Santa Daddy

[Wasp]

My roommate recently introduced me to her boss’ colleague/client. He’s a sweet older gentleman and we’ve been texting back and forth now for a while. He’s only ever seen “Wasp” through pictures and snapchats, but I don’t think he’s aware of my secret yet... Anyway he recently asked me for an Amazon wishlist full of things that I wanted for Christmas. This mainly started off as a joke, since my roommate knew that her boss and his friends all enjoy the companionship of younger women *cough* sugar babies *cough*. But now I’m wondering if I send him a list and he sends me things, do you think he’ll expect anything in return? Should I wait until after he sends things to telll him the truth? Or should I not have to tell him? I do identify as a woman after all and if he reads me that way, that’s a good thing right?

[Tracii G]

You are 20 so I would say no because you don't have the experience.
You don't get something for nothing EVER in life and the sooner you learn that the better.
Do YOU personally know this man? No
Is your roommate a long time friend you actually would trust with your life? My guess is no.
So think about it is this a wise thing to do? No it is not.
You are free to do as you wish but do you want to be a trans statistic? There are more of them everyday and many are young inexperienced people just like you.
Think long and hard about using someone.

[Lana Mae]

Sorry but I tend to agree with Tracii on this one! If you get something then he will want something in return! No free lunches out there! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracii G]

Look at it this way do you like being used by someone?
If you have never been used then I can see how this situation sounds like all good fun but the person that can receive the most harm is you.
He doesn't give two shits about you and only what he wants.
Why would he agree to this if he wasn't receiving benefits from it? Keep in mind wealthy older men just don't toss money around they wouldn't be wealthy if they did things like that............common sense right?
Plus you should wonder if the person you are snapchatting with is real and not actual law enforcement baiting you in a sting operation.
Use your head for something other than a place to put a hat.

[Isabella Ross]

Gotta agree with the two previous posts. Why don't you ask him if you can buy him something for xmas?

[Jodie_Lynn]

TANSTAAFL!

That means: "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"

As others have stated, think before you leap.

Also, just because you identify as female, how do you think he would react to finding your dangly bits if you should ever meet in the flesh? Do you really believe that it would end happily? If he is 'reading you as female', it is because YOU have presented as such while concealing the truth.

You want "free" swag, you ( or your friend who has a business relationship with Daddy Warbucks) will certainly pay for it.

[Wasp]

I think you’re all right. But idk, he’s kinda cute and I like this acceptance. I like being put on a pedestal but I think you’re all correct. I shouldn’t keep him in the dark. I’ll tell him the truth. I mean who knows, maybe he’ll be accepting. :/

[RADER]

I would be very careful, Once he knows your secret, things might change.
In short, I would run away or at least keep him at a distance.
Rader

[Tracii G]

If you tell him the truth be sure to have an exit plan so you stay safe.

[Joni T]

Sorry but this situation doesn't pass the "smell test".
Jon

[Micki_Finn]

I think you’re all right. But idk, he’s kinda cute and I like this acceptance. I like being put on a pedestal but I think you’re all correct. I shouldn’t keep him in the dark. I’ll tell him the truth. I mean who knows, maybe he’ll be accepting. :/

Honey, if he doesn’t know, it’s not acceptance.

[Jaylyn]

I'd tread lightly on this one. Don't bite off more than you can handle. You play with the wrong crowd somebody's gotten get hurt. In other words tell him before it goes too far. No one likes being fooled especially in romance, dating and love. You do do what you think is best. You might be a Wasp but you might be the one getting the sting.

[lingerieLiz]

So your roommate introduced you. What has your roommate told him about you. That is the first question to resolve. If he knows the truth then you can address the rest.

[Wasp]

So your roommate introduced you. What has your roommate told him about you. That is the first question to resolve. If he knows the truth then you can address the rest.

My roommate would never out me like that.

But, it's been 2 days now since I texted him and let him know. He hasn't responded yet- idk if that's because he's upset or because he's been busy but I'll let everyone know. My roommate and I did do some late-night, wine-fueled fb stalking and found that he was pretty liberal. He also looks to be an LGBTQA ally but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Last we spoke, he wanted to take me out to dinner sometime this week. Hopefully that offer still stands. In my text I told him that before we take it any further, I wanted him to know my secret.

I guess we'll just wait and see. :/

[BrendaPDX]

Good luck, I think you have chosen wisely. Besides if you aren't truthful you better have a really good memory. Take care, Brenda

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Try asking for a Ferrari.

Hey - what have you got to lose?

[DaisyLawrence]

Forget gender issues, you do realise that a 'sugar daddy' is someone who uses his wealth so he can have exclusive use of a very young prostitute don't you?

[Tracii G]

You are willing to be used for payment? That is being a prostitute.
Makes you a gold digger too and not many people like a gold digger.
Once you get known to be a gold digger or prostitute it carries a stigma for your whole life.

[Kayliedaskope]

I've had a few short relationships start where the other party wanted me to buy nice gifts and pretty things for them. When I mentioned that I sounded like I was buying their friendship, things got a little heated.

Tread lightly, sister. Like Tracii said, once you get a gold digger or prostitute tag hung on you, it's eighteen and life to go ....

[Tracii G]

At 20 years old all of this is new and sounds cool to be a part of and you think what could possibly go wrong right?
Some listen some don't so all I can give is a warning.
When money is involved for services rendered lots can go wrong.
Sometimes you can get involved with certain groups of people and you can't get out or get away from them.
I know that from experience.

[Wasp]

So, he finally texted back and was pretty honest. He said he was surprised, but that he was willing to keep an open mind. He says he finds me attractive and even considered me “one of the most beautiful women” he’s ever seen. We agreed to meet Friday night for drinks so we’ll see how that goes!

And don’t worry, we agreed on a pretty public and lgbtqa place. Its actually where my roommate’s friend bar tends. They’ll both be keeping an eye on me from a distance just in case

[Tracii G]

Nice that you have friends keeping an eye out for you.
What is the Q and A for in LGBT?
I know they supposedly added 7 or 8 more letters LOLOL

[Beverley Sims]

No! and No!.

Sugar is bad for your teeth and should be used sparingly.

Sugar Daddies are okay as long as you come across.

If you identify as a female find someone personally, strike up a relationship and enjoy what you both desire.

[Wasp]

Nice that you have friends keeping an eye out for you.
What is the Q and A for in LGBT?
I know they supposedly added 7 or 8 more letters LOLOL

Queer/Questioning and Asexual/Ally!

[Kayliedaskope]

What is the Q and A for in LGBT?
I know they supposedly added 7 or 8 more letters LOLOL

There are so many extra letters that it's beginning to look like a bowl of alphabet soup. Soon we're going to have to start referring to people as 'human' and start using checkboxes for attributes.

[Allisa]

Interesting little soap opera going on here. Do they still make "Sugar Daddy" candies? or am I that old?

[Tracii G]

No need to add more letters IMO
I guess everybody has to feel needed LOLOL
Questioning hell fire we all question lots of things why add that Q?
I'm gay so that makes me queer so I have two letters now I feel special.
Why include asexual for that very tiny segment plus there are so many tiny subsets we will be here all day spouting off letters.
Adding more letters is just silly and when people see it they will think we are a bunch of crazy people yearning for attention.
LGBT covers most everybody so leave it at that.

[Jodie_Lynn]

We could add an "O" for "Other" and an "E" for "Everyone"

Or we could chuck the whole dam thing and call ourselves "People"

[Wasp]

LGBT covers most everybody so leave it at that.

“Most” isn’t good enough. No one is forcing you to do anything, but sometimes it’s good to remember to make everyone feel welcomed. Especially when you’re like us, and the rest of the world might not be as welcoming. We’re not seeking attention, just inclusion.

[Kayliedaskope]

Interesting little soap opera going on here. Do they still make "Sugar Daddy" candies? or am I that old?

Yup, they do. Not as prevalent as they used to be, but you can still find them.

[Tracii G]

Wasp LGBT has always helped people like us for years no matter what your letter is.
But many are seeking attention and demanding to be included when you have been included all along you just didn't know it.
I have been part of the LGBT for many years and they have always been inclusive.

[Wasp]

I think we’ll have to agree to disagree Tracii.

Regardless, for anyone looking for an update on the original post, aka my soap opera of a life, here it is. I avoided posted it for a while because I was embarrassed but figure it was for the better to document my experience. We met up for drinks and talked for a while. It was pretty awkward for the most part but at least I didn’t feel like I was ever in any sort of danger. He asked me a lot of questions related to my gender and sexuality and he was pretty rude and offensive but they definitely stemmed from his naivety.. but I digress. We ended up agreeing not to continue seeing each other. He made it pretty clear that he wanted a sexual relationship and after I told him I wasn’t ready for that he was relinctant but ultimately respected my wishes. On the plus, he was open to my identity and was willing to try, it was me in the end that decided not to pursue anything. We did however kiss and he said to text him if I ever changed my mind. I don’t think I will, but I am greatful for the experience. It left me confused really. I was confronted with this weird feeling of having to commit to this role that I didn’t realize I didn’t necessarily want for myself until now.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I'm glad it worked out well for you Wasp, and that you were able to educate your friend.

And I am glad that you came to a realization that this is more than just playing 'dress up' and can have repercussions not only for yourself, but those around you.

Please do not be offended by my wording, I am not implying that your need to express your nature is not genuine. I am merely pointing out that we sometimes forget that our desires can have an impact on others.

Enjoy your journey and take the time to re-evaluate and absorb what you have learned.

[IleneD]

.... Once he knows your secret, things might change.

Yes, change. He may want to see more of you.

[Wasp]

I'm glad it worked out well for you Wasp, and that you were able to educate your friend.

And I am glad that you came to a realization that this is more than just playing 'dress up' and can have repercussions not only for yourself, but those around you.

Please do not be offended by my wording, I am not implying that your need to express your nature is not genuine. I am merely pointing out that we sometimes forget that our desires can have an impact on others.

Enjoy your journey and take the time to re-evaluate and absorb what you have learned.

Thanks Jodie. No offense taken. This makes complete sense, regardless of my *unique desires*. I think if anything this whole situation has made me really think about who I am, who I want to be and who people see me as. I think I'm going to take this time to reflect (and I think it might be time to tell my therapist about my alter ego). I clearly need to work some things out.

[Rogina B]

I clearly need to work some things out. It isn't quick nor is it easy..from experience...

[lingerieLiz]

Some times what we want at first isn't really what we really wanted. I thought I wanted to live as a girl. When I had someone who cared for me I didn't want him as a boyfriend, but as a friend. It was fun playing being a girl. His family liked me. Went shopping and to lunch with his mother. The problem was I was interested in girls and not guys. He only liked guys and in reality I was cover for him. We parted friends, but soon dropped contact.

[Tracii G]

We all learn things about ourselves when we embark on this journey don't we?
You may think you want something but when it becomes close enough to achieve we think again do I really want this?
We are all learning everyday and it will never end. LOL