The Xmas party and the aftermath !!

[Teresa]

Our social group had a a great party on Saturday night, I drove to the hotel in a skirt , blouse, warm coat and boots ,met up with Carole in our room and also a GG friend of Carole's . We all chatted as we got ready then Carole's friend gave my makeup a work over, she did make my eyes pop , literally .It was a mixed dinner dance so we were again mixing with a large number of the public, again no problems , I wore the same dress as the last Xmas party I love it and again it raised comments . As I've commented before dancing in heels is easier than male shoes .

Carole and I again dressed for breakfast which again no problems , the problem was the snow had begun to fall so it was time to head home.

Same old story , the people that believe all the ad hype were overtaking in their Mercs, BMWs and Audis only to find they don't stay on the road in those conditions than any other car !!

The problem I have is my drive is on a slope and a tricky turn to make off the main road , as I did so my son's car was stuck at the bottom of my my drive , OK I'd asked him to take my dog for a walk , so I had to slide back down my drive onto the road with all the traffic trying to get by in the heavy snow. A large lorry had had to stop for me and was now skidding to get by going up the hill, bearing in mind I was fully dressed , he was not a happy man glaring at me from his cab !,I called my son up on my mobile, apparently one of my grandsons had hidden the car keys and my son had to use his other car to fetch a spare set of keys , I pointed out I was sitting at the bottom of my drive dressed as a woman , so he told me not to go in but drive to the next village and wait. I started to change into drab clothes in my car when the phone went telling me all was well and they had gone home. So I managed to get to the bottom of my drive before getting stuck on the incline .
To top it all my wife rang a little later to make sure I'd got back safely and I let it slip that I'd driven back dressed, I can't repeat her exact words but ******* idiot was along those lines . She will be back from work at 4.00pm so I'm expecting some fireworks !!

OK what do I say ? I'm going try and keep calm and tell her that at some point this had to happen , I forgot to mention my son was parked down the main road in a layby and I drove passed him dressed, YES he did look ! I rang him later to tell him I'd found the keys my grandson had hidden and apologised for earlier and was he OK with it , he was fine , no problems .

In some respects it felt good, I was in a situation dressed that had to be dealt with, I was being seen by more people then expected because of the weather conditions , waiting for a whole stream of traffic to pass all looking at me because i was causing a difficult obstruction in the bad weather .

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

Glad you're evening went so well.

If you think about it being seen driving isn't really any different from being mixed in with the muggles at the hotel. True it might have made more sense to travel in drab given the conditions and the potential for things to go drastically wrong. Even helping someone out by giving them a push is much easier in trousers than a skirt and blouse plus you know you'll get dirt all over your coat.

I did wonder how many of the motorists who passed you by outside the house saw you and thought, "Typical woman driver".

[Rogina B]

I pointed out I was sitting at the bottom of my drive dressed as a woman , so he told me not to go in but drive to the next village and wait.
To top it all my wife rang a little later to make sure I'd got back safely and I let it slip that I'd driven back dressed, I can't repeat her exact words but ******* idiot was along those lines . She will be back from work at 4.00pm so I'm expecting some fireworks !!

OK what do I say ? I'm going try and keep calm and tell her that at some point this had to happen , I forgot to mention my son was parked down the main road in a layby and I drove passed him dressed, YES he did look !

In some respects it felt good, I was in a situation dressed that had to be dealt with, I was being seen by more people then expected because of the weather conditions , waiting for a whole stream of traffic to pass all looking at me because i was causing a difficult obstruction in the bad weather .

No matter "how you were dressed" the situation would have been the same. It seems to me that you are having a confusing time grasping just how serious [or not] your need for gender expression is.I say this because you very often speak of your dream of going "sort of full time" yet it seems from your stories that you haven't convinced your family of this need to live authentically. Dressing up and living authentically are not the same. In the latter,you have to not be concerned for what others may think because you are being you..You,or others,may not get what I am saying but it takes a thick skin and the determination to be yourself,no matter what. Just my opinion,of course.

[Bobbi46]

It just goes to show what can be achieved without even thinking of or worrying of beforehand. Just being you and doing what you wanted to do is just how life should be, glad your party went well, no snow here! and none forecast!

[Tracii G]

I was seeing the same thing as Rogina as I read the story.
You want to be out but then again you don't or you are trying to appease you soon to be ex wife I'm not sure.

[Stephanie47]

I was wondering the same thing. Sometimes the expectations exceed the actual event. Is the drive to emulate a woman full time or nearly full time worth the loss of many other happenings/relationships in life? It would seem having problems with driving in snow and ice is a normal occurrence for a male or female. If one wants to have the freedom to cross dress full time, then such occurrences are to be expected. It appears somethings are still outside your comfort zone. I sort of interrupt your wife's words as concern for your safety. If she really did not care where her relationship was headed she would not have called.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
We have been through this conversation before, I still have to value my family , I'm determined no to sever those links , I can only summise that those contacts will be in drab until the transition settles down. I felt this was a set in the right direction , they knew I'd been away overnight to be Teresa , they didn't know that I returned dressed. The practicalities of the weather proved it's dealable, Ok another small step forward .

As recall you have all the support from your family, which is a great advantage , if you don't have that then you have consider their needs as well as your own.

It's not so much having a thick skin with them it's more to show I still care and have concerns for their self being. The plus point about today is my son has some idea what I look like which a good step forward .

Tracii,
I'm trying to appease at the moment , I really don't have a choice if we are going to work through our house sale and other issues connected with the family .
I will be more out there when I have the freedom to live my life totally on my rules, I'm still in a DADT situation which is temporarily keeping the peace .

To add a footnote my wife was looking for a fight when she returned home , she made some immature comments , I just told her not to be so childish and that was it, she sat down and ate the meal I'd prepared for her .

Stephanie,
Of course it is, I have to keep taking these steps, I have to become totally comfortable with everyday aspects of dressing full time . My wife was obviously concerned I made it back safely, her motive may be partly selfish because she is trying to keep that control over me and it's proving that she needs me to renovate her new home, she knows those days are numbered when I move into my new home.

[Jean 103]

Teresa, I understand. You have stated that you are in this temporary limbo state.

I stayed that way for the first months after I separated from my wife.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel .

Love Jean

[Rogina B]

Teresa,Again I feel that you aren't asserting your right to be.. The "dog house" is a funny thing... Whether you are just "a little in it" or "all the way in" it really doesn't matter ! In her mind you are there ! Acceptance of,and support for living an authentic life is earned from family. You don't apologize for wanting to live this way. But perhaps you enjoy their boundaries.

[Lana Mae]

Sometimes we set our own boundries! Others may not understand why but as long as we set them and own them and they are right for us! If I listened to some of the advise on here, my daughter would be homeless and out on the streets! No sometimes we set our own limits! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Rogina,
I can only reach the authentic state and discover what their acceptance level is when I make my move, otherwise the situation at the moment is going to go pear shaped, OK I'm bending a little too much but I can't mentally live with an totally untenable situation.

Jean ,
Thanks for realising how it is at moment , I'm constantly thinking about that tunnel and when it finally ends.

Lana,
Wise words, they are only temporary boundaries , even when I move I need to know I haven't lost my family , I can't speak for my wife she sometimes can't avoid her self destruct attitude .

[docrobbysherry]

-------------------------------- Dressing up and living authentically are not the same. -------------------------------------------------
Rogina, please be aware that for some of us, "dressing up" IS living authentically! Many of us r CD's. Dressing only when and where it suits us!:battingeyelashes:

[Pat]

The OP sounds like it was quite the adventure. My sense of it is that you gained valuable experience points. ;) Things will go wrong for you when you're presenting as Teresa and you have to be prepared for it. And when it's over you sit down, decide what went well and what didn't and how you can improve it next time. I don't think it's time to drag authenticity into it. Yes, it seems likely you're not living as your authentic self at the moment, but it also seems clear you understand that. So today's question should simply be "if this happened again, how could Teresa get a better result?" I promise that no matter how much you prepare intellectually, life will find a way to surprise you.

[Princess Chantal]

Sounds like you have to really work on your DT portion of your DADT relationship

[Becky Blue]

Teresa, quite some adventure you had. What is interesting is that you are trying to appease the family and keep everyone happy, but in doing so maybe you are making it worse for them. For example they all knew you went to the party as Teresa but then your soon to be ex was upset because you didn't change back before coming home. Perhaps your inconsistency is confusing people and in all likelihood they probably are not trusting what your saying 100%. Remember that in the absence of information people will make up the missing 'facts'.

[Teresa]

Becky,
That is a good point, maybe I was misleading or lying through omission . I always ask if my wife is working so I wouldn't have driven home dressed if she wasn't , OK the weather caught us all out and the series of events lead to my daughter in law still in my home looking for the hidden keys , and my son had to come to the rescue. Obviously if the car hadn't been stuck in the snow on my drive it may have made the situation easier . As I said I need to take these opportunities to become accustomed to being dressed full time and deal with the problems that can and will arise .

At the moment it's still a no win situation for me , if I don't say something it's wrong and if I do I'm going to enter a heated debate , I have to get my head round this feel it's best to keep quite . I guess looking at it from the other angle they should have grasped by now why I'm separating and ask me the relevant questions .

[Kiwi Primrose]

I have always liked your posts and wish you well. While you have had a "misadventure" I reckon that you will end up more confident in the long run.

[Rhonda Jean]

Teresa,
When I first read this I started to reply something like "quit putting up with this from your ex."

I've followed your posts from the beginning and by now I feel like I know you. I can see the progress. It's a big deal that you didn't ask her for permission. That's progress! And you can openly say to her and your son that you're dressed. That's progress, too!

Your steps toward your destination have been about an inch long, but you've covered quite a bit of ground that way. You've consistently done it your way at your own pace, despite the impatience of a lot of us. I think you'll get there. Looks like you'll also always hang on to a (contentious) relationship with your wife, as will she. You both seem to be unwilling and unable to go your separate ways, and if that's the right thing for you, more power to you! Being divorced now for 9 years, I kinda get it!

[Pat]

I guess looking at it from the other angle they should have grasped by now why I'm separating and ask me the relevant questions .

Bad angle. That's blame-shifting. You can't put it on them. You have to be actively declaring yourself. Being passive is just going to cause FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt.) It's hard, but they had every right to expect that you were going to be who they thought you were for your entire life. If you're changing that, you're responsible for making them understand. I know this pain. Other here know it as well. We'll all be supportive, but there's no easy way out.

[LeannS]

Teresa I do hope this will all settle down for you soon after your in your own place and being you

Leann

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Teresa
I am glad you had a good night out and a fun drive home for the most part.

While I understand your wife's reaction. I think you have only delayed the inevitable as I am sure at some point your wife and others that don't know will see the real you.

Good to hear your son came to the aid of a damsel in distress :D

As for the lorry driver, well I think we know what he was thinking. :lol:

[karrin]

Teresa, They certainly were some exciting hi's and lo's but you made it through ok :) good for you. be safe Karrin

[Teresa]

I really feel I should now update the thread to reveal how my wife responded when she returned home from work later from work that day.

As it turned out very little was said, although the frosty atmosphere was very near the outside situation .

The next morning I remarked on the stupid idiots driving too fast in those weather conditions , she just remarked about the extra one sitting in bed next to her . Later that day she attempted to start an argument in front of a work friend of hers who had dropped in , I told i had no intention of having an argument in front of the friend , so she should dry it up !.

I had to smile after reading the latest replies to Krisi's thread about being authentic.

My situation couldn't have been more authentic, as someone commented what was the difference between meeting the public in a hotel to facing passing motorists ? Well it's a big one the lorry driver who I obstructed and caused to skid and slide round me was only feet away glaring at me, as did the steam of car drivers stuck behind him having to do the same thing. I should also remind you all what I was wearing,I had a skirt and heeled boots on and thankfully my red warm wool coat , of course full makeup and wig. So when I drove to the next village I decided to park up and retrieve my overnight bag from the back of the car and get changed into drab but obviously still wearing makeup but no wig . I had only got as far as removing my boots when my son rang to tell me he had left my home, so I pulled my boots back on and drove home. As I mentioned I only got to the bottom of my drive before the car skidded to a halt so then I had to get out of my car in full view of neighbours and passers by and retrieve my case and totter up the drive in my heeled boots .

I can't think it gets anymore authentic than that !

I will add as a footnote that I don't regret what I did , in fact it has made my wife and family realise even more what my CDing means to me, I was prepared to be seen on my own doorstep which maybe they feared but it's something I need to get use to and I believe now they know this .