When and/or how to talk to your therapist

[Wasp]

I’ve recently begun seeing a therapist for some help treating my anxiety and depression. When seeking out a therapist though, I made sure they were also LGBTQA friendly and have experience in gender disphoria. I’ve seen her a few weeks now and have yet to mention my disphoria but instead have focused on my other issues. My question is how do I begin to talk about my disphoria? What do I say? Should I even do it if I’m not even sure if it’s actually disphoria? I’m really scared of opening up a can of worms that I won’t be able to shut again.

[sometimes_miss]

A therapist won't be able to help you unless you tell them what your problems are, and what you're dealing with. Even though men tend to compartmentalize their lives, that doesn't mean that we can actually ONLY have one thing going on in our minds at any given time. There is a lot we think about subconsciously which we may not even be aware of.

Talk to your therapist. If there seems to be a problem, you can always stop seeing this one and go to another.

EDIT:
I have to add; by telling them everything, you open up the possibilities to breakthroughs when things all of a sudden all start to make sense when you put everything together. By holding back information, you may be sabotaging your own therapy. Not everything is obvious taken by itself. Sometimes it takes clusters of behaviors and/or thoughts that can fit together to form the reasons for why you feel the way you do. It happened that way with me; each individual thing might not have resulted in the desire to crossdress, the feeling that I was supposed to be a girl, why that feeling persisted, and why it was all tied into my need for affection; then, why it all disappeared when I was in stable, loving relationships, and how and why it all returned when I was not. Unless you're objective enough to be able to see your life as an uninvolved outsider does, letting a therapist know everything that you know and feel, can be the only way to learn everything about yourself. Without that, you might never be able to resolve the thoughts and desires that drive you do these behaviors, and know why you experience these desires and feelings resulting in various transgendered acts.

[docrobbysherry]

U don't need to tell her what your issues r called.
U need to tell her what your problems/symptoms r! She'll come up with terms, if u want them. What she's supposed to do is help u resolve your issues, rite? How can she do that if u don't explain them?

For example: Gender dysphoria is not your problem. Your problem is: not sleeping at nite, can't do your job, can't handle your finances, or satisfy your SO, etc., etc. That's what u tell her. She figures out why and offers solutions.:thumbsup:

[AllieSF]

I echo tell them everything, including your dressing activities. They need all the info, because many times we don't know what is causing our issues and need a qualified third party to actually see what they see. Tell them everything that you can think of, including what you are currently holding back. Let them sort through it all and then help you understand and guide you. Tell them that you have some additional information about yourself that they need to know, and then tell them. They will probably ask questions and maybe even why you held it back so far. Tell them the truth that you were afraid of whatever you actually are afraid of. Good luck.

[Pat]

My question is how do I begin to talk about my disphoria? What do I say?

Just say, "I have this other thing I want to talk about..." and go. She'll ask questions, you'll answer or think about it or whatever. You do the work in therapy, the therapist is just there to guide you.

[Wasp]

I appreciate all the support and I agree I should be able to just list off everything that I’m feeling. I guess my fear is that I’ll be making a permanent decision and come out to someone. There are very few people who know about my other side and a part of me wants to keep it that way. If I tell my therapist, then what?

[AllieSF]

One of the best people to comeout to is your therapist. Go for it and you will not regret it. Good luck.

[Leslie Mary S]

I guess my fear is that I’ll be making a permanent decision
The nice thing about coming out with a therapist is to find out where you stand before a permanent change is made, or even IF a permanent change is needed.
A simple statement it your Therapist might be; "Oh, and I like to wear women things!".
Let your therapist take it from there. Be ready for all sorts of question on the subject. The Therapist will be trying to 'range in' on the degree of your problems, and how they interact.

[Ruthi]

I just recently told my therapist that i cross dress, it was something that i had been holding back from telling her. I agree with everybody that if you don’t tell your therapist about yourself you are not going to get the full benefit from her Diagnosis of you. I to have chronic depression which is treated with medication and therapy but i had to tell someone that could help as i cannot treat myself, i can fix airplanes not people. My life did not collapse after revealing my crossdressing to her and she was the third person i have ever shared that with, my life has gotten that much easier or unburdened with sharing. I do not at this time care to shout it from the roof tops as i am not ready for the all the responses positive and negative that i would receive but sharing it with your therapist can be a safe place to do that. I hope this doesn’t sound to codependent.

[Wasp]

Yeah this makes sense. Thanks everyone!

[Teresa]

Wasp,
I don't understand why people have a reluctance to be honest with a therapist , you can't expect them to help you unless you give them all the facts, they have their code , they are professionals . GD has a huge influence on your mental state , it's at the core of what drives our CDing needs . Tell her straight about your Cding , you are paying her good money to help you so let her do her job especially as you've chosen one that has expertise in gender issues . It may not be GD but you are assuming that so let her talk it through with you and come up with some answers .

[Sami Brown]

The therapy sessions should be confidential, so you should have little to lose by mentioning your crossdressing. Good luck!

Sami

[sometimes_miss]

I don't understand why people have a reluctance to be honest with a therapist
My ex was a nurse, and when we started going to a therapist, my wife thought it unusual that I was so open when I told the therapist everything so early in our visits. Wifey saw it as something wrong with me, she felt that most people hold back, and only gradually tell the therapist everything. I suppose that it may be out of embarrassment, or maybe fear of being seen as damaged or something. But when I brought that up to the therapist, she agreed that many people are unable to just open up right away. After all, especially with crossdressing, it's a very taboo subject, considered by many to be very perverted. So I can understand why some might think that therapists have the same views about us as the rest of society does.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I’ve recently begun seeing a therapist for some help treating my anxiety and depression. When seeking out a therapist though, I made sure they were also LGBTQA friendly and have experience in gender disphoria. I’ve seen her a few weeks now and have yet to mention my disphoria but instead have focused on my other issues. My question is how do I begin to talk about my disphoria? What do I say? Should I even do it if I’m not even sure if it’s actually disphoria? I’m really scared of opening up a can of worms that I won’t be able to shut again.

I can relate. I was extremely nervous about telling mine about Leah.
The first one I told about, wasn’t very welcoming. She told me I could dress but wanted me to change in the bathroom outside of her practice and then walk into her office suite.
Then I met another one who I slowly told her about Leah, encouraged me to dress and was so amazing! She slowly started encouraging me and it was night and day to be Leah if I wanted to.
I highly encourage you and trust me, if they are LGBTQ friendly, you’ll be very well welcomed.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
Going to counsellors was something I thought I'd never admit to , once I realised I needed some help I was ready to give all the details , I knew there was no point in hiding anything, once I had crossed that line .

Your comment suggests that people aren't motivated enough to justify therapy , to me you either need help or you don't otherwise why waste your time and money and the therapist's time ?

I didn't go because I was in doubt if I needed help or not , I knew I did so I put complete trust and honesty into the sessions .

[Sandy Storm]

Lots of great advice especially sometimes Miss...don't give yourself tags rather just talk about everything, and coming out to your therapist is one of the most important things you can do while in Theriot where he/she will be helping you steer your life but if she doesn't know your secret life than you will never reach your goals completely

[Sidney]

My therapist was amazed at how open and honest I was with her, my wife tells the therapist what she feel she needs to know. what is the purpose if therapy if your not going to be open and honest.

[Jaymees22]

I went to my therapist dressed, I thought if not how was she going to know how I wanted to present myself. Anything you tell your therapist is confidential so why not spill the beans about yourself so you can work on your issues from all angles. Hugs Jaymee

[Wasp]

You all are sooo supportive!! Thank you, idk if I’ll have the courage to open up during my next session, or the one after that, but I believe I’ll get there eventually. I agree that I shouldn’t keep it away from her- it doesn’t make sense to do so you’re all right. I think it’s a trust thing. I’ve only just started seeing a therapist, and just like coming out to anyone, a level of trust needs to be established.

Thanks for all your support though!! ❤️

[Fiona123]

I told my therapist right at the start that l dress. She was very accepting and supportive. I have gone to several sessions dressed. I encourage you to be open with your therapist.

[Wasp]

I told my therapist right at the start that l dress. She was very accepting and supportive. I have gone to several sessions dressed. I encourage you to be open with your therapist.
Can I ask what their follow up to your reveal was like? Like what did they say or ask? Did it lead to anything? Feel free to not answer if too personal. I’m just curious what the benefit, if any, might be like.

[docrobbysherry]

My therapist asked if my closet crossdressing was causing problems for me? I said, "No". Except for my now ex's issues. She said, "Then, let's move on to issues that r!"

Expect him/her to ask u that same question.:straightface:

[Nikkilovesdresses]

The entire human head is a can of worms. Your therapist won't bat an eyelid.

The value a therapist has is in direct proportion to the level of honesty you can bring to the session. The things you don't say are probably the most significant.

Stop wasting your time and the therapist's and get to the point.

[Julia1984]

I have been wondering about this, too, recently.

I have been seeing my therapist on and off for two or three years for moderate to unpleasant depression and anxiety issues. In that time I have never mentioned the CDing or Julia's existence. Now that the other problems seem to be in remission again, the desire to express as J ulia seems to have returned with redoubled intensity. I doubt thats a coincidence. I'm sure my therapist would be happy to discuss it (I mean, thats what I pay her for....) but i imagine the first line of inquiry would be why I had not raised this before. I need to give that some thought!

Let us know two it goes.
Hugs

Julia

[Sarasometimes]

I have been going to therapy for a multitude of life's challenges but mainly to work CDing into my current life so it was an early topic but over time i have confided in my present therapist very private and intimate subjects and I have never felt bad after doing so. Any good one will not pass any judgement unless it is hurtful to you or others in a clear way. If you are dealing with depression, the causes could be a multitude of things so the more she know about you the more she can help.
I can also appreciate your apprehension since you are new to her. Trust is critical to good therapy and that building of trust can take time. If you are "clicking" the sooner you reveal more the quicker you can see benefits. I also think that after you reveal this, ask her about coming to therapy dressed. If she stammers over this suggestion, she may not be a well versed in gender as she my infer (if she regularly sees TQ spectrum clients, someone coming dressed should be pretty common.
If I asked the "come dressed" question to the first 5 or 6 alleged,gender capable practitioners I would have found out they weren't, a whole lot sooner. Luckily that was long ago now.

[NicoleScott]

The OP asked how to open discussion with the therapist about dysphoria but never mentioned crossdressing. Most of responses mentioned crossdressing but only one (DocRS) mentioned dysphoria. Yes, there's a connection but they're not the same.

[Fiona123]

The first two times that I went to my therapist I presented as male wearing a dress shirt and tie. We discussed the fact that I crossdress, my gender dysphoria, and depression. My therapist subtly encouraged me to present as female. The next appointment I wore jeans a black T-shirt a bra with padding in the silk scarf. The following three appointments I wore a skirt pantyhose panties a bra and a matching top. Each time the therapist congratulated me and complimented me on my presentation. The last time I also wore lipstick.

Most of our discussions Center on my spouse's lack of acceptance. My spouse's issues with my crossdressing and the thought that I might be trans gender or causing a great rift in our 35 year marriage. Last week we had a joint counseling session with a different therapist in the same office. At that joint session my wife really unloaded I mean. Suffice it to say I am pretty down right now.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

I struggled to accept my CDing and bisexuality bc of trauma and by the time I did, I had been married for 10 years.
So my session is about working on things I need to improve as a person so that Incan be the husband and dad I need to be and that it can strengthen my marriage so that one day I can come out to her.
I’m welcome to dress or not, it’s my choice. My therapist says that she likes to see both and that it helps her understand me and help me.

[fullofwish]

I came out to my therapist and it was one of the best things I've ever done, it was what kickstarted me into telling my wife, my friends, and more importantly, to accepting myself.

At that time it was a total secret. I told her that I felt like I had a choice: to just try to shove my urges to the back of my mind and never dress up again, or to confront it head-on and actually engage with it, which felt like the scarier option. She asked me, "how would it make you feel to think that you would never wear women's clothes ever again?" I thought for a minute and I said the plain and simple truth: "it would make me feel sad." That was the catalyst, and I'm so grateful.

Therapy is a safe space, there are few better places to come out and talk through your feelings IMO. I've since been to her her as my girl self, as Amy, and she's always been totally accepting and warm and non-judgmental. It's great :)

[ChubbyLeahCD]

If a therapist has an issue with you dressing, find another one that is LGBT friendly.
The only issue I found is that I need to change in the bathroom and walk across the office which at lunch time is cool.
My previous therapist would leave her office for me to change. I had one that was ok with me dressing but wanted me changing beforehand and come in dressed. I was not comfortable so I didn’t do it.

[Mickitv]

I believe if you are going to spend the time and the money for a therapist to help you it is imperative for you to be open and honest. If they are a therapist that has been around you are not going to shock them and I bet you will begin to feel better about yourself. Good Luck

[CONSUELO]

This is your chance to open up. Don't hold back. Believe me, if you do you will regret not taking advantage of the opportunity.
I have been through therapy and I did open up a lot but I did hold some things back and I regret it. Get it all out on the table. This is not a test of your therapist's detection and diagnostic abilities.

[Shayla]

Wasp, I told our couples therapist in an early solo session. She didn't bat an eye, only saying "you would be surprised how many men cross dress." I was so nervous spitting it out as she was only the second person who knew, after my wife (we are DADT at my wife's request). Now I mention it freely and am amazed myself how easy it is to talk about it in therapy, pretty much the only time my wife and I talk about it at all. Since our therapist is LGBT friendly she is very supportive of me 'figuring it all out'. Hard for my wife to argue with that when the professional we are paying is saying dressing should not be an issue for us.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm all for telling the therapist everything that's going on. Your reluctance to share your gender issues may be mirroring something else in your life that your therapist will be able to connect for you. There is a possibility the effort you make in going to those sessions are being sabotaged since you aren't serious about getting everything sorted out. As someone earlier said, the human mind is a "can of worms" and without pulling them out, you'll never find the one or two or several that are critical to solving your anxiety.

I liken it to going to the auto mechanic and saying the fluid is always low in the window washer, when the problem you experience only happens when you are on the freeway at 65 mph. They won't be able to address the issue if you don't cooperate.

As for trusting them, therapists are medical practitioners and confidentiality is not just expected, but required if they are to retain licenses to practice.