apparently im a freak....

[mykell]

i dont know why it bothered me,

have been catching up on all kinds of medical check ups, prostate, colon, kidney, so i had held back on De-foresting my body.

well monday is TDOR and im speaking at our club....i want to be my "self" so i went ahead and indulged and put on a skirt and hit the road, went to see my friend at the club, afterwards i dressed a little more blendy, skinny jeans and flats, hit the local mall as planned, stroll thru the boscov, hit the shoe dept as i walked thru.....nothing caught me eye so strike one, hit the shoe store outside that i like which happens to be called the shoe dept....nothing really suited my needs so i went to JCP to check the discount racks......this girl is thrifty, again strike two, well i figured im there so i took a stroll thru the mall, felt like i blended as well as i could, light crowd no one really showed any signs of disdain.....cool.

so i made my way up to the charlotte russe to check to see if theyre skinny jeans were on sale....strike three, as i turned to walk back i found that someone who had been sitting on a bench back the other way made his way to where i was.....paid no mind passed each other and carried on....after a few seconds i heard some loud talking which ended with YOU FREAK.

well i could be wrong but i believe that it may have been directed to myself but i did not let on that i knew and did not look back to acknowledge i had indeed heard it, i let it go.

i continued back to the boscov store and went up to the ladies dept. to see if i could find a nice blazer to wear on monday for the ceremony......strike four, not really good at this shopping thing today, so i cut my losses and made it back to a store project i chickened out at doing dressed as the high school had just let out and the parking lot was full. went back in drab.

so what is my point....im not really sure, nothing stopped me from my quest but i feared the youth that would gather at the work project on my list but this thirty or forty YO male had to erupt with the knowledge he new who i was, i guess its why i believe the comment was directed to me.

i went out to be seen, to let folks know we are here, i went blendy, not as a MIAD.....but my thought was what if i was transsexual, how much ruder, or what if i was indeed a women....i like to think im attractive looking and have been told i was by folks that i know but the reality is im just OK looking and so are some trans folks and genetic women too, not everybody gets an A on the looks dept.

now i wasnt even going to share the story and it has been a day since but i wanted folks to know i headed on with my tasks and did not scurry away to my car, i did not have the Cinderella story we hear about most times, for me it was Cinderfella.... i chivied on and kept at it....so anyone who does have a bad experience on an outing dont take it heart, here i am in what most would call a liberal bastion and yet the jersey rudeness shined through, hope this made some sense....

[Meghan4now]

Mykell,

You handle it well. It sucked, it made you feel bad, and that happens. But you did the best thing you could do, and that was to NOT give him a response, which he was probably looking for.

Vent worthy, so vent away sis.

[suzanne]

It sucks that you had that experience. There's no good reason for that clod to make a comment like that. I hope it's a rarity for you. Any way, good on you for handling it like a pro. It's beneath you to even turn your head In his direction.

[Cindy M]

So sorry that happened to you. It's happened to me before. I think everyone who's ever ventured out has found that one person that tries to make himself happy by trying to make you feel bad. You're the better person for walking off. As hard as you try... it still bothers you. Love yourself and accept yourself.

[Helen_Highwater]

Mykell,

Deep down we all know this goes with the turf. The vast majority of folks, even if they don't agree with out life style choices, simply let us be. However there is a small minority who will vocalise their displeasure at our expense.

It's something we shouldn't have to live with but unless there's a cop withing earshot who, at least in the UK, recognises such behavior as being homophobic and therefore illegal, steps in to address the culprit, it's difficult to see it challenged.

Don't loose heart. Just carry on and as folks get ever more use to seeing people like us out and about then hopefully this sort of thing will diminish.

[kimdl93]

Such is life. Imagine this-you’re sitting in the same malls and hear one or two people disparaging a plus sized woman or a person with a physical challenge. It happens every day. And often as not the people making comments don’t look so hot themselves

[Rachael Leigh]

Mykell, first off you are not a freak your a beautiful person, just like everyone in here and second off people like that jerk
think their so cool when they make such comments.
I’m glad you didn’t let it bother you much and will get back out there head held high and just be you
Blessings Rachael

[Micki_Finn]

So... you’re assuming that some comment made in a public space that you couldn’t hear any of except for possibly the last two words which may have been “...you freak”... and that’s all you’re doing. You didn’t see WHO made the comment or if they were even looking at you at the time. Hell, the phrase “you freak” has come out of my mouth a few times and it certainly wasn’t meant in the capacity you fear.

Don’t even give a thought to this kind of stuff. It’s 50/50 that they were even addressing you anyway, so why let it bother you. If someone is going to yell things at you from afar behind your back then they are even more cowardly than the average bigot, and you really have nothing to worry about.

[docrobbysherry]

Mykell, interesting post. U r brave enuff to go out to vanilla venues but not brave enuff to post a pic here?:straightface:

So, we no idea if u mite pass or u look like a an obvious MIAD!

To the point of your thread:
This is exactly why I've been shopping for Sherry in drab for 20 years. My blood pressure stays low. No one notices me so I'm relaxed and able to concentrate on shopping, not folks around me! :eek:

Add to that, the few minor incidents caused by a man in drab buying women's things over 20 years aren't worth mentioning!:thumbsup::heehee:

[Allisa]

Docrobbysherry I have met Mykell in person and she is one of the taller set but not a linebacker in over all size and she does look like any other woman out and about. Now on to the subject at hand, Mikell you know the woes of day walking and you handled it perfectly,that guy was a coward that's why he said it behind your back, good thing you don't have my Napoleon complex.

[Nikki A.]

Those that go out have to have a bit of a thick skin in that there will always be the one idiot who will voice their disapproval in public. I'm pretty mellow and and haven't had a problem yet, but there is still some NYer in me and I know that someone will get my gander and I will tell them off.

[char GG]

Apparently, HE was the freak. Also sounds like a bully at the "middle school" level. Kind people don't make loud comments about others in public. He is just a jerk. You weren't hurting anyone.

Some guy once said the same thing to my handicapped son! My son just laughed at him!

[Gillian Gigs]

Don't let that knuckle dragging neanderthal wreck your day. He is the one with the problem, it's amazing that he could form words with his mouth.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Mykell,
You handled the loud mouth perfectly, and
bravo to you for doing so!

Now let’s address the real issue here...shall we?
A pending speaking engagement, with a full day
of shopping to prepare for the event, and
you completely struck out???

That might aggravate me more than the loud mouth!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[mykell]

thanks for all the kind words....


Mykell, interesting post. U r brave enuff to go out to vanilla venues but not brave enuff to post a pic here?:straightface:

So, we no idea if u mite pass or u look like a an obvious MIAD!

To the point of your thread:
This is exactly why I've been shopping for Sherry in drab for 20 years. My blood pressure stays low. No one notices me so I'm relaxed and able to concentrate on shopping, not folks around me! :eek:

Add to that, the few minor incidents caused by a man in drab buying women's things over 20 years aren't worth mentioning!:thumbsup::heehee:

interesting indeed doc, feels weird being called a MIAD....now i thought that you new me better but i get out in the wild, not to exciting events like you but maybe someday, i dont trust my phone to take selfies everytime i go out (right kristyn) and feel weird pulling out the camera and asking folks to snap a shot for me....tell you what, you show me yours and ill show you mine....


Hell-o Mykell,
You handled the loud mouth perfectly, and
bravo to you for doing so!

Now let’s address the real issue here...shall we?
A pending speaking engagement, with a full day
of shopping to prepare for the event, and
you completely struck out???

That might aggravate me more than the loud mouth!
Much Love,
Kristyn

well in my defense it wasnt a full day, still had my audit to preform and home to prepare the family meal, so four strikes and your definitely out....and i did have a nice outing albeit a judged one.


Mykell,

You handle it well. It sucked, it made you feel bad, and that happens. But you did the best thing you could do, and that was to NOT give him a response, which he was probably looking for.

Vent worthy, so vent away sis.

thanks, but what made me not like it is what if i had a vagina and somebody thought it was O.K. to act this way to them/me.:Angry3:not cool...

lisa thanks for the props, like i said i always feel i present adequate.....so tomorrow i still plan to do one of my calls dressed, wish me luck....and i might even run into a few stores before the madness of the season starts.

i think whats holding me back is all the deals that will happen next week.

[Dana44]

Mikell, you handle that well. He is more of a freak than you and gutless as he let you pass before he said it and for all I know that he may be calling himself a freak

[docrobbysherry]

[Interesting indeed doc, feels weird being called a MIAD....now i thought that you new me better but i get out in the wild, not to exciting events like you but maybe someday, i dont trust my phone to take selfies everytime i go out (right kristyn) and feel weird pulling out the camera and asking folks to snap a shot for me....tell you what, you show me yours and ill show you mine....]
Mykell, I'm sorry if I offended u. But, I was speaking from MY experiences. When I go out, I'm an obvious MIAD. As such I've suffered a lot of grief when I've been out dressed at vanilla venues!:doh:

If u can pass, u may not be used to being called names or made fun of. I can't pass and altho I'm getting use to abuse, I don't enjoy it!:thumbsdn:

[BettyMorgan]

Hello Mykell,

Please know that other people, especially the ignorant ones, can't hurt your feelings. They don't have that power.
Everyday that you get out of bed is another day that you decide how you feel no matter who you encounter.

[Tracii G]

You handled that guy just fine by not reacting to his words.
I have had that happen before but like you I let it go.

[Abbey11]

Hi Mykell, sorry for your experience but you handled it well, it may not have been directed at you but I know for myself when I go out dressed that I am hyper alert to what is going on around me and this can heighten our sensitivity

[Ressie]

Thanks for sharing that experience Mikell. I haven't been out in the general public very much at all so I would be shocked to encounter any negativity. I think we have to be prepared for remarks or possible confrontations so we don't get too emotional when it happens.

[Jean 103]

Sorry, but you handled it right. Confronting these people will not solve the problem. You can't fix stupid. I had things yelled at me a few times.

My landlord is disabled, requires oxygen and a walker to get around. I take her out shopping, to eat, movies, we have fun. I'm loading the car with groceries, she is sitting on the store scooter , basically waiting, as when I finish then I have to open the car for her and move the oxygen generator from the cart to the car. This guy walks by and says " why don't you get off your fat a and help the skinny girl". This really hurt my friends feelings.

[mykell]

Mykell, I'm sorry if I offended u. But, I was speaking from MY experiences. When I go out, I'm an obvious MIAD. As such I've suffered a lot of grief when I've been out dressed at vanilla venues!:doh:
If u can pass, u may not be used to being called names or made fun of. I can't pass and altho I'm getting use to abuse, I don't enjoy it!:thumbsdn:

no offense taken....just pointin out....sorry that you get that abuse and was one of the points why i shared, you should be able to walk about as sherry without someone doing just this very thing, just because someone does not understand why ? does not give them the right to vilify anyone.

now in your defense i remember a time you shared a sherry-less depiction of your "self" and thought you were quite the female of vanilla-land and still do think you could blend more often than you think, as for myself passing, no just try to have someone at least have to do a double-take before they realize my gender is in question.


Hi Mykell, sorry for your experience but you handled it well, it may not have been directed at you but I know for myself when I go out dressed that I am hyper alert to what is going on around me and this can heighten our sensitivity

abby i believe even when not dressed this would describe me, where i sit i a restaurant or a meeting, always being aware of my surroundings....so i was pretty sure i was the target of the outburst given the light traffic wandering the mall.....funny thing was when shopping in the boscov a female made me look up as i perused the racks, i dont like to assume things about folks but i was fairly certain a sister passed by on her way out to the mall area....almost felt compelled to follow and see if they would also have an encounter but i was concerned about the time...


Thanks for sharing that experience Mikell. I haven't been out in the general public very much at all so I would be shocked to encounter any negativity. I think we have to be prepared for remarks or possible confrontations so we don't get too emotional when it happens.

i believe that we have to realists when we are in the wild, john Q public deos not share our resolve as most dont have skin in the game, they dont have a family member, acquaintance, co-worker or associate in theyre circle and have to deal with trans issues, those who do will take the time to learn about them...


yea this was a negative, lots here will take the mall walk as theyre first trip out, ive been to plenty of stores, award looks are likely but never heard a comment, this was my first time in a mall situation so if its a first for someone else just keep your head held high and do your thing that way we make it positive....

[Sarah Doepner]

I like your attitude. Yes, I've been the target of comments in the past and I've been mis-gendered a time or two or three or . . ., but I guess we have to understand it all comes with the territory. If we remain in a bubble, thinking we pass perfectly or everyone will be happy to see us and show respect, we better expect to be disappointed. The reality is we have never had a solid spot in the mainstream of society so we need to expect challenges as we attempt to create that place. Responding by confrontation would have likely resulted in a much less satisfying shopping trip and probably wouldn't have changed his mind. The positive or no responses you had during the day vastly outnumbered the one outward negative one, I count that as a win, even though you struck out shopping.