Therapy?

[Lucy Long Legs]

I have been presenting as a woman on regular occasions throughout my life and am thinking of visiting a therapist. I would welcome advice.

The reason for this is in the pursuit of self-knowledge, but the following points are relevant:

1. I do not want to be "cured"! I am happy with my habit and it harms nobody.
2. I am not worried about my sexuality.
3. I am not interested in transitioning.
4. I am not looking for a relationship.

Every few months I visit someone in another city who does my make-up and helps me look presentable. Then I visit a club or CD meeting to meet like-minded people. Physically I am a very non-masculine guy and, although I am not trying to become a woman, I am told I look pretty good.

I would like to meet a therapist (en femme) to present these points and see what they have to say. Which part of my personality is requiring me to present as a woman, and why do I get so much pleasure from it? I like to dress in a very feminine way with lots of make-up, short dresses and heels.

Has anybody here had experience of these questions? I don't know whether to see a male or female therapist. A male one might be able to give me more answers from a male standpoint, but I feel much more comfortable with women or CDs when I am in female mode. The few men I have met have made me feel uncomfortable even though I receive a thrill from feeling desired.

I am relaxed with women and CDs.

Thank you for your attention.

Lucy

[rachael.davis]

Society "gives" you answers, and guilt. A good therapist listens to you, asks questions, and calls you on hedging.

[Pat]

Find a gender therapist. Before selecting them, call and ask about their experience with transgender people, the kinds of transgender folks they have dealt with (in your case you're probably looking for someone with experience with non-binary folks) and what the outcomes have been. Tell them your four points and see how they react. It is perfectly fair for you to interview a therapist before making an appointment, and it's respectful of both party's time, so don't worry about it.

Modern transgender theory will not try to "cure" you because the condition is considered immutable. The focus is on making you feel able to be yourself, reduce/eliminate any anxiety and dispel ideas that make you feel you have to conform to some gender stereotype that doesn't fit you.

[Joni T]

First of all, there is no CURE.
Secondly, nothing else matters as long as you are happy.
Jon

[JenniferR771]

Read carefully through the website of the prospective therapist. Look for signs of "old-fashioned" ideas about trans persons. Do they want to cure you? Look for evidence that they have education about and experience with transgender patients.
Do they need to have a "Diagnosis" with a diagnosis number from DSM V before they can get paid?

[kimdl93]

A gender therapist, or any therapist for that matter, is not there to give you answers. They will make an effort to help you delve into your own motivations, hopefully without any agenda of their own.

I think therapy can be helpful whether you’re simply seeking a better self awareness or struggling with your life.

[Kelly4040]

I think it's always nice to talk to someone. A therapist can give you good advise and we'll needed ears. It's good to see thing from anothers prospective.

[Teresa]

Lucy,
If you do get to see a therapist forget about your do's and don't's , You maybe closing your mind down or not accepting some aspects for the wrong reasons . Go open minded and be totally honest.

I preferred seeing a woman but they are professionals and heard it all before , the important thing is a good one is there to help you .

OK the perennial question , " What is driving you ?" I found the most helpful thing to do was sit and write my history down , how and why it started . It became obvious that I was born with the trait and my sexual development shaped my needs . I accept it's still partly sexual for me , nothing I can do to change that so I have to learn to live with it and not beat myself up over it. OK I do find it annoying even frustrating at times , I just want to share all my feelings and needs with a woman , yes I do desire it .

[CONSUELO]

I'm with Teresa. Find a good thereapist with experience of cross dressing and then just keep an open mind and explore yourself with the therapist's help. Don't set up boundaries or limits beforehand. Good luck Lucy.
I have spent some time with therapists and we just went wherever the conversation took us.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Hmm, people usually see a therapist when there is a problem in their life. Something that distresses them. It sounds like you are simply curious and self-contemplative; perhaps a place like this forum would be a better place to talk it out than a therapist's office? I have issues with anxiety, depression, and alcoholism. Over the years I have told all of my therapists about my crossdressing as a matter of course, and they have all said "if it's not causing a problem in your life then there's probably no need to focus on it."

I'd suggest that the answers you seek will take a lifetime to grok, and that seeing a therapist probably won't speed up the process.