What one item do you need most when dressing ?

[Teresa]

I'm sure most of you are aware of my circumstances, that is imminent separation and then the chance to go full time , so I'm asking this question on that basis thinking about others who may be in the same situation .

OK I'm happy with my figure the transition from M/F is not a big problem, I'm happy with having enough ability to apply satisfactory makeup but when I catch myself in the mirror it's the hair or the lack of it that's the real problem . I can't do MIAD , it just isn't me . I'm not heavily featured but the thinning hair line and ears I'm not too happy about are all too manly , I have to lose them to be comfortable as Teresa .

OK so as my wife is away for a few days it's a chance to dress up , but was left little option from the list of jobs I have to do on her new home . Tuesday I said to hell with it and early afternoon I was going to dress with full makeup and wig but this time it had a different meaning , if I'm intending to go full time how quickly can I do everyday make up and how long can I wear a wig for .
I had shaved all over as usual in the morning so starting with eyebrows a quick brush through, check for any stray hairs , colour some but leave a little to look natural, a quick brush through with the wax brush , job done. Eye shade just enough light and dark to lose the first thing in the morning look, a quick line out with a sharp pencil top and bottom lids, the mascara brush was scraped almost clean to give enough definition to show lower lashes and then a few upward strokes on the upper lashes to define and shape them . I then applied my beige Olay lift and firm cream to my face and neck , this stuff is a godsend especially around the eyes, two squirts of my No7 wheat on the back of my hand and applied lightly with a brush , finished with a light dusting of powder. Lips were a outlined and filled with an almost natural pencil colour followed by a slightly darker shade of lipstick , final flick with the blush brush with dark peach colour . Job complete in just over 10 minutes . Clothes were comfortable tailored white blouse with a white edged black cardigan and a pencil skirt in B/W dog's tooth pattern , black stockings and patent black wedges . My wig choice is one I feel I will have to compromise with, it's a short ,very comfortable easy to wear and fairly breathable so it doesn't get too hot . It needs updating but it's the look I will have to live with, it's the look I'll be opening my door as and it will be the one when I greet the people who I hope will join me in my art group.

I had several jobs to do around the house including an overall clean with the Dyson because my estate agent had another viewing on the Wednesday. I then had to cook my meal ( pork chops !!) and light the open fire . I must admit after about an hour I started to wonder what all fuss was about , apart from seeing glimpses of myself in the mirror I felt so comfortable. If someone had come to the door I wouldn't have hesitated answering it but then I will have to get use to that. I wore the wig till bedtime and kept my bra and forms on all night, obviously I did look slightly different in the morning because I hadn't bothered to remove my makeup from the previous day . I've added a picture to show the style of wig I'm considering for everyday it was taken at one of my social meetings , sometime last year .

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=263097&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1466246698

[AngieStone]

First off Teresa the picture of you is beautiful you look so lovely and happy. For what I need when dressing that would be panties and bra. Lately it seems if I have them on all is right in the world.

[Cheryl T]

Well of course I need my wig and makeup, but that's a given these days.
The one thing I need is my bra and forms.

[Pat]

Probably "the most important thing" will change as you gain experience and let your body/presentation change. I used to have to wear the wig, but I grew my hair out and had it colored and styled and now no more wig. I used to have to wear forms, but hormone therapy gave me boobs that were really too small for others to notice, but knowing they were there was enough for me to stop wearing the forms. There was a time I wouldn't go out without at least foundation and lipstick on, but now I routinely do. I think hormone therapy must have gotten my complexion to the point where I think "good enough." Stay flexible. ;)

[Teresa]

Pat,
You've taken me to the next hurdle , I was going to comment on hormones but maybe I'll have to let the dust settle on all this . So much will have to happen in the next year , a new home, separation from my wife dealing with the possible fallout from all that . At the moment I'm just looking for the first comfort zone, being in my own home and living with full time .

I will admit the TSs in my social group have been a great help , at the moment they all live with a wig for social use , the hormone road can be a rocky one and they are struggling to get the balance right . One almost in her seventies is expecting to be advised to go for full surgery to finally settle her issues she has so many aspects of her life to consider it's so hard for her to hide her anguish.

One step at a time Pat the next one for me is a biggy !

[Lydianne]

OHHH, Teresa! . . those shoes!!! Ohhh! :daydreaming: :drooling:.

Makeup and wig for me are a given. Although I don't have MPB, my hair would not grow femme if I were to leave it. Maintenance would also be an time-consuming and expensive nightmare, and not good for life. So apart from those, my facial features are extremely harsh; so I find shimmer powder and bronzer very necessary to attempt to soften them. I can't use a highlighter for obvious reasons :).

- Lydianne.

[Jean 103]

As I said before you are way overthinking this. Still keep posting I do like hearing about your life, I'm rooting for you.

You are beautiful

I do understand completely. There are going to be so much happening every day that all this little stuff will fade away. Stuff that is such a big deal here. Constantly getting complements, people treating you for the person you are and not by the clothes you are wearing, feeling completely the same all the time, I could go on and on.

I would be willing to bet that a year from now you will see things differently.

I’ll give you a small example. I love clothes and fashion, this will never change. What has changed? My closet is full, I’ve gone to thinner hangers to be able to even put more in it. I have stood in front of it thinking I don’t have anything to wear. To get past this, I’ll start with one thing and build from there, like a pair of shoes or a top. This is why woman and now I wear jeans. Simply, it’s practical and easy to change up your look.

Don’t worry you got this, you’ll get there.

Love Jean

[CynthiaD]

A wig definitely. It makes me look like I'm supposed to look. That bald guy in the mirror? I don't know who that is, but it isn't me.

[alwayshave]

Cynthia, I agree that it is the wig that makes the difference.

[Allisa]

Maybe not what your asking for but I need my confidence in knowing what I'm doing is expressing a very real part of myself and feeling good about it in front of the public's scrutinizing eye and judgmental attitudes.

[docrobbysherry]

Sorry, Teresa. We obviously don't dress the same! :brolleyes:

Asking me what single fem essential I need to become Sherry is like asking a pilot which piece of his plane does he need to fly!:heehee:

[SamanthaToday]

OMG you look so cute. The first thing I needed was the wig,Since then I had a hair transplant done, a year later that is no longer a problem. Its still a little to short because of hair cuts but its thick enough and getting longer.The thing I need now is shoes, cant go out the door with out them literally :). Which is something that is going to happen soon, I will post in December when it happens.

[Teresa]

Lisa,
I'm OK with the confidence aspect at the hotel with my social group, in those circumstances I'm Teresa for those few hours , the downside is I still come back to a DADT situation. It's the jump from that to going full time, a totally different ball game as I know you have found out .

Jean,
You are so kind, with your compliment , thanks for that. I'm sure you're right with your comments, it's all " What ifs and buts !!" at the moment as I've just replied to Lisa the DADT situation isn't helping at the moment . Obviously my wife is fully aware of what is going to happen in the future ,she's torn between totally ignoring it and realising what she is finally going to lose .

I'm trying so hard to avoid shopping at the moment as I will have to move two sets of clothes, although my thoughts are on the everyday side of it and suitable things to wear for gardening , walking the dog and supermarket shopping. To do everyday is proving harder than dressing to the nines for going out .

Lydianne ,
Those shoes came from a charity shop, I asked if I could try them so I went behind the changing curtain , the SA called how am I doing , I replied fine so pulled the curtain back to show her. Her husband had dropped in to see her so he was standing next to her when I did the reveal . She loved them and he complained why they didn't fit her as they looked so good !

Sherry,
If you asked me that question, my answer would probably be a well packed parachute , I think I'm going to need one !!

[Rogina B]

Asking me what single fem essential I need to become Sherry

You are a great illusionist ! And obviously you have gender issues like the rest of us. But,Teresa is trying to express her inner gender in the near future and wonders what is the most important... The most important thing is CONFIDENCE if you are to become an out transwoman.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
The confidence issue goes hand in hand with being comfortable with how you look . I know we've had a useful conversation on this issue before and you suggested having at least two wigs on the go so you always have one ready to use. I did have a surprise when someone handed me a wig catalogue , they suggested most wigs have about a one year life , real hair ones if treated correctly possibly eighteen months. OK it may be sales patter but I did expect a longer period than that . I won't have a budget to sustain that replacement level .

I was letting Sherry have her bit of fun ! Our situations are " Chalk and cheese !"

It's nothing personal against Sherry but if I was going through all this to appear in a body suit and silicone mask everyone would think I had totally lost the plot . I feel sometimes she loses sight of how she chooses to appear and why compared with most of the rest of us.

[AllieSF]

Yes, confidence is a major element. I use that combined with the ability to love yourself with all your faults. As a trans person under the umbrella that also means accepting and liking how you look with or without a lot of makeup, accessories and fancy clothes. When you are comfortable with yourself, all the rest becomes insignificant. It also shows through to others that you meet along the way and really helps with tolerance and acceptance from them.

I totally disagree with your above comment, "...she loses sight of how she chooses to appear and why compared with most of the rest of us." Sherry knows exactly what she is doing, where she is going and why she does it. Her sight line is very clear and defined. Many of her goals and reasons are similar to those that most of us have, to be ourselves when and how we want to and enjoy doing that, not how others like you or me think is correct.

[ToniG]

Confidence, positive attitude, smiles, and proper demeanor are the "toppers" that help make things work when stepping out en femme. We can look Fab, but an attitude can spoil it. Toni G..

[Rachael Leigh]

For me now it is the wig and also a nice comfortable bra. Once as Pat says I’m on my hormones maybe not as much.
I’m also trying to see if I at some point use my natural hair but for now wigs it is

[Teresa]

Allie,
I'm sure Sherry will defend herself , we have exchanged enough comments to understand each other and she knows I mean no offence , OK maybe I have lost sight of what she wishes to achieve but I'm sure she will put us all right !

Toni,
I agree and try to achieve that , so far it's all worked out OK but I'm not that naive to think it will always work , there's always one that will make it clear they don't approve and also make it clear to others , I know I will have to learn to deal with that situation .

[Alice B]

My bra and forms. If nothing ekse they make me feel good.

[docrobbysherry]

Allie, I think u explained quite well why I enjoy dressing so much. U understand me better than most T friends that I meet up with regularly.:hugs:

But, Teresa makes an excellent point. "Chalk and cheese." I'm a CD not a "real trans" according to many. And, in some ways I think they r rite. While many of u struggle to find and/or present your fem selves, I can easily turn into the pretty female of my choice. While doing that is a lot more physical effort than most of u r willing, or even care, to do? It completely satisfies MY fem dressing desires with no mental hassle or confusion! I wish those of u that struggle with dysphoria and identity crises daily could have it that easy.:hugs:

But, don't think I don't understand some of what u r experiencing, Teresa. It took over 10 years of soul searching, experimenting, stress, and countless sleepless nites wondering why I suddenly wanted to become an anatomically correct female before I found out what I really wanted!:doh:

And, even during those years of delusion and confusion, I was NEVER brave enuff to fantasize about living as a female on a daily basis and coming out to everyone! I have the utmost respect and admiration for those of u that do it or r considering it. I DO hope u all parachute to soft landing!:love:

[Michelle1955]

Simple a bra.

[denisepascali]

Shoes are so important

[Jaymees22]

The one thing I need is time.

[Christina89]

For me it'll be leggings. I keep my legs hairy cause I wear shorts a lot even during winter so the leggings keep my hairy legs hidden if I wear a skirt.

[faltenrock]

When I go out, I need y pantyhose, a dress or skirt, a blouse (skirt), a jacket, a bra, my breast forms, 3"-4" heels, my handbag, make-up.

At home I just leave out the handbag and the make-up.

[Kendalli]

Panties. They are the first thing to go on and the last thing to come off. Sometimes they are the only thing that I am able to wear when dressing depending on the day. They may not be the thing that I need most that day when I want to dress, but without them the rest of it wouldn't feel right or the same.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hip pads or forms. I was always a dude in a dress until I added hips.

[Abbey11]

Glasses help me :)

[Laura28]

Bra and form when I put them on I a woman

[Krisi]

For me there is no "one thing" unless we group these things together: wig, breast forms (and of course a bra so they don't fall off) and my hip and butt padding. With these, I can run around naked or throw on a night gown or house dress and feel right.

[DIANEF]

I've got pretty much everything I need, for now. Like Jaymee, what I really need is time.

[moniquemn]

for me its my pretty bras and panties

[BrendaPDX]

Just one item? Yikes, I want so many; I NEED a dress. Brenda

[LeannS]

I need my wig, forms, bra and a dress

[karrin]

panties and bra. be safe Karrin

[Jaylyn]

I will also say my wig is the one item that changes me to where I want to be. Without it no matter how much makeup, forms, body shaping, or dresses I put on I'm just not fememine until the long hair gets on. I do however sometimes wear my bra and forms under my sweat shirts and t shirts just to feel somewhat feminine but I just don't look in the mirror because that kills the mood.

[NancySue]

I know you said “one” item. I’ve given this a lot of thought...a lot...and I cannot come up with just one. I wear panties every day, so do they count? Since hose were, are, will always be #1, and a bra with forms. After that, most of the time, the trains moving into the pink fog. Confidence, patience, etc are needed too. And the list goes on, and on, and on.

[JaniceP]

A Padded hip and butt control Panty.

[Linda Stockings]

Hello Teresa,
Do you mean which item I enjoy or like the most, or which makes me be the most "blendable". Sorry if it's in your post but I missed it. Fatigued at the moment. For "blendability", I have to say the best shape wear I can find, best fitting bra, forms, good hair, and makeup. In terms of my own enjoyment, I'd have to say the best hosiery I can afford, the most stylish, and comfortable heels (reasonable height), and I do love it when my makeup looks good. I guess all those also go with blendability. I guess I just really like those a little more. Your picture looks fantastic, by the way. You seem to reach that truly "magic" point of having the best of both.

Hugs,
Linda

[Teresa]

It's been a while since I checked all your replies, I thank you for responding, as Nancysue did reply I was asking this as a serious question for those who do go out or intend to very shortly.

I appreciate you all list several items but what is the one make or break item that gives the confidence for that final push ?

I'm off to the Xmas party this weekend and will be driving dressed , checking in and changing for the event then dressing for breakfast. My clothes choice will be dictated by the weather apart from the party, naturally for them to look right I will wear my forms, I intend to keep my makup light for everyday and top it up for the party but without the wig the transformation is incomplete .

I would think most women spend more time, money and effort on their hair then any other single feature , my wife certainly does , I think a bad hair day is one thing they hate the most ! Beautiful hair transforms a woman as much as it does a CDer that's why it's the top of my list , I get to lose the guy !

Linda,
Many thanks for that, it's an East dress which I just couldn't resist in a charity shop window, all the GGs loved it at the meeting when I wore it , I have to admit I love clothes that are easy to wear and also feel good, it's longer than I usually wear but longer dresses do float beautifully .

[NicoleScott]

For me it would be pointless without a mirror. I like Doc's airplane example.

[Linda Stockings]

Hi Teresa,
Okay, closer to the kind of answer you were looking for....if my hair doesn't look feminine, I have no chance of presenting with a feminine appearance. That's true whether it's my own hair grown out to my collar and shaped to be a feminine style, or whether it's a wig that I've had styled well enough to look feminine for the shape of my face, etc. So for me bad hair=not fem=I won't go out. While I really like my hosiery, I would use leg makeup to cover my scars rather than trade good hair for good stockings.

So hair is it for me. With good hair, I feel confident enough that I'll go out. I usually go out about once a week - BUT generally NOT for long times.

Linda

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa :hugs:, That is what you call , On The Job Training, You look so lovely.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Diane Smith]

I need a whole lot of things to look presentable.

But probably the one thing that will make me feel uncomfortable even if all the other details are right is that I must wear neat, fresh and unchipped nail polish.

- Diane

[baldy1]

It has to be a bra, oh! and not get caught thats two

Julie

[Lacey New]

Oh, I hate to be boring, but for me, any and all dressing starts with a good foundation. Panties and bra are first and foremost.

[Ginni]

I don't think I could pick just one item. Wig, bra, and thigh hosiery are a necessity.

[Sallee]

I'llmake it a simple answer. Makeup. I love makeup and really enjoy change my face to fem. But I also like my bra These two items are in my mind needed for me to cd

[Fiona123]

A bra, definitely a bra.

[Ceera]

For me it has to be the wig. I have A-cup breasts already, even without hormones, and if I had to do without the breast forms and hip pads, I could possibly still do a female presentation with just the wig and unisex clothes. But I have very definite male pattern baldness, and no amount of attempting to grow it out will ever change that. I seriously doubt even HRT and SRS combined would reverse my hair loss enough to pass for female.

[Stephanie47]

Given that I suffer from male pattern baldness, i.e., lack of hair especially on top, it's a wig. I have three wigs which have marked my journey through time. I started out with a blond wig which was my early on hair shade. Following the blond hair came "dirty blond" so I bought a brunette wig. Now with my remaining hair totally grey to almost white, it's a shoulder length curly grey wig.

[valerie anne]

A good supportive underwired bra!

It's not an option. Without one, going upstairs or riding in a bus is, shall we say, "thumpy".