[Maria 60]

That's funny because when I told my wife she didn't want me to wear anything pink. I guess I understood at the time pink being a more feminine colour, then one day she comes home with a pink bra and matching panties. I didn't question it I just thanked her and then I bought a pink skirt and she didn't say a word about it.
I believe it's was about control, having a word in it, or like she felt she had to make a rule to show she was in control. My father always told me if I want to live a happy life don't try to figure out the women, what's good today isn't tomorrow.
Give it a month and she won't care anymore. Wearing heels even in the hose was an experience I never would have thought of, I thought the higher the heel the more uncomfortable they would be. But it's not, it all depends on the shoe and how it fits to your foot, some of them it feels like I'm not even wearing shoes, and then I have others I can't even keep them on for two minutes regardless of the height.

[Kas]

That is funny, Maria. I told my fiancé I owned hot pink thigh high stocking last night and she didn't bat an eye-lid, but mention shoes and off she goes hahaha. I do think you could be right you know... It could be her just feelin like she has some say in the matter rather than her really caring THAT bad...

You've got my hopes up now she's gonna bust through the door with some new heels for me! Finger crossed XXX

[Samm]

With my wife, the 'line' was jeans. After a few weeks of back and forth, I figured out it was the boy bits she thought would make them not fit/look right. Another few weeks of discussions here and there, and we picked out a pair together at a thrift store. Once she saw them on me, the 'line' was no more. Now, they're pretty much all I wear. And we have gone out together while dressed once so far. So she may come around. I might mention it conversation once or twice, but don't over do it by talking about it constantly. You don't want to push her further away on the subject.

[Minnietheminx]

My thoughts are that the heels are the `final touch` so to speak. Your OS although you dress in everything else and enjoys it still prob sees that yes you are feminine but the heels are the last little touch that would make you exactly like her as a GG which at first can honestly be a little intimidating when youre meant to be the sexy one lol ... Its like the finishing touch on a cake. You can have a white iced cake but until you put a christmas tree on it or a happy birthday decoration thats the final touch that identifies it as one or the other and makes it appealing to the eye ...Ive always seen the heels as that final touch whereby the legs suddenly take on a sexy look and the walk becomes different and feminine and everything else then follows suit.....thats just my take on it i may be totally wrong and I hope that makes sense as i am totally useless as explaining what i mean lol xxxx

[Kas]

Hi Minnie, You explained it very well with the cake analogy actually. It's good to hear a GGs opinion.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Kas,
Initially the “line” with my wife was wig and makeup. That disappeared eventually when she saw I was just looking to be “complete”. I think for them It may be the thing that they feel absolutely makes one “femme” and they’re trying to hang on to their husbands and in their mind that is where it changes(for them). Currently , I am aware of no line when it comes to clothing or makeup or whatever. Commonly her answer is “ if it makes you feel good”

[Krisi]

So just don't wear heels. Buy yourself some nice flats and enjoy your freedom. Perhaps in a few months she will lighten up the "rules". And when she does, don't go overboard. Start out with 1" heels. Then 2", then 3". Try to lay off the hooker heels.

My advice to you is to take everything slowly and watch her reaction. Dress casually, like she does at first. Don't just go all out and dress like a hooker or someone going to the ball.

[nikkim83]

That is funny, Maria. I told my fiancé I owned hot pink thigh high stocking last night and she didn't bat an eye-lid, but mention shoes and off she goes hahaha. I do think you could be right you know... It could be her just feelin like she has some say in the matter rather than her really caring THAT bad...

You've got my hopes up now she's gonna bust through the door with some new heels for me! Finger crossed XXX


For my wife, it was skinny jeans are out of bounds. It is the only thing she is no good with, but her reason is more that its a gay thing then a fem thing. All good with me because I don't care for jeans.

[Pat]

I can't know what your SO thinks, but I imagine she's run through a bunch of scenarios in her head and the idea of you on heels crosses some mental line. It could be that in her mind you won't look graceful in them or a fear that you would. Doesn't really matter. The question is will you respect her wishes or challenge her about the one thing she draws the line at? Your choice.

[Jayne44C]

After coming through a tough week (talking & arguing some), we just reached an agreement. It's photos of all things! I guess we're in a DADT phase, which I will happily accept. So I took down my profile photo and it won't be going up again. That's our compromise and it's one I can live with. I did enjoy seeing myself online and it was a thrill! I don't like it as much as I love my wife and being married. Photos.....:eek:

She knows my taste in clothing. She doesn't understand it because it's so, so different from hers. I don't dress trampy or reveal too much skin. It's not my style and I certainly don't have the figure for it! :) I prefer color & prints, love reds, oranges, yellows, purples... I guess the warmer clothing color palette. She likes to blend in and not draw attention to herself, even though she has a nice figure. But that's her and I accept her style for what it is.

[~Joanne~]

My SO has made no lines, has never tried. If she did I think we would have problems as I also never make any lines about anything. we talk and it works.

[DIANEF]

My wife has always associated heels of any height being a bit 'tarty', I asked her why she thought that and she said 'low' women wear them! That was the best explanation I could get out of her. She has never had anything above 2 inch since I have known her, and she would not be pleased if she knew how well I manage my 4 inch heels.

[JenniferMBlack]

Women are a strange lot. For my ex it was Girls tops of any kind. Skirts,dresses, heels, make up, nylons, bras, forms, wig, girls jeans all good a skirt with a top or jeans with a top she would go off the deep end and it was anything she thought to be a female top. I don't get it but there is something that makes them say no I can not deal with that 1 thing. I wish you luck with it because heels are one of my favorite thimgs.

[nameinuse]

Hi Jean,

I was thinking it could be along those lines. Maybe she could be thinking they make me too attractive to men? Or that I'm trying to attract men? If that's the case I kind of see her point. You don't wear heels for comfort. You wear them to draw attention/be sexy like you said.

think you hit the nail on the head there. For me wearing 4" heels means I'm actively looking for attention because lets face it, legs look so much better in them :)

[Leelou]

Wow, Kas, that's a tough one. As others mentioned, there are cute options, so it's definitely something you can work with.

You've only been out with her for a short time, so hopefully the line will soften or disappear over time. We've heard several examples of that in this thread also. It is fascinating hearing the different stories about specific items that women won't accept, but they'll accept the crossdresser overall. Yeah, women are funny (says the guy that likes to wear dreses) :battingeyelashes:

[Beverley Sims]

Heels, wig and bust are all feminine attributes that maketh the woman, different attributes do have an effect on our spouses.

Mine was the hairdo.

[Alice B]

My wife also did not lke me wearing heels, but it was more about marking or denting our wooden floors. She would always comment on my heels and I think part of that was that she never wore heels higher than one inch. She once said that I looked good in them in passing. A total supprise. Still does not like seing me in a wig.

[Jaylyn]

I know I walk and wear my heels way better than my wife wears hers, thus it could be jealousy or many of the other things mentioned. My calves protrude more than my wife's when I wear my heels and my butt looks better, but my wife has told me they make me look more like a real femal and that scares her. Who knows what they think and maybe that's just her battle she chose to have with that little line she doesn't want you to cross.

[Kas]

Thanks for all the great replies, girls! I love hearing about all the certain items your SO does not appreciate. Women are a funny bunch. All I can hope for is that the line will someday disappear as many of yours have.

[Scarlett1975]

Originally heels were designed by a man for men. I guess they suited women more and the rest is history. I love them and wear then as often as possible for as long as possible. The small amount of pain is well worth it. I know most gg's complain about them but honestly when they wear them for me its ultimate class,(unless dressing trashy I guess but still so much better than flats) especially when they really want to wear them for their own reasons. For me I can feel their confidence from a distance. Walking down rodeo drive a few months ago the ggs, wearing heels owned the place in my opinion. Possibly in reality too as they were wearing $1500 shoes lol. Not sure why your wife objects and I feel for you but sometimes we have to compromise although for me id give up something else if at all possible.

[Tamsin Secret]

I have never had the pleasure unfortunately, roberta. I can guarantee you I would though!

Oh my Kas... I kinda garuntee that once you try on some killer heels they will always be a joy to wear from both a visual perspective but also the way they can make you feel ultra feminine.

This is of course not true for everyone but for me heels are so much part of what is the make up of my dressing.

You don't have to wear them all day to get the feeling btw.

They are especially great with shaved legs and bare feet OMG!
:battingeyelashes:

[Kas]

Thanks miss. I saw the photo you put up the other day of your heels with the black tights and I admit they looked amazing.

[Tamsin Secret]

:battingeyelashes::hugs:

[Sara Marshall]

I definitely concur with Miss, heels are a big part of my dressing and I thoroughly enjoy a great pair. Be careful Kas, once you slip on a pair there’s no going back, lol. Good luck!

[CateNatalia]

If you want to wear heels, you should. For me, they're essential, but then I have about 100 pairs of them! :daydreaming:

It could be that your SO feels a little threatened by heels because, as others have said, they are seen as overtly sexy. Which they are! No two ways about it. But that's a good thing. It's nice to feel sexy. Also, I can attest that heels become addictive - before you know it, you're buying the right pair for the right outfit and there's no going back. I hope it all works out for you.

[deebra]

Heels are necessary when wearing a dress to be properly dressed. They also do wonders for boot cut jeans. And they make you feel feminine, sexy, protruding butt and the womanly sound when walking on a hard floor. There are no heels for men for dress or casual, just cowboy boots so what's left? women's heels and pumps.. Women's heels make a man's foot look a whole lot smaller. And the warning tag attached by the federal and state regulatory commissions require the wearer to also wear hose, panties and a bra when wearing heels, it's the law.

All the threads above are good but in her eyes when you put on heels that turns you from a man into a woman and her choice was a man, she doesn't want you to make her a lesbian. Simple, just wear them when she's not around.

[Kas]

the warning tag attached by the federal and state regulatory commissions require the wearer to also wear hose, panties and a bra when wearing heels, it's the law.

Better be careful or somebody might call the FBI (Female Body Inspector). I heard it's a life sentence.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Kas. My wife doesn't mind me wearing heels at all, though I am not out in public and it's only behind closed doors. She often comments on how she likes certain pairs, so I will try to get them for her, in her size, and it's a real thrill seeing her in them when we go out. It's nice to think I have the same pair back home! She will sometimes pose for pics with me in our matching heels--I have posted about this.

The shaved legs, hosiery, and clothes don't bother her--even with pads and forms. Where she drew the line was wigs and makeup. She has never seen me fully decked out, not even in pics.

I guess every SO has their own limits, right?

You look fabulous, BTW.

Gretchen

[stephenie3756]

CateNatalia - Agree on heels being addictive. I too have around 100 pairs...can't past up a sexy pair of heels.

[Rowan Ailbhe]

I am a little heel crazy....I enjoy the compliments on my.legs....alooooot....lol

If ya got em...flaunt em...

[Kas]

100 pairs? Wow...

[NicoleScott]

Kas, why don't you ask her why everything else is OK, but not heels? There should be a reasonable explanation - or not.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Part of it might be the impression that they are worn for attention. Talking to some GGs who wear heels, they say some women are catty toward them because they can't wear heels themselves (for whatever reason.) I'd usually never say GGs are "jealous", but it is possible some who wish they could wear heels (GG or CD) but can't (GG or CD) for whatever reason might feel a bit uncomfortable towards those who can.

[StacyCD]

My SO never wears heels higher than 1.5". Frequently she comments that my feet must hurt when I wear 4 or 5" high heels. I think it might be that my wearing higher heels than her means that she's 'less of a woman'. Crazy I know but she doesn't seem to comment negatively about anything else that I wear.

[Pat]

My SO never wears heels higher than 1.5". Frequently she comments that my feet must hurt when I wear 4 or 5" high heels.

My inner engineer says, if your foot is longer than your wife's (common) then you would have to wear taller heels to get the same angle on your foot. A 5-inch heel on her is a much steeper angle than a 5-inch heel on you, so inch-for-inch your feet should feel less pain.

[Sidney]

My wife's limit is no bra under man clothes. She can't give a reason why.

[Tina_gm]

It's all individual as to what might be the hardest thing for a partner to deal with. I have paid very particular attention to this subject. And it seems there is no consensus. I've read often times its the wig, or hair being that line they have a hard time with. Heels, shaving, make up, long nails, or maybe just nail polish. It is likely that for many of our partners none of it is particularly easy but there is that one thing for them that makes it too much for them.

[FeWill]

This is interesting because mine started me in heels

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Kas,

I suggest a trip to a shoe store, near closing time to pamper your feet with the amazing feeling that occurs when you strap on a nice pair of high heels. No harm done in just trying on a few pairs. I never have a problem in a shoe store as long as it is only women that are in that area. Men really can be obnoxious, and mean towards this. I would love to hear about your first time wearing a pair of high heels.

Take Care,

Rebecca

[Alice_2014_B]

Yeah, I could not live with that, lol.
My wife really digs it when I wear heels "in bed".
Now, she has seen me fully dolled up in person several times, and a lot of pictures.

High heels were the only thing she knew about before we got married, and it was the only thing for me too, aside from an occasional skirt; and such was only indoors.
(I think I messed up my grammar just now.)

:)

[Littleg2]

It seems strange that your SO says no heels when she hasn't even seen you in heels? Maybe she's afraid, trying to hold onto an image, or control, like others have said, or maybe she's worried she'll like it? (Yes, I know, a bit farfetched.) Whatever the reason, I hope she does soften over time and you are able to wear the heels you want. The sooner, the better, of course.

For myself, the only “line” or rule I have laid down so far is “’No tank tops over bras!” (and I mean this is a loving way) My lovely CD’er wears Hanes men’s tank tops all the time, under clothes or as a top when it’s hot, but then comes out with these hideous (at least in femme mode- they are worn and have paint stains, etc.) tank tops over a beautiful bra and it seems so out of place. I have *requested* that she wear camisoles, if wanting to put on a tank, over her bras.

I know some girls wear men’s tank tops, T’s and men’s button ups over bras for a certain (sexy?) look, but when he is dressed as a women it seems out of place to me. Under certain circumstances, it might work, but I hope I’ve painted an accurate picture as to why I don’t think she should. I have told her she is more than welcome to borrow mine, and have actually stripped her and put one of mine on her –lol (I have a huge variety, ranging in all sorts of colors).

Good luck with the heels! -g

[Devi SM]

I didn't read all answers here but I can say for my own experience and reading some books where wives of crossdressers talk that it's really hard for a woman to digest the idea of her husband likes to dress as a woman.
So go slowly. Don't try to understand our argue about it. Thanks that she gives you some opportunities.
My wife found out a couple weeks ago, while I was showing her a new session of Vanessa's pics, that I'm doing my eyebrows which I'd doing since like a month before.
She get really upset but after 3 or 4 days I found her doing her brows. I offered my help, she accepts and then I realize that I do it better than her that for years didn't even do make up. So there was some grade of jealously from her but now I do not just her brows but been I wax my belly, chest and arms she comes and I do her, the make up and other things, so go slow.
For me it's been year and a half since I go out to her. But everytime could be new things or issues that shows up.
Be patience...

[PattiMichaels]

Like many have opined, wearing heels (successfully) completes the transformation, which many seemingly GGs may view as a point of no return.

Imagine your dressed and made up as passable and sexy as your wildest dreams...but wearing giant clown shoes...in her eyes, allowable due to said clown shoes causing the entire thing to be utterly ridiculous...however, the right pair of heels completing the endamble and taking your masquerade into “ Aw, hell no...!” territory.

[Lilly Diadem]

My SO found it odd that I wanted flats or low wedges rather than just heels.
She wears and loves heels but not on a daily basis as her job requires sturdier footwear.
I often get a request to put on heels and stockings, come upstairs and..... well that would be telling :battingeyelashes:

[Dana44]

My SO bought me some nice heels for my birthday. But she does not like wigs. So I grew my hair long.

[Kayliedaskope]

I often get a request to put on heels and stockings, come upstairs and..... well that would be telling :battingeyelashes:


:eek: You mean .... replace the light bulb while she looks up your skirt for a change?

[Tanya silk stocking]

my So didn't like me shaving my arms at first but when i was fully dressed up she told me to shave them

[Genifer Teal]

It's her limit. it doesn't have to make sense to you, unfortunate as it may be.

[redtea]

if it's any correlation.

I own a wig (cheap) makeup, panties, bra, jeans, shorts, skimpy skirt, and workout tights

I still don't own heels, for some reason heels are some kind of "nail in coffin" and i just can't get myself to buy some.

So perhaps heels represent a deeper state of femininity.