Going out advice

[TamaraD]

I mentioned that my wife is willing to go out with Tamara sometime. I also realize that while I might not be recognized alone, if I am with her, that could make it more possible that someone we my know would recognize me. Any thoughts?

[Krisi]

That is entirely true. Probably the only solution to that is to go to another town or preferably a big city where its less likely that you or your wife would be recognized.

[audreyinalbany]

it's a risk you take. I"ve been halfway across the country and run into people from home

[Teresa]

Tamara,
You are very fortunate having a partner who is prepared to accompany you, one solution would be to find a social group , where she can meet other wives and you can meet other Cders .

Often members in this situation use a holiday destination for a possible first outing , or a big event where there are many visitors . I know we've all been in the situation when you travel half way round the World and bump into someone you know from your home town .

[carhill2mn]

Your concern is valid. You can reduce the odds of meeting someone who knows your wife by carefully choosing where you go. However, your wife having a ready response to someone's question would be a great plus. Enjoy!

[Leslie Mary S]

I agree, go to another location that your or her friends do not go. If you go to another city remember to not go on shopping days and/or areas people frequent when they go to that city on business. The distance of the second location is not the key. It is "why do people go there". If the friends and acquaintances might go there for those reasons, rethink the choice. I have met people I know even when we were over 1,000 miles away because it was a place were everyone else went. Think of places were you frequently go as merely an extended part of your neighborhood.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hi Tamara, the others advice is very good. Pick a big town nearby where people, who know both of you, don’t normally go to. You might also want a “code word” to use if either of you spot someone who knows either of you. Use the word to immediately separate and put distance between each other. Hover nearby then to see things are clear.
You will have the advantage of not looking like yourself, but your wife will be familiar to friends. If you hear some one call out your wife’s name, keep moving and don’t look back until well clear.
Odd are low you’ll run into someone you know, so have some fun and thank your wife for being so understanding.

[Tracii G]

Valid concerns indeed but do it anyway and have fun.
If you dwell on it you will never do it because you will continually be making excuses why you shouldn't go out.

[Diane Taylor]

That's a chance you take. It happened to me once and because of it I became outed to a friend who previously hadn't known about me. No big deal though.

[Jenny22]

Heidi's comments are spot on. However, if you should meet someone you both know, she might introduce you as a long lost cousin.

[ellbee]

Valid concerns indeed but do it anyway and have fun.
If you dwell on it you will never do it because you will continually be making excuses why you shouldn't go out.

Agreed.


And yeah, it can happen. Though out of all the times I've been out, only once did I ever run into someone I knew who I didn't want them to know. Random dumb luck, really.

This was like over 20 years ago, and it was a young male co-worker of mine. He recognized my car -- and recognized me. (Mind you, this was pre-wig days, so... :strugglin )


It didn't go over well, as he outed me at work the next day. I denied everything to people who he told & then asked me about it. Came real close to decking the guy, because he kept harping on me about it all morning -- and I never particularly cared for him prior to that, either. He actually chickened out once I finally got pissed off enough & escalated it to a physical confrontation... And this guy was bigger than me, too. What- too afraid to get his ass kicked by a "girl"? :heehee:

Hey, young men will be young men -- sometimes. ;)

He did cool it after that. But the public damage was already done. (Oddly, one the guys there around my age, after learning of this, suddenly became *very* chatty & friendly with me... Closeted bi/gay/curious? CD'er, himself?)


In the grand scheme of things, I didn't really care that much that it happened, honestly, as it was just a temporary summer job, & I left like a week or two later, anyway.



In any event, Leslie Mary brought up a really good point...

"The distance of the second location is not the key. It is 'why do people go there'. If the friends and acquaintances might go there for those reasons, rethink the choice."


Bingo.

Yes, random dumb luck can still happen, as it did in my case. No getting around that.

But if you plan accordingly, per the above? You're certainly reducing the risk, which is all you can really do if it's a concern of yours.

[franlee]

Just as advised go away from your home area and then stay vigilant of your surrounding and think it through. You should have no problems with a little common sense.

[lingerieLiz]

While I've traveled the world I have run into one person who knew me.Outside the US. I have run into people I know here in the US. Been seated on an airplane in a near seat with someone. Walking down the mall and run into someone from 1000+ miles away.You have to realize that the bigger the circle of people who know you or your wife the more likely. it will happen.

[GracieRose]

Heidi has some good advice, as does Leslie Mary.
My wife and I were at the other end of there country at a resort and we were going down to the bar after dark and then sit outside in the breeze and talk. I suggested that I could dress since we are so far from home and my wife said "no, what if we run into someone we know". I commented that there is no one we know anywhere around, but stayed in drab so she would be comfortable. When we were done talking and walking back to the room, sure enough, someone from back home that works at one of the local stores recognized her and called to us. So much for the low probability of running into someone so far from home.

[Sami Brown]

You need to weigh the odds of being discovered at the location (hopefully very small with good planning) versus the benefit of being out with your lovely wife (hopefully very great). You can then decide whether the benefits are worth the odds.

It's up to you, but I bet you can figure out a place with low enough odds given the terrific benefit. I think you should do it.

Sami

[cdsamswife]

my husband and I usually go out relatively late at night for drives and some walks.... people are usually asleep when we go out for our dates while he is dressed...

We've also tried dressing up while on vacation.. and if we have yet to bump in to anyone we know....ive also cosplayed a couple times and our excuse would be that i dared him to do it if we saw anyone we knew....

You could try having your wife also dress up as well (wig and makeup etc) so shes not as recognizable too...

[ellbee]

"You could try having your wife also dress up as well (wig and makeup etc) so shes not as recognizable too..."


I was thinking of this earlier, as well. :thumbsup:

I mean, if the OP/CD'er is getting all dolled-up, looking different from their usual self, then why not the wife, too? :strugglin


Wig in a much different style/color/length than her usual hair, make-up done differently (potentially including things like contouring, false eyelashes, lining outside of the lips, etc.), temporary body enhancements (like bigger boobs & butt/hips), a style of clothes that aren't normally worn by her, using a different voice... Things like that.

I'd think it would be a lot of fun! :yippee:



One other possibility, if she's game?

Crossdress as a dude. :devil:

[Andrea Renea]

This is my wife's biggest concern is that someone will recognize
me while out in our hometown. If she was with me is would be easier.

She has been out with me in Biloxi Ms and Las Vegas.

[TamaraD]

All good advice. We were thinking of a movie. Anyone go be at a movie theatre.

[lingerieLiz]

For those of you that go out late to drive, you should be aware that the police are often looking for drunks. So be careful how you drive.

[jennifer0918]

On a map red dot your location, go 50 miles north, south, west,and east until you have a circumference. And just go outside that circle. It's a risk but we'll worth it to live out a dream

[BettyMorgan]

Lots of good thoughts.
Wife and I have had a few girls' weekends. A city about 2 plus hours away with a large population has been successful for us. We went to Vegas once but it was a poor experience; too many narrow minded drunks on the streets making rude comments towards me which upset my wife.

I too worry about being recognized when out with the wife. I worry more about the consequences for her but frankly being outed when you don't want to be is not good.
Make plans for a girls' weekend. Drive to a city a few hours away or whatever the next large city is. Rent a hotel or AirBnB for the weekend and enjoy. Less stress for both of you as you walk around shopping or dining when the likelihood of your wife being recognized and outing you.

[Krisi]

Some folks have pointed out that even in a town or city far away there's a chance of running into someone who knows your wife (I'm assuming your presentation is good enough that you wouldn't be recognized without the association with your wife).

Well, this is true of course, but there is also a chance someone would be lifting a grand piano into an upper floor apartment and the rope would break and the piano would fall on you.

Everything you do has a risk. The key is to minimize the risk against the benefits.

[docrobbysherry]

My advice? DON'T! :Angry3:

Unless your ok with someone u know recognizing u 2!:daydreaming:

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife only went out with me near home to our local support group. However we live within a half day's drive of Las Vegas and we went out there on several occasions. Our biggest concern was the last 100 yards to our front door since we lived close to family. I've encountered people I know thousands of miles from home, but I've gone into major crowded events and gone all day without seeing anyone I recognized and the latter is much more common than the former. Much more common in fact. I've been going to Las Vegas a couple times a year for nearly 20 years and have yet to run into someone I know, and most of my time down there is presenting as Sarah.

Movies are a good option, particularly with the same movies being played at multiple locations. You can pick a spot where you think the two of you will be less likely to run into people you know and give it a try. If you're concerned enough you may do a dry run drab just to see what you'll be running in to.

But as so many others say, it's always a possibility. So be prepared even if you've done everything possible to reduce the probabilities.

[Stephanie47]

Someone already mentioned having your wife wear a wig. Also, if she wear contact lenses, maybe wearing eyeglasses would help. That would also be applicable to the husband. One other suggestion is renting a different car for the weekend. Rates in my area for the weekend are modest and it would eliminate someone recognizing your vehicle and plates.

Venues? Movies are good. Check out restaurants before the event to see how the lighting is and table/booth settings.

[Teresa]

Jennifer,
Sorry I see the funny side of your suggestion, if all the CDers in the area did that you would soon find out which of you neighbours is also one of us .

I travelled fifty miles north and bumped into my neighour wearing a lovely floral dress ! I did the same going south and bumped into the guy who runs the shop round the corner looking hot in a mini skirt and 4" heels ! You can make your own up for all the other points of the compass , any suggestions ?

[RachelB.]

We do the week end trips every couple of months. If she sees someone she knows she stops and visits. I keep walking. If she is asked who she was with she replies a business associate. She explains that I am late for an appointment but she will introduce me next time. Don't worry I'll catch up with her later. When she's free she calls my cell phone to find out where I am.

[Bobbi46]

It is a risk we all take at times, will I wont I?. I agree with what has been said there is always a chance you will be seen no matter how far away you go. But a chance worth taking for the sheer pleasure of being outside dressed and feeling good as well, i would go for it. I did it, i was seen, and soon my whole hamlet where i live knew as did my local village where the village council sits with the mayor, they all know and no damage was done, so as i say go for it.