WHAT IF.. your wife/GF tells you to quit dressing up as a femme, would you quit?

[maria amber lee]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?

[Kathycd]

I honestly don't think it can be done. Oh, cut back to an extent but stop, I seriously doubt that. For many like me who started at the ripe age of 12 or so, then going through the clandestined purges only to hate yourself for doing it 2 weeks later. No, nope, not when one answers to their fem name as readily as the male one.

It would jsut put a person deeper into a closet I should imagine and more descrete.

Be safe,

Kathy in Oklahoma

[Jennaie]

That would be a difficult situation Maria. I don't know what to say to that.
I think I would have to ask her why she married me. Was it because she liked the clothing I wore?, or did she marry me because she loved the person I am?

That might be how I would start the conversation.

[Kimberley]

I purged for 5 years until this year. It literally drove me crazy.

I am at an absolute minimum for dressing now. Just barely enough to relieve some of the tension but on the other side, the tension is offset with the fear of discovery and the implied finality of the consequences of that discovery.

Now, I am trying to figure out how I can act to save either myself or my marriage. I wish it could be both but I dont think that is likely. Maybe I am putting off the inevitable, I dont know. It is a complex situation and to get into all the details here would be impossible. So it is my battle and one I am trying to come to terms with.

I would not suggest anyone go through this voluntarily or otherwise. It is a high price to pay mentally.

Kimberley.

[Lisa Baby]

Well, at least give her a good argument.

COMPROMISE! :)

During my last marrige, my wife insisted that I pack up all of my clothes. Little did I realize that the reason she did not insist on my getting rid of them was so that she could steal half of them when she left me.

In my next SO relationship, she, or he, is going to have to reach some compromise on this if she/he does not accept me as the person I truly am.

lISA

[Marla S]

You can overcome bad habits to your SO's sake but not an integral part of yourself.
Giving up a part of yourself will harm you and your relationship.

You can neither ignore your wife, nor yourself.

I'd say, those who have an supporting SO are the lucky ones. All others are fighting unhealthy battles and have to make compromises.

[jessica33]

I don't think you can quit something you are borned with it .:eek: Can your GF/Wife quit to be a female ?:evil:

[Sarah Rabbit]

I could not give up being who I am. The usual argument put forward here on the forum is "I/We did not bargain for this, this is not what I signed up for". A understandable point of view, but we TG's did not ask to be born between two worlds:sad: . I would want to know why she has come to ask for such drastic changes and see if we can work around it failing that I do not know. Sarah is as much of me as my male persona. Intertwined and inseparable. Fortunately I do not expect this problem will arise with my S.O :D (Fingers crossed, finger crossed LOL ) But one can never tell what the future may hold

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Bev06 GG]

That is such a difficult question for anyone to answer until theyre in that position. I wonder tho why anyone would ask their partner to give up anything that meant so much to them. My fella has a passion for football and it can really get inthe way of our social life at times, but I'd neva ask him to give it up because it makes him the person he is.
By the same token I do alot of voluntary work with disadvantaged youth. I'd hate to think that he would ask me to give that up. Compromise has surely got to be the key word here. And if anyone gave anything up on my behalf I wouldn't half feel beholden to that person, I dont know if I'd want the responsibility of the repercussions.
BEVXXXX

[Kitty Sue]

I would probably try I also believe that separation would be inevitable.

[Nikki Dee]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?
She wouldn't...and I couldn't..!!
Love Nikki. xx

[Gemma Rhodes]

Well I'm single at the moment so will hopefully never be in that position. If I ever do meet "that someone special" then I will be honest and upfront with them from an early stage as I know I could not stop now as this has become such a big part of my life now.

Gemma xx

[Jamie M]

I would sit down with my partner and ask her why she would want to to deny part of who i am . i would also try and explain why this means so much to me personally and that it would make me a different person than the one she fell in love with if i did give it up . I would see if there's anyway of compromise , if dressing without her input and keeping it hidden from her view would be enough.

If not , i would at least try my hardest to stop but as has been already said by others it would probably be futile.

Has your SO put this proposition to you , maria ?

[jenny c]

In my situation i do not think Alison my wife would ask me to but i would probably find it very hard to stop dressing if asked well i think it would be near impossible to and i would be sneeking around dressing in secret which would be dishonest to her and i sure she would know that this is probably what would happen if she asked me to stop.

[sharifemme]

Like many of you, been there, tried that, bought the blouse! You can't give up who you are. If you are truly femme inside, you want to look and feel the part on the outside.

Sharifemme

[DonnaT]

My wife has asked before, and I tried, but couldn't. Now she knows I can't, so hopefully she won't ask again.

[Cheryl T]

Was there 20 yrs ago and agreed... all that did was put me back in that dark closet hiding and sneaking again. This is who I am and that won't change!
Now it came to the point where I had to be me and we discussed it all at length. Perhaps owing to our ages and time together she has been open to it and is accepting now. But when we talked this time it was do or die for me. If she could not accept me for who I am then it would be time for me to leave.
I was lucky...

[angelinamillar]

Yes well its not like a habit, smoking, biting your nails etc, its a part of us which we simply can not just stop, and the sooner people understand this the sooner we will be accepted for the special kind of people we are, so the answer is most definitley NO :p

hugs,

Angelina x

[TGMarla]

I'd say no.

[Julia Cross]

You would be lieing to her and yourself if you said you would quit. Eventually you would start again.

Julia

[Tiffy]

After trying to kill myself years ago and twenty some years of fighting I know I would never give it up for anyone. I know it is part of me. It is who I am. I am happy with who I am at this point. And I enjoy it finally. So, NO, I would not give it up for her or anyone.

Kisses, April Marie

[Sharon]

This is why I tell before I get too involved with someone -- it's a deal breaker.

[sharifemme]

As far as the public is concerned, I have a policy of "Don't Ask - Don't tell" but I'd never keep it from a Significant Other again if I had the chance for a do over. As a sidebar to my DA-DT policy, if anybody asks, I do tell. When I told my wife about me, she said I was a liar and I've made up my mind that I will no longer lie about who I am if asked.

[Melanie R]

In a past marriage I was asked, no demanded, by my wife to give up my expression of femininity permanently. I gave up this wife permanently and a year later met my current wife who told me NEVER to give up my external expression of femininity. We are born transgendered. This is not a lifestyle or hobby. Whether one chooses to express their femininity by wearing the clothing of women is a choice.

Melanie

[Shelly Preston]

I could maybe reduce it but I know I could never stop

I have tried to stop once before ( its like trying to hold you breath for five minutes, it is possible but real difficult)

[Lindahexi]

I have tried in the past to give up, I've purged after guilt feelings and it always ends the same way; I start all over. I simply cannot give it up even for my wife. If she asked me I would be honest with her and tell her that I am unable to enjoy life without my dressing, even though I truly love her.

[Maureen Henley]

My wife came to terms with my crossdressing years ago. For her to ask me to stop now, I would consider a breach of contract in a sense. If she loves me as much as she says, she would not ask. If she did ask, and insist, I would infer that the love is no longer there, and probably continue dressing. If she made the ultimatum of her or the dressing, I would consider our marriage dead.

However, as I said at the begining, the situation is hypothetical for us.


[I]What if there was no such thing as a hypothetical question?[+? /I]

Maureen

[Aileen]

I would be willing to not dress in front of her. That's a reasonable compromise, and I don't know why she wouldn't be satisfied with that.

[maid phylis]

since i have been dressing on and off for going on now 60 years ,and five of them finally out to my cd group i never want to go back into the closet .i think my wife knows that and i hope she will never ask me to stop.we have been married too long and she understands me .so i guess i can keep on being my happy femme side for a hopefully good more years.love phylisanne:doll: :love: :thumbup: :yrtw:

[EricaCD]

I'd have to be quite certain that:

1. She truly understood what she was asking me to give up. That means after professional counseling, support, etc.

2. She honestly could not reconcile herself to living with me while I actively continued to crossdress.

In that case, I have no doubt I would quit dressing -- at least until my children are grown. I might revisit at that point, because separation/divorce would at least not affect my kids so profoundly.

I should stress that my female identity is not as integral to my nature as it evidently is for many of the other girls in this group. So in essence I would be giving up less than many. I totally agree with the general consensus advanced here: if being en femme is an inescapable and essential part of who you are, then your best bet is to acknowledge that quickly to your SO and make clear that it is not an a-la-carte option for your life.

Love,
Erica

PS: mercifully this is a theoretical question as my wife does know....

[Emily Ann Brown]

Been there done that 9 weeks ago......told her I didn't think that was possible, but for the sake of 38 years I would give it a go.

Emily Ann

[Stormgirl]

I would dump her before I ever stopped.She doesn't like it then too bad,see ya around then.

[Toni Shelton]

I purged for 40 years until this year. It literally drove me crazy. My wife could not deal with it untill this year. But the last few months have been wonderful. I am now on my way to being as close to woman as possible.

[Deborah]

Since my divorce i'm having more fun being single. I don't have to worry about what someone thinks of me. ;)

[Janelle Young]

Years ago when I was married (she knew about my dressing and was just OK with it) if she had asked me to I would have tried, and failed. After the marriage broke up (not for reasons of my dressing) at one time in my life I purged for about four years. The first year was ok, second one was a lot harder, third one was miserable and by the fourth I knew I was meant to be in a dress, or skirt, well you get the idea. As Erica so eloquently said a few posts ago " if being en femme is an inescapable and essential part of who you are," so true. By the fourth year I had come to that conclusion, dressing is an inescapable and essential part of who I am.

I guess some might call me lucky as I have no SO at this time and it is not an issue for me. If I do find a potential GG for the position of SO I will be telling her about my dressing very early in the application process.

[ReginaK]

Life is too short to give up happiness for another person. So I say no. I won't quit.

[Sierra Evon]

HELL,NO............I'd have the last word, on that conversation.
was that too stong ?,,,,,,,,,sorry have'nt had my coffee yet today..
I really meant to say , I sorry no miss I can not do that , more coffee:)

[Reana]

Never. I've been through numerous long term relationships with very good quality persons that probably deserved better than me. The dressing was never the cause of any of these relationships ending but they ended none the less. Point is, relationships come and go but the dressing desires have been with me always. :happy:

[busty]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?
cant was a part time crossdress my x wife love to see me in her full slip bra and control bottom ever dress to kill i dont like dressing up all the time with 40H BRA, I LIKE IT some time they do get in the way,

[Francesca Chantel]

I like dressing up but if my wife couldn't be around, then I wouldn't do it anymore...

[Katrina]

I'd like to say that I'd try to quit, but I know deep in my heart that I would become so miserable that we would probably split up due to my personality shift. That said, I would probably tell her that I cannot change something that is an integral part of me, and if she cannot accept that, she cannot accept me.

[Jennifer in CO]

Well, 24 years ago I was living female full time (long story - shared before) she said she need a man back in her life and preferred it to be me but would understand if I wouldn't/couldn't. VERY hard to do but I loved her too much to leave (and still love her today). Was a long, rocky road back to "male" but I did it

Jenn

[Shannon]

I would explain to her that I felt she was asking me to deny something that is essentially part of me, and that even if I was not dressing up physically, that emotionally I would still be CrossDressing. And that in fact, denial would probably only make the urges stronger.

[Diannna]

As I see it, most of us cannot just quit. It's not like giving up smoking, although that can be pretty tough. I'm afraid seperation, divorce or ending the relationship would be inevitable. I could maybe live with certain boundries of my wants and needs. But to plain stop................... Sorry

[PennieS]

No, i could not quit, I have been doing it for about 44 years now, I do not think it would be possible for most of us. You can't stop something so important to your inner self and feeling.:thumbsdn:

[joanlynn28]

That is the situation I am in right now with my wife, I am trying to stop but come on after 30years of this it is not going to happen overnight. The choice between her or crossdressing? I guess I hope my next wife would be more understanding and encourage it. I am trying to put I just can't.

[ericalynne]

wow! That question has to go to any "girl's" heart.I firmly believe we are born this way. We are women from the moment of our conception and we will continue to be women until the moment of our death. There is nothing we can do to change that. Oh i suppose one could attempt to stop but it is impossible for us to stop. Dressing as women is an integral part of who we are. We are in every sense, except for our terrible "birth Defect"women, and women we will always be. My wife of almost 42 years has always known and has always thought i could go to some shrink and be "cured". Sorry. Not happening. No way. No how. Cannot be done, as we all know. We are women in our very souls, our hearts, and our minds. My wife does not like (that's putting it mildly) my dressing, and after over 42 years of marriage and dating, she still has a problem with who i really am. So much for unconditional love.
Like may other of my sisters my secret life has caused me much depression, and even though i try to portray a happy facade, inside i am dying. I cry in private because i am so overwhelmed by my inner femininity i just break down. So girls, and that is what we really are, you all know that anyone asking us to quit dressing or being who we were surly meant to be truly does not understand the real us. If they loved us as Mr they have to love us as Miss as well. When will they realize that we are kinder, more understanding, more loving, more compassionate husbands because of who we are. Instead of us being asked to stop, we should ask them to stop hating our dressing. Love, hugs, and kisses to you all. just coming here and listening to all your wondereful words means so very much to a girl like me. Never change. I am sure we all would have made such AWSOME women. Maybe in our next go round we can be the women we were always meant to be. kisses ericalynne

[Penny]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?
Absolutely ----hum? hum? hum? hum? NOT! I don't beleive that would happen; she loves the sweetheart but knows the bitch.

The clothing I wear has a feimine stitch
It keeps me so happy
and wards off the bitch

If I were to change it to save hanky panky
I'm afraid that you'd find
I'd be very cranky

[sparks]

Girls! It hurts doesn't it even thought of not hooking a bra together or the tight snuggly feeling of a corsette. Hmm! I am currently there on this one.
Never been told or even brow beaten but i believe she still wishes it or still thinks I have. The last time dressing came up I ahd purged the clothing and was mister masculine for a about a month until i could start buying again!
For what it's worth I would give it another go, if anything for the kids.

Alas i must unhook my bra and get ready for bed!

[Lois82]

Good question but I would have to answer no, no way.

[HaleyPink2000]

No! That won't happen. I'd have to put my foot down and tell her no way!

Haley:)

[Lilith Moon]

Haven't read all of this thread, but my response is that, whatever I said to my SO, I could not stop and stay sane. That is what I would have to tell her.

[dawnmcdaniels]

If my wife told me to give up dressing Id say OK you give up smoking......Problem solved.

[susanbee]

I would tell her no and if she really loved me she would not even ask. She already knows how much this means to me it is part of myself.

[maria amber lee]

as most of you said, i would also not give up being femme.. it makes me the person that i am.. it'd be hard, but that is that way it is.. we cannot do anything about that.. pretty subjective.. hhhmmm.. :D :happy: mwah mwah mwah

[kenn]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?
send her packin...she married me with panties on if she cant hang after 15 yrs she can hit the road

[lisacd882000]

Wow what a question because it could happen to me. My wife knows of my crossdressing but not the extent I do it or how much I have spent on it. She is not ready to deal with it and I think she hopes it wil just go away some day.

If I got caught sneeking around or doing something stupid wile dressed I am sure she would insist I stop. This is why I need to maintain good limits and boundaries that I keep because I do not know if I could stop at this point.

It would be devistating.
Lisa

[Adrienne Heels]

As I said in the introduction forum, I have just begun dressing seriously, but I realize that it is such an important part of who I am. I feel so much better about myself in the short time I have been dressing. I would do anything for my kids, and so would try my hardest to stop, but I really wouldn't want to. I want to be a woman !! Hopefully my wife will never find out.

Kisses,

Karyn

[Snookums]

My curent SO told me my choice of clothing didn't bother her,but it does.She ignores me,never hugs me,or shows me any kind of attention or affection.Befor I got involved with her I stayed single for over 18 years,living my life for me,not others or to their standards,I have been assaulted,and a clerk at the local Lane Bryant store called the police on me because I wanted to try on a dress,I live in the heart of Americas answer to the Taliban,Utah..:eek:

[Snookums]

I've been dressing since I was 7 or 8,when I was growing up my father would beat me to a pulp if he suspected I had been wearing moms high heels.He was the macho type,I was a huge disappointment to him,and he always let me know that,thats why that family hasn't seen me in over 35 years.My SO has no idea what it's like to be treated as if you are a disposable annoyance,all my life my family ridiculed me,and abused me,the salution to that situation was to disappear from their life,permanently.Why is it,they always reap what they sow.:happy:

[Bridget]

First of all, I would tell her before we got married. Second of all, I'd simply tell her that it's simply part of me, and that if it's not working for her, then perhaps it would be best to make a clean break. Because it's an issue that's not going away, and although it may be hard, it may be for the best. I don't like dishonesty, and she probably wouldn't either. I mean relationships are built on trust, right? If there's no trust, you're asking for trouble.

[geegee2]

what would you do if your wife or girlfriends asks you to quit dressing up? would you ignore them? or what?
there is no way I will give up being GeeGee. evry one I know tells me that I am happy being who I am. and that is what counts. she has already asked me and we had a long discussion and we are no longer together. But we are still friends and see each other now and then. No I will NOT GIVE UP GeeGee
love hugs and big kisses, GeeGee2