AN indecent proposal

[sarah_hillcrest]

So last night, our bellies full of Thanksgiving, my wife and I brought up our Christmas stuff and started decorating, around 8 when we were done and sitting around out of the blue she said. "You could go put on your boobs and a nice dress and take me out to get a bottle of wine."

I just sit there kind of dumbfounded. We had been going back and forth for a bit about a Christmas present for me, I'd pretty much told her I didn't care what I got, but if she was looking for ideas I wanted a sweater dress. She didn't seem to really like the idea, but wasn't opposed to it either, and we did a bit of online shopping for it, but I struggled picking anything out.

The real problem with her proposal is that she's gone 2 weeks without a drink, and while I wouldn't call her an alcoholic she was drinking more then she needed to and decided to quit. A couple glasses of wine are harmless, I can drink and find it mildly enjoyable but have no interest in it. I know that a couple glasses last night would turn into a bottle Saturday night, and then something stronger the next night.

I said, "Are you serious," to which she replied, "Yes." I told her I couldn't do it, and she said she thought it might be fun, but I said I couldn't, and she needed to not drink. She agreed and it went no further.

My stomach was in knots and while I so badly wanted to take her up on her offer, I felt like I had made the right decision, but I can't help but wonder if I missed a valuable opportunity.

[VS Fan]

Wow definitely a tough choice... but I think you made the right call, considering the facts. I guess you could have said... "How about a run through Starbucks drive through for some hot chocolate?" Maybe it wouldn't have had the same appeal to her, but you never know.

[Lisa85]

Yes you did. People who daily drink 1.5 servings live longer,i.e. average 1.5 glasses wine a day, doesn't really matter if white or red. For some red is better but others can't handle the bitterness of red.

Suggest a method of limiting drinks, something like daily medicine and also have play time together.

Just because the moment passed, you are permitted in having second thoughts.

[Pat]

From what you say, it sounds like a right choice. She put the offer out there once, it will come out again. ;)

[IleneD]

Sarah,

Don't second guess yourself.
Perhaps the most deadly and most addictive drug available to the public is ALCOHOL. I say this as a drinker (not a drunkard)
My best friend since high school lost his wife a year ago to alcohol addiction. She became dysfunctional and hardcore, and eventually unwittingly drank methyl alcohol which killed her. My Friend has been devastated by it because he felt he was her Enabler. And despite time when she quit for months at a time, and that he & she knew it was an on-going Elephant In The Room, she persisted unto death. He is kicking himself to this day, and shouldn't.

I don't know the degree of your wife's drinking issues. But if there's a hint of a long term problem with substances, the wisest path is to avoid them.
Let me add this. Has she ever made an analogy to her drinking and YOUR dressing? An addictive habit? (we know it's not an addiction; it's you). In a way it is your own personal "defect" and burden compared to her own "monkey on the back". I can see how the situation might be turned against you.

OTOH... you could have purchased a liter of wine; consumed a glass together and YOU control the bottle. Tough choice, and I recognize the dilemma. I think you did the LOVING thing. Good for you.

[Leslie Mary S]

Being an adult of a child who is an active member of AA I will say you made the right. I have on occasion drank a full .75% fifth of wine by myself and gotten even a buzz. But when the daughter is around it is a case of no alcohol drinks in the house.
(Presently there is a full QT of moon shine hidden in the house where she can't reach, a gift from a bootlegger friend of mine in TN.t The DAU is 4' 11" tall, I am 6' tall.)

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Sarah,

Don't think twice, you made the right call.

She was testing the waters and if it worked then she'd use it over and over.

[Fiona123]

Former drinker here. Good call.

[CarlaWestin]

Oh wow. The 'shine comment brought back memories. Well, I can't put it any better than Ilene. You did the right thing.
For a fleeting moment yesterday I thought how nice an evening aperitif with the wife would be to finish off a fabulously enjoyable Thanksgiving.
And I just smiled to myself that the hounds of drink were still scratching at the door of my sobriety. Sweetpotato pie with whip cream actually was more enjoyable.

[Allisa]

From a recovering alcoholic, a true drunk, I feel you did the right thing, only you know your wife's drinking habits.

[Tracii G]

A little alcohol here and there is OK but to drink everyday that can be a problem.
If she has an addictive personality especially.
Wine say a glass with a meal is no big deal and it actually helps blood circulation.
I keep a bottle of small batch bourbon to cook with (burgers and chili) and a quart of moonshine (either peach 160 grain or almighty 190)
I like a shot once in a while. A quart lasts me a long time.

[vicky_cd99_2]

Girl you did the right thing. You showed her true love. You gave up a chance for Sarah to go out and you helped to stifle her need to have a drink. Was it a test on you it could have been but you passed it if it was. Awesome job. This is coming from someone who grew up in a house full of drunks and still drinks herself.

[greeneyes]

I am sorry you are having to go through this. When a heavy drinker (whether they are actually an full blown alcoholic or not) decides to self regulate, it can be a rocky time. I think you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing as well. I find it quite distasteful she was kind of saying "you can dress if I can drink" ...this of course is the sign of a true alcoholic. I have known quite a few of them in my life. The bargaining chip. You did well. Just be careful because the next time she wants to drink she may say "I will quit drinking if you quit dressing" Be prepared for a logical argument. That they are not comparable, and why. If she catches you off guard, you could say something you would regret. DO not let her convince you they are the same...because of issues with will power, changes your behavior, etc. They are NOT the same. Anyway...just my :2c: Don't get caught with your guard down (or your boobs off! LOL) and step in a mess.
Greeneyes :battingeyelashes:

[Stephanie47]

You made the right call. Everyone has heard drinking lessens inhibitions. Maybe the same offer would not have been made if you and her were sipping hot cocoa together. I would not want to do anything against my better judgement and have unintended consequences arise for myself or my wife. Clear thinking is the only way to make any type of decision. Having the thought process governed by alcohol or weed (legal in Washington State) is not the way to make a decision.

Yes, there are numerous surveys/opinions which state a guy having two drinks and a woman one drink may have a positive medicinal effect on the body. Maybe so, but, that one drink can lead to too many. You know if your wife is or can become an alcoholic.

Since it is the day after Thanksgiving and the sales are going to be going on today also, ask her if she wants to accompany you out to buy a new sweater dress. If she cannot remember last night's conversation you definitely know you made the right choices.

[Abbey11]

I think you've clearly demonstrated that you put your wife 1st before your own desires, that's to be applauded

[nvlady]

I quit drinking a few times, then told myself I could have one drink, which in a few days turned into two, then three, then many. The last time was twelve years ago and not even one. That's the way it works for me.

[docrobbysherry]

Sarah, I'm not sure what u were getting at in your post? Did u mean your wife was offering u a "deal"? U could dress if she could get drunk? I assume that's what u were hinting at?

Because otherwise, why didn't u agree to go out with her for another purpose? ANY other purpose! I suggest u not make any deals with your wife RE booze. Make it very clear to her that drinking is a dangerous activity and u won't do anything that encourages or supports her drinking!:Angry3:

[Taylor186]

Good call. I'm guessing her motivation was her drinking not your dressing. I agree with others who suggest not tying those two activities together as in, you get to dress so she gets to drink, or vice versa.

[Rayleen]

Sarah, you made the right decision, I now, when you contribute to a person's problem, when something happens you in a way feel responsible. I too had a buddy we use to drink with, and after a while he was alcoholic , it was too late. He past prematurely.

It made me relise what drinking responsibly meant, and its better in moderation...for myself anyway.

[Beverley Sims]

Definitely the right call, keep it up and may Christmas be as good as thanksgiving was.

The opportunity will come again more likely with a different deal attached.

[sarah_hillcrest]

Thanks all, I'm feeling good about the choice.

This morning I asked her about it. She said she thought getting a drink would make her more relaxed about the dressing, more accepting, and that I would really enjoy it. She also admitted she wanted a drink and wanted to make a deal. I told her I was totally accepting of her drinking, but was very supportive of her decision to stop and that I wouldn't' do anything to mess that up. She was happy about how it worked out.

I grew up in a large extended family with no drinking, and I've only been drunk a few times in my life, it doesn't really appeal to me. She, on the other hand, grew up with an alcoholic mother and has used alcohol for many purposes through her life. She has always been highly responsible, never missing work, or even considering driving, which to me means she's not an alcoholic.

[giuseppina]

I think you made the right choice, Sarah. While you say your DSW is responsible drinker, it seems to me a deal with alcohol involved isn`t the best idea.

[docrobbysherry]

Sarah, my daughter married an alcoholic. He hasn't touched booze for over 15 years. But, they r now divorced. She says he's still an alcoholic with serious, related character flaws. He just doesn't drink now------:drink: