More Depressed When In ‘Guy Mode’

[MusicMeister]

Lately since starting to go out in my more feminine outfits I’ve noticed that when I revert back to wearing male clothes I’m overall more stressed and likely to be feel depressed all day. Likewise when looking back through photos on my phone my ‘girl’ photos make me happy to see and my ‘guy’ photos almost seem like looking at another person entirely. I’m sure many of You have gone through similar things, just looking to Share after a rough day.

[jack-ie]

MM, if you look through old threads here you'll find many references to how relaxed and natural we feel when in fem. For many of us, we're locked into a, often work related, male facade that we wear several hours a day and to shed it for our fem side is not just relaxing but exhilarating. Yes, it is sometimes depressing, stressful for us to then revert to the male mode. You are not alone. :-)

[Teresa]

MusicMeister,
So many things going on here,OK we do feel more relaxed when dressed if we are allowed the free time without the stress of being caught out . It also may be something deeper and you have GD to some degree, if the situation gets worse and eventually you cease to function in male mode then you may have to seek professional help . I've been there possibly like many other here , I found I had an inner conflict which I had to come to terms with, my female side is trying to get the upper hand . It's not being weak to give into it but accepting it's part of you , it always was and always will be. The clothes are the outer sign to the World of how you feel and what your needs are inside , that will never go away so changing back to male mode becomes a depressing state and possibly one you wish to escape from .

[Kendalli]

I totally get what you feel. I don't get it as bad as you though. When having to change into my drab clothes after spending any time en femme, I get depressed feelings. And it will last for a little while. The male clothes aren't comfortable and rough on my skin so I am constantly aware of them. Usually these feelings go away for me once I start interacting with my co-workers or friends or I get busy and distracted doing something. It doesn't take away the want to change back into women's clothes again, but it helps with my depression quite a bit in the interim.

[Rogina B]

I’m sure many of You have gone through similar things, just looking to Share after a rough day.

Work toward a better future..Redesign your life..This feeling is not going away,so take steps that may help. Surround yourself with new friends that "get it" and let your gender expression be the new "norm" for you,rather than the other way around.

[Pat]

MM -- Totally understand. It was that way for me too. After a while I decided it was trying to teach me something and I was resisting. Once I accepted the lesson, things got better for me. ;) I hope you day gets better.

[Tracii G]

Rogina and Pat make good points so listen to them because they "get it".
When I let my femme side take over it all became clear who I was and what I wanted my life to be.
I made changes in my way of life and have no regrets.

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't know if I'm depressed when I'm in guy mode, but it's not the same fully engaged feeling I get when I'm presenting female. The test for me becomes those times when I can go several days in a row presenting full-time female. If at the end of that I'm not fully engaged and experiencing life as a treat and adventure, maybe I need to find out what's wrong with me in general. I'd like to find that same level of enjoyment and self-awareness regardless of what I'm wearing, but it does seem to be easier when it's a cute skirt and top rather than jeans and a flannel shirt.

[MusicMeister]

Well today the only thing ‘guy’ I’m wearing is my shoes and I feel like I have 100% more positive energy now. I feel more motivated to do things and my outlook is better. For a little background, I have actually been deeply depressed for about a year and a half, and the last month or so since I started ‘dressing’ is when it finally felt like the clouds have parted a little.

[Tracii G]

Depressed over what exactly?
Being a guy? Living? No job? Can't pay the bills?
A result or side effect from ADHD medication maybe?
I would really like to know what causes it.
I have been thru some horrible stuff in my life and had times where I didn't think I was going to be alive in the next 5 min but yet I was never depressed.
Didn't feel depressed afterwards but thankful to be alive and in one piece.
Life can be hard I know but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Don't worry about the things you have no control over just work on the the things you can control.

[Fiona123]

Your experience is very relatable. When I go to my therapist dressed she always comments and how much happier I am. It may be that you feel better when dressed because that is when you are your authentic self.

[Pat]

Depressed over what exactly?

I know that seems like a reasonable question but that's a really frustrating question for a depressed person. To a person in depression, nothing causes it -- it just is. Even people who have recovered from depression often don't know what changed, though sometimes they'll pick something just to have an answer for the people who demand one.

[MusicMeister]

I know that seems like a reasonable question but that's a really frustrating question for a depressed person. To a person in depression, nothing causes it -- it just is. Even people who have recovered from depression often don't know what changed, though sometimes they'll pick something just to have an answer for the people who demand one.

Very spot on Pat. Plus I’m not super comfortable talking about some things on a public forum like this, I’ve tried seeking therapy but I have no insurance nor a regular physician who could refer me (which was required of the psychiatrists near me). For better or worse (usually seems for the worse) I’m self employed and I manage to get by ok but there’s no way I can afford even basic health insurance. I live in Texas and apparently they never expanded Medicaid so I could get affordable healthcare here.

[halljennifer]

MusicMeister, I have been able to find a therapist to speak with at my local pride centre. It was a a free drop in session with a psychology student working on her doctorate. Whether or not she had any experience in issues we face, it was fantastic to speak with someone who did not judge. You may want to look up LGBT support in your area. It was the best decision I made thus far! I also joined up with a local group of ladies, (on advice from the LGBT support group) and that is helping soothe some of the dysfunctionality I am feeling.

You are not alone girl!

[Tracii G]

Jennifer is right join a trans group and get to know some others like you.
I did and that was one of the best things I have ever done in my journey.
I have been part of the LGBT community for over 10 years now and they have helped me figure out a lot of things about myself.
Oh and it was free of charge too which is good.
Made lots of new friends too.
How confusing that depression just happens and there is no reason for it as you say.
I find that hard to understand there has to be a reason.
Things don't just happen there is always a cause.

[Beverley Sims]

I agree, join a group and share your experiences with others.

There is great camaraderie out there.

[Teresa]

MusicMeister,
I understand your comment on baring all to an open forum, it is that one that gets most viewing by members and non members. Some of them are lurking to find the best forum, so seeing a member being honest with their questions may encourage them to join, I can't speak for any others but I haven't had any problems with being open and honest in this section. To take up Pat's point about depression , there usually isn't a single moment unless it's a traumatic event I found it built up gradually but the main problem eventually appeared to be my need to CD and why . Being self employed can be very stressful, salaried people don't always grasp what it means , no matter how you feel mentally or physically , or what is going on your domestic situation you have to get out there and earn the bread. I was a self employed photographer for thirty years , in all that time I only let one wedding couple down , my left arm developed a weakness that took six weeks to improve sufficiently to be able to continue . To me stress is like blowing fuses in the brain , some eventually get repaired and some never do , the next stressful time is harder to deal with because the brain hasn't fully recovered , if this continues serious depression can be the result and possibly thoughts of ending your life.

Depression should not be ignored , it is a warning signal that something in your life needs dealing with , If it's CDing then the obvious answer is to find help , this forum is a good starting point, many of us have been where you are now , we can pass on helpful information , maybe enough to help you realise you may need professional help. A social group could help with your CDing needs but maybe not with your depression .

Medication may help you through it, the problem I found with Prozac was I became comfortable with my CDing which my wife wasn't happy with because of our DADT situation . OK the final outcome is I couldn't continue with this situation with my wife so we have agreed to separate , we both know it's the best conclusion for the happiness of both of us .

[Sidney]

My therapist made a suggestion after I told her I felt down when going from feme to male. She said find something to wear under drab to remind you who you are. I usually wear panties, camasole and a waist shaper under my male cloths and that keeps me in touch with my feme side. Hope that helps. It did for me.

[Rhonda Jean]

My therapist pointed out that my girl side has all the fun and none of the responsibility or obligations. Besides all the "this is who I really am", the fact is my girl side has quite the life, and dumps all the tedium and stress off to my boy side.

[nikkiwindsor]

All so true...content and happy expressing my femininity...melancholy is the word my wife describes my mood when in boy mode

[Emily Myers]

Girl, I can relate to everything your saying! I went through a very depressed state for about 2 months, and it only recently has been getting better. For a while my anxiety kept me from dressing as Emily, which I feel in turn made my depression worse. My anxiety has always been something that has clouded over me, whether big or small, especially out in public as Adam. I feel a sense of dread and burden in male associated clothes, yet a sense of power, confidence, and as though I am one with myself in female associated clothes. Undressing is always depressing for me. Luckily, I've been looking for a therapist, and I'm moving out of my parents soon, and I can't wait to enjoy more of my 20's as Emily!

-Emily ✌️����

[MusicMeister]

My therapist pointed out that my girl side has all the fun and none of the responsibility or obligations. Besides all the "this is who I really am", the fact is my girl side has quite the life, and dumps all the tedium and stress off to my boy side.

I live with stress either way, but honestly, when I’m dressed more femme I tend to get more positive things accomplished in my life. It’s like an instant motivational tool.

[Rowan Ailbhe]

Definitely depressed more in guy mode. Been coping with it for years....usually on my own. Horses help. I have learned over the years how to control it somewhat and to recognize it for what it really is.....then roll with the punch.
I can ussually slide through bout of depression in a few hours now.

Yeah....the question, "What are you depressed over?" is invariably unhelpful. Better solutions are, simple understanding, perhaps some space depending on the person. Asking, is there anything I can help you with is sometimes ok. Often, I just want to be left alone to get through it with whatever I do to distract my mind.

These days once I sprout boobs I tend to not depress so easily....Rowan is pretty happy, even in coping with mundane problems.

[DMichele]

MM,
There has been many good responses to your OP that indicate that you are not alone in this experience; and the sharing includes good insight and advice.

I too experienced depression about 10 years ago. I can relate to Pat's response regarding the unknown cause of it. I was able to work through it taking one day at a time approach; and luckily I was able to overcome. I gave myself permission to be different and to explore my identity, and to express my true gender. I am happier today. I have room to improve my presentation though, but I realize I am a work-in-progress as a transgender near-female.

I wish you well!

[Vickie_CDTV]

People who don't suffer from depression usually say don't understand depression. I don't mean that in a mean way, as someone with perfect vision I don't understand what it is like to be colorblind, but I believe it when people say they are, I have never experienced it for myself so it is hard to relate.

I have suffered from depression my whole life. I have never been happy, sans a few memories here and there over the years. Like my ex-girlfriend told me recently, some people just have a head full of bad wiring. Some are born that way, sometimes it is caused by trauma or a bad upbringing (likely in my case.) Whatever my situation has been in life, it changed little for better or worse. Dressing does not make a big difference. It can be fun and pleasurable, but it doesn't make me "happy".

[jennifer0918]

Yes I feel the same way love being en femme guy mode is depressing to me. But with time it goes away,usually a week for me ,sometimes

[sometimes_miss]

MM, if you look through old threads here you'll find many references to how relaxed and natural we feel when in fem. For many of us, we're locked into a, often work related, male facade that we wear several hours a day
I've gotten around that problem by considering my male clothes as a 'uniform' that I wear in order to do certain chores. Just like an airline pilot wears their uniform to work, I wear my 'man work uniform' to do various chores that need to be done outside of my home.

So when you can't wear what you really want, just look at your man clothes as your work uniform.

[Laurenlovecd]

There are days when I am doing something and I really would rather be in girl mode, and it's getting more and more that way all the time. I just purchased a running outfit and I'm going to go out jogging in girl mode soon, we'll see how that goes! I am happy with my normal male life though, but I am really excited and happy when I'm Lauren, usually just glowing.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I can't really say I'm more depressed in guy mode, but I can say that I am much, much happier in gurl mode. I often regret having to revert back and look forward to the day when I have the courage to come out fully.

[Dana44]

I have to say that I love my fem side better yet I have to go back to male mode and I don't get depressed over it. I look forward to my fem side.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Its gender dysphoria. TG and TS people suffer it, and the way to fight it is to express that side of you that reduces the distress.
Compartmentalizing and other coping skills can hope, but in most cases they only really last if the GD is mild.

TS people can't cope without extreme measures that run from hormones to transition.

I hope you can get help close to home. It's worth it, and in the meantime, the folks here are sharing alot of good thoughts.

My experience is the more you "fight it", the worse it gets. Acceptance and then expressing it are the key to making it through..

[faltenrock]

MusicMeister, you could find a transgender, CD, TS group in your area, perhaps that could help getting an exchange with a few people.
I now that feeling of stress as a guy. I also feel much less stressed or not stressed at all when in girl mode. Unfortunately, I can't be dressed as much as I want or need to. I think a therapy could be really helpful to you.
Btw. you look great and very feminine.