Experienced Being the Minority Gender

[Sarasometimes]

Yesterday's in exercise class the following happened when the teacher first came into the studio (she knew I was there), she turned her back to the class to put on her headphones and announced, "Okay ladies ready to sweat. You are not going to like me today." At that moment I think I experienced how women might feel when they so often here things like "Lets get started guys." I felt a bit left out and oddly almost hurt or disrespected, but at the same time included as one of the ladies. I'm pretty sure that had she been looking my way, she would have chose other terms, what I experienced may have been still different then what GG's so often hear.
Just some thoughts.

[Pat]

Depending on your sense of gender, I expect you'll encounter this feeling many times. If you don't feel you're one of the ladies but also don't feel you're one of the gentlemen, then welcome to my world. ;) But you have to cut the rest of the world some slack -- except in very specialized circumstances, at the moment you're going to have to accept being in column A or column B. It's all our particular culture knows how to deal with. It's like the standardized exams where they say "if both answers seem wrong, pick the one that seems most correct."

[Sometimes Steffi]

I was in yoga class, and the instructor was having us do a back stretch. The idea was to place a yoga prop block (a styrofoam block a little bigger than a brick) under our back and lie our back down on it, putting the back of our head on the mat. She looked over at me, and said, "I'm sorry, but the only way I know how to describe where to put the block is by telling you it goes where the bra strap is."

This was really a big laugh for me. If only she knew that I knew exactly where the bra strap is on me.

[Rogina B]

Most likely you are the first Transperson to take her class.I am sure she meant no harm. You are fitting in what was a traditional woman's space and that is a great thing !

[chelyann]

if your are going to play with the girls don't complain if you get called one

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes my wife will make a comment in fun about being included in "the guys." Funny thing, many times I will address a small group of females with the term "guys." I think the cue here is the voice inflection that may accompany the phrase. Many people just get into a certain mindset based upon prior experience.

[Dana44]

She was including you as a ladies so why would you feel hurt or disrespected you are a lady.

[Sabrina.K]

I've had this quite a few times. But in regular guy mode.

I've worked in various kitchen jobs where I'm the only male there. Often other workers would walk in and say "Morning, girls" or "Hello, ladies", knowing that I was stood there.

They thought they were being funny, but little did they know how much I liked it :D

[Jean 103]

I would like to know how well you are known here? How you were dressed, represent , is this the normal way you do here? Was this a ladies class?

I get treated as a female at the tanning salon no matter how I'm dressed. I appreciate that they are doing this as, This is how I am. It happens at other places too.

I say good for her to include you as one of the girls, and not make a big deal about that you are different.

Isn't this what everyone wants? To be accepted and treated the same as everyone else?

I am assuming some of this because you are here.

[Teresa]

Sara,
I really don't see the problem, she treated you as she would any member of the class , I would have been delighted not to be left out of being included with with all the other ladies . What were you expecting a one to one class just for you ?

[Sarasometimes]

I think the point of my post has been misinterpreted as a rant or gripe. It is just observational and I do state that I felt both included and left out. I agree that I'm in a female environment and I am not complaining just relating what happened and how it enlightened me to how GG's may feel when they get the GUYS reference.
I didn't have a problem with what was said either.
Oh and I'm not a lady, I just wear some of their same clothes, but trust me other than that, nothing said female, if for nothing more than a bald head!
Steffi, great story and I bet some noticed that you but it just in the right place too. I think I'm getting a good feel for what your yoga classes are like for you.

[ellbee]

I recall reading somewhere a while back that many GG's really don't mind being referred to as that, when it comes to something like, "Hey guys, here's the game-plan for today..." or whatever. They know it's just an innocent & casual thing that's fairly prevalent in everyday speech. Heck, even GG's do it, themselves.
Of course, note I said "many." I'm sure there are some who would strongly object to that word, either privately or publicly. :brolleyes:



Anyway, my initial feeling was that the instructor referring to your group as "ladies," was probably simply a force of habit. Nothing more, nothing less. Just one of those things. I mean, it's probably not very often that they have a guy in their classes -- especially one wearing women's work-out attire. ;)


But I started thinking more about this...

Hey, maybe their initial impression is that you're gay? :strugglin

What is one of the very first questions wives have when they learn that their husbands are CD'ers? That's right: Sexuality.

It's been my experience, anyway, that many feminine gay males really don't mind being referred to as "ladies" or "girls" -- and oftentimes GG's will accept, view & treat them as fellow sisters.


The other half of the first questions that wives have...? "Do you want to become a woman?"

Maybe your instructor might have the initial impression, upon viewing your outfits (along with the very fact that you're in the class, in the first place), is that perhaps you may be early on in your "transition"?

And perhaps not wanting to offend you or anything, by using a phrase like, "ladies & gentleman." So, she just took the "safe" route, not wanting cause some kind of fuss, especially with a paying-customer in this day & age. (Or maybe she just didn't want to single you out in that way, potentially causing some kind of embarrassment to you?)



Finally, I thought of another possibility...

Maybe this is a bit of a "test" of hers.

First & foremost, this is a class geared towards GG's. No two ways about it. And IMO, there's nothing necessarily wrong, per se, with wanting to have some sort of "exclusivity" of its members, if they can help it. Men usually have their own thing, women usually have theirs, blah blah blah, etc. No Boys Allowed? :heehee:

But think of it this way... They probably don't want a guy there for the "wrong" reason, you know? You know yourself -- but *they* don't really know you yet. For all they know, maybe you're some kind of perv who wants to get his jollies by being in close contact with a bunch of GG's in tight skimpy outfits who are in perhaps compromising positions? And this is your way of going about it? Again, *they* don't know... So I wouldn't necessarily take offense in that.

Just as they had a strongly-recommended "requirement" of all its members wearing leggings, perhaps to help "weed out" any men of the above persuasion, maybe this "ladies" comment was another test. I mean, what "normal" hetero guy likes being referred to as a lady? Not many that I've run across, in any event.


Anyway, as I mentioned when you first started this barre-class adventure of yours, keep in mind that this is *their* turf, which I personally see nothing wrong with. You're a newcomer, you're an unknown outsider... You know, to their already-established home-base, so to speak. And they don't want you "messing up" their way of doing things & their vibe, which they worked so hard to cultivate. They also don't want any of their other paying-customers (GG's) to feel uncomfortable or unsafe or whatever, which could cause some of them to drop out (loss of revenue/profit).

And no, I'm not trying to "scare" you or anything, LOL. You have every right to be there. Keep doing what you're doing. But perhaps try to keep the above in the back of your mind, to be on your best behavior, your best presentation, your best hygiene, etc. And try to keep the "masculinity" & testosterone out of it, as best you can. :)


Oh, and one more thing: I wouldn't be surprised if any of the instructors continue to privately chat with you after class at any time. Reason being: They want to know more about you! Because, let's face it... You're probably a bit of an "oddity," in their eyes. A guy? Yep. Taking a GG-centric fitness class? Yep. While wearing women's work-out attire? Yep.

And they probably want to know more, to get to know you & about you better. This is how GG's *can* be, just their nature. Nothing wrong with that.

I also wouldn't be surprised if sometime an instructor mentions to you after class, something like, "Oh, hey... Someone pointed out the other day that I referred to all of you as "ladies." I hope you don't mind? So sorry about that. Just a force of habit." Blah blah blah. On some levels, this is her way of "fishing" for further info, inviting you to share more about your self. ;)

Be friendly, be open, be honest. :thumbsup:

[Kayliedaskope]

Good post, Laura. I really can't imagine the instructor starting off class with, "Well, ladies .... and DUDE ... time to get sweaty."

[Sometimes Steffi]

When I first started doing yoga (about 10 years ago) I was very often the only guy in class. One time the instructor started the class with, "OK ladies." I piped up, "And man." I got a laugh all around.

[Krisi]

I don't think the teacher meant anything by that phrase and I don't think you should make a big deal of it. People often say something about "guys" to a mixed group. We shouldn't get so PC that one would have to use the term "people" to address a mixed group.

[Christie ann]

I do enjoy that being included feeling of being one of the ladies. There have been a few instances where I was the only male in the group and they decided I could become an honorary girl. Worked for me!

[Sarasometimes]

To reiterate, I was not offended and i did not have an issue or complaint about her using ladies, just an observation and i shared the feeling I had both liking being includedd but also getting a feel for how some may not like being specified.

Laurababe,
I'm with you up to the winking emoji and then your ideas were off base from my view. you are thinking way to hard about it.
Update
At today's class, I got several hellos, a pleasant chat with a classmate about her snowflake leggings. No gender reference in the class greeting. After class, the instructor in training, who did part of the class, checked with me about any questions and also gave me some complements and encouragement and she offered to be my "Barre Buddy", taking the space next to me, for tomorrow's class since he instructor is one I haven't gone to yet. It will make it easier, knowing I have someone right near me to follow.

[ellbee]

Oh, I'm not saying that any of my subsequently mentioned things are definitely correct -- just that there's a possibility that it *could* be something other than the initial obvious one. Personally, I do think they're valid & should be considered, as they're based on real-world responses experienced by quite a few here & elsewhere.


Whether it was "intentional" on her part, or not, who knows. Perhaps subconsciously? :strugglin The fact is, she did use that word to refer to your group.

Heck, also always possible that she figures you're just a regular heterosexual dude who happens to have a bit of a "girly side," considering the class & your outfits... And to help make you feel that much more welcomed in a special & unique way, decided to say that. So, in that case, it's definitely a *good* intention on her part. :)


Oh, and snowflake leggings are the bomb! :GD: