MIADs and Mirls, y'all come out!

[phili]

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It was my 67th birthday today, and I took another giant leap for MIADs and mirls. I went to my mom's retirement home and smiled and waved and everyone, for the most part, smiled back. No hassles, some friendly and admiring comments, a round of happy birthday, a comment that I was brave, and life went on.

I had already come out to Mom, and after an initial concern about what people would think, [which she soon observed was- not much of interest,] she was fine with it. I have found that after the initial look, and double take, people lose interest- since I am acting perfectly normally for a mirl, anyway. Not particularly swishy, nothing exaggerated, just being a nice person focused on whatever we are talking about and comfortable in my clothes.

I had worried that the memory unit where she lives might be uncertain territory for a new look, but as it happens, people with failing memory tend to look at your face and what you are saying is what they are thinking about.

We went to the Stanford campus and walked all around, visited the museum, and went downtown to eat. Took a walk in the neighborhood.

I let my hips move and enjoyed stepping forward onto the heels. I loved feeling my skirt flowing around my hips, the breeze lightly on my thighs, my poise walking. I loved the fact that I felt so authentic that it really didn't matter what others were thinking of me.

All I could think about was I wished I hadn't waited so long.

[AngieStone]

Phili HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You look wonderful and so happy you had a great day. Keep it up and thank you for posting your picture.

[Tracii G]

You look just fine so not to worry.
What is a Mirl?

[Lydianne]

Happy Birthday, Phili! It sounds as though it was a great day! I hope you continue to have more accepting receptions when you are out. Continue to enjoy it rather than thinking what might have been . . because it now is.

- Lydianne.

[Dana44]

Happy Birthday Philii. You look good and had a nice day. Take care and enjoy your birthday.

[docrobbysherry]

Phili, I know some T's would not approve of your look. Some may say u r giving T's a bad name. But, they say the same about me!

Personally, I think u r more honest than some T's who look to be MIAD's, but try to, and think they pass because SA's and waitresses defer to them!:straightface:

I go out with T's while dressed or in drab without a second thot. Not because of how they look, but because of their positive attitude! Which u seem to have in abundance!:heehee:

[phili]

Mirls are male girls- meaning we get to be as male as we are and still be 100% of the girls we are. It is how it feels.

Another discovery after several forays out- I don't have to shave my legs either. Here's a poem to make the point:

Being a man in a dress,
Is just something we choose-
And for others, after one look,
It is just old news.

We learn from what we see,
about the human race.
It's not your choice of clothes,
It's the smile on your face,

Best of all, if you're a man,
And a girl,
You are part of what's normal,
You're a mirl!

Men come with beards,
That's not surprising,
Keep your leg and body hair,
No need for compromising.

Just be your normal self,
and wear an outfit with class.
Amazingly,no one really
Cares if you pass.

Cheers, everyone.

PS if you look at pics of MIADS long enough, you will see we are beautiful.

[Jaymees22]

Happy Birthday and if you're happy so am I!!

[Tracii G]

Thanks Phili I had know idea what that was.
Makes sense now that you explained it.

[suzanne]

You are one of my heroes. You present the way I do but a fair bit sexier with those long lean legs. Perfect little red skirt too. I envy your living in SF. Not that I'm complaining. Where I live is fairly liberal about crossdressers just not like SF.

I'll bet your legs get lots of compliments from women. Who cares what the men say, right? I know, because I get lots of compliments about my legs and they're not as nice as yours! So happy birthday. I wouldn't have guessed 67.

[Jean 103]

Happy Birthday,

I know what you are saying and people being uneasy going out with you at first. I have gotten that from friends who know me in one setting, but are uneasy going around town with me. That is till they see that it is a nonevent, that I'm treated like anyone else.

[Teresa]

Phili,
This is not meant to be anything personal , more to do with me coming to terms with MIADs and Mirls .

I have to say your attached pictures have echoes of Grayson Perry to me , I've never looked into Grayson's history so I'm not sure what makes him/her tick .

Being out and about does gives us the chance to talk about our situations and I had a conversation with a very good friend who worked in a bridal shop. At the time I was going through some lovely ballgowns/bridesmaid's dresses and she turned to me and said it's a regression most of you go through, the female part emerges but you want to start as a girl in puberty, pretty, girly dresses, all satin and lace . I hadn't thought about it before but I'm wondering if you feel that is what you mean by being authentic ? your mindset is locked in that period as maybe Grayson could be .

I wonder if you have ever shaved the beard off and dressed in a wig and full makeup and if you have what was the effect on you ? OK you could accuse me of being a hypocrite because you may be thinking I'm asking you to comply with what the public expects to see from a CDer . Your reply to that could be I'm making my own statement , as you say I'm being authentic, it's a word I've never used because it begs the question , " Authentic What ?"

It may be your part of the World that maybe is more laid back, but I can imagine people like my wife seeing me appear in short skirts but sporting a beard no make up or wig telling me to grow up and act my age , OK that could be said of many of us including me but also the appearance may suggest to some a young boy in puberty wearing his sister's or mother's clothes for his own sexual pleasure, and maybe expecting to be scolded and not be caught doing it again. Even in my circumstances when I talk about certain aspects of my dressing with my wife she gives me that distainful look as if I'm still doing something dirty while dressed .

The other problem you could encounter is people think it's a put on for a Candid Camera stunt , it doesn't sound that far fetched. I had this experience when buying some heels in Next, one of the SAs kept looking for hidden cameras because she thought it was a stunt ! It took a while for the others to assure her it was a genuine purchase .

I have a recent thread asking the one item that you feel is most important , for me it is the wig, it does in your terms make me feel authentic.

Again this is not a personal attack, I find the MIAD situation gives a confusing message to a public we hope will accept us, maybe some have done the damage by being too invasive with their appearance as Tracii discovered with a friend when having a meal .

Maybe more of a P.S. but you have jumped the hurdle of coming out to your mother, I'm posed with several because she doesn't know my wife and I are separating so she doesn't know the basic reason why . I'm so glad it has worked out Ok for you, my mum is 88 , still has two jobs and obviously all her marbles, not much gets past her . Maybe you have some ideas on this issue .

[DMichele]

Phili,

Happy birthday! Interesting observations about the seniors in the retirement home.

You go mirl!

[CynthiaD]

If the dress fits, wear it! How you wear it is entirely up to you.

[Jamie Lynn]

Great poem Phili! Keep doing what you like!

[phili]

My answers to Teresa's questions- as they are part of the questions that MIADs and mirls have to deal with:

1. Cross-dressing originates in the fact that clothing is defined for us as the first indicator of gender fencing , and then we learn what gender is. We either don't want to be isolated on just one side of the fence, or we do, but on the female side.
2. People grow up associating female body characteristics with the feminine side of the fence, but this is a fallacy. I can say that with certainty, because I am an example. I was absolutely thrilled to find that my body does not interfere with feeling absolutely feminine. I cannot bear children, nurse, etc. but I do have the other side of the reproductive two party operation, and child-bearing and nursing are not feminine, they are female.
3. In our world, 'girly' means what you say- twirling in dresses and excitement over frills and bows, exploring life and each new thing with innocence, taking pleasure in identity fantasies like princess or good fairy, rather than heavily armed Terminator or truck driver. Yes, guilty as charged. As I walked through the neighborhood I thought, this is really pleasurable! And these activities also embody innocence, interpersonal sensitivity, receptive sensuality, and other fundamental human experiences. Is there a good reason, I asked myself, to exchange this for striding along bristling with masculine readiness to combat marauders or just stray cars or falling tree limbs? As man, I look for nails to pound, so to speak. As a girl, I look for delight to be had. Why not?
4. I am a 'natural high' type- mystic, etc. So when my beard grows, I reluctantly trim it. I cannot make my face look like a female without so much makeup I would be a walking mask. I want to be myself, and be seen as myself. Wearing a wig would undermine that. It is the opposite of authentic for me.
5. The length of my skirt is part of composing the way the outfit looks to me. If I feel happy and normal in it, that makes a huge difference. If I am relaxed, people are not put on guard by any unresolved inner tension. Life goes on immediately after they realize there is no hidden message.
6. Someday I may grow up and be however someone thinks that looks. I think I am navigating the available fashion space. Yes- I get a lot of comments on my legs from women. That is very interesting.
7. The proof is in the pudding, and I can report, it just works perfectly in every way I can detect to be myself as I see myself! I wear beautiful outfits, and go out. Being myself authentically [in my framework] is peaceful, and is therefore understood by others.
7. I am in a very liberal place, but my conservative neighbor, after challenging me, could feel that there is nothing to fight over. I am wearing a dress- so...uh.. uh, can you help me move my refrigerator?

[CarlaWestin]

Mirls are male girls

Thanks. I was thinking Missy's In Real Life Situations.

Although I know first hand that gender expression is an all encompassing situation, I lean more towards not wanting to be identified as a MIAD. My early CD adventures were primarily boy with boobies but, time and experience has lead to the desire to be, not exactly passable but, just not that noticeable. It's to the point that I'm realizing that appearing totally female in two dimensional images is easy. Take a thousand pictures and pick the best one. But the true elevation is blending in with minimal preparation. I will never be a woman and I'm not going to kid myself that everyone around me sees no problem with what I do. So, it's a continuing unperfect activity that I will always try to refine. But Phili, I do respect and appreciate your resolve.

[Pat]

Late to the party (story of my life) but Happy Birthday Phili! I think it's cool you're out there being a role model for other MIADs. The more answers people can see, the more they realize there are questions to be asked. ;)

[DaisyLawrence]

Phili,

I have to say your attached pictures have echoes of Grayson Perry to me , I've never looked into Grayson's history so I'm not sure what makes him/her tick .



Teresa,

You really must read Grayson's new book 'The Decent of Man'. All your questions about Grayson and gender answered for ever. Grayson is a gender genius for sure. Used copies available on-line cheaply.

[bridget thronton]

Happy birthday

[Charlotte7]

Happy birthday Phili, I wish I had half your courage.

Teresa, you should read Grayson's book, 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Girl'. Pat has it spot on, the more we're seen out and about, in all our guises, the better. I wish I could step outside.

[Teresa]

Phili,
Many tanks for accepting my response at face value , no malice intended. I will have to read through it a couple of times to get the full picture .

I have to smile at the legs comment, women are mostly forgiving for each other's figures, even if they don't have a perfect one but they do appear to have a thing about good legs, so I know what it's like to continually get comments about my legs. I do honestly admit it was something I never gave a second thought about in male mode but being seen in stockings and heels does get some attention .

Sorry I forgot to wish you happy birthday , you're now a year ahead of me but how old do you really feel , I know CDing knocks years off me !

[GeorgeA]

Happy Birthday Philli from another Miad, no mirl here. You are making all of us proud and envious that we can't do what you did.

[ThiHi]

Fabulous! Congrats on your self confidence. I no longer have a beard, and i shave as I prefer the feel and look, but that’s my decision. No, I don’t do makeup, but then again, neither does my wife. Wear leggings regularly, and all sorts of women’s clothes in my day to day life. Only skirts while away on just us vacations but haven’t crossed (tee hee) that line where we live.

So glad you’re enjoying yourself. Very inspirational.

[Jennifer_Ph]

I am a MIAS... man in a skirt... I find most people don't care. Sure my buddies give me some crap sometimes, but not hate, just fun. This is me at work.

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[Genni]

I love all of this. To borrow a phrase: "you be you!" Too many of us (especially me) are so self-conscious that we put far too much energy into what others are thinking of us rather than doing what makes us happy. Phili and Jennifer, you absolutely rock by living authentically.

[GeorgeA]

I love all of this. To borrow a phrase: "you be you!" Too many of us (especially me) are so self-conscious that we put far too much energy into what others are thinking of us rather than doing what makes us happy. Phili and Jennifer, you absolutely rock by living authentically.

I think you said so well on other comment is required.