The older you get,the less you care?

[FrannGurl]

As Ive gotten older. I have not been so worried about what others think.
I have two circles of friends...some know about me...some don't and some are part of that " in between"
I have been "found out" either by mistake or coming out to others , but as time goes on, I seem to care less and
am friends with many women, couples as well as men.
It hasn't always gone well, but seem to comfortable with that..

I am not sure if this has been brought up before..
For us girls over 40...do you feel the same? ( younger girls can comment too!)

[Lana Mae]

If I did, I do not think my nails would be painted 24/7! Hugs Lana Mae

[marlacd]

Depends on your drive to dress. I'm long term, but these past few years I've not been dressing as often. Since my divorce, I thought it would increase. It did, for a while. Then, life started to kick in. A soft economy started to eat into my disposable income. That, made me make choices I had to do. After all, a roof over my head is a wee bit more important, than what's more fun.

Another hit was a social venue that closed up. No place to go, ties into not dressing so much. Then I started to get back into a hobby that was just as fun, and a fine substitute for dressing. (At least I think so.) Toss in one expensive toy I've wanted for years- that I REALLY wanted, and I'm out enjoying that more lately.

Things change with age. I used to think I wanted another lady in my life. Not so anymore. They got too demanding on my free time. And as much as they don't want to admit it, a fair number of them want someone with a hefty bank account.

[Jaylyn]

I have had many thoughts about just dressing and telling everybody at my age I'll do what I want regardless of what anyone thinks about it. I've got a bunch of grandkids and they think Grandpa hung the moon so I really don't won't to mess up their thoughts of Grandpa can do anything and is tougher than Superman. What out hers think really doesn't concern me any more but what my kids might think or worse of all my grandkids does. By the way I'm ver forty by 28 years so I guess I qualify to comment on this.

[Isabella Ross]

In short, yes. Similar experiences. Nephews, nieces, a few more friends. At this stage, it seems kind of pointless to be so obsessed with secrecy, as I was for most of my life.

[bridget thronton]

I am told that older adults do not filter their speech like they did when they were younger - I suspect we do not care as much about what others think as we age (less field dependent)

[Charlotte7]

Being on the far side of 50 I feel that I fall into this. Yes, I do care less what people think. I have a few friends who know about my dressing and I'm happy with that. I suppose I've got to the stage where I think what the worse that can happen? My answer is people knowing, possibly even seeing me wearing women's clothes? If they have a problem with it, then it's their problem. I'm also fortunate to have an accepting SO and I also don't have any kids / grandkids to worry about.

[Leslie Mary S]

I qualify, at a young 74. I had a period in my mid 60s that I didn't care and did what I wanted. Then the World changed and everything turned sour. Back into the closet I went, in a new city/home. I am now slowly creeping out more and more but nowhere compared to what I was doing. Guess I am literally very gun shy.
So I do care where and when I go out.
The incentives that occur in your life can and DO control your actions.

[Harriettes]

Except for family I care less and less if people see me dressed or wearing lipstick. Also when shopping it does not matter if I am the only man in the bra or lingerie section of the store or taking a dress off of the rack to look at.

[XemmaX]

I assume it's also abit to do with there being a Horizon and that one gets to a point in their life when they think well all i have is time and i should use it and live as i want to.

[Elizabeth G]

I definitely find that I worry and care less as I age. The only reason I'm not out to more people is out of respect to my wife who isn't ready for that.

[faltenrock]

Yes, I don't care anymore what people might think when they see me on the street, in a mall or store.

[Sabrina.K]

I just turned 37, but I know what you mean.

I'm constantly dropping blatant hints to friends now, which I would NEVER have done a few years ago. I'm finding myself caring less and less if they know or not.

I hope the feeling continues :)

[MindiB]

Yes I am 54 and it just seems lately I just don't care about today's society I just want to be me.

[Ressie]

It probably depends on one's situation, personality etc. I'm not as worried about it as I used to be. I'm sure people close to me know something but that doesn't mean I'm gonna start dressing in front of them.

[Pat]

Age has lots of benefits -- maybe you care less, maybe your personality has become stronger, maybe you just realize that time is running out for you to be you. But I think part of it has to be that society has matured a bit as well and the bar is lowering for acceptance so more of us can jump it. I'm pretty sure that when our culture was at its most intolerant, many of us went to our graves with our "secret."

[Taylor186]

I'm in my mid 60s, and I'm not as worried about discovery as I used to be but it wasn't a straight progression from being very worried in my teens to less worried in my 60s. I was very concerned my whole working life (to my late 50s) as being discovered would certainly have killed career progression opportunities. And, being less worried today doesn't mean I am not worried at all. My wife knows completely but no one else does (my wife thinks a few suspect) but I never outwardly crossdress around friends, family or even in my home town. I will crossdress on Halloween and I will stealth dress at the health club and in those cases I'll let the chips fall where they may if questioned, but I don't take that chance anywhere else.


[edit] ^^^ yes, to what Pat says just above.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

good post if not for my wife i wouldn't care who in the world new i dressed as a woman(62 yrs old)

[Stephanie47]

I hit seventy this year. For me it depends what you get out of presenting as a woman. It is obvious from the posts there are many who are out and about in the community. I think it is great to have a circle of friends who share similar interests. I have no desire to present as a woman before anyone. Presenting as a woman is a stress reliever. I enjoy my femme time. I get chores done around the home while en femme. My wife is not appreciative of my cross dressing. Even if she were encouraging around the house I doubt I would go forth and interact with others. There is no point to it for me. When I do have the opportunity to take evening strolls there fear of running into a coworker is gone since I a retiree. There are people I know who would shun me if my cross dressing became general knowledge. That would spill over on my wife and family. It's just one those issues that fall under a "need to know."

[Cheryl T]

I most certainly feel the same.
Perhaps it is aging, perhaps it's just that I don't care what others think as much as I did long ago.

I don't do this for anyone but myself and in being true to myself I have accepted who I am. If others can't see past the clothing to the person inside, even after knowing me for years and years, then they were never truly friends and in that case I don't have need for them or their narrow minded attitudes.

[Helen_Highwater]

Age has lots of benefits -- maybe you care less, maybe your personality has become stronger, maybe you just realize that time is running out for you to be you. But I think part of it has to be that society has matured a bit as well and the bar is lowering for acceptance so more of us can jump it. I'm pretty sure that when our culture was at its most intolerant, many of us went to our graves with our "secret."

Pat,

I agree with you especially about society lowering the bar for acceptance. Having said that from my own personal experience I know I've come to not worry about what complete strangers think about me as lets face it, I'll never see them again.

[Allison2006]

I'm over 50 and I'd say I don't care much what strangers think anymore. Recently I was shopping with my wife and got a dress for myself. The SA made a comment about how it would look on me(I was not in any way dressed/presenting fem). I thought she was just making a joke, my wife thought I was "busted". I seriously didn't care either way. And while I still hope my family doesn't find out, I think I've gotten to the point where I can live with it if they do.

[sometimes_miss]

I would guess it would really depend upon what someone would be at risk of losing should they be outed. If you rent, you could be manipulated into losing your apartment. Sure, outright discrimination is often illegal, but they could always come up with some other reason to evict you. At work, same thing, when management doesn't want someone, they find other legal ways to get rid of them.

[Gillian Gigs]

Growing up in the 60's, it was "what would the neighbors think!" As I got older I discovered that the neighbors have secrets also, and I don't really care what they are, so why wouldn't they think the same way as me! We spent so much time attempting to impress people who mean little or nothing to us and for what? Maybe this is a result of growing older, but I have no time for this anymore. If you like me, fine, if you don't like me, your choice! I like me, my family likes me and they are the most important priorities.

[Kayliedaskope]

I am told that older adults do not filter their speech like they did when they were younger - I suspect we do not care as much about what others think as we age (less field dependent)

Bingo. I've gotten past the "politically correct" stage and moved on to "who will I offend today."

[Rayleen]

Frann, After looking after other people, now I live to please me.

I relise I need time for Rayleen .

[Dana44]

It took me awhile and I had to take care of my dad and mom. So after we now we can die also Yes I get called mam an awful lot. I was dressed for workout today and an SA at Walmart called me mam looking directly in my face. So really I don't care who knows any more. I am an old gal and love it.

[FrannGurl]

Thanks for all the replies.
I guess I'm getting a "whatever" attitude towards my dressing and sexuality. I dont "advertise" it but its like, well, if they know they know.
I dont usually go out fully dressed in my town ( out of town I do) although I do wear light makeup, womens jeans and gender neutral tops, ( shirts, sweaters, ect)

[Leelou]

Interesting thread, Frann, thanks. I've actually been thinking about this topic recently. I'm in my early 50's, and I'm entering a period in my life when I really don't care what others think about my crossdressing. I think as people age, they begin to reflect on their mortality and start to make decisions about how they are going to live the rest of their lives. You see people all across the LGBT spectrum "coming out" as they grow older, and I think it's great!

I don't want to look back at my life with regret, wondering what it would have been like if I would have explored this side of who I am. Fortunately, that ship has largely already sailed, but there are parts of my journey still to come!

Thanks again for the fun thread.

[Bobbi46]

Where i sit on this is that in a way I care and living alone I am more aware of what is happening around me, back in June i was "outed" partly my fault because it was a lovely warm day and my front door was open and one of my friends knocked and walked straight catching me in all my feminine glory so to speak and after that i had to tell a whole load of people connected, did I car yes and just last week this friend and his wife were in town (I was not dressed) but in true french tradition I held out my hand to shake his as we had done all the time previously and he kept his hands in his pockets and the next week after they did not come in for coffee with me another regular thing, Did I care ? You bet big time, I went home worrying had I done:said something to cause this but then this last Saturday they came in and all was normal they had wondered where I had been.
Do I care yes for sure in many ways but in other ways I do not care.
So many people now know that I dress, many that had known me before are still my friends so yes care works both ways in what we say and what we do.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a closet and "social dresser". Not a TS. I have zero interest in dressing around vanillas and don't want or need to burden my kids or grandkids with my dressing. So, I only go out dressed for special T events and to socialize.:hugs:

At 74, I'm substantially older than most other dressers I meet. But, my figure can pass for 20's and I'm in good enuff shape to dance until late in 5" heels!:heehee:
(See avatar)

I was at a party dressed Sat. nite where no one else was over their young 40's!:drink:

I've been dressing for 20 years. Altho I'm more used to being out and about now and not as paranoid as I was back then, I'm still very careful about not letting anyone that knows our family, know I dress!:sad:

[Beverley Sims]

I don't care less, I think I have grown used to the situation I am in.

I have got used to going out as a woman over the years and each time I go out it has been much easier.

I stopped being self conscious when I was twenty five. :-)

[KelleyB]

I think as we age, we become more comfortable with ourselves. All of ourselves.

I know I have!

edit: I'm about 50, and just last year put on a dress and showed my wife. Bra, half slips, and a burgundy satin bridesmaid's dress. While a little surprised, she was okay with it after just a little bit of discussion. I'm her husband in a dress, no big deal.

Then again, she's known for almost 30 years I really have a 'thing' for half slips.

[Tracii G]

Oh yes I am in that realm too I just don't care what people think.

[Karmen]

At what age this suppose to happen? I'm in my 40s and still much care what other think, at least regarding to my crossdressing, otherwise I would probably came out of the closet already.

[Krea]

Over the last few months i have become more accepting of my own CDing. I'm not planning on generally coming-out, but i feel less bothered about what my family/friends would think if they ever found out. If they were to disapprove then that would be their problem.

However i do also consider my wife's feelings and i don't want it to potentially lead to her being rejected or ridiculed by her family/friends/colleagues etc.

Two conflicting thoughts.:thinking: So for now i remain cautiously in the closet....

(I forgot to put that i am in my mid-forties, maybe that's where this sudden desire to take more control of my life is coming from.)

[ShyLibrarian]

I've experienced the same feelings but really have no friend or friends with whom to have normal conversations about cross dressing and the various implications of that, although there are three people (apart from old g/friends), who know that I cross dress to varying degrees depending on impulse and - frankly - on climate. It's not much fun dressing up in nylons and garters (stockings and sussies) and frilly lingerie in the depths of Canadian winter. I live rurally and my heating is much less efficient than it used to be in my fprmer city apartments.

My g/friend died last year, after a long battle with a disabling stroke. She had been very supportive of my dressing and on a couple of occasions had said she would like to see me totally dressed - wig and all. I still have a lot of her clothes and have left some hanging just where they were when she went into hospital in 2016.

Cutting to the chase I've definitely found age to push me farther and farther away from day-to-day society and its normative attitudes. While I wouldn't want my neighbours to catch me roaming my land in panties (summer), I don't really care if my longer term friends and acquaintances find out about my fetish. There are dress, nighties and slips hanging behind various doors in the house and if I felt embarrassed by a visitor, I would just say they belong to my late partner Mary and they help me to feel connected to her (which is true).

However - bottom line - a host of cares and concerns have just drifted away or evaporated over the last few years as I age. I'm content with great music great films tons and tons of reading - lots of exercise and a few hours/week socialising with others. Status, material accumulation and other concerns have just faded. Nowadays, down-sizing and trips to the godwill have become a pre-occupation, though I'm reluctant to urge my panty drawer, my slips or my skirt collection:)

- - - Updated - - -


Where i sit on this is that in a way I care and living alone I am more aware of what is happening around me, back in June i was "outed" partly my fault because it was a lovely warm day and my front door was open and one of my friends knocked and walked straight catching me in all my feminine glory so to speak and after that i had to tell a whole load of people connected, did I car yes and just last week this friend and his wife were in town (I was not dressed) but in true french tradition I held out my hand to shake his as we had done all the time previously and he kept his hands in his pockets and the next week after they did not come in for coffee with me another regular thing, Did I care ? You bet big time, I went home worrying had I done:said something to cause this but then this last Saturday they came in and all was normal they had wondered where I had been.
Do I care yes for sure in many ways but in other ways I do not care.
So many people now know that I dress, many that had known me before are still my friends so yes care works both ways in what we say and what we do.

je suis desolee que vous etais 'outed' et que vous souffrais souffrie?) malaise avec quelques amis, Bobbi. I know my French is terrible but empathise with the shock of being discovered by a person or people coming to the front door and walking in. It happened to me once and almost happens every couple of months. Am I attracting it? Possibement! I have a great desire to be able to dress outdoors and possibly be a little exhibitionist

- - - Updated - - -

goodwill rather and 'purge' rather than urge - sowwy

[PamelaRI]

I agree being older and having survived urgent heart surgery has made me care much less about what other's think about how I dress, how I wear my hair, etc. I'm tired of living within the box that society has defined and looking longingly at all of the pretty clothes, makeup and hair styles. I'm not looking to offend or be offended. I just want to be me.

[donnalee]

I have reached an age where I am retired, alone, my SO has been gone for 7 years and my attempts at finding someone have not ended well, my friends are for the most part deceased or have proven themselves not to be friends at all. I have income that, although modest, is enough to support me and cannot be threatened in any way. My expenses are doable and I even have a bit of discretionary income if I wish to spend a little.
Although I have health concerns, they are at this point manageable and hopefully will grow larger very slowly.
In other words, there is very little that could possibly endanger me (as to physical danger, I have taken precautions) so I really don't worry about who knows and who doesn't. I suspect most of my neighbors know; I decided some years ago the hassle of changing to answer the door or do something outside wasn't worth the effort. I dress pretty much 24/7 and even when I go out in "male" clothing, it was designed for women.
There is little I fear and being outed is totally immaterial to my situation.
So I just don't care.

[CONSUELO]

As we age, many of us do not worry as much about others knowing. However for many cross dressing is a secret that they will hold onto until the very last.