"when I'm dressed I'm striving to be the authentic me. "

[Krisi]

"when I'm dressed I'm striving to be the authentic me. "

This was posted in another thread. It doesn't matter who posted it, I see this and variations of this all the time ("the real me", etc.)

So here is my question:

What do you mean when you post this? The "real you" is a crossdresser? Or do you mean the real you is a woman? Or something else?

I'm confused. Please explain what it means to you when you post this.

[Pat]

Oh dear. You don't know what authentic means? You are authentic when you are doing those things which are correct for you and not doing things because you think you'll please another. For example, on this site, many people find a personal attraction to wearing women's clothing. When they do that, they feel authentic. When they switch back to male clothing they feel they are only doing it because they'll have some huge negative experience if they don't. You yourself often write about all the negative things that will happen if people crossdress in public, so I know you understand that part.

Each person gets to make the call about what is authentic for them and they make the decision about the value in being authentic. Some never find the value to be high enough to offset the potential upset to their lives. Others find that the feeling of authenticity is more valuable than the potential upset. The strange thing is that everyone is right. ;)

[kimdl93]

I think Pat is right. And at the same time, its confusing. CD or Woman or something else are certainly possible options for feeling that one is being authentic. That's all entirely personal.

[Jaylyn]

So we can be authentic no matter which mode we are in? I don't feel authentic when I'm in girl mode. I'm a cd not an authentic GG, maybe there's a difference in the feelings one get but one can never be authentic unless they are posing as the sex they are born. Now I'm confused Krisi.

[GretchenJ]

To **me** authentic is the polar opposite of suppressed. Some of us live out lives bottled up due to family, work, social circumstances, our own self doubts. When I get the opportunity to exist , even for a small bit of time, as my female side, it is uplifting, gratifying, calm and freeing.

[Isabella Ross]

Gretchen...yes. Exactly. It's quite simple, isn't it? Authenticity = allowing yourself to be everything you are.

[Micki_Finn]

I would say that the “real me” is a human being who isn’t concerned about labeling a person based on their genitalia and who enjoys expressing themself through clothing that is traditionally associated with a specific gender.

[Gillian Gigs]

Most of my life I have strived to be a consistent authentic person in what ever situation I am in. This has been more of a challenge than I ever believed it would be, especially the consistent part. In facing the CDing side of my life I strive on be consistent and authentic also. As someone said,"allowing yourself to be everything you are" is the daily accepting of oneself, whether it bucks the system or not. True happiness is a state of the mind, it is not found in an action, or an article of apparel. Being true to yourself is the path that leads to happiness.

[docrobbysherry]

Good post, Krisi. I read so many post that say they r trying to be authentic and/or "natural" also. Which begs the question:
Where do u draw the line on what u believe to be authentic/natural dressing?

Only a dress, unshaven beard, and man hair?
Maybe a dress with makeup, a wig, and forms?
Maybe those plus shaping gear, hip/butt pads and a female silicone suit?

Since the authentic/natural line is different for everyone, why even use those words? Just be u. Dress the way u want and leave your claim of being authentic/natural out of it. Because your "authentic/natural" may be meaningless to the rest of us!
Is that what you're getting at, Krisi? Or, am I off base?:straightface:

[Michelle1955]

I was born in 1955, at a very early age (5) I thought I should be a girl. As a teenager it was not a environment to transition, so you crossdressed the best you could. Authentic for me is a woman.

But I'm a crossdresser / panties 24/7 and male cloths. Dress when I can, but panties 24/7 is my baby pacifier for me.

The younger generation can transition at a young age now.

At 62 years old would I have surgery = no I do not think so. Would I go full time maybe.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel the person we are trying to describe here is so diverse it defies description.

[Pat]

Since the authentic/natural line is different for everyone, why even use those words? Just be u. Dress the way u want and leave your claim of being authentic/natural out of it. Because your "authentic/natural" may be meaningless to the rest of us!

Not sure in which way "Just be u" is different from someone saying they're being authentic, but if "I'm just being me" is easier for you to understand, then sure, go with that.

[Stephanie47]

. For example, on this site, many people find a personal attraction to wearing women's clothing. When they do that, they feel authentic. When they switch back to male clothing they feel they are only doing it because they'll have some huge negative experience if they don't.


Every person is unique. Try to figure out where you stand on the spectrum coupled with the always present "why" will drive someone nuts. The highlighted statement has a qualifier, i.e. "many." Many does not mean "all." When I am attired as a male I feel as a male. I act totally with free will as a male. When I decide to dress and emulate a woman I really do not know the "why." I know I am not a woman. When I am attired as a man I do not think in terms of sexual identity. I am just rolling along doing whatever I need to do. When I am attired as a woman I do not think in terms of sexual identity. Either way I am not thinking as a woman or a man. I've given up trying to analyze myself. There is no need for me to see a shrink. The only time I did call a counselor and talk to her only on a telephone, it was because I was totally confused. You elders remember the days of the 1950's and 1960's when anything other than straight sexual identity was deemed a curse. Well, once you realize the issue is non conformity and not something inherently defective, you should just give up trying to explain yourself.

My authenticity is I am a person who for some unknown reason feels comfortable wearing women's clothing. That the end game for me. I do not want to be a woman. I do not want to be a man. My identity is not based upon the appendage hanging between my legs. I suspect my thinking is way ahead of society's thinking.

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm always the real me even when I'm a complete fake.

[Bobbi46]

We are individual, we are all different but in the end we are who we want to be, authentic? isn't that somehow coupled with passing and being accepted? I wonder. Deep down it is how we feel and if we feel natural and comfortable en femme then surely that is where authenticity comes together coupled with the feeling of contentment and being comfortable in how each and every one of us portrays ourselves, and the confidence we have for those of us that are able to go out and not get the feeling of being noticed for whatever reason.Personal feelings and ways of life are all precious to us in each and every way. i am perfectly happy being what I am and so many people round me know that I dress and does that bother them? no way they just accept me for what I am so does that make me authentic? yes in a way it does

[Teresa]

krisi,
I feel you ask this question on the basis of your personal situation saying you are just a crossdresser nothing more than that you have a certain level of dressing but are content to return to male mode I'm also assuming you don't have GD. Whatever your trigger is it's possibly different to the people who say when they dress they feel authentic. Some come to that decision quickly and some look back and find it's taken most of their lifetime , in retrospect I know I was born with this trait , the dressing is literally that, a dressing or coating to show the World what my inner needs and feelings are.

To dress for me feels complete or in your words authentic, finally comfortable in my own skin. when I separate from my wife and move into my own home I hope very much that will finally happen for me in a permanent way. Being authentic to me will be a social transition , I'm sure like most there will be a to and fro compromise .

Will I be a real woman NO ! it can never happen , look at this way , to me to be a crossdresser is a window to the female part of me, it's the only way I satisfy my inner feelings and relate them to the outside World that's when it becomes authentic or natural if you prefer .

[Charlotte7]

‘Authentic’ is not something that I have posted but I can see where you are coming from. What I am doing right now, sitting on the sofa, in front of an open fire, enjoying a glass of red wine with the wife, (me) wearing a red skirt and black top, is exactly how I want to be. Yes, it's strange to me, this not only never ending, but also never diminishing desire to wear women's clothes. And yes, it is even stranger to society as a whole, that we, who are born as men, should want to express in some way, however small or however large, that we have some part of us that is, in some way, feminine, female, or ever so slightly off the (societal norm) straight and narrow. (yes, there area lot of caveats there). But, in my case, and I can only talk about me, I need to express this, if to no one else, then to me. Is that me being authentic? No, it's me being me. But, if that suits your meaning of the word authentic, then that's fine too. As Pat said, everyone is right, and nobody is wrong.

[Michaelasfun]

Sounds like something I would post (maybe I already have LOL)...
I was born a genetic male and grew up liking the traditional "guy" stuff, and reveled in expressing what I thought was gender appropriate; however with age, I discovered this realm where I could express what I perceive as my "real" self, more in touch with my emotions rather than doing the "macho" thing and denying any feelings that weren't appropo for a male to express outwardly, or wearing pretty, colorful clothes that again weren't male-centric by normal standards. I suppose I could find solace in expressing all these things in drab clothes, but it just seems validating to do it representing as a woman. As Beverley expressed, maybe it does defy description.

[JerseyGirlDonna]

I only feel authentic and true to myself when I present as Donna. Family circumstances of my own choosing prevent me from being true to myself all the time. I feel that I'm crossdressing whenever I dress as a male.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Doc. What's the point of saying "I just want to be me" and its variations? I read Krisi's post as don't just say you want to be your authentic self,explain it, so the readers know what that means to you. Otherwise, only you know what you mean.
I've never said those words (...be the authentic me...), assuming it was understood. But here it is: I'm a guy who likes being a guy, and I like to crossdress at times for pleasure. When dressed, I still identify as a guy. I don't wish it to be another way.

[Rachael Leigh]

For me now I have realized that dressing feminine yes is the real me, when I do have dress en drab now I truly feel like it’s
not really my true self and that I’m cross drsssing into a guy

[Lana Mae]

As a dear TS, named Holly, told me , your identity should not be determined by your genitalia! I am comfortable being both and neither! I am just me! Hugs Lana Mae Defined by another as just a crossdresser with some GD! Whatever!

[docrobbysherry]

I'm always the real me even when I'm a complete fake.
OMG, Stevie! That describes Sherry and me perfectly! May I use your post!?:D


------------------------------- here it is: I'm a guy who likes being a guy, and I like to crossdress at times for pleasure. When dressed, I still identify as a guy. ---------------------
And, so does this, Nicole!:daydreaming:

[sometimes_miss]

I'm authentic when I'm basically a man in a dress. I behave as a male. I speak as a male. I think, see the world, and experience it as a male. Yet, I'm stuck with the underlying feeling that I'm supposed to be a girl, and feel generally uncomfortable when wearing men's clothing, and only feel normal when I'm getting visual, olfactory, and tactile feedback which indicates to me that I am female.
Other people will think I'm nuts.
I understand.
But you gotta do whatcha gotta do, to get by in life, with as little irritation as possible. For me, that means spending as much time as possible, feeling as if I'm a girl.

[LelaK]

I'm not a guy or a gal or a human. I'm an angel who looks like a girl.

[Krisi]

Oh dear. You don't know what authentic means?

Seriously? That seems a bit more rude than what was called for.

Of course I know what the word "authentic" means. The reason I posed the question is, that personally, I am the same person whether I'm wearing a bra and panties or briefs and a T shirt. Strapping on a pair of boobs and throwing on a wig and a dress doesn't change my personality, taste in food or political views. Or my taste in music. I am always "authentic".

I am truly interested in how and why many crossdressers on this forum feel that their personality changes or they become a different person (the "real" or "authentic" me) when they change into women's clothes. If we all can try to understand each other, perhaps this can be a better forum and perhaps the outside world will get just a little better. And that's why I posted my original question.

I appreciate those who responded with their thoughts about themselves, I really do. This forum wouldn't be worth the time it takes to read if it was confined to topics like "How many pairs of heels do you own? or "Is this skirt too short on me?"

[DMichele]

Krisi,
My thoughts on this are very similar to Pat's, Gretchen's and Isabella's posts.

At one time, I limited myself to the closet, but today as I venture out more and more I am finally being true (authentic) to myself and those I encounter. I am enjoying the interactions with cashiers and SAs and not letting the occasional snickering (usually from passing males) or stares bother me. The experiences shared by Teresa and others here have been helpful to me.

To me, it is like the line in Amazing Grace -
"I once was lost, but now I am found
T'was blind but now I see".

Finally I recently came across a quote from Muhammed Ali that a can relate too in my authenticity.

"I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be who I want."

I don't know if this helps, but your topic is a good one. Thank you for raising the topic.

[Krisi]

And thank you for your honest answer.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'll take a stab at this Krisi. I'm not sure "authentic" is really the right term, at least as I see it. It is that in my normal, everyday life, I conceal a part of me that is very basic to who I am. For the most part, my friends and family don't really know me. Looking at it without assigning labels might make it clearer what I'm trying to say. All day at work and socially, everybody else can discuss and bond over shared likes and dislikes. No need to conceal hide. One guy like hunting and another likes golf. I may pretend to like those things to help conceal what I really like. I'm more excited about the holiday eye shadows coming out than I am about deer season, but I can't tell anybody. Sometimes I like wearing makeup or high heels or nail polish just for the hell of it, but I better not be seen doing that. Nobody is worried about being seen with new pair of waders. I might be more authentic when I'm out as a crossdresser or a transgender woman because I don't have to hide that integral part of me.

[Fiona123]

I was that poster, I think. The term crossdresser does not adequately describe me although I do crossdress. I consider myself transgender. When I'm dressed I am the woman I want to be. When I present as a male I don't feel authentic, I feel like a fraud and also I experience dysphoria and depression. The real me is a transgender woman. I am happier when I can present as a female.

[DMichele]

Fiona,
I can so relate to your post as I identify as a transgender near female. Today I feel more authentic, but I am a work in progress so there is room for improvement.

Full disclosure - I to have used the authentic me on several posts over the last several months.

After reading the responses again, I believe Teresa made a key point in identifying GD as a common characteristic to the people feeling true to themselves. Does this make sense to anyone?

[leotard fan]

i like read all of your opinions, they all make me think...
but i love the reply of pat and docrobbysherry.

[Becky Blue]

Kristi, I have never posted about being authentic my answer is more related to your latest post where you ask about how our personality changes when we are dressed. Of course I can only speak for myself but when I am dressed properly ie makeup, wig clothes and go out I am Becky. But its not the clothes and the dressing that make me Becky, its the other way around its Becky wanting to dress up and go out.

Do I have a different personality No? but I am a very different person. How so you may wonder? Well when I am dressed I feel very different, my senses are on a higher plain I feel as if they are turbo charged. I smell and see and feel things that in my normal day to day life I am unaware of. I feel totally relaxed but also thrilled to be out, I feel the breeze on my legs, the tug of my bra strap, the touch of my hair on my shoulder... I call it my natural high.

Now that I feel so different how can I not act differently? I am feeling so great, so happy, so relaxed, so excited that i am much more bubbly, more talkative, more fun... So do I feel more authentic? No Do i feel very different? Yes.

I am not an alpha male, I am not big and strong, I am not one of the boys does this make me a less authentic male? No, I am an authentic TPerson that much I know. I also know that when I feel my female side very strongly, I do not need to dress properly to authenticate my feelings.

[Julie Slowinski]

My experience on Facebook indicates that this term ‘authentic’ is more commonly used by trans women to describe their lives after beginning transition. The idea being that prior to transition they were living to the expectations of others and afterwards they are living true to themselves (i.e., authentic). I think the term is less commonly used by crossdressers, but still applies. While it is not quite so dramatic or public, we often go through a change associated with self-acceptance. And, once we have this self-acceptance, we are ready to live our lives without guilt or shame and just be who we are (i.e., being authentic to ourselves).

[Tracy Irving]

I am the same person whether I'm wearing a bra and panties or briefs and a T shirt. Strapping on a pair of boobs and throwing on a wig and a dress doesn't change my personality, taste in food or political views.

True that. Even when I get crazy free time to put on a wedding dress or ball gown my personality remains consistent. I am always me, whatever that is...

[CynthiaD]

It means something different depending on who says it. For me, it means when I look in the mirror, I see myself (my female self) looking back at me, not some stranger (my male self).

[DMichele]

Julie,

I totally agree with your explanation...


And, once we have this self-acceptance, we are ready to live our lives without guilt or shame and just be who we are (i.e., being authentic to ourselves).

[Jaymees22]

I believe my answer is in my signature.

[Judy-Somthing]

It's got to be very hard for most people to be their true selves. Everyone is so different even know we are very similar!
My ideas of what life is all about is constantly bashed and shot down by my wife.
I have to keep my true self hidden or be miserable with rejection. Wow it would be so nice to be free from hiding!

[Krisi]

I was that poster, I think. The term crossdresser does not adequately describe me although I do crossdress. I consider myself transgender. When I'm dressed I am the woman I want to be. When I present as a male I don't feel authentic, I feel like a fraud and also I experience dysphoria and depression. The real me is a transgender woman. I am happier when I can present as a female.

It may have been but I have seen that statement (usually "the real me" but the same thought) so many times that I thought I would ask for an explanation.

Again, I thank the folks who answered my question honestly and I think those answers have helped me to understand some of the differences between those who post on crossdressers.com. There's room for all of us if we try to understand each other.

[Brynna M]

I’m in a place in my life where the part of me that like make up cute cute clothes shoes etc stays hidden. So when that part of me gets to come out I am more myself. I’m still a man a father, an engineer, a video gamer, and none of those are gone when I dress but it’s the suppressed part of me that is now free that makes a dressed or and least cd safe tike this forum more the real me.

[Rebecca W.]

Dear Gretchen,

Your quote sums up how I feel when my feminine side is not suppressed.


To **me** authentic is the polar opposite of suppressed. Some of us live out lives bottled up due to family, work, social circumstances, our own self doubts. When I get the opportunity to exist , even for a small bit of time, as my female side, it is uplifting, gratifying, calm and freeing.

[Vintage4sarah]

Gretchen and Rebecca, I feel that what you have said also truly reveals what I think and feel. When those moments, days or weekends happen I get pleasantly lost into the the authentic person that I am.

[abby054]

CD. Stana says it best in her post on her website today. I am not a woman. I have no intention or desire to be a woman. But as a CD, I can and do act like a woman, schoolyard bullies notwithstanding, as Stana noted. I can and do play like a girl. My sister enjoyed having such a playmate. I can and do dress as a woman part time, though that developed somewhat later. I enjoy all this, but I am not a woman nor do I want to be one.