Am I a transvestite? Went away fora bit then I had a dream I AM!

[LexiNexi]

Does your feelings desires to dress wax and wane? Mine sure do and I really confuses me. Some days I think I'm just a normal guy. Some days I feel I'm a transvestite: I want to dress and go out and be proud to be a transvestite. Was thinking of coming out to the family and putting my boy clothes away where I can't get them and dress from shower to night lingere. My body tone has grown more soft and skinny over the last few months since I stopped taking my testosterone. My nipples have got bigger (almost girl like) and even though I'm skinny I have A cups (my body makes small amounts of estrogen due to an endocrine disorder I have that I;m supposed to take the testosterone for in a big weekly dose.).

So right now I am: a transvestite. Not "cismale" or what ever they call normal nowadays. I get my girl clothes out of storage this week and was thinking about putting ALL my male clothes back in them so I can't wear them. All of my girl clothes can not be mistaken for guy or gender neutral clothes not one single pair of pants. So if I want to dress male I will have to go to the store and buy male clothes; right down to the underware and shoes. Right now the only thing I have to wear/am wearing are a pair of cute knee high skin tight black leather boots with pointy 3" heels. I sooo miss my black leather thongs. You wouldn't think that would be comfortable it really is and it keep your junk squished into a very small space (but its not very big to begin with). I have no wig or makeup so "passable" will be out of the picture.

Kind of like a challenge but I wish I could make up my mind and just be the transvestite that I am. Yes I do like labels as that one fits me and I really like the "T" in TV/TS etc...

[Dana44]

It sounds like you are gender fluid and some days your male and some days you are fem.

[LexiNexi]

Genderfluid? I wish he or she would make up their mind. :(

Do you think trying it out will help me find what I'm looking for?

I always dream in drag. I'm always wearing something so pretty and I look so good in the mirror and I look like I do in real life not someone else's body.

I always had a thought, well fear really, that I would end up a TV as an adult. Ever since I was a kid aged 10 and we were in germany and there was this TV wearing knee high black leather boots and a black dress and a blonde wig. My mother made a remark and pointed him out to me. I felt so very embarrassed for some reason and I never wanted to end up like him with tourists pointing me out of a crowd. Maybe thats why I like this so much as my nationality is german. And I love black leather/boots. I can't think why else I would like that. I have had alot of insight this week starting with a dream. Maybe I am supposed to end up just like him? Do yu think my brain was developing something at that exact moment and the huge embarrassment triggered something?

I have always had this strange tie to humiliation and my sexual desires. I had a foot fetish in high school because that was considered weird by the girls in our school. If it wasn't something strange it wouldn't excite me. The internet came out with porn just as I turned that age where I saw stuff so weird that it was beyond me (alot of it gross too).

But I'm not one of those sex in public people; I don't like that at all.

Do you girls have similar experiences thoughts?

[Aunt Kelly]

Humiliation was never my thing, but I can understand the kink. It's not unlike that of garden variety sub's. For some, there's a powerful rush that goes with surrender. Re. dreams, I know that dream interpretation is an inexact science and next to impossible to do effectively without a deep understanding of the things that we keep hidden from ourselves. So I wouldn't lose much sleep over the meaning of this or that dream scene.

You do describe gender fluid tendencies. Lots of us out there. It's unsettling, not consistently fitting into one "box", but once you accept that yours is just a bigger box, it gets easier, a lot easier. Did for me, at least.

Lastly, I do not want to start another squabble over labels, but "transvestite" is widely regarded as somewhat perjorative nowadays. Then again, if you'd prefer that term, feel free to use it on yourself. :)

Hugs,


Kelly

[LexiNexi]

Transvestite is a pejorative? Maybe thats why I like it. Sounds taboo. My doctors office is a GBLT place with many trans people there. Maybe I can ask one of their therapists. I actually didn't know it was when I started going there just happened to have good doctors.

[Kas]

It's so weird but humiliation/embarrassment is a part of CDing that turns me on. I love being called a "sissy" and stuff like that... That kind of degrading stuff I guess. Just looking down at my shaved legs makes me feel so weird, like an almost sick feeling in my stomach that I am actually doing stuff like this, but I love that feeling. Even thinking about friends or family catching me gets me excited because of the humiliation I would feel... And yeah I am the same as you with the porn. Even trying to search my hardest now days it's hard for me to find something weird enough to turn me on and feeling embarred by it makes it even better. Though I don't watch much since I have started dressing more for some reason. I guess I fulfill my own fantasies.

I think your idea of wearing women clothing non-stop for a while may be a good thing to try. You may get "bored" of it and not think about it as much. Try it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

moved this section because.....................

[Sometimes Steffi]

It sounds like you are gender fluid and some days you're male and some days you are fem.

Or bigender, happy (or not unhappy) in either boy mode or girl mode.

Remember those wave machines. That's how I feel.

[LexiNexi]

It's so weird but humiliation/embarrassment is a part of CDing that turns me on. I love being called a "sissy" and stuff like that... That kind of degrading stuff I guess. Just looking down at my shaved legs makes me feel so weird, like an almost sick feeling in my stomach that I am actually doing stuff like this, but I love that feeling. Even thinking about friends or family catching me gets me excited because of the humiliation I would feel... And yeah I am the same as you with the porn. Even trying to search my hardest now days it's hard for me to find something weird enough to turn me on and feeling embarred by it makes it even better. Though I don't watch much since I have started dressing more for some reason. I guess I fulfill my own fantasies.

I think your idea of wearing women clothing non-stop for a while may be a good thing to try. You may get "bored" of it and not think about it as much. Try it.
Can you PM me more of what thats like? You are the first
person to tell it exactly how it feel. I could learn so much: You could learn so much!!!!

I am going shopping soon so I have seven out fits with seven black leather shoes to match. Have questions about size since I lost my height/weight in an accident. Im 5'2' now so lots of 3" heels are in my future. Cant figure out dress size since I have no bust or big curves. Im just little with really sexy shapely legs and feet. Looking at my legs and feet all the guys I polled online last fall said my legs and feet where indistinguishable from the real girls. Maybe pass as a lesbian? If I think I look good I don't see any reason to dress up like a guy anymore.

[Krisi]

I won't try to comment on your feelings or condition because it's hard to tell from just a couple posts but I will say two things:

1) The term "transvestite" has pretty much fallen out of favor. "Crossdresser" is what most of us call ourselves. Some of us feel "transvestite" is insulting.

2) You don't have to hang a label on yourself. You are what you think you are but a label is not important. Be yourself and don't worry about a label until you need one. And don't let someone else hang a label on you.