CDing with a young child.

[Kas]

Hi girls,

So I want to know what are your experiences with crossdressing while having an infant/toddler son/daughter.

In my case, I have an accepting and supportive SO who lets me dress around the house as much as I please. I also have an 18 month old daughter. At the moment because of her age, she does not understand the difference between men and women's clothing and obviously does not bat an eyelid, yet...

I am worried though that as she gets older and learns of these things, how she will take it. I am also worried that she may out me to the world (unintentionally) by saying something like "oh my daddy loves to wear a dress" to her teacher or family friend.

Anybody been in this situation? What came of it? Did you sit your child down when they were old enough and have a "discussion" or did you just see where the wind took you?

[carbonara]

Got to be careful there as my own experience tells me kids learn about gender and clothing real early.

I myself have a 2 year old, and I remembered when I was up early on sat to have some CD time when she woke crying. The first thing she said when she saw me was “Papa so princess!”

[CynthiaD]

I have some experience with this. Your child will be very accepting and never bat an eye. Will she out you? Most definitely yes! She will out you. I personally don't give a hoot about being outed, but you need to decide how to manage the situation.

[Kas]

Will she out you? Most definitely yes!

Great...

[nikkim83]

Hi girls,

So I want to know what are your experiences with crossdressing while having an infant/toddler son/daughter.

In my case, I have an accepting and supportive SO who lets me dress around the house as much as I please. I also have an 18 month old daughter. At the moment because of her age, she does not understand the difference between men and women's clothing and obviously does not bat an eyelid, yet...

I am worried though that as she gets older and learns of these things, how she will take it. I am also worried that she may out me to the world (unintentionally) by saying something like "oh my daddy loves to wear a dress" to her teacher or family friend.

Anybody been in this situation? What came of it? Did you sit your child down when they were old enough and have a "discussion" or did you just see where the wind took you?

Guaranteed, your toddler will out you. My 5 year old commented more than once on my shaved legs and painted toes.

My two year old has seen a picture or two of me completely fem, and doesn't even recognize me in the picture.

[Ariana225]

Another thing you have to worry about is blackmail. Once she gets to an age where she understands it's a big secret she may try to use that against you. "Let me stay up late tonight or I'm telling grandma about your secret"

[Kas]

I would like to see her try! I would make her life not worth living lol

She may have blackmail but I have coercion!

[Jean 103]

My exroommate , has a daughter that he has split custody of, three days a week . We lived together for a year. She was six at the time. We became like sisters. I couldn't understand why her mom hated me so much. That was till I found out that when she would go back to her mom's all she would do is talk about me. What can I say I'm a kid at Hart, and it's not hard to out think a six year old.

[brittany]

I also have a supportive SO and a 2 year old i decided I would stop dressing around him around his 2nd birthday when he told me my yoga pants were pretty dont want to risk getting outted by a toddler

[Kas]

Hey Brittany,

Do you think you would act differently if you had a daughter instead of a son?

[faltenrock]

Hi Kas,
Yes I've been there. After my wife learned about Doreen, we had our first child, a boy. My wife was a little supportive and accepting when I dressed at home. We had another son three years later, that was when things slowly changed. My wife wanted to protect our kids and asked me not to dress at home anymore.
It's been that way since.
Both my sons have actually seen me dressed, even for a second, but it had some impact. I try to hide it as much as possible at home. I dress when I'm absolutely sure I won't be surprised.

[Kendalli]

I have been wondering this also, as my daughter is 15 months old. As of right now she obviously doesn't seem to care or notice, since I am not fulling transforming my looks, and it is just clothing I am wearing. But I'm sure once she is stringing words together, I am going to have to be a bit more careful around her. My experience of children though, is that the bigger deal you make of something, the more likely they will talk about it. So there will be a fine line to walk here. We will see though I guess.

[Sara Jessica]

If the intent is to fully disclose to a child from any age...


Another thing you have to worry about is blackmail. Once she gets to an age where she understands it's a big secret she may try to use that against you. "Let me stay up late tonight or I'm telling grandma about your secret"

There are a couple ways to help prevent this, as unlikely as it might be.
When having that open & honest discussion as part of the disclosure process, explain that something such as this shall never be used as a weapon.
Explain that although you are proud of who you are and have nothing to be ashamed of, others might not see it that way and could hurt you (the child) with words if they were to know.
Even the youngest child can understand the concept of "family business", things that are not repeated elsewhere.

[Kas]

Thanks for the tips girls. Looks like I've got a lot of thinking to do about how I am going to approach this hurdle. Of course if it were up to me, I would continue to dress, despite the high chance of being outed.

I would stop dressing however, if it was affecting her social/school life in any way. I don't want her being the kid that's gets made fun of because her dad wears a dress... Anyway I'm hoping by the time she's in school it will not even be an issue, but I have a feeling it will...

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My wife and I discussed this after are first daughter was born.

I am not out so we agreed that Linda would be hidden from the girls, 1 have 2 daughters. To this day they know nothing about my feminine side and I remain closeted with occasional feminine trips out of town.

One other consideration concerns being revealed by your children. Is it right to burden them with the "secret" about daddy's dressing? I feel no it's not.

[ellbee]

I don't have any kids, but since I could potentially see myself doing so someday, I have thought about this off & on for a while now.


Even though I'd love to have either... Honestly, at least when it comes to the whole CD'ing thing, I pray to God that it's only girls. I feel it would make things *sooo* much easier with all this.

But if it's one or more boys? Yeah, I'd seriously consider toning it down, some. I'd simply have to. Would be more mindful of where/when/what/etc. And I'd probably have to tweak my wardrobe, and stick with the more "masculine" colors, for example.


Granted, I don't do 100% en femme anymore, and never say never, but I don't foresee myself going down that road ever again. So, in that sense, I'm already way ahead of the curve, in that department.

I don't believe the leggings-&-hoodie look, in guy-mode, for instance, is really far out there, either. I'm no longer a "full CD'er," and haven't been for years now... But if I were, like some of you are, then yes, it would be a whole new can of worms to deal with. And I don't believe it would be particularly easy... Save for Halloween every year? :strugglin


Personally, if I ever get to that point of having kids, I'd expose them to this from the very start, without missing a beat. It's what Daddy wears -- they're just Daddy's clothes. Yes, some may look sort of like Mommy's, but that's okay! And yes, not all men wear clothes like this, but some do, and that's okay, too!


And not for nothing, but they even make & sell little leggings for infant/toddler boys. And obviously, I don't see anything wrong with that. Kinda cute & makes sense, actually.

With girls, it's like, whatever. Would be kinda fun, IMO, to have a house full of GG's -- plus Daddy, the guy-mode CD'er. :battingeyelashes: :battingeyelashes: :battingeyelashes: :D


Would they have issues with it, as they grow older? Possibly. But if the parents raise them right, while being open & honest with them throughout, that at least hopefully decreases the odds of that happening.


Anyway, excellent thread! :thumbsup:


P.S. Keep in mind, kids *will* naturally poke around in all sorts of places around the house. And should they even happen to stumble upon some sort of locked-up chest or something-or-other? Their curiosity will be piqued that much more -- and perhaps attempt to find out what's inside.

[nikkim83]

Thanks for the tips girls. Looks like I've got a lot of thinking to do about how I am going to approach this hurdle. Of course if it were up to me, I would continue to dress, despite the high chance of being outed.

I would stop dressing however, if it was affecting her social/school life in any way. I don't want her being the kid that's gets made fun of because her dad wears a dress... Anyway I'm hoping by the time she's in school it will not even be an issue, but I have a feeling it will...


This is the one and only reason I have not fully transitioned. It is a personal decision that you make. I can't really think of a good comparison that follows. I can say I have three young children 5 and 2 year old twins. It is nothing for me to walk around the twins with fresh polished toes. I have done it since day 1 and they have never mentioned it at all in fact my daughter likes my color choice sometimes. Remember children aren't biased and they dont care your clothing means nothing to them. You are still dad, they still love you but until they hit a certain age they won't know/care and by the time they hit that age its just normal.

[Michal82]

Hi
I have 2 small children that know nothing about my CDing.
The way i see it, CDing in front of small children poses 2 issues:
first thing, you have to take into account that they will out you. for me and my wife it's big no no.
second thing, you have to remember that we are their main role models, and it affects the way they precive how man and woman should look and act. So by CDing in front of them, they may shift their view on man towards femminity. whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, that's for you to decide. i think we all want to be "normal" (even though we are clearly not) and we want the same for our children, so exposing toddlers to their parents CDing is not something i would do.
If this was consential SM (non-sexual) between a couple, would you expose your infant child to it?

think about it.
Michal

[Robertacd]

I prefer to let children be children. I hid my crossdressing from my son when he was growing up. But raised him to be open and accepting of all people.

It's not fair to expect or demand children to keep your secrets. Telling a child to not talk about how daddy dresses when we are alone is really no different than telling them to not talk about when daddy hits mommy or where daddy touches you when we're home alone.

Putting this kind of pressure on a child robs them of their innocence.

[Phoebe Reece]

My wife has known about my crossdressing the whole time we have been married and is OK with it. We have been married well over 40 years. We made a decision before our children were born that we did not want to have big secrets between us and our children. Secrets have a way of not being secret any more. If we tried to keep my dressing a secret and it was found out by the kids, the kids could think it is OK for them to keep secrets from us. We thought that would be a bad situation. So, we raised both our daughter and son with full knowledge of my dressing. As they grew up we let them know that there are some things that go on in our home that are not to be discussed with friends. It was never a problem for them. When they were teenagers they had friends that would drop by the house to see them unannounced just about any day. For several years I had to refrain from dressing at home to prevent any potential embarrassment for them. Otherwise there were no problems with them knowing. The daughter is now 42 and the son is 38. I am still "Daddy" to them, no matter which way I am dressed.

[JaymeCD]

Awesome Phoebe, I hope I have a fairy tale ending just like you.

So I have a 3 year old daughter and I have been wearing printed leggings at home for the last 3 years during the winter and female shorts during the summer. A couple months ago my wife came to me and said that I need to stop dressing because she'll be teased and what not when she gets into school. Plus she misses her manly man but that is a different story. Anyways, she is a conservative type but has jumped out of her shell a lot. I have a don't hide anything attitude because that'll give someone else the impression it is okay.

Another point I am trying to teach them is not to be ashamed of yourself. I'm showing them that I am comfortable with myself and seeing the world and people as it is. When I see something out of the ordinary to some in public, I don't bat an eyelash because everyone is different and it should be let be.

Sorry to ramble, but I'm trying to show my daughter that daddy wearing fem things at home are nothing out of the ordinary. It's only when you teach them negativity that it'll be a problem. I am comfortable with myself that some people out of my family know that I dress. Do I want her announcing it to the world? I really don't care! I am who I am and I don't want to hide and I cannot change it. I don't want to say to her what happens in this house stays in this house because again that is permission to hide things.

[gina shiney]

Hi Kas
Things are changing where we live, acceptance is occurring in media, schools and now politics. How I envy you. You are aware and accepting of crossdressing so early in life, many here didn't accept or have the environment to be accepted. Ok that out of the way.
Your partner accepts the lifestyle and unless you are having to live in one of our less than progressive neighborhoods, I would not hide it from my children. (Diversity is very topical in our younger generation)
Gina

[JamieG]

I have two daughters, ages 9 and 12, but I was out to my wife before they were both born. We jointly decided that I would not come out to the kids, but at the same time I'm not exactly in the closet either. My wife and I have frequently encouraged them to be accepting of all people, and they both know that I support the LGBT group at my workplace. They've also seen me in drag a few times: one Halloween and a couple of charity drag shows. As far as I know, they think this is just something dad does for fun sometime, but not a lifestyle. That said, I have taken to wearing leggings to sleep in and I've explained it to them as I simply find them comfortable. I am careful to not wear the leggings when they have sleepovers or are expecting a friend over in the morning. If we ever get to the point that coming out to them would be appropriate, I hope that it won't be much of a shock. I also hope that if either of them discovers that she is a lesbian or trans, that she'll be comfortable talking to me and know that I won't love her any less because of it.

[Kas]

Thanks again for all the helpful responses.

Phoebe,

Your position is definitely the dream outcome for me. I agree being 100% open with her and raising her to be accepting of everybody would help in normalising it, hopefully to the point where it's not even worth mentioning to other people. I am happy it has worked out so well for at least some of us :)

Gina,

Thanks for the kind words. I know how lucky I am to have accepted myself at this age and be open with my family about it. I see some of the others who are having a much harder time with it, decades into their marriage.

[ShaunaTossaint]

Hello Kas and everyone.
As said in other threads my wife knows and accepts my dressing but is not 100% encouraging. We have a 12 yo daughter who does not know, so I only dress when she is at school. She does know that I only wear panties and thongs and sees me in them at home all the time. Sometimes I wear tights or girly short shorts or a long tight vest that fits like a mini dress, and while she does comment, its not negative or condemning. We have had the “what happens at home stays at home” talk with her and we keep reinforcing it that certain family secrets stay with the 3 of us. She fully understands. While I have no plans to ever tell her, we are raising her to be open to all sexual and gender preferences, just like her parents. The world is changing, and teenagers and young adults are more and more accepting today. (if not crossdressing themselves) While I do agree that It would be too confusing for a child up to maybe 10 years old to be exposed to a crossdressing father I do believe as your child matures you will know when they have reached the stage of already knowing the difference and learning the new difference of a man in a skirt. It would be a dream come true if my two special women in my life come to know and accept and encourage me in my dressing and fem ways.

[Sara Jessica]

I peek in on this thread with interest because it speaks to what I might experience with my own children. But for gosh sakes, where is it remotely OK for a 12 year old girl to see her dad running around sporting panties or thongs?!?!

[nikkim83]

I peek in on this thread with interest because it speaks to what I might experience with my own children. But for gosh sakes, where is it remotely OK for a 12 year old girl to see her dad running around sporting panties or thongs?!?!

THis statement I agree with whole-hardheartedly in no way should a child see this, but like wise I don't run around in boxers in front of my kids either.

[Rogina B]

Kas,It is all about how important your gender expression really is.. Some long timers like Sara Jessica know my story. There is no "out" when you start a child's acceptance early. Things just go along as the years go by. My Daughter.now 16 , has been everywhere with me since age 5.There was no other choice as i had to socially transition to feel whole. I believe that kids "read" their Mom's interaction with Dad..If Mom is cool with something,they are as well. What works in one family may not in another. If you NEED to be out to a young family,then make sure you are on the same page as your wife..

[Kas]

There is no "out" when you start a child's acceptance early.

This sentence means a lot to me. Thank you, Rogina! That's a great way of seeing things.

[terza]

this seems fundamentally self defeating. does a gay couple raising a child protect him/her from their "perversion"?
it isn't a perversion to be gay. why are we the biggest obstacles to ourselves --'uck doctor spock.

[Kas]

Terza,

Nobody mentioned the word "perversion" or anything about gay couples, so what exactly are you talking about?

If you haven't noticed, crossdressing isn't something which is generally accepted by society. Like it or not.

[terza]

my point is don't treat cd as one. even it cd isn't accepted --which is the euphemism for "perversion"

i don't like it, and we been taking the wrong tactics to "come out" --at least for the heterosexuals.
if you don't think cd is a confused lot, then i would love to hear otherwise.

[DaisyLawrence]

I am sorry Kaz but you are too harsh to Terza. Maybe could be worded better but I understand her point. By not being 'out' to your own children you would only perpetuate the myth in the general population that crossdressing is a problem (just as in the reference to gay couples with a child). If you bring them up with it as part of their normal everday lives they will spend the rest of their lives busting that myth. Hiding it from them would not protect them from anything. I do not agree that children will out you, my son was more than capable of understanding if something was to be kept within the family or not from as soon as he could talk. He is older now and is, I believe, not transgender, but he would fight for the rights of any non-binary person without question. Even so he has not, and would not, tell anyone about dadies skirts unless I said he could. Changing attitudes to 'different lifestyles' in society as a whole starts with the next generation and their attitude comes from their upbringing. Protecting them is opressing you. Here in the UK the current generation of school age kids have largely moved on and the future looks bright for alternative lifestyles. I am constantly amazed how progressive and inclusive the attitude of my son and his school colleagues is. Despite living in a rural backwater with an poorly educated local poulation with almost zero ambition, many kids in his school are happy to be declare themselves to be gay or bisexual without any negative consequence at all. Such things are a non-event. He has never seen any bullying related to sexual orientation, gender or any similar other issue at any of the three schools he has attended. I know of several transgender kids living as their non-birth gender without any issue fom their peers and and their peers parents. My advise to you is to normalise this part of you to your kids. There is always a risk but you take that everytime you step out of the closet. If you could not live with the consequences of being 'outed' I believe you should only ever crossdress in a locked room with the curtains drawn. Otherwise the risk is there whether or not you have children (in the know or not). Just my own experience.

Daisy

[Kas]

Hi daisy,

I assume terza was directing her original comment towards the post I made previously, in which case I do not understand how she came to the assumption that I want to "protect" my kid from this so called "perversion" of mine. Or how being open with my child from day one is somehow "fundamentally self defeating"... Maybe I read it incorrectly, but it just didn't make sense to me.

Anyway...Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I am glad the world is changing, even if it is at a snails pace...

[Diane Taylor]

There's really no right or wrong answer here. I believe that if children are "exposed" to cross dressing right away it will be accepted because that's what they've always seen and it wouldn't become a problem. However, other people's kids are brought up differently and your kids would have to deal with them and that could be a problem.

[DaisyLawrence]

Hi daisy,

I assume terza was directing her original comment towards the post I made previously, in which case I do not understand how she came to the assumption that I want to "protect" my kid from this so called "perversion" of mine. Or how being open with my child from day one is somehow "fundamentally self defeating"... Maybe I read it incorrectly, but it just didn't make sense to me.

Indeed I think you read it incorrectly and, as you say, made an assumption which is always risky.

You also told Terza "If you haven't noticed, crossdressing isn't something which is generally accepted by society. Like it or not." I think you are overstating that. There is a difference between looking at (or even staring at) something that is not mainstream, and not accepting it. If I see a bearded guy in a dress I can not help but have a look but I, more than anyone, accept his desire to dress like that and would risk my life to defend that freedom. It is no different to people staring at a pair of conjoined twins in a shopping mall. People just can't help but be curious in non-standard. In my experience most people these days (in the UK at least) do accept crossdressing just as they do any other non-mainstream presentation such as Goths, steampunk etc. Just do not expect them not to stare unless you pass. Just because they may not partake and may not understand why others do, does not mean they don't accept your right to do it. I really believe some of us are our own worst enemies when it comes to this.

[Rogina B]

In my opinion,it all is about teaching the family about gender expression. It is a building block program..and some people don't need so many blocks because they are not going to take it far..I had an inner need to socially transition,so I made bold steps from early on. For others,that only desire the freedom to "dress", their steps don't have to be so bold as for many,it is only about the clothes and kids can adjust to that easily.

[Kas]

Daisy,

I meant as in accepted as "normal". If it was generally "accepted" like you say, why do so many of us have issues coming out? Anxiety, divorce, bullying, loss of jobs/friends/family etc.

Let me put it this way. I don't think anybody's wife is going to divorce them because they find out their husband is secretly into steampunk...

Anyway I think we're getting off the point now...

[DaisyLawrence]

Well I didn't want to go off topic Kas but you have asked me a question it would be rude not to answer it.

I do not know why so many have issues coming out but to address your suggestions:
Anxiety is all in your own mind and only you can stop it.
Divorce, well if two people are truely suited soul mates that should be together, would a harmless bit of dressing up really end in divorce?
Bullying is only effective if the 'victim' allows it to be. If they do not give a **** about the bullying then the bullies stop as there is simply no point to it.
Loss of job due to crossdressing habits would be illegal in UK. Lots of easily won compensation available so a plus if it did happen.
Loss of friends. Really, you would call someone a friend who drops you because of your choice of clothes? Some friend. My friends just think it makes more interesting.
Loss of family. What ever happened to unconditional love?

Maybe it is different in Aus but here people have more to worry about than what others are wearing. I still believe that the biggest obstacle for a British crossdresser is our own exagerated worry about others reaction.

Daisy

[Kas]

Hi daisy,

I agree, in a perfect world everything you say would be 100% true.

But in reality:

The anxiety is caused by the stigma surrounding CDing and the thoughts which dominate your mind about being found out, caught, outed, losing relationships etc. obviously it's all in your mind, but if you believe you have any control over it you're wrong.

Divorce happens. Ask other member of this forum.

As for bullying, it is certainly not the victims fault like you are implying. It's easy to say "just ignore it" or whatever. But some people can't no matter how hard they try.

Loss of job may not occur from being fired because you are a crossdresser, but because of the embarrassment it may cause you if you were outed unintentionally.

Loss of friends happens too. Friends don't like being lied to as much as SOs.

Family - goes along with divorce. No wife, no kids. Religious parents/upbringing etc..

[Sara Jessica]

I concur wholeheartedly with Kas, not only with how thoughtful she is being in this situation but also her responses to reality. I'll add...

Anxiety is all in your own mind and only you can stop it.

Perhaps true but these pages are full of anxiety and angst which arises out of our being who and/or what we are.

Divorce, well if two people are truely suited soul mates that should be together, would a harmless bit of dressing up really end in divorce?

Sure, or a host of other issues. It has to do with the biology and sociology of attraction. Many/most females are not remotely attracted to their Prince Charming presenting as Princess Charming.

Bullying is only effective if the 'victim' allows it to be. If they do not give a **** about the bullying then the bullies stop as there is simply no point to it.

In the context of what our kids can deal with if it was known in the community that their daddy is a CD'er, kids can be incessant and why should our children have to go through such a thing? This assumes that the intent of the CD/TG parent is to not be out in the community. In that situation, the child has no choice but to develop some pretty thick skin.

Loss of job due to crossdressing habits would be illegal in UK. Lots of easily won compensation available so a plus if it did happen.

Laws are great but cannot protect one from being victim of some pretty creative constructive discharge.

Loss of friends. Really, you would call someone a friend who drops you because of your choice of clothes? Some friend. My friends just think it makes more interesting.

Only an issue if the CD/TG parent is out in the community.

Loss of family. What ever happened to unconditional love?

Overcoming deeply rooted beliefs and opinions can be difficult at best with zero guarantee of success.

The person who is full time has to contend with all of these things and I have met some who have lost nearly everything. Decisions such as the one posed by Kas should not be taken lightly.

[DaisyLawrence]

OK. I stand corrected.

But I still believe that the stigma that Kas refers to in her last post is not in reality such a big deal right here right now in the country I live in. If my child had 2 lesbian mothers or 2 gay fathers or a mum and a full time MTF crossdresser father or a dad and full time FTM crossdresser mum he would not have a consequential problem with bullying from any of his peers, period. He might even be treated as being quite cool. Maybe it is different in the US and Australia, maybe it is different in others parts of the UK but that is my reality right here. It would not have been the reality when I was a child but it is now. I just worry that the younger generation have moved on and many of us suffer because we forgot to get on the bus with them (metaphorically). Kas has even younger children and I hope and expect their generation will move on faster still. Australia can't be that different to here even if they were a bit late to the gay marriage party.

If things are not moving on where you live, I pity you, but remeber that for every step backward there are usually 2 forward.

[Rachelakld]

My daughters BFF nearly outed me, and she is 27 (and was a little drunk).
Luckily 2 of my daughters quickly shut her up and changed the subject.
Kids will be kids, having said that, a few boys at the local high school wear female clothes, so life goes on.

[StephanieM]

My father is a CD, he never hid it from me. At first I couldn't care less about it. Then I hit those awkward teenage years and it started to bother me, not so much that he did it, but the fact that it was something that I was struggling with. I didn't want to be like him, so I fought the urges for the longest time and denied who I was. It wasn't until recently I decided to stop running and embrace this, I have talked to him for hours about this and for the firs time in my life I feel close to my father.

My wife and I have a 4 year old daughter and we kind of downplay the whole thing so it's not something she really thinks about. She calls my wig silly hair and has only ever questioned my wardrobe choices while putting on a suit to go to a funeral because that is outside her version of the norm. I imagine in time she will out me, but in order for me to be me I have to take the risk. I do have the benefit that I only have to worry about being outed to my wife's family since mine already know and have been around me while dressed. Luckily if I were to get outed today it would be less horrific than it would have been just 10 or 20 years ago.

I believe it's up to the parents on how they should handle it, but my personal opinion is, don't hide it from them I can imagine learning about it when they are older has potential to end really badly. I believe my folks were right not to hide it from me.

[raeleen]

This topic has come up before and it tends to push people to one side or the other of the issue. Ultimate, it's up to you what you decide is best for you and your partner, Kas. I told my children about my dressing and discussed gender identity with them from an early age. I fall into the camp of being able to talk openly with your kids removes the stigma of the whole thing. We also discussed the fact that there are things about our family that are private, not secrets, but things that we don't share because it's really no one else's business. I don't want them thinking that my dressing or how I choose to identify are bad things, but I also don't think it's appropriate for them to share this with others, just like I don't think it's ok for them to tell people how much I make or how much a family trip costs. And.....if I get outed by my kids, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Society still holds lots of negative and judgemental perspectives around gender and identity, some of which even carry into this group. But if we're going to help make shifts in those attitudes, we have to be ok with who we are first.

There's some great advice in this thread. Some not so great advice (IMO) on here too. Take what works for you. And good luck!

[5150 Girl]

When someone is raised around something, they think nothing of it... It's just normal everyday life to them. It is only when we are exposed to new things/ideas that contradict out early teachings that we have a hard time accepting them.

[CDPheobe]

Hello. I walked into my three daughters lives when they were little little. I wore pantyhose and girly things back then and they have never outed me. Mom outed me when she was showing my babies old pics on the smart TV and happen to run a pic of her and I. Kids just said I was a pretty girl. Lol. Mom turned beet red. Lolllll.

[Micki_Finn]

No kids so I don’t have parenting advice, but I do know that “discression” is a difficult and complex concept especially to a child so if that’s a concern, Best not to tell her for now. I also know that teenagers are assholes and when I was one, if I had ammunition to use against my parents like “Dad’s a crossdresser”? Oh man things would have gotten ugly quick.

[Rollermiss]

I tried to keep from appearing to feminine to my girls when they where real young. Till about IIRC 3-4. Now at almost 8 they know. We have raised them to be non biased about anything. So a man in a skirt doesn't faze them at all. So when I am completely dressed it is no big deal to them.

Kelsey

[Tracy Irving]

We figured that the earliest retained childhood memory would probably be around three years old so I stopped dressing in front of my son at that time.

[Emily78]

Well today my 9 year and I r putting on a fashion show for our family (my wife, my in-laws, and my sister) and everyone is fine with it. I only came out to my wife about my dressing a short time ago. My daughter has seen me since than in feminine mode since than and very accepting.

[tbryant2k16]

I think kids need to learn about what gender and social stereotypes are and how it affects them. It starts when they are born with the colours pink and blue. They probably have noticed with their toys how it's divided along boy and girl already. And it's perfectly okay for girls to play with boys toys and vice versa. The same goes with their clothes. Why do girls wear skirts and boys don't for example? They probably already asked that question and were told the standard response.

I think once kids understand what these gender and social norms are, and how it's affecting them already, they will understand. Right now, they only know that's the way it is and not why it is. It really starts with kids to break down these gender and social stereotypes.

[Beverley Sims]

If you don't want a child to remember your activities I think the cut off time is in the region of eighteen months to two years.

After that they do remember things more clearly.