Stepping Out...

[SamanthaToday]

Kept a diary, starting ...November 8th.

Phoned a gender therapist, found her from a search of the local area.

After playing telephone tag for 2 days, She contacted me . We talked for 15 minutes deciding if we were a match and if She could help me.

She was the first person besides my wife to call me by my Fem name "Samantha" it felt so comfortable talking to her,She asked me questions deciding if She could help me, She had no idea I had already made my mind up.

I told her I liked her website and face from the pic on it. "I hoped I didnt sound weird telling her that".

I asked her if it was ok to dress for the session. I didnt know if it was in good form to address gender issues and go out in public all in one showing. She cautioned me that it was a busy area, but told me She had clients that did dress.

A date for December 7th was made.

I have never been out in public before, not unless you count car rides, all of this became an opportunity because of good fortune to occupy an apartment in the City for a few days in December(I live in deep in the Suburbs).

I feel it's a now or never moment in my life.

I must have read Julie's thread about "Going out and Passing", at least 20 times since then, to say it impacted me would be an understatement.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?254141-Going-Out-and-Passing&


============================

...Today...December 7th.


This is a day of firsts, first day out as my true self, and first appointment with a therapist.

Days before the call and up to today, I obsessed over what I would wear, what hair style to have and what my makeup would be.

Every scenario played in my head.....Exiting the apartment,Walking the hallway, Elevator ride, entering the lobby, walking to the street for the Taxi, giving the address to the driver with my male voice, how do I pay, getting out of the car and entering her office... I have thought about it over and over.......

Im beyond scared, scared of being out and scared of where this will lead.

Wish me luck girls, I respect all of you and have enjoyed reading all your life travels.

Going out now...

Samantha.

[Jaylyn]

Good luck Samantha, I'm sure everything will be ok. Just take a deep breath and go for it.

[Laura912]

Perhaps you are feeling what the folks at Cape Kennedy felt as the count went from 10 to 1...and continued.

[tifftg]

Thank you for sharing and my thoughts are with you as you start this process. I found therapy with a therapist who understood this space was incredibly helpful to me. I hope you find the same success.

[Lana Mae]

Best wishes with your firsts! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rowan Ailbhe]

You got this. Go get it.

[Jaymees22]

Hope all went well, always went to my therapist dressed and it seemed appropriate. December 7th was my mother's birthday and also Pearl Harbor Day so you're first outing should be easy to remember. Hugs Jaymee

[Sometimes Steffi]

I hope the day exceeded your expectations.

[docrobbysherry]

Please tell us how it went, Sam. I found the first step to be the hardest. The 2nd step was a bit easier. And, so on and so forth. U get the idea.:battingeyelashes:

But now, nearly 8 years after my first step out it's STILL hard to take that first step!:straightface:

[IleneD]

Samantha,

God be with you on these first new steps. I actually got choked up reading how you have reached that edge in your self-revival and gathered the courage to take first steps. Yesterday I made my first visit to our local LGBT Center (the call it the GLBT Center). They offer gender counseling and have group meetings. For the life of me, I never thought I'd step inside such a place. I didn't partake of any services or make an appointment. I went in to scout it out and find my comfort level as I prepare to take the next step in my own revival.
You've made the next step I wish to take; that I need to take.

I hope it goes well and it acts to give you what you want as a transgender woman AND help preserve your existing marriage relationship. You apparently still value that and consider it part of your life to come.
I'd be interested to know how others accomplish this with existing spouses from (heterosexual) marriages, and maintain a marriage relationship during and after a transition. For me and my beloved 40 yr marriage, the risk of permanent break up is a major obstacle to my own full time transition

[SamanthaToday]

IlenD, thank you for sharing , its so freaking hard isnt it.

Docrobbysherry, You have been doing it for 8 years and others before you and i am just starting, late bloomer I guess.

The trail blazers before me I am so grateful.

Sometimes Steffi, It was amazing.. stupid things you wouldnt normally think of, like air on your legs.

Jaysmee22, wow I had no idea this date was so historical, i feel blessed.

Rowan, I am Woman hear me roar...lol

Lana, You give the best hugs, it means alot to me.

tifftg, I hope I find it too.

Laura912, This made me laugh so much, yes it was intense...

Jalyn, Your right, I felt huge relief after, not just from what I received from it, but just the emotional relief of not thinking about the DAY anymore... Im happy.

Love u all.

- - - Updated - - -

I made way to the taxi, I felt pretty calm considering.

I wore a skirt and it was cold and foggy here today, how girls do it is beyond me.. :)

My wardrobe consisted of a Green turtle neck sweater, black skirt, black pantyhose and flats. Im 5'10" no giant but still ..

Oh and a really cute coat that I ordered online.

When I phoned the taxi I told them an address that was a building next door and that I was a Crossdresser, I felt dumb saying that, I wish I said Transgender.

From reading on here I thought it was best to announce what I was so the driver knew what to expect.

I gave the next door address so I could leave the building I was in and exit out a side door in the basement and walk next door and not be seen outside the building I was staying in.

I gave the therapists address to the driver , Hes Croation I believe and after a few minutes of driving....
He says, you Boy. I stared at him. He says you look like girl from far, but boy up close.

You look good , very pretty...

I wasnt sure if I should kiss him or slap him at this moment.

In my male baratone i said yes I was a male, felt like an idiot.

During the next 15 minutes of small talk I mentioned I had a 1 hour appointment, He gave his card and said call him if I needed another ride.

I didnt call romeo,but that was a flattering start, unlike the taxi ride home with the grumpy old man.. lol ,Win some,lose some...


My therapist was great, it was my first meeting and even though I felt enourmous relief after, there wasnt much that was said that I didnt already know. To be honest I didnt expect there to be ,I have had years to regurgitate this and She had 1 hour, but I felt great satisfaction.

I see her again in January.

Thank you to all that read this and commented.

[DaisyLawrence]

Wow Samamtha, what a way to do your very first outing as a woman! Talk about jumping in at the deep end. Good for you.

Daisy x

[Karen RHT]

Kudos Samantha for being pro-active rather than holding back and just wondering. Sounds like you were rewarded with a very positive first time in public. Keep going and keep enjoying.


Karen

[Anne K]

Sounds like a giant step for Samantha!

My wife is a therapist and I have ample opportunity to talk about “things”, like waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and seeing a guy! Still, our discussions are filtered by our marriage. I cherish the hours I have with my gender therapist. She brings clarity and motivation. She encourages me to live my life the way I have always wanted. Now, if I could only do something about that darned mirror!

[maryjanedee]

Congrats Samantha good luck have fun. Hope to hear more about your jounry.

[MindiB]

Go Samantha Go. Sounds like its going to be game on for this girl. Just think other girls are looking up to you because of you courage and not backing down.

[Abbey11]

Great! I'm soooo happy for you Samantha, a huge step and you made it. Congratulations and good luck with everything

[Lydianne]

Hi Samantha!

Congratulations on stepping out! I'm so pleased it went well! As for the therapy session, starting on common ground might not be a bad thing. It's not an equivalent comparison, but when new members sign up here, many mention reading posts from others which resonate with them as being quite comforting. You went there as a member of this community; so you were already preloaded with info, but if you weren't, that first session might have been comforting for you. Maybe. All the best for your subsequent sessions and your goings out en femme.

I'm kind of happy to hear about the apparent acceptance you got from the taxi driver as well. I agree with your not calling back straight away, though. Safety first :) .

- Lydianne.

[SamanthaToday]

Thank you,

Lydianne, Abbey,Mindi, MaryJane, Joyce, Karen and Daisy, I read each comment 3 times I appreciate it so much.

Im in a area that is pretty active for Transgender, I might go out the night before I leave the area on the 17th. I have to be careful because I cant have someone in the building see me and ask questions and have it go back to the owner on the apartment, cant go into details.

In January I will be driving in and the area my therapist's office is in is very liberal and She told me no one would blink an eye if I walked down the street. So who knows maybe I will challenge myself and come out of my comfort zone and have a coffee some where.

Therapist is going to help find me like minded individuals, I would really like to meet someone to show me the ropes..

SomeDay I hope.